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Answering Questions

Dovid Eidensohn

To    YG

This is the opinion of the Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 77.2 quoting the Rashbo in VII.414 “It is forbidden to force a GET. If the husband wants to, he divorces her. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn't."

 All of the commentators there forbid forcing a GET. However, the Gro there brings that those who forbid forcing a GET are the Rosh, the Rashbo, the Ran, and the Ritva. He says further that although Rambam and Rashbam disagree with this, this is this halocho that forcing a GET is wrong. Rambam in the very beginning of laws of Divorce says that the Torah requires a willing GET given by the husband or the GET is worthless. If so, those who forbid forcing a GET mean that the child born from a woman who is divorced by a forced GET, are mamzerim.

Note that the Gro says that Rashbam and Rambam disagree and would allow a husband to be forced to divorce his wife. But the Rambam on that subject does not say this. He says rather that if a woman does not ask for a GET but stays in the house and takes care of the children doing basic housework, but denies the husband marital intimacy, we force a GET, on the condition that Beth Din gives the husband time to straighten out his marriage. If he fails after the stipulated time to do this, we force a GET. But if she demands a GET, there is an open Mishneh in Nedorim 90b that we do not trust a woman these days to force a GET, they were trusted in earlier times, but today women learned to lie about their husbands to get a GET so today we don’t believe them anymore. The Vilna Gaon brings this from a Tosfose in Kesubose 63b a lengthy Tosfose where Rabbeinu Tam forbids forcing a GET but some other such as Rashbam permitted it. The question it: What does Rashbam do with the Mishneh which is not contradicted anywhere? The same question can be asked of the Modern Orthodox who created an obligation on all husbands to pay their wives $150 a day for each day after he denied he a GET. What do they do with the Mishneh that today and for hundreds of years since the Mishneh in Nedarim, we don’t allow a woman to force a GET?

Be advised also that a mamzer is a terrible thing. But worse than a mamzer is a doubtful mamzer. A mamzer may marry a mamzeres. But a doubtful mamzer may not marry a mamzeres and may not marry a Jewish woman.

To IK

The husband has an obligation from the Torah to make his wife rejoice, especially in marital matters. Also, this applies to a house strapped for money that if there is not enough money to buy a winter coat and it is wintertime, the wife must be satisfied and get the coat. An extremely poor person who has to go out in the winter may switch coats with his wife as there is only money to buy one coat. (Raishis Chochmo) A woman whose husband wants intimacy but she doesn't like having marital affairs with him is a moredess, a rebel against the husband. Rambam indicates Beth Din should give the husband time to straighten out his marriage. Failing after that period, Rambam maintains that the woman may force a GET, the condition being that she not ask for a GET but she remains in the house tending the children. The problem then switches to the husband. A young man cannot maintain holiness with no marital relations with his wife. An older man who wants a child whose wife is too old to have children may seek a rabbi who permits him to marry another woman perhaps only as a Pilegesh but not with Kiddushin because Rabbeinu Gershon prohibited marring two kiddushin wives, but some permit a person who had no children from his first kiddushin wife to marry a Pilegesh and the wife is now too old to have children that she marry a Pilegesh. See Reb Yaacov Emden on this. Marrying a Pilegesh requires that a local rabbi supervise their marriage, although they don't make Kiddushin and may split up at any time.

AE

I  There is no such thing as kiddushin against the will of the woman. I dare you to find any support for such an idea! 

Answer. I said that a man can be forced to marry but not a woman.

2 David was punished  severely for taking Bas Sheva. He did Tshuva his whole life for this avaira. How can you say he was permitted to do it? 

See Avida Zoro 4b: Rabbi Shimon bar Yochoi said, "Dovid could never have sinned with Bas Sheva as he stated in Tehilim, 'My heart is still inside of me' that I can't sin. The Jews at Sinai were far from sinning with a Golden Calf as it is said, 'I hope that you will always maintain your piety.' Why did they sin?  HaShem caused them to sin to teach the most important thing in the world. If an individual sins, not matter what, if he repents properly, HaShem forgives him. If a community sins, HaShem forgives them." But Rashi explains that HaShem forced them to sin to bring the to penitence and forgave them. If people subsequently sin they will say, if these perfect people sinned and were forgiven, we too can repent and will be forgiven. Thus, teshuva is the purpose of creation and it was taught by those forced by HaShem to sin. David lost the Shechina for twenty days or twenty weeks. And some of the Sinai Jews were killed. But the lesson was learned.

3 The Ramban had a different girsa of the Rambam. The statement of the issur was not there. 

I was bothered by this for a long time. Then I began slowly to read word after word in the Rambam in Melochim and I found a funny word that made no sense. Rambam says that only a king may marry a Pilegesh and he adds "and OMO HOIVRIAH." Now, if plain people who are not kings may not marry a Pilegesh, but an OMO HOIVIRIAH, basically a woman sold by her poor father who has no marry to find a husband gives her as a servant to a man who may have a son, and there is a fear that father or son may abuse the girl. The solution is a marriage against the will of the girl as Pilegesh. 

This is exactly what happened with Bas Shevah who gave birth to Shlomo who became king. The marriage was a Pilegesh to a king so that was surely no problem. In fact, if Dovid was not a king and took a Pilegesh with force such as one married by her father who could not afford to marry his daughter, as OMO HOIVRIAH, she is permitted to anyone not just a king. But people who are not marrying with force and both want the marriage, the Rambam, Ramban and Gro and Bais Shmuel, considered the major posek of the acharonim, permit Pilegesh.

4 Show me anywhere in Hilchos Mlachim that says that a king can abduct and rape any woman he wants. I guarantee you won't find it.

According to you, why does the Rambam mention Omo Hovirah who is permitted to be Pilegesh, if she surely didn't become a slave willingly.

5 The only reason Shlomo was made king was that David swore to make him his successor. It had nothing to do with the rights inherent to an abducted woman.

If Shlomo was the product of a woman who was taken with force and if forced women are not Pilegesh, Shlomo came from two people who were not married. Is that what you think? Is this person the one who wrote what may be the holiest book of Shir HaShirim which is pure Kabala see Ari z"l on Shir HaShirm, who only touches on the explanation there, but I found more in other Kabbala seforim.