Does a wife have the right to leave the marital house?
Does she have the right to take the children with her?
Does the husband have no rights to his children?
Does the husband have no rights to the wife?
Rashi Bamidbar 12:5 "When one sins against her husband by living with a strange man, she sins against her husband and against HaShem." The holiness of marriage means that a woman must respect her husband and she must respect HaShem who is also involved in the marriage.
If so, may a woman just walk out of the marriage?
The Maharshal, the greatest of the acharonim, teaches in teshuva 41, that a woman who complains about her husband that she cannot tolerate living with him, that we do not force the husband to divorce her, but we do not force her to stay with him. Even if she cannot prove her complaints against him, she may leave and stay with her father. All money spent by the husband on his wife must be returned, if she leaves him.
The Maharshal does not discuss what happens with the children. May the wife take them? It would seem that any money the husband gave his wife as a gift must be returned to him if she left him. Why should the children be any different? It would seem that the husband has a right to demand that his children stay with him.
Furthermore, if we have a situation where a wife leaves a husband, does the husband not have a right to be heard, that perhaps the marriage could be saved with some marriage counseling? I have heard from leading marriage counselors that even very difficult marriages can be saved, sometimes with much effort, but they can be saved. If so, a husband has a right to be heard, that maybe things could be changed and improved and the wife should stay.
A child has a right and a great need for two parents. If a parent takes a child away from a parent, that child suffers. The Beth Din says the gemora, is the "parent of orphans." That is, young children are the province of Beth Din who must protect them. Surely when the wife runs away with the children, Beth Din must return them to their father.
See Even Hoezer 77 when a woman claims she cannot stay with the husband. There are various situations and various opinions but surely there are times when she leaves with no Kesubosa and if so how can she claim the children that surely have a father?
All of the above applies to women leaving the house with the children. If the husband leaves sthe house with the children, he violates the rights of his wife and the mothet of the children.
All of the above assumes that the wife or husband leave the house and take children along with them. But if the parent that takes the children inculcates in them dislike for the other parent, this is surely a very serious situation. A child has the right to love his parents, both of them. A parent who teaches a child to hate another parent violates the rights of that parent and the rights of the child.
How sad that today we have such problems. And how sad that some of these problems are encouraged by some parents and somse friends and some idealists.
A prominent therapist once told me that there are children who grow up without understanding what it means to be married properly. And today, he said, this is often because the children grew up in a house where their parents did not know how to behave in a marriage. And what about the third generations? When does it end? And does it end?
These are family problems predicted in the Mishneh end of Sota. And it concludes, "And there is nobody to help us except our Father in Heaven." Reb Elchonon explained, "Even in such terrible times, if we apply ourselves, HaShem can help us. We must never despair."
No comments:
Post a Comment