In a previous post we attacked a rabbi for supporting the organization ORA that specializes in humiliating husbands and coercing them to give a GET, something forbidden by the Shulchan Aruch and the major poskim. We quoted in that post the Shulchan Aruch and the Gro who ways that nobody permits coercing a GET just because the wife demands freedom. We also mentioned also that the great rabbis of Israel today not only feared that coercion could invalidate a GET, but also they ruled that any rabbis who forms a Beth Din and coerces a GET, that Beth Din has lost its license as a Gittin Beth Din. Any woman who had a GET from such a Beth Din may not remarry, say these great Israeli rabbis, until she goes to a respectable Beth Din that does not coerce Gittin and gets a new GET.
In the coming generation, large numbers of children born from a woman who remarried using a GET that was coerced by certain Beth Dins, will be considered problems of mamzeruth. Here we want to show a mistake made by a rabbi who stumbled in the laws of Gittin.
One rabbi who strongly supports ORA and its coercion of husbands told me the following reason he permits it. He says that he recalled that the Shulchan Aruch says that when it is necessary, the community may force a GET by refusing to have anything to do with the husband who will not give a GET. This sounds like a very solid proof. But if so, what do we do with my proofs that it is forbidden to coerce a GET based upon the claim of the wife that she cannot tolerate living with her husband? My proofs quoted in prevous posts were the Shulchan Aruch 77 paragraphs 2 and 3.
Let us look into the Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 164 paragraph 21. The Shulchan Aruch section is "Laws of Gittin." The Shulchan Aruch discusses what to do with a husband who has been clearly obligated by the Talmud to divorce his wife. For instance, the Talmud tells us that a husband with such a problem must divorce his wife. Since the Talmud requires a divorce, and the husband refuses, it would seem that we may force the GET, even with a beating or other serious coercions. But the Shulchan Aruch rejects this. It seems that there is an argument among the sages what the Talmud means when it says "he must divorce his wife." Does it mean that we force him to divorce even with a beating? Or does it mean only a minor coercion, such as telling him that he is wicked for not obeying the Talmud? The Shulchan Aruch quotes the Ramo, the authority of Ashkenazim, that if we do coerce such a GET for somebody required to divorce his wife, and the Talmud does not clearly say to beat him, we may not make a serious coercion. It would seem from the Shulchan Aruch there that we may tell him that we will call him "wicked" for defying the Talmud, but nothing serious like beatings or being put in Nidui.
The Ramo there states that since we have two opinions one permitting and one forbidden serious coercion, we do not make serious coercion such as a beating, even when the Talmud demands a GET. We fear that to coerce the GET in a serious manner, even when the Talmud demands a GET may produce an invalid GET.
What then can be done? The Ramo says that we can coerce the husband by decreeing on everyone in his community not to have dealings with him until he divorces his wife. That is, "not to do the husband a favor, not to do business with him, or to circumcize his sons or bury them, until he gives a divorce GET." The Vilna Gaon adds a condition mentioned in some sources for this law, that this public coercion is only permitted if the husband can escape his locality and live elsewhere without people treating him this way. Thus, the Ramo mentions only that we coerce in a passive not direct manner. We don't talk to him; we don't do business with him. But we don't do anything positive to pressure him. Furthermore, the Vilna Gaon adds that the pressure can only be made in a locality where the husband can flee and live elsewhere without the pressure. And the Shach in Gevuras Anoshim agrees.
It would seem according to this that it is forbidden to do what ORA does for many reasons. One, the Ramo only permits passive coercion, not active humiliations. Two, the Vilna Gaon maintains a text of this law taught by Rabbeinu Tam that permits such public coercion only when the husband can escape the coercion by going to a different town. ORA pursues the husband to the next town as well, so its coercion is forbidden.
A third reason ORA is wrong is that very senior authorities disagree with the Ramo and forbid forcing a GET based upon public passive cordination. One is the Shach, a mighty authority who in general overrides the Ramo. He writes in Gevuras Anoshim two things about this passive coercion. One, as the Vilna Gaon says, that it is only permitted when the husband can go to another place and be safe from the coercion. And two, the Shach says that there are those who feel that today the pain and pressure from the public refusing to deal with the husband is considered not a minor coercion but a major coercion. He therefore concludes that it is better not to do passive coercion. It would seem that the Chazon Ish in the Laws of Gittin agrees with the Shach see 108:12 that we should not do passive coercion because today it is considered a serious coercion more than in the time of Rabbeinu Tam. If so, that it is better not to do passive coercion even for somebody commanded by the Talmud to divorce, surely what ORA does to coerce with public and active humiliations is forbidden and produces an invalid GET. If the woman remarries with a GET from ORA her new children are possible mamzerim.
Passive coercion is only mentioned in the Laws of Gittin where the Torah demands a GET and the husband refuses. In such a case a passive coercion is permitted by Ramo. But in EH laws of Kesubose 77 paragraph 2 and 3 we deal with a husband who has no obligation to divorce his wife. And the fact that his wife demands a GET does not permit people to coerce him.The Laws of Gittin are about people who must divorce their wives. And the laws of Kesubose are about keeping a marriage going. In the Laws of Kesubose the Ramo does not permit any kind of coercion, not even passive coercion. It would seem from the language of the Shulchan Aruch and the major poskim on the Shulchan Aruch EH 77 par 2 and 3 that there is no obligation at all upon the husband to give a GET when his wife demands one. And that is the opinion of Posek HaDor Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt"l. The authoriities quote a Rashbo in teshuva VII:414 that in an ordinary demand of divorce because "my husband is repulsive to me" "if the husband wants to divorce, he can divorce. If he does not want to divorce, he doesn't divorce." It would seem there is no obligation to divorce and surely not coercion of any kind is permitted. Rabbeinu Tam mentioned in Shita Kesubose says that we do not even tell the husband it would be nice or a mitsvah to give a GET. The Chazon Ish Gittin 99 says that if a Beth Din tells a husband he is obligated to give a GET and this was wrong, the GET is invalid from the Torah.
The vast majority of divorces today deal with a woman's refusal to be with her husband, something that is not recognized by the rabbis as an excuse to coerce a GET. The Ramo is talking about a husband who cannot be a man or other problems that the Talmud clearly states must give a GET. But the Talmud does not say we should hit the husband, so we don't do serious coercions, only, according to Ramo, passive coercion. And the Gro and Shach, major latter authorities both say that only if the husband can flee from his town and find peace is it permitted to coerce him passively. Thus, ORA would be forbidden even according to Ramo. And as we mentioned, the Shach and Ramo maintain that today we don't do even passive coercion when the husband can flee, because it is considered today a major coercion.
The great failure of marriage even in the highest echelons of the Torah community is because people don't know the halacha, the Torah laws, of marriage, divorce, Family and raising children. Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn publishes books, publications, and material on blog and Google with approbations from the greatest rabbis such as the Gaonim Reb Moshe Feinstein, Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev and other major gedolim.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Rabbi Heinemann Backs ORA and Mamzerim
In our recent posts about Philadelphia and the efforts to help a married woman remarry without a GET, we attacked those responsible for this, even though they were prominent Torah personalities. Unfortunately, the Torah world does not know the laws of Gittin. But they do know that the Torah requires a woman to have a GET whenever she is fed up with the marriage. And when I ask people what their sources for this is, as I have sources in Shulchan Aruch and poskim who say just the opposite, I never get a proper answer.
Here is a letter from Rabbi Moshe Heinemann of Baltimore, posted on the ORA website, that gives his full support to ORA and its coercion of Gittin. I believe that this is forbidden. And I believe that this produces mamzerim.
Here is Rabbi Heinemann's letter, posted for a long time I believe on the ORA website, calling for everyone to support ORA.
I am strongly opposed to this letter for several reasons. One, ORA itself is controlled by Rabbi Herschel Schachter, whose published audio tapes show that he believes in killing a husband who refuses to give his wife a GET. This is the same person who once told somebody that if the Prime Minister of Israel had a program of such and such that he should be killed. He had to flee Israel after saying that, but that is who you are dealing with. How can a serious Talmid Chochom give his name to an organization controlled by such a person? And does Rabbi Heinemann agree that husbands should be coerced to the point of beatings and even death? Of course not, I hope. But even if Rabbi Heinemenndid not know about these hideous opinions of Rabbi Schachter, giving your name full blast to people who may have different ideas than you do is not the way of wisdom. Rabbi Heinemenn should have checked out the ORA organization and its rabbinical leader more carefully.
Let us leave ORA for a moment, and deal directly with the idea supported by Rabbi Heinemenn, that what ORA does, to humiliate husbands and break their spirit until they give a GET, is a great mitsvah and deserves everyone's support. This is completely wrong. Every GET coerced by ORA is invalid and any Rov involved with such a GET has lost Chezkas Beis Din, as Posek HaDor Rav Elyashev zt"L told me, and as has beeen recently paskened by living Gedolim Reb Chaim Kanievsky and Rav Shmuel HaLevi Wosner and other gedolim of Israel. Again, gedolei hador of the past and present generations have said that any Beth Din that coerces Gittin in defiance of the Shulchan Aruch (the way the Gedolim read the open words of the Shulchan Aruch without twisting things) is an invalid Beth Din. Any woman who got a GET from them must get another GET as we do not recognize the first GET from a Beth Din that has no Chezkas Beth Din, because it does what Rabbi Heinemann believes in, coercing the husband to give a GET.
Now let us supply the sources in the Shulchan Aruch. See Even Hoezer 77 paragraphs 2 and 3, and the Shulchan Aruch, the Ramo, the Beis Shmuel, the Chelkas Mechokake and the Gro. All forbid coecing a GET or pressuring a husband to give one based upon the demand of the wife to be freed of her husband because she cannot tolerate being with him. If Beth Din without the wife's complaints recognizes that the husband is not fit to be a husband, that could lead to coercion. But the majority of cases today of divorce is not because the husband is unable to have children, etc., but because the wife wants out of the marriage. Her complaint that "my husband is disgusting to me" cannot allow Beth Din to coerce a GET or pressure the husband to divorce.
The Gro there EH 77 #5 says clearly that none of the present authorities permit coercion of the GET because of the wife's desire to be free of him. Posek HaDor Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt"l said that there is not even a mitsvah for the husband to give a GET, but as the Rashbo says in his teshuva VII:414 "If the husband wants to divorce he divorces. If he does not want to divorce, he does not divorce." This statement is accepted by major poskim and is quoted in the Shulchan Aruch EH 77 paragraph 2 and 3.
The idea espoused by ORA and it seems Rabbi Heinemann that any wife can break the marriage and have the husband forced to give a GET is therefore completely wrong. It is important to maintain a list of all women divorced by ORA because their children may be mamzerim, which is the opinion of the Gedolim in Israel today.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Questions about Remarrying Without a GET in Philly
Rabbi Dovid E.
Eidensohn
We posted a previous attack on
those in Philadelphia who want a married woman to remarry without a GET. It
seems that certain nameless rabbis permit this, although at least those
“rabbis” are smart enough not to let anybody know who they are. Let us look at
the Shulchan Aruch and the idea of letting a woman remarry without a GET. The
only reason somebody could permit a woman to remarry without a GET and her
husband lives is because there was a condition attached to the marriage and it
was violated. So, let us look at this and see how it applies to those who
simply rubber stamp a “not-married” sign on any woman who wants it.
See gemora Yevomose 94b that one
may make a condition about getting married and if the condition is violated the
marriage is negated. But this applies only to Erusin, or Kiddushin, the stage
of marriage when people agree to be husband and wife but they did not have
Chupah and may not be together. The second phase of marriage, when the couple
are together and certainly when they have relations, are different. When the
couple comes together in marital embrace, generally, violating conditions don’t
negate the marriage. Why not? Once a man
and woman have relations it is not customary to continue with the conditions
that may make the marriage negated. Because if the marriage is negated the
husband and wife are living with zenuse which is a disgrace. Therefore, in
general, one may make a condition in stage one of marriage. Kiddushin, when the
two are not together. For instance, they can say that the marriage will only be
valid if the wife is without a serious physical blemish. And if she has such a
blemish, the marriage never took place. But once they are together, the general
attitude is to refuse living with zenuse, and therefore the conditions are
cancelled and the marriage remains.
Tosfoses there D”H but nisuin
says that a condition may apply even after the couple is together, but this is
rare because of two reasons: One, if the marriage is cancelled after the couple
has been together it would retroactively have been a relationship of zenuse, so
it is disgrace for a Jewish man and woman to be together without marriage which
is zenuse.
Another reason that people refuse
to cancel a marriage after they have relations is that the pleasure of being
together in intimacy cancels their interest in negating the marriage. These two
factors usually operate to cancel any conditions when the couple has relations.
And yet, if the couple made a condition and they made it clear that being
together will not cancel the condition but it will cancel the marriage if
violated, then we could discuss about the fate of the marriage. But the lady in
Philly never made any conditions to negate the marriage if such and such
happened. Therefore, she has no grounds for negating the marriage. And
furthermore, even if she did make a condition before having intimacy and
afterwards, and really wants to break the marriage, she is obviously in
violation of the standards of most Jews, and is thus a lowly woman.
Only a clearly stated condition
made before the stage of marital intimacy can cancel a marriage. And once the
condition is violated, the wife must leave the house immediately as she lives
without kiddushin in sin. Did any of this happen to the lady from Philadelphia?
The Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer
38:35 says that “one who makes kiddushin, the beginning phase of marriage, with
a condition, and then has relations, and at the time of the relations was
silent and did not promote the condition, the marriage is not cancelled even if
the condition was violated.”
See the lengthy study of the Beis
Shmuel in EH 38:59. There are discussions and opinions about when a marriage
can be negated, when it is not negated but the woman needs a GET to remarry,
when the condition creates a doubt and when it is negated, etc. Thus, anyone
who seeks to remarry without a GET has an obstacle course to run, and
afterwards, no normal person would want to marry her. First of all, the Philly
lady taught by Shalom Kaminetsky to rely on a condition to cancel the marriage shows
that bias zenuse is something she accepts, and is a lower person in violation
of the proper standards Jews traditionally accept. Second of all, she never
made a condition that anyone knows about, and nobody knows who permitted her to
remarry. What normal Jew who believes in the Torah would marry such a person?
And this woman comes from fine stock, as her father was a close friend of the
Philly Yeshiva. Is this what he is seeing from his place in Gan Eden, that his
daughter refuses my offer to make a GET with her husband, and instead, she
makes a circus that would shame almost any Jew?
For shame on her. For shame on
Shalom Kaminetsky for helping her remarry and produce mamzerim. And shame on
Shmuel Kaminetsky for knowing what is happening and he does not stop it. And
obviously, people suspect that the son would surely not do anything without his
father’s permission. If so, he has a lot to answer for.
Again, I have spoken with the
husband and he wants a GET. But he wants to settle certain things such as
custody for his daughter. And yet, Shalom Kaminetsky is helping this lady
completely married to remarry without a GET. This can only lead to mamzeruth,
something that I intend to strongly publicize. Again, if this woman remarries
without a GET, I will strongly publicize the fact that the children are
probably mamzerim. And I will let the husband know exactly what I plan to do. I
will make him famous, along with the wicked ones who encourage a woman without
a father to destroy her life and that of her children.
This woman has no father and is
like a yesoma who needs rabbis who will help her, and I am here to get her a
completely kosher and normal GET after certain minor things are settled. Why
does she insist on following Shalom Kaminetsky along a path that can dissuade
any normal Torah Jew from wanting to marry her? This is a major mystery.
I don’t understand the whole story.
The husband Aharon Friedman delivered the child he brought back from Washington
in 2012 to his mother-in-law’s house, and was pounced on by a group of goons
and beaten, but he escaped. Two years later, the FBI arrested a group of
Orthodox goons. And a month after the FBI arrested the group of Orthodox goons,
Aharon’s wife announced that she does not need a GET, and is free to remarry. A
friend of mine was solicited by Shalom Kaminetsky to marry her, even without a
GET, which Shalom declared was not necessary.
Why did the wife decide she doesn’t
need a GET only after the goons were arrested? And why is Shalom Kaminetsky
doing something, to help a married woman remarry without a GET, something that
every child knows is wrong, when doing this will invite me and others like me
to publicize that he is a creator of mamzerim? And does Shalom not realize that
many people, such as me, suspect his father of being involved in all of this?
Does he not care about the honor of his father?
I think I have made my point. If
they don’t stop now, I won’t stop either. I have the backing of gedolei Yisroel
who want me to pour on the heat. It won’t go away. I say to you Shalom, stop
now. Call me and let’s settle this with a nice peaceful GET and restore quiet
to Philadelphia. I have better things to do than to sit and write articles
about mamzer producers. But if they are here, I am also here. And I am in the
process of talking to more and more major authorities, who are shocked at this
story and want me to fight as I am fighting. And who is the rabbi who told you,
Shalom, to marry a married woman to somebody else without a GET? I want him on
my list, right up front. And of course, you will supply that rabbi’s sources to
disagree with the gemora and the Shulchan Aruch and the accepted policy of Beth
Dins never to permit a married woman to remarry without a GET. This is pure
rishuse. But there must be a reason for doing this pure rishuse, when it is not
necessary in order to get a GET. Surely there is another reason why this woman
is claiming that she does not need a GET, and there is surely another reason
why Shalom Kaminetsky publicizes this.
This is such an interesting case. Rachmono
litslon. I feel sorry for the poor woman who is being advised to destroy her
life. But I also feel sorry for Shalom Kaminetsky, because what he is doing is
obviously related to hidden things I did not mention. But maybe the hidden things are worse than anything I can write.
Who knows?
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Making Mamzerim in Philadelphia
Rabbi Dovid E.
Eidensohn/Monsey, NY 10952/845-578-1917
I strongly protest the incredible
and unheard of sin committed by Shalom Kaminetsky of Philadelphia, probably
with his father’s approval, to help a woman remarry without a GET! For years I
have strongly protested the actions of Rabbi Shmuel Kaminetsky who tells people
to coerce husbands to force a GET from them, in utter defiance of the Shulchan
Aruch and poskim. But now his son probably with his approval has decided to sin
even further with helping a married woman to remarry without a GET! Incredibly,
we don’t hear a roar of condemnation about this from every mouth. It is quiet.
Well, now it is not quiet. I hereby protest the hideous sin of the Kaminetskys:
Shmuel’s sin of coercing Gittin and Shalom’s sin of encouraging a woman to
marry without a GET. Upon remarriage with a coerced GET or no GET, a woman produces
children who may be mamzerim, the ultimate child abuse.
Reb Shmuel Kaminetsky has long
called for coercing husbands to give their wives a GET upon the wife’s demand
when the marriage is broken. This is in utter defiance of the Shulchan Aruch
Even Hoezer 77 paragraphs 2 and 3. There the Shulchan Aruch, Ramo, Beis Shmuel,
Chelkas Mechokake and Gro clearly forbid coercing a GET based upon the wife’s
demands that she cannot stand the husband. The Gro there #5 says that nobody
disagrees. So how can Shmuel Kaminetsky disagree? And furthermore, when Shmuel
Kaminetsky signed letters calling on everyone to torture husbands because the
wife was tired of them or whatever, did he talk to the husband and hear his
side? See Choshen Mishpot 17:5 And did
Shmuel Kaminetsky sign these treifeh letters as a favor to his good friend the
father of the woman who wants a GET? Is this not highly questionable, to posken
for a friend against her enemy? See Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpot VII:6 that both sides in the Din Torah must be equal
in the eyes of the Dayan. So how could S. Kaminetsky pasken against the husband
when he is a best friend of the father of the wife?
And Shalom Kaminetsky’s efforts to
get this lady married without a GET without mentioning what rabbis permitted it
is also unheard of. I say this: This
woman, if she remarries without a GET, will be forbidden to her old husband and
her new husband and will be a soteh living in zenuse. Her child will be a mamzer
vadai. And if some rabbi does say that a woman can remarry without a GET, the
vast majority of rabbis in the world and the greatest ones are completely
convinced that the woman without a GET may not remarry.
It is a great mitzvah that everyone
call Shalom Kaminetsky and his father and ask them what source they have or
what rabbi they have to permit a woman remarrying without a GET. If they remain
in their position of being poskim against the Shulchan Aruch we call upon all
parents not to send their children to the Philly Yeshiva of the Kaminetskys and
not to support the Yeshiva, and to protest to the Kaminetskys that they are
making a chilul HaShem and mamzerim.
The idea that one rabbi or two
rabbis can permit a woman to remarry for reasons nobody else ever heard of has
no place in halacha. See teshuvose Mahari ben Lev IV:19:3 “Even if most rabbis
permit dovor shebierva (if a woman is permitted to marry somebody) but some
forbid it, we are stringent and forbid the woman to remarry.” And even if we
can understand following the majority of poskim who permit her to remarry as we
usually follow the majority in pesak, if we have a majority who forbid the
woman to remarry and some rabbi or two claim she is permitted, we surely must
follow the majority. If so, how can the woman remarry?
The Philadelphia woman is not an
Agunah. I speak to the husband regularly and he is happy to settle with a GET
but he wants to organize the visitations of the child and perhaps some other
things, as in every GET. Shalom Kaminetsky is destroying this woman’s life. He
should convince her to contact me and get a GET and settle with the visitations
like every divorced woman. This way she
will not be a zona and her children will not be mamzerim. And if she does
remarry without a GET, will the Kaminetsky family accept the child in marriage
or will they fear to take a mamzer in marriage?
Dovid Eidensohn
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
The First Two Teachings of the Talmud
What are the first teachings of the
Talmud? The Talmud begins with a question: When do we recite the evening Shema
prayer? It does not answer the question directly by telling us that we recite
the Shema prayer when it becomes night. It answers something else, “When the
Cohanim priests enter to eat their Teruma, a sacred food.” So, we still don’t
know when to say the night Shema.
The second teaching of the Talmud
is that the end time to recite the Shema of night is the first Mishmar or Watch
of the night. Whose Watch? This is not answered. One question brings two
statements that are meaningless.
When we look deeper into the two
answers we detect important teachings about prayer in general and indeed about
relating to G-d. And just as these two answers seem to be confusing but
actually reveal major concepts of the Torah as we will explain, so when
somebody learns any part of the Talmud, he must anticipate deep ideas and find
the hidden jewels.
The first teaching that we begin
the recitation of the night Shema when the Cohanim enter to eat their Teruma is
an interesting law. A Cohan became seriously impure somehow and during the day
purified himself in a mikva. He is not yet completely pure and cannot enter the
Temple until he offers a sacrifice, but he is pure enough to eat Teruma. Thus,
the recitation of the Shema takes place at night but this teaching is taught
indirectly. First we must learn that Cohanim eat Teruma before they are
completely pure. This tells us that reciting the Shema, accepting the Yoke of
heaven, the love of G-d, the great mitsvose of the Torah mentioned specifically
in the Shema, do not require a perfect person. Even one who is trying to escape
a past of mistakes may say the Shema and turn to HaShem. Shema is a very holy
thing and all of us hope to recite it before we die, so our souls enter
Paradise with the Shema. But we don’t have to be completely pure to do that. We
do what we can, even though further work is necessary the next day. And that
qualifies us to say Shema and come to HaShem and declare “And you shall love
the L-d your G-d.” Maybe your love of G-d could be improved. But say Shema as
you are , as you are struggling to find holiness, and that is enough.
The second statement in the Talmud’s
beginning is that the final time for reciting the night Shema is at the end of
the First Watch. But when is that? The gemora says that this opinion, of Rabbi
Eliezar, is talking about the Watch in heaven of the angels. In heaven the angels
sing songs of praise to HaShem in assigned times and places. They have Watches.
The night is divided into three watches and there are angels for each of them.
When the First Watch of night ends, new angels appear, but the time to recite
the night Shema has passed according to Rabbi Eliezar.
The idea here is for us to realize
that human prayers are closely connected to heaven. The angels pray to HaShem
and so do people. This lets us realize how holy prayer is.
Thus, the two lessons in the Talmud
are taught in a way to reveal important ideas about the service of HaShem in
prayer. First, the holiest prayers don’t require perfect people. And secondly,
when we pray, we are praying with the angels, and we are close to the greatest
holiness.
Perhaps the greatest problem in life and especially
in Torah is to be proud of our relationship with G-d and not depressed by our
mistakes. There is so much failure and frustration many people don’t say the
Shema and pray with the proper confidence and joy. Here we are encouraged to
say Shema and pray with the angels before the Presence.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Using Good as an Excuse to do Evil
Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn
A
Jew once sinned so terribly that nobody recalled a Jew doing such a thing. A
rabbi was asked to explain how this could happen. The rabbi answered, "I
don't know why this Jew sinned so terribly. But one thing I tell you. He meant
with his evil did to serve HaShem."
All
of us have temptations to do evil. Many people will do what they can in
business to make a buck, even though it may be improper. But because they
realize that what they are doing is wrong, akin to stealing, or actual
stealing, they don't lose control completely. They may do some bad things, but
there is some kind of control remaining. However, once a person is convinced
that the evil deed he is doing or he wants to do is really a good deed, what
can hold him back from serving HaShem?
We
read this coming week the Torah portion of Mishpotim, meaning
"judgment." In this portion laws of stealing and killing are
discussed. This is amazing, because the portion before Mishpoatim it Yisro,
when the Jews received the Torah from G-d Himself at Sinai and heard the Ten
Commandments. Would it not have been more appropriate to follow such an
elevated event with something about the highest holiness, such as the building
of the Tabernacle, instead of the hideous evil that portion deals with?
But
a Jew has a Torah soul, and is not so close to killing and stealing and
damaging. But when he is convinced that killing or stealing or damaging is a
good deed, and by so doing he serves HaShem, what is to keep him from killing
and stealing and damaging?
Someone
called me that he had borrowed a large sum of money, and had to repay it. But
he had no way to repay it. He became emotional, and began talking about his
situation and why the lender should understand. Finally, he got to the point.
He won't pay the wealthy man, and the wealthy man won't miss it. But the
wealthy man will have the mitsvah of giving him charity. Acording to this, by
now paying what he borrowed, the rich man will merit the pleasures of the
Future World. Of couse, this was uttered in bitter desperation, but when people
are pressured, and they have no recourse, they do the worst things and call it
a mitsvah. Thus, the worst evil can sprout from the greatest good.
A
woman once came to me with a bitter tale about her husband who wanted a
divorce. She wanted him to remain with her. She wanted me to talk to the
husband to save the marriage. Now, this is surely a worthwhile and good thing.
But this lady was chasing her husband for decades. Her youth had left her and
she just kept at it. I told her that if she lets go of her efforts there is a
chance she can remarry and find some happiness instead of running around the
world asking for people to call her husband. But she was serving HaShem and
HaShem surely wants people to stay married. Thus, she gave up her life to serve
HaShem. This woman was once young and lovely. She could have left one
marriage and quickly found another one, maybe with better help and preparation
to find the right husband. But no, she just kept up serving HaShem, as she saw
it.
Not
long after this I was by the great Posek Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt"l
and asked him if I was right when I told her to stop chasing her husband and to
remarry. He agreed with me. Some times, we serve HaShem and destroy others. And
sometimes, we destroy ourselves, HaShem Yerachem.
In
one of our discussions, Rav Elyashev zt"l pointed out to me that there are
rabbis who want to help women remarry when the husband refuses to give her a
GET. These rabbis can help get a GET for the woman in appropriate ways, or they
can do something not appropriate. It is not that rabbis want to do evil things.
But they want to do a mitsvah and help a woman to be freed when she
demands her freedom. Now, maybe the husband and the children don't want a
divorce and a broken family, so why break up the family for the wife? But some
people feel that the wife has her rights to break the family and damage the
husband and the children. Now, a forced GET is invalid. The woman who gets such
an invalid GET remarries and has a child. That child is a mamzer. Making a
mamzer is the most hideous sin. But some people do it because they want to do
good.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
jblogreview.blogspot.com attacks Eidensohn brothers and the "old" Torah
Thejblogreview.blogspot.com mystery person
nobody knows who it is, attacks the Eidensohn brothers for their Torah ideas
about marriage and divorce.
By Rabbi
Dovid E. Eidensohn/www.torahhalacha.blogspot.com/845-578-1917
The mystery author of the jblogreview.blogspot.com has several posts
where he rips into my brother and myself for our Torah ideas about marriage and
divorce. I am writing this to present the two sides, the Eidensohn reliance on
clear sources in Shulchan Aruch and poskim, and those who feel that the
Shulchan Aruch is not compatible with today’s moral standards.
My blogspot has 61 posts, mostly about the divorce and marital issues
we discuss here. For a fuller understanding of the Eidensohn position, go to www.torahhalacha.blogspot.com my blog or go to www.daattorah.blogspot.com my brother’s
blog and type in coerced Gittin or anything about these topics.
My comments will be in italics and bold. Parts of the
post not necessary for comments are omitted and you can go to the jblog itself
to see the entire original.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Daat Torah on the Seminary Scandal
The Daas Torah Blog of Rabbi Daniel Eidensohn
allows readers to descend into a bizarre segment of Orthodoxy that few Jews
probably realize even exists…My response - Laws of divorce and marriage and family
are “bizarre segments of Orthodox that few Jews probably realize even exists.” I
know a lot of Jews who understand the sanctity of marriage and the negative
sides of divorce. I also know a lot of Jews who understand that a woman whose
husband never did anything terrible to her but she has problems with his
personality or some such thing should work on the marriage instead of tearing
the family apart. I also know a lot of husbands whose wives destroyed the
marriage and almost destroyed the husband, turning children against him,
draining him financially, even jailing him.
A large part of Eidensohn's blog is devoted to issues of Agunah.
Eidensohn also has a brother - Rabbi Dovid Eidensohn - who also runs a blog almost exclusively devoted to the topic.
Most people understand the agunah issue as follows:
Some husbands unfortunately refuse to give their wives Gittin even when the
marriage is clearly over. They use the withholding of a Get either as leverage
or simply as revenge against their wives. This kind of behavior is of course
outrageous. My comment – I deal with husbands who learn the hard
way what happens when people like jblog demonize men in a broken marriage.
There are many reasons that are not vicious leverage or revenge that cause a husband
not to give his wife a GET in a broken marriage. I deal regularly with such
problems and I deal with the husbands and they are so demonized by the secular
courts and even the Orthodox world that they can be destroyed. There are even
well know ways for a woman to destroy her husband, get the children to hate
him, drain him financially, have him put in jail, and have a gag order forcing
him never to publicize the hideous terror he endures. And these blogs with
their hate for men who don’t fork over the GET when the people like jblog want
them to, are responsible for this hate and demonizing of men, many of whom are
not monsters but are scared for very good reasons. This is a very important
topic and I would like to develop it, but not now as we want to keep things
moving quoting the jblog. I have many posts on this topic in my
blog www.torahhalacha.blogspot.com .
Not the Eidensohn's and company. They see the Get as something a man sometimes
"has" to give and sometimes does not. It all depends on the
circumstances. So, if the husband has "done nothing halachically
wrong" during the course of the marriage, he may not be obligated to give
a Get. The Beis Din needs to make this determination based on the evidence
presented to them. Furthermore, if the man is not "obligated" to give
the Get than you cannot force him - even if the marriage is clearly over. Based
on this understanding, the Eidensohn's and company often take issue Batei Din
that try force husbands to give Gittin. In their view, the forced Get in this
case would be invalid in any case, and would just produce more halachic
problems. My comment This is another topic that could use corrections.
But let’s continue and not quibble about the jblog misunderstanding of GET law. I have many
posts in my blog www.torahhalacha.blogspot.com about coercing a husband and GET law and my
brother does also on his blog www.daattorah.blogspot.com .
My comments will be in italics and bold. Parts of the post not necessary for comments are omitted and you can go to the jblog itself to see the entire original.
Most people understand the agunah issue as follows:
Some husbands unfortunately refuse to give their wives Gittin even when the marriage is clearly over. They use the withholding of a Get either as leverage or simply as revenge against their wives. This kind of behavior is of course outrageous. My comment – I deal with husbands who learn the hard way what happens when people like jblog demonize men in a broken marriage. There are many reasons that are not vicious leverage or revenge that cause a husband not to give his wife a GET in a broken marriage. I deal regularly with such problems and I deal with the husbands and they are so demonized by the secular courts and even the Orthodox world that they can be destroyed. There are even well know ways for a woman to destroy her husband, get the children to hate him, drain him financially, have him put in jail, and have a gag order forcing him never to publicize the hideous terror he endures. And these blogs with their hate for men who don’t fork over the GET when the people like jblog want them to, are responsible for this hate and demonizing of men, many of whom are not monsters but are scared for very good reasons. This is a very important topic and I would like to develop it, but not now as we want to keep things moving quoting the jblog. I have many posts on this topic in my blog www.torahhalacha.blogspot.com .
Not the Eidensohn's and company. They see the Get as something a man sometimes "has" to give and sometimes does not. It all depends on the circumstances. So, if the husband has "done nothing halachically wrong" during the course of the marriage, he may not be obligated to give a Get. The Beis Din needs to make this determination based on the evidence presented to them. Furthermore, if the man is not "obligated" to give the Get than you cannot force him - even if the marriage is clearly over. Based on this understanding, the Eidensohn's and company often take issue Batei Din that try force husbands to give Gittin. In their view, the forced Get in this case would be invalid in any case, and would just produce more halachic problems. My comment This is another topic that could use corrections. But let’s continue and not quibble about the jblog misunderstanding of GET law. I have many posts in my blog www.torahhalacha.blogspot.com about coercing a husband and GET law and my brother does also on his blog www.daattorah.blogspot.com .
For the above reasons, the Eidensohn brothers often believe that it is wrong for a woman to take action to try to get herself a Get. My comment Yes, I believe that some women are rushing out of a marriage, especially if there are children. Hate organizations like ORA gather people into the street where the husband and his family are humiliated and eventually broken until the husband gave a GET. ALL OF THE FORCED GITTIN GIVEN BY ORA ARE INVALID AND CHILDREN BORN FROM IT ARE MAY BE MAMZERIM. THE WOMAN IS FORBIDDEN TO BE WITH HER NEW HUSBAND AND OLD HUSBAND IF SHE REMARRIES WITH SUCH AN INVALID GET. Hate blogs such as jblog simply feed the fire to produce more invalid Gittin.
Children of divorce suffer terribly, but ORA is concerned about
the mother. ORA is led by someone who has publicly called for the murder of
husbands who does not give a GET on demand when the marriage is broken.
And, they certainly oppose using the secular
courts under any circumstances. My comment – This is wrong. This jblog
reviewer is ignorant of things that he talks about. A Beth Din can give
permission to go to court when it is warranted.
…And,
what if the women tries to bring her husband to Beis Din? Well, he doesn't have
to show up. My comment – This is a lie from an ignorant person who
owns a blog.
He
can say he does not like her Beis Din and he wants to go to his own Beis Din. My
comment – Another lie based upon ignorance. In such a case each side
selects a judge and the two judges select a third judge.
There
is little doubt in my mind that deep in the recesses of this Daat Torah
community lies some very misogynistic ideas. I believe that at their core they
believe that women are less than men and that women should be subservient to
men ... I think that this
bias against women fuels them to search for halachic literature that supports
them. And, make no mistake - it is not hard to find such halachic literature,
especially considering that much of halacha was written hundreds of years ago when
this view of women was prevalent. In fact, much of the "support" that
they find is really just a reflection of the mores of the time, and not
actually "halachic" strictly speaking. My comment – You
believe that people who believe strongly in children and marriage and oppose
divorce unless it is really necessary are old fashioned and have an old
fashioned Shulchan Aruch based upon an old fashioned Torah. And when you have
to deal with all of the children broken by divorce, and with the children from
forced Gittin who come to marry into the Haredi world and are told that they
are mamzerim, what will you write on your blog?
The Shulchan
Aruch Even Hoezer 154 at the end of Seder HaGet writes, “A person must take
great care not to be involved with making Gittin unless he is an expert in the
laws of Gittin. Because there are many important details. And it is very easy
to stumble in them. And this leads to mamzeruth.” And yet, we see people
ripping into my opinions on coerced Gittin, with no sources of their own,
simply because they disagree with what I say and what I prove is the opinion of
the Shulchan Aruch EH 77 paragraphs 2,3: Reb Yosef Karo, the Ramo, the Vilna
Gaon, the Beis Shmuel, the Chelkas Mechokake, etc. And I respond, “If the Vilna
Gaon #5 says clearly that it is forbidden to coerce a GET, and nobody disagrees
with this, why are you disagreeing?” I have asked many people that question and
never got an answer.
The Vilna
Gaon on that statement of the Shulchan Aruch that only qualified people should
deal with Gittin brings a source as Kiddushin 13a. It says there that those who
make Gittin without knowing the laws properly are worse than the generation of
the Flood, and greater punishments comes into the world than what happened in
the time of Noach.
I made a
Beth Din for Gittin under HaGaon Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l and I asked for
permission to use his name for it, which is an incredible chutzpah, but he gave
it immediately. We dealt with Russian Jews who at that time had no rabbis who
could give Gittin. The Rov at that time was fighting the New York State GET
law, and I spoke with him at length about coerced Gittin. He told me that any
Beth Din that makes Gittin with coercions not accepted in the Shulchan Aruch
loses its right to give Gittin. Women divorced in that Beth Din must get
another GET. If they did not, and remarried with the GET from the non-Shulchan
Aruch Beth Din, her GET is not accepted, which could make great problems for
her children from the second marriage and for her. It is possible that her
children will be considered mamzerim and that she would be forbidden to be with
either or first or second husband. When that happens, chas vishalom, and it is
happening right now, with many women, and children are being born from these
questionable Gittin, what will klal Yisroel do? What can we do? We will split.
Those who don’t believe in the Shulchan Aruch will marry the mamzerim, and the
rest of us won’t. This is the ultimate child molestation. And the people who
are responsible for it will answer to a Higher Source. Recently, a Sefer
Mishpitei Yisroel about the laws of Gittin and those who transgress it has come
out. Gedolei HaDor Reb Chaim Kanievsky and Rav Shmuel HaLevi Wosner and others
have said what Reb Elyashev zt”l told me, that any woman who received a GET in
a Beth Din that coerces husbands in violation of the Shulchan Aruch, that the
GET is invalid and she must have another GET. Now, what do the bloggers who are
attacking me going to do when the mamzerim come to the Yeshiva and then want to
marry? Will they publish in a blog that
they are sorry?
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Ignorant Rabbis Talk about Gittin
Rabbi
Dovid E. Eidensohn/dddeid@verizon.net/845-578-1917
The
following article appeared on my brother’s blog daattorah.blogspot.com.. I have printed here almost the entire
article, underlined certain of its words, and put here and there my bold comments
in brackets []. My blog www.torahhalacha.blogspot.com
contains 61 posts about topics of marriage and divorce and shows
how widespread is ignorance about laws of Gittin.
Times of Israel
by Rabbi Levi Brackman
In my fourteen years of practicing as a rabbi I have been asked
numerous times to offer counsel and support to couples in failing marriages.
Despite the fact that it takes two to tango, often the breakdown of a marriage
is more the fault of one party than the other. Yet, no matter how the marriage
ends and who is at fault, if the husband does not actively agree to give a
Gett (Jewish religious divorce) immediately after the wife requests it he is
always in the wrong no matter what. [
I disagree. Let us assume that a husband has ten children who will
be destroyed by a divorce, and let us say that the divorce is being pushed by
the mother of the wife, and the husband refuses it. Is he evil? Again, the idea
that a woman can just get up and destroy
the lives of the husband and children because of reasons that may be open to
debate, has nothing to do with the Torah. To put it a different way. I have
semicha from HaGaon Reb Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l to be a Rosh Beth Din in
Gittin, and I have a very strong semicha from Reb Moshe Feinstein on my seforim
in halacha. And I don’t talk the way this article talks. I don’t get up and
pontificate about things that are not supported by the Shulchan Aruch. This
entire article has nothing to do with the Shulchan Aruch, and the quotes that
it makes have nothing to do with the laws of Gittin as we will explain.]
From a religious perspective, the Torah is very protective about
the feelings and dignity of women — even more so than that of men. The Talmud
warns men to never hurt their spouses feelings and or cause them to weep. It
cautions men to be exceedingly careful about their spouses dignity and honor
(Baba Metzia, 59a) and to respect and honor them more than they honor
themselves (Yevamot, 62b, Maimonides, Ishut, 15:19). These guidelines are based
on Biblical sources and have been codified into Jewish law. Furthermore the
Talmud tells us that in matters of worldly and household affairs the women’s
opinion takes precedence to that of the man’s (Baba Metzia, ibid). [These
quotes are about married women and have nothing to do with women who leave the
house taking the children.]
Clearly a man who refuses his wife’s request to give a religious
bill of divorce for any period of time after it is made clear that from her
perspective the marriage is over, is contravening these extremely serious
sections of Jewish law in the most grievous manner possible. But refusing to
give a Gett is also the mark of a man who lacks basic human empathy and common
decency.[...] [Pure baloney. Why does the author of this article not quote
the exact place in Shulchan Aruch that talks about a woman who wants out of a
marriage? The answer is that he probably doesn’t know where it is, and
secondly, if he does know, he also knows that it says just the opposite of what
he is saying here. The statement in Shulchan Aruch about a woman who wants out of
the marriage is in Even Hoezer 77 paragraphs 2 and 3. There, all of the
commentators go along with the words of the Rashbo in a teshuva VII:414 that a
wife who wants a divorce “if the husband wants he gives a divorce, and if he
does not want he does not give a divorce” meaning, as Rav Elyashev explains,
there is no obligation upon a man to give his wife a GET when the wife leaves
the marriage. The Gro there #5 says that nobody disagrees.]
Some men hide behind Jewish law as a reason not to give a Gett. They
argue that all aspects of the divorce needs to be settled before they are
Halachicly (according to Jewish law) allowed to give the Gett. [I believe
this is the pesak of HaGaon Reb moshe Feinstein zt”l that everything must be
straightened out before the GET. Especially today, when after the GET the wife
can go to secular court and get a gag order to destroy the husband, it
certainly makes sense to delay the GET until everything is worked out exactly.]
They then proceed to make any settlement as difficult as possible,
allowing them to continue their abusive and controlling behavior. Tragically
there are some Jewish courts that allow men to behave this way. Happily,
however, most of the larger reputable Jewish courts will not allow narcissistic
men to use religion as a tool to further abuse and blackmail their wives. The
most obnoxious Gett refusers, however, seem to avoid reputable Jewish courts.
As pernicious, are men who tell their wife, who is desperate for a divorce,
that they “want to work on their marriage” and therefore won’t give a Gett.
Again this ploy won’t work at most reputable Jewish courts.
In the final analysis, the refusal to give a Gett by a husband,
for any reason, will cause pain to his wife and therefore is not only contrary
to the spirit of Judaism it contravenes the letter of the law as well. [What
letter of what law?]
[We see here just one of many examples of people who never learned the
laws of Gittin, who don’t have any great
authority to quote, but who invent and distort to prove their invalid points.
And from these “rabbis” many women will have broken families, invalid divorces,
and now, a new thing, women told by “rabbis” to leave their husbands with no
GET! And it just gets worse and worse.]
Monday, January 5, 2015
Marry or Not Marry?
Marry? Yes or No or Maybe
Should one marry or not? Let us look at this from a Torah
perspective. First, should a person remain unmarried? The Shulchan Aruch
answers that question in the beginning of Even Hoezer. A man surely is a sinner
for not marrying. And a woman, also, should marry. The reason for this is one
to fulfill the mitzvah of having children, which is a mitzvah even if one
already has a son and a daughter, because each additional child is an
additional mitzvah.
Also, a single is suspected of sin. One is not supposed to
be suspected of being a sinner. Therefore, one should marry to fulfill the mitzvah of having children and
to save from himself or herself suspicion that they are following the yester hora
in their singledom.
The great Reb Chaim Felagi in Chaim Vishalom taught that in
a broken marriage husband and wife are a menace to society. Anyone in a
non-functioning marriage is a constant threat that he may fulfill his
biological drives in the wrong way. There is suspicion of that, and there is
the actual threat of that. Therefore, not only should one marry, but if the
marriage breaks down the husband and wife are potential dangers to the
community.
There is also a thought of the Tsemach Tsedek of Lubavitch
that a woman who is trapped in a bad marriage may simply leave Judaism, and
maybe take her children with her. Thus, a bad or broken marriage is itself a
mighty problem. And one who is not married is also such a problem. And today with so many broken marriages,
things just get worse and worse. HaShem Yerachem.
Coercing a GET is also a problem. So, there are many
problems.
There are those who marry and do their best. And some marry
and do better. They attach themselves to people who can help them maintain a
good marriage. People need constant help
and encouragement to maintain a good marriage. Those who know this and act upon
it have a much better change of sustaining a good marriage. And those who go
their own way, without proper guidance, take a great chance.
Shlomo taught in Mishlei 20:24 “From HaShem are the steps of
a man. And a man, what will he understand about his road?” We are born onto
paths where we go. But do we understand what we are to do and where we are to go?
Our hope is that HaShem will guide us and help us. Without that, what hope is
there? Praying to HaShem and asking advice from our elders give us the wisdom
to succeed.
Friday, January 2, 2015
The Wife Leaves the House with the Children: Is this Stealing from the Husband and Children?
Does a wife have the right to leave the marital house?
Does she have the right to take the children with her?
Does the husband have no rights to his children?
Does the husband have no rights to the wife?
Rashi Bamidbar 12:5 "When one sins against her husband by living with a strange man, she sins against her husband and against HaShem." The holiness of marriage means that a woman must respect her husband and she must respect HaShem who is also involved in the marriage.
If so, may a woman just walk out of the marriage?
The Maharshal, the greatest of the acharonim, teaches in teshuva 41, that a woman who complains about her husband that she cannot tolerate living with him, that we do not force the husband to divorce her, but we do not force her to stay with him. Even if she cannot prove her complaints against him, she may leave and stay with her father. All money spent by the husband on his wife must be returned, if she leaves him.
The Maharshal does not discuss what happens with the children. May the wife take them? It would seem that any money the husband gave his wife as a gift must be returned to him if she left him. Why should the children be any different? It would seem that the husband has a right to demand that his children stay with him.
Furthermore, if we have a situation where a wife leaves a husband, does the husband not have a right to be heard, that perhaps the marriage could be saved with some marriage counseling? I have heard from leading marriage counselors that even very difficult marriages can be saved, sometimes with much effort, but they can be saved. If so, a husband has a right to be heard, that maybe things could be changed and improved and the wife should stay.
A child has a right and a great need for two parents. If a parent takes a child away from a parent, that child suffers. The Beth Din says the gemora, is the "parent of orphans." That is, young children are the province of Beth Din who must protect them. Surely when the wife runs away with the children, Beth Din must return them to their father.
See Even Hoezer 77 when a woman claims she cannot stay with the husband. There are various situations and various opinions but surely there are times when she leaves with no Kesubosa and if so how can she claim the children that surely have a father?
All of the above applies to women leaving the house with the children. If the husband leaves sthe house with the children, he violates the rights of his wife and the mothet of the children.
All of the above assumes that the wife or husband leave the house and take children along with them. But if the parent that takes the children inculcates in them dislike for the other parent, this is surely a very serious situation. A child has the right to love his parents, both of them. A parent who teaches a child to hate another parent violates the rights of that parent and the rights of the child.
How sad that today we have such problems. And how sad that some of these problems are encouraged by some parents and somse friends and some idealists.
A prominent therapist once told me that there are children who grow up without understanding what it means to be married properly. And today, he said, this is often because the children grew up in a house where their parents did not know how to behave in a marriage. And what about the third generations? When does it end? And does it end?
These are family problems predicted in the Mishneh end of Sota. And it concludes, "And there is nobody to help us except our Father in Heaven." Reb Elchonon explained, "Even in such terrible times, if we apply ourselves, HaShem can help us. We must never despair."
Does she have the right to take the children with her?
Does the husband have no rights to his children?
Does the husband have no rights to the wife?
Rashi Bamidbar 12:5 "When one sins against her husband by living with a strange man, she sins against her husband and against HaShem." The holiness of marriage means that a woman must respect her husband and she must respect HaShem who is also involved in the marriage.
If so, may a woman just walk out of the marriage?
The Maharshal, the greatest of the acharonim, teaches in teshuva 41, that a woman who complains about her husband that she cannot tolerate living with him, that we do not force the husband to divorce her, but we do not force her to stay with him. Even if she cannot prove her complaints against him, she may leave and stay with her father. All money spent by the husband on his wife must be returned, if she leaves him.
The Maharshal does not discuss what happens with the children. May the wife take them? It would seem that any money the husband gave his wife as a gift must be returned to him if she left him. Why should the children be any different? It would seem that the husband has a right to demand that his children stay with him.
Furthermore, if we have a situation where a wife leaves a husband, does the husband not have a right to be heard, that perhaps the marriage could be saved with some marriage counseling? I have heard from leading marriage counselors that even very difficult marriages can be saved, sometimes with much effort, but they can be saved. If so, a husband has a right to be heard, that maybe things could be changed and improved and the wife should stay.
A child has a right and a great need for two parents. If a parent takes a child away from a parent, that child suffers. The Beth Din says the gemora, is the "parent of orphans." That is, young children are the province of Beth Din who must protect them. Surely when the wife runs away with the children, Beth Din must return them to their father.
See Even Hoezer 77 when a woman claims she cannot stay with the husband. There are various situations and various opinions but surely there are times when she leaves with no Kesubosa and if so how can she claim the children that surely have a father?
All of the above applies to women leaving the house with the children. If the husband leaves sthe house with the children, he violates the rights of his wife and the mothet of the children.
All of the above assumes that the wife or husband leave the house and take children along with them. But if the parent that takes the children inculcates in them dislike for the other parent, this is surely a very serious situation. A child has the right to love his parents, both of them. A parent who teaches a child to hate another parent violates the rights of that parent and the rights of the child.
How sad that today we have such problems. And how sad that some of these problems are encouraged by some parents and somse friends and some idealists.
A prominent therapist once told me that there are children who grow up without understanding what it means to be married properly. And today, he said, this is often because the children grew up in a house where their parents did not know how to behave in a marriage. And what about the third generations? When does it end? And does it end?
These are family problems predicted in the Mishneh end of Sota. And it concludes, "And there is nobody to help us except our Father in Heaven." Reb Elchonon explained, "Even in such terrible times, if we apply ourselves, HaShem can help us. We must never despair."
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Wealth 4 - Wealth of Knowing This Physical World
Wealth 4 Knowing the Physical World
The Four Wealths are Torah, Money, Social Skills and Knowing
the Physical World. Why is Knowing the Physical World an important Wealth?
The Chofetz Chaim’s major disciple, Reb Elchonon Wasserman,
began his daily learning in Telzeh Yeshiva by spreading out a Russian newspaper
and reading it. The Mashgiach was horrified but the Rosh Yeshiva permitted it. Reb
Elchonon maintained that HaShem speaks to the Jewish people through the
newspapers. The success of evil is because of Jewish sin. Therefore, when we
know what evil there is in the world, HaShem is speaking to us. He tells us the
forces of evil arranged against Jews and he indicates to the Jews what sins
they did to deserve this.
Of course, not everyone could be like Reb Elchonon, and it
was indeed rare for anyone to begin his learning in Yeshiva with a Russian
newspaper! A prominent Dayan told me that his father imitated Reb Elchonon in
Reb Elchonon’s Yeshiva. I told him I don’t know if today such a thing would be
tolerated.
When some students wanted to study German, Reb Elchonon
joined their group. But he let everyone know what he was doing, and this was
not what they wanted. Reb Elchonon said that we must learn certain things, but
we must be open about it, not keep it secret. There were those who felt
obligated to read certain things and I strongly doubt that they wanted to
advertise it. But Reb Elchonon felt it important to do certain things even
things that nobody else did. But he didn’t want it to be a hidden venture. He
let people know what he was doing.
The gemora says that Greater is he who works with the toil
of his hands than the G-d fearing. Why is this? Isn’t one who fears HaShem
greater than one who works with the toil of his hands? But we see from this
that one who toils with his hands to earn a living, and participates with the
world at its base level, has achieved a spiritual level. Working with one’s
hands and working with the physical world is part of HaShem’s plan for
Creation. The Creation was made for people to grow crops, raise cattle and
sheep, make wine and oil, etc. All of these things connect the Created person
to the Creator.
A person who understands basics in carpentry, electrical
work, etc., can more readily participate in the world, the Creation and unite
with the Creator.
Wealth 4 - Wealth of Knowing This Physical World
The gemora in Berochose discusses how much somebody must
work and how much somebody should learn Torah.
There is a discussion between Rabbi Shimon bar Yochoi and Rabbi
Yishmael. It seems that the ruling in the gemora is that people should work.
But how much to work and how much to learn is a separate topic. We turn in our next post to that question.
How much do we learn and how much to we earn?
4Winds of Wealth for Happiness Post 4- - Wealth 3 - Social Skills
4Winds of Wealth for Happiness – Wealth 3 – Social Skills
The Four Wealths are Wealth in Torah, Wealth in Money,
Wealth in Social Skills and Wealth in Understanding the Physical World.
We are now up to Wealth 3 of the 4 Wealths – Social Skills.
Social Skills includes family, skills in marriage and raising children. Social
Skills includes Derech Erets, the Way of the World, in dealing with others,
Jews and non-Jews. Dealing with Human Beings who are in the Image of HaShem is
a sacred skill. One who makes a good impression on others makes a Kiddshin
HaShem; and one who makes a bad impression on others makes a Chilul HaShem.
Thus, this third wealth, as it creates with proper skill
Kiddush HaShem, elevates a person to the highest pinnacle of kedusho,
sanctifying the Holy Name. And lack of such skill creates the great sin of Chilul
HaShem.
Recently, I told a prominent therapist of my concern that
many people today don’t know how to behave in marriage. He responded, “Their parents
don’t know how to behave in marriage,” he said, “so how are they supposed to
know how to behave in marriage?”
I once spoke to a prominent Rov who told me, “You are from
the old generation and I don’t know if you can understand the present one.” This
is taught in the famous Mishneh in Sota about the End of Days when family
itself will disintegrate and respect will disappear for elders.
Before the Great Light of Moshiach will come the Great
Darkness of Evil. And the Great Darkness of Evil will produce a generation or
so where respect for elders disappears. Therefore, today it is very hard to
achieve a wealth of social skills because of this.
Is there hope? Reb Elchonon Wasserman zt”l taught that the
Mishneh there tells us, “And we have nobody to rely on except our Father in
Heaven.” Reb Elchonon says that people mistakenly interpret this to mean that only
HaShem can solve the great problems of the End of Days and we are helpless. But
this is a mistake. We must not forget that HaShem will help anyone, anytime,
who wants to serve HaShem. Even in the greatest darkness, one who strives for
holiness and Derech Erets can achieve it.
The Ponovitecher Rov was a Rov at a time when keeping the
Torah was not fashionable. He asked the Chofetz Chaim what to do. The Chofetz
Chaim answered that when there is a Civil War we have to choose the strongest
side, that side that will win. The Ponovitcher Rov asked, “Does that mean that
I must accept the dictates of the wicked?” The Chofetz Chaim answered, “HaShem
is the strongest.”
Today it is very hard to maintain a marriage, raise
children, even to get along with people. But if we apply ourselves and trust in
HaShem, He can help us and bring us the Third Wealth, the wealth of marriage,
family, and various social skills including Derech Erets that precedes the
Torah.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Decide! Divorce or Not
Decide! Divorce or Not
People marry, have children, often many children, but the
marriage isn’t working well. Should the couple divorce? What should be the
factors in this matter?
We mentioned in our previous post that divorcing when there
are children is very questionable. In fact, the gemora clearly forbids it in
two places. And yet, every day another family with a large amount of children
divorces. Perhaps this is wrong. But how can people live together and fight
constantly?
The Chofetz Chaim once advised a couple to divorce. Somebody
asked him how a tsadik can say such a thing. The Chofetz Chaim replied, “According
to you, that you must always make Shalom Bayis, why did the Torah permit making
a GET?”
A key element in this issue is the First Team of those who
can make Shalom Bayis. There are, in very community, those people who are more
capable than others in making Shalom among quarrelling couples. When these worthies
have tried their best and nothing changes, perhaps it is time to look for other
solutions to the crisis. On the other hand, what is so terrible if you fail
once and try again?
A major therapist told me that some people have bad traits that require dedicated work with a top therapist for years to cure. But the same therapist told me that he has worked for decades with the hardest cases and can achieve results. Of course, it depends how dedicated the people are because working on yourself is not an easy task.
Here is my plan. A and B have split. There are a lot of children. On the one hand, the children really need two parents in the house. On the other hand... There are two ways to approach things. One is negative and one is positive. Let us eschew the negative now because when I discuss it it makes me feel negative! So let's try positive!
It means like this. A and B are at loggerheads. How deep the pain is I can't imagine, and I go past it. What else can I do? Let's talk about positive things. The husband and wife have split, there are certain issues that will provoke bitter fights, and there are other things that won't produce bitter fights. Now, here is my plan.
Today is the end of Chanukah. Let us go to our couple and say as follows. Let's take a Holiday from war. Let's do the miracle of Chanukah. How? Each person will think only positive about the other at least for Chanukah, and at least for the experiment I make.
The couple at this point has not settled anything. Therefore, the wife is bitter and the husband is bitter. No, no, no. It is Chanukah. And if it not Chanukah, we will invent a new Chanukah. Any ridiculous thing is better than broken chldren.
So let us talk to A and B and say, Guess what! Today is Chanukah, the real or invented one. Let's do one thing. Let's make the children happy. What about gifts fo the children? What about a party for the children? Now, don't think this is an easy matter. For all of this you need somebody who is respected by both sides so much that they will put away their weapons at least for a limited period. That is no simple matter. When I get involved I don't take money so people have to respect that. And I am also too old to suffer from the fights so people have to behave. I also believe in miracles. So let us assume that there will be a miracle. The husband will come to the wife and the children with goodies or whatever and for a few seconds everyone can smile.
That is basically step one. But there is another idea. Now that somebody is involved in the whole thing, and that person obviously is enamored of fantasies, why not be truly ambitious? If the major therapists I spoke to assure me that the right person can fix a broken marriage, why are we different? If it takes two years to fix a bad trait, but the person tries hard from the beginning, maybe this makes a difference. When you see somebody trying, somebody who is the father of your children, you have to think twice before your break dishes.
I am seventy two years old and I married off nine children. But I am still running around to people who are experts to get advice how to behave in marriage. And when they tell me something, whether or not it hurts, it helps and I really try to behave. Let's consider that. What hope is there when a person splits in marriage and will sit with children from a broken family for long years. Who will marry these broken children? Maybe, just maybe, it will be possible to plant impossible thoughts.
I once made Shalom Bayis at a GET. The Rov worked for nothing. But isn't that what is it all about?
Jewish Torah people, who spend their whole lives learning Torah and musar, can't we somehow convince them to save their children from a broken family? Maybe I am just too optimistic. But when I come to the other world, that foolishness will protect me.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
May You Divorce When You Have Children?
Let’s Talk about Divorce
So many people get
divorces these days. Even those with children battle it out and aim at divorce.
But this is surely wrong. First of all, is marriage something that we try on
today and discard tomorrow? Kiddushin is a sacred thing. If husband and wife
realized the sanctity of marriage and the holiness of the children, would they
just divorce with all that implies? The popularity of divorce is proof that the
entire Torah world is sick. Even animals love their children. But some parents
love their rights, their freedom, etc. But once a person signs on to Kiddushin
and has children, how will they answer in the Other World for the pain they
cause the children? And who says that the pain of the spouse will not be
judged?
The gemora in
Eruvin 41b talks about suffering people. One of them is a man who has an “evil
wife.” This is defined as one who yells at her husband during the day and when
it come time to join him at the meal she turns away and will not sit with him. The
gemora Yevomose in 63b says that “an evil woman, it is a mitzvah to divorce
her.” On the other hand, maybe she has children, or she has a large kesubo. We
see from that that if one has children, divorce, even for an evil woman, is not
available.
I once was in a
Beth Din during a GET, and saw that the
wife was crying bitterly. It seems that two Israelis married and had a
wonderful marriage. But the husband became religious and Haredi, a real Yeshiva
bochur. The wife tried very hard to be religious, but she could not be
religious. So there was a divorce, and the mother took the child.
Not long after
this, I went to Posek HaDor Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l and told him about
this. I asked what right the father had to destroy his child by giving her to a
non-religious woman. He agreed. He said, “If she will keep taharas hamishpocho,
he should not divorce her.” Imagine, a person is learning in a Yeshiva, in a
Kollel, and his wife doesn’t keep Shabbos. He has more children and this
non-religious lady raises them. Fine. But not divorce. And today, children are
tossed out to twist in the wind for all kinds of reasons.
When you have a
child you are stuck. It is that simple. And guess what? When you marry, you are
also “stuck.” Unless you don’t accept the obligations if marriage, which is not
a Torah attitude.
There is a lengthy gemora about this, regarding the great prophet Hoshea. See Pesachim 87A that Hoshea was the greatest prophet of his time, greater than Yeshayeh, Omus and Michah. HaShem told Hoshea, "Your children have sinned," and Hoshea could have replied, "Are they my children and not Your children?" Not only did he not do this, but he told HaShem, "Change them for a different nation." HaShem was not satisfied with this and decided to teach the prophet a lesson.
He told Hoshea to marry a noted prostitute. Hoshea did this (it is not clear if it actually happened or was just a dream) and had children from her. Then HaShem told Hoshea that his level of prophecy now required him to separate from his wife and be holy and together with HaShem with prophecy, as Moshe did. Hoshea was very upset about this. He said how can I leave my children? That was what HaShem wanted him to say. He therefore said to Hoshea, your wife has children but you are not sure if they are even from you. But you refuse to leave her. How can I leave my people?
Hoshea realized his mistake and his sin and began praying for the Jews that HaShem forgive them. This was what HaShem wanted. But we see from the gemora that to leave even a wicked woman is not so simple if children are involved.
And yet, today, there is a flood of people going for divorces and there are terrible fights over custody. Children who go through this suffer. And "Beth Din is the Father of orphants." Meaning, there is a responsibility to care about children whose parents are not taking care of them. Beth Din should protest the incredible divorce rate. But things just get worse.
4 Winds of Wealth for Happiness - Post 3 Money
The four wealths are Torah, money, family, and knowing this world. Let us now turn to number two wealth, money.
Rambam says that nobody may marry until they have a house and a steady income. But marriage is around the age of seventeen or eighteen. And before then the person learned for years in a Yeshiva. So when did he get the money to buy a house before he marries?
But we see from this that earning began with childhood. Yes, a child learned Torah for many hours. But he also did part time earning. When a child becomes an adult, he is ideally supposed to learn most of the day and work a few hours. And so when he is a child and learning in Yeshiva, he does what he will do as an adult. He spends most of his time learning, but he applies himself part time to earning. From the tenderest age, a child can learn this that and the other thing. His parents help train him. He learns how to take things to Yeshiva from his parent's farm or produce and sell them. He learns how to sell. He learns how to do business. He is on his way. And after a few years, he has some money saved up. After many years of part time working, the child reaches maturity with enough savings to buy a house, with no mortgage! He begins life with peace of mind. His learning is different, without stress of paying the bills.
Thus, Rovo told his students, you must have wealth, in order to learn without worries. But how could they spend their time learning and become wealthy? But if children began to earn, and reached adulthood with savings and going businesses, of course they could achieve wealth, again, with part time working. But it began years before they were ready for marriage. And this let them achieve a marriage with wealth, with peace of mind, and the gemora says that peace of mind from money makes for Shalom Bayis, and poverty makes problems with marriage.
Thus, the wealth of money makes one wealthy in Torah, and wealthy in family. It makes him a happy and settled person, proud of his work and happy with his important place in society.
But today people learn Torah and don't work until way after their marriage and a few years in Kollel. The bills are always there, and how they are paid is a sad story. People who live like that suffer from lack of Shalom Bayis, are themselves frustrated, and we see what kind of people are growing from this idea.
The incredible divorces, the putting the husband in jail, the stranding of the wife without a GET, the children being torn apart by all of this, this is the Yeshiva is Haschoso of our times, as we mentioned in an earlier post on this topic.
One of my young children was crying because he sold his bike and got the wrong price for it. I told him that I was overjoyed that he made such a mistake. Look, I said, my friend married, borrowed a fortune and lost it, and how what will he repay it? Why? Because he was never trained in business. But you, making a painful mistake over five dollars, have learned lessons that will protect you doing business the rest of your life. How lucky you are!
How we can implement the idea of children earning in a country where this is illegal in some ways is another discussion. But it can be done in a legal manner. And a child can surely buy and sell things on his own, and learn business. If he does that, as the years go by, his savings will prepare him for a marriage with wealth and Shalom Bayis. He will learn better, he will be happier with his family, and he will have his place in the world.
Let us say that a child sells before each holiday things needed on the holiday. Is it against the law for him to do this? If the child works for others, this is a problem. But if a child helps out their father or mother in the family store, is this a violation? There are laws but it is possible within the framework of the federal and state laws dealing with child labor to find a way to make money. For instance, agriculture is not a forbidden job for children so much so that a very large percentage of food in America is harvested by children. This is a dangerous job and the children often work long hours, but it is not illegal, although maybe ht should be illegal. But there are other jobs that are forbidden under child labor.But if the child sells his bike or fixes bikes and charges for his work, is this child labor? We have to find the right job in the right state where a child can make money and work towards wealth.
But we keep in mind what we mentioned in the beginning of our 4winds of four wealth for happiness. Each of the four wealths, for Torah, for money, for family and for understanding the world, encourages the othe three wealths. Thus, if a person has a lot of money, his learning goes better, as Rovo told his students.
We mentioned with the First Wealth, Torah, that if somebody did not learn properly for many years, no matter what his age, let him begin "today." And so it is with financial success. Let a person find a way to make some money. Let him ask people knowledgeable in the area and get their advice. Let him talk to people who will give him a Torah perspective. And then, try it out.
That is, don't ever jump. Don't get do anything, or even say anything, until you carefully weigh what willl happen next.
Caution and steadiness. But never forget that you are looking for wealth. May HaShem reward you with success.
Rambam says that nobody may marry until they have a house and a steady income. But marriage is around the age of seventeen or eighteen. And before then the person learned for years in a Yeshiva. So when did he get the money to buy a house before he marries?
But we see from this that earning began with childhood. Yes, a child learned Torah for many hours. But he also did part time earning. When a child becomes an adult, he is ideally supposed to learn most of the day and work a few hours. And so when he is a child and learning in Yeshiva, he does what he will do as an adult. He spends most of his time learning, but he applies himself part time to earning. From the tenderest age, a child can learn this that and the other thing. His parents help train him. He learns how to take things to Yeshiva from his parent's farm or produce and sell them. He learns how to sell. He learns how to do business. He is on his way. And after a few years, he has some money saved up. After many years of part time working, the child reaches maturity with enough savings to buy a house, with no mortgage! He begins life with peace of mind. His learning is different, without stress of paying the bills.
Thus, Rovo told his students, you must have wealth, in order to learn without worries. But how could they spend their time learning and become wealthy? But if children began to earn, and reached adulthood with savings and going businesses, of course they could achieve wealth, again, with part time working. But it began years before they were ready for marriage. And this let them achieve a marriage with wealth, with peace of mind, and the gemora says that peace of mind from money makes for Shalom Bayis, and poverty makes problems with marriage.
Thus, the wealth of money makes one wealthy in Torah, and wealthy in family. It makes him a happy and settled person, proud of his work and happy with his important place in society.
But today people learn Torah and don't work until way after their marriage and a few years in Kollel. The bills are always there, and how they are paid is a sad story. People who live like that suffer from lack of Shalom Bayis, are themselves frustrated, and we see what kind of people are growing from this idea.
The incredible divorces, the putting the husband in jail, the stranding of the wife without a GET, the children being torn apart by all of this, this is the Yeshiva is Haschoso of our times, as we mentioned in an earlier post on this topic.
One of my young children was crying because he sold his bike and got the wrong price for it. I told him that I was overjoyed that he made such a mistake. Look, I said, my friend married, borrowed a fortune and lost it, and how what will he repay it? Why? Because he was never trained in business. But you, making a painful mistake over five dollars, have learned lessons that will protect you doing business the rest of your life. How lucky you are!
How we can implement the idea of children earning in a country where this is illegal in some ways is another discussion. But it can be done in a legal manner. And a child can surely buy and sell things on his own, and learn business. If he does that, as the years go by, his savings will prepare him for a marriage with wealth and Shalom Bayis. He will learn better, he will be happier with his family, and he will have his place in the world.
Let us say that a child sells before each holiday things needed on the holiday. Is it against the law for him to do this? If the child works for others, this is a problem. But if a child helps out their father or mother in the family store, is this a violation? There are laws but it is possible within the framework of the federal and state laws dealing with child labor to find a way to make money. For instance, agriculture is not a forbidden job for children so much so that a very large percentage of food in America is harvested by children. This is a dangerous job and the children often work long hours, but it is not illegal, although maybe ht should be illegal. But there are other jobs that are forbidden under child labor.But if the child sells his bike or fixes bikes and charges for his work, is this child labor? We have to find the right job in the right state where a child can make money and work towards wealth.
But we keep in mind what we mentioned in the beginning of our 4winds of four wealth for happiness. Each of the four wealths, for Torah, for money, for family and for understanding the world, encourages the othe three wealths. Thus, if a person has a lot of money, his learning goes better, as Rovo told his students.
We mentioned with the First Wealth, Torah, that if somebody did not learn properly for many years, no matter what his age, let him begin "today." And so it is with financial success. Let a person find a way to make some money. Let him ask people knowledgeable in the area and get their advice. Let him talk to people who will give him a Torah perspective. And then, try it out.
That is, don't ever jump. Don't get do anything, or even say anything, until you carefully weigh what willl happen next.
Caution and steadiness. But never forget that you are looking for wealth. May HaShem reward you with success.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)