Showing posts with label Marry or not marry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marry or not marry. Show all posts

Monday, January 5, 2015

Marry or Not Marry?

Marry? Yes or No or Maybe

Should one marry or not? Let us look at this from a Torah perspective. First, should a person remain unmarried? The Shulchan Aruch answers that question in the beginning of Even Hoezer. A man surely is a sinner for not marrying. And a woman, also, should marry. The reason for this is one to fulfill the mitzvah of having children, which is a mitzvah even if one already has a son and a daughter, because each additional child is an additional mitzvah.

Also, a single is suspected of sin. One is not supposed to be suspected of being a sinner. Therefore, one should marry  to fulfill the mitzvah of having children and to save from himself or herself suspicion that they are following the yester hora in their singledom.

The great Reb Chaim Felagi in Chaim Vishalom taught that in a broken marriage husband and wife are a menace to society. Anyone in a non-functioning marriage is a constant threat that he may fulfill his biological drives in the wrong way. There is suspicion of that, and there is the actual threat of that. Therefore, not only should one marry, but if the marriage breaks down the husband and wife are potential dangers to the community.

There is also a thought of the Tsemach Tsedek of Lubavitch that a woman who is trapped in a bad marriage may simply leave Judaism, and maybe take her children with her. Thus, a bad or broken marriage is itself a mighty problem. And one who is not married is also such a problem.  And today with so many broken marriages, things just get worse and worse. HaShem Yerachem.

Coercing a GET is also a problem. So, there are many problems.

There are those who marry and do their best. And some marry and do better. They attach themselves to people who can help them maintain a good marriage.  People need constant help and encouragement to maintain a good marriage. Those who know this and act upon it have a much better change of sustaining a good marriage. And those who go their own way, without proper guidance, take a great chance.

Shlomo taught in Mishlei 20:24 “From HaShem are the steps of a man. And a man, what will he understand about his road?” We are born onto paths where we go. But do we understand what we are to do and where we are to go? Our hope is that HaShem will guide us and help us. Without that, what hope is there? Praying to HaShem and asking advice from our elders give us the wisdom to succeed.