Marry? Yes or No or Maybe
Should one marry or not? Let us look at this from a Torah
perspective. First, should a person remain unmarried? The Shulchan Aruch
answers that question in the beginning of Even Hoezer. A man surely is a sinner
for not marrying. And a woman, also, should marry. The reason for this is one
to fulfill the mitzvah of having children, which is a mitzvah even if one
already has a son and a daughter, because each additional child is an
additional mitzvah.
Also, a single is suspected of sin. One is not supposed to
be suspected of being a sinner. Therefore, one should marry to fulfill the mitzvah of having children and
to save from himself or herself suspicion that they are following the yester hora
in their singledom.
The great Reb Chaim Felagi in Chaim Vishalom taught that in
a broken marriage husband and wife are a menace to society. Anyone in a
non-functioning marriage is a constant threat that he may fulfill his
biological drives in the wrong way. There is suspicion of that, and there is
the actual threat of that. Therefore, not only should one marry, but if the
marriage breaks down the husband and wife are potential dangers to the
community.
There is also a thought of the Tsemach Tsedek of Lubavitch
that a woman who is trapped in a bad marriage may simply leave Judaism, and
maybe take her children with her. Thus, a bad or broken marriage is itself a
mighty problem. And one who is not married is also such a problem. And today with so many broken marriages,
things just get worse and worse. HaShem Yerachem.
Coercing a GET is also a problem. So, there are many
problems.
There are those who marry and do their best. And some marry
and do better. They attach themselves to people who can help them maintain a
good marriage. People need constant help
and encouragement to maintain a good marriage. Those who know this and act upon
it have a much better change of sustaining a good marriage. And those who go
their own way, without proper guidance, take a great chance.
Shlomo taught in Mishlei 20:24 “From HaShem are the steps of
a man. And a man, what will he understand about his road?” We are born onto
paths where we go. But do we understand what we are to do and where we are to go?
Our hope is that HaShem will guide us and help us. Without that, what hope is
there? Praying to HaShem and asking advice from our elders give us the wisdom
to succeed.
