Frum Follies Attacks Me for Not Knowing the Laws of Coerced Gittin

The following is from a comment on Frum Follies, a blogspot devoted to destroying respect for Haredim. http://frumfollies.wordpress.com/2014/12/09/only-a-hug-eidensohn-christens-meisels-a-respected-rabbi/ That blog is busy with defaming my brother Rabbi Dr. Daniel Eidensohn, but Sam here is quoted in his attack on me also.

Sam says:

12/09/2014 at 7:39 pm

I see eidensohn reads this blog. So this is directed to that loser.
.... You pretend to know Halacha , but all the poskim disagree with you,,especially on your wrong misunderstanding what constitutes a forced get. Your seforim are thrown in the garbage ,just as if an apikores wrote them. You are not accepted even to speak about child abuse anymore. Nobody cares anymore about your web site, except your few followers who think everybody is crazy except them. You and your brother bring shame to your family.END QUOTE

Hello Sam and regards to Yerachmiel Lopin or whatever his real name is,
Sam says that "all the poskim disagree with you, especially on your wrong misundrstanding what constitutes a forced get." That is very interesting, because I had an in depth discussion with Posek HaDor Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt"l about forced Gittin, and I asked him for his name for my Gittin Beth Din, and he immediately gave it. But don't believe me. Just allow me to  show you the clear sources in the Shulchan Aruch that coercing a husband to divorce in the vast majority of cases is wrong.

Even Hoezer chapter 77 paragraph 2 and 3. There the Shulchan Aruch, the Ramo, the Gro, the Beis Shmuel and the Chelkas Mechokake, all of the major commentators on Shulchan Aruch, agree that coercing a husband solely on the basis of the wife hating him, is wrong and is sinful coercion. The Vilna Gaon #5 says that nobody disagrees. Of course, Sam disagrees. Tell me, who besides  you disagrees?

Now you said that all of the poskim disagree with me. If so, show me one posek who disagrees with me.

You write that "your seforim are thrown in the garbage just as if an spikores wrote them." That is very interesting, because my  brother's seforim are best sellers, one after the other, and you are the first one who made up a lie, very common in these situations, and said what filth  you want, because  you are on a blog that encourages filth and lies about Haredim. Well, my brother called your hero Yerachmiel a liar, with proofs, not like the loser haters on that blog of haredi haters who are probably far removed from Torah. So, it is a free country. You go on Y's blog and specialize in lies about Haredim, attack me and my brother, and I am here to reply.

Incidentally, you also mention that you disagree with what I wrote about Pilegesh. I  replied  on frumfollies, but he would not publish my remarks. My brother publishes Yerachmiel or whatever his real name is whenever he comes on my brother's blog and treats him fare and square, even though he maintains that Y is a liar. He proves that he is a liar and leaves it at that. But Y would not allow me to respond to an attack on me and my brother on his blog. So I decided to reply on my blog. It is about time that people like my brother and myself who have great respect from the Gedolim of the past and present generations, don't just ignore the filth and hate that comes from people who don't love haredim and who knows if they are religious. The Talmud says that the Am Aratsim, the sect of ignorant Jews in ancient Israel, hated rabbis intensely. They were bitter about something that led them to hate. And that is happening now in the few hate blogs such as frumfollies and failed messiah. We can't stop their blogs but we can respond to them.

I am of course greatly distressed that Sam's friends don't respect me, so to comfort myself I looked into my seforim with Reb Moshe Feinstein's haskomo, and he wrote, "I know Rabbi Eidensohn for many years as one who delves deeply into complex halacha." That is the ultimate compliment from Posek HaDor Reb Moshe. My seforim have many such haskomose from Gedolei HaDor of the past generation. Of course, I am still waiting for Sam's haskomo.

Sam writes that "Nobody cares anymore about your web site, except your few followers who think everybody is crazy except them. You and your brother bring shame to your family." That is strange because my brother's blog is heavy in traffic, very heavy. And those who come are often very smart people who write very well and say interesting things. But Sam thinks they are people who think everybody is crazy except them.

As far as the frumfolly filth lies that our family is ashamed of us, allow me just to say that my brother and I have done very nice shidduchim. I spoke recently to a Rosh Beis Din in a major American city and he told me that he is a mechuton with my brother. My children married the top Torah, Yeshiva and rebbesheh families. So, if Sam has no respect for me, others do. I once sat next to my mecheton, the Mattesdorfer Rebbe, and he asked me how I merited to have such good children. I told him, "Mere reeren nisht on yenner gelt." He really like that.

And now baruch HaShem that we are going down into the marriage of grandchildren, HaShem has helped with wonderful shidduchim, powered by my rebbe's berochose, Reb Shmuel Toledano zt"l the Kabbala genius of Jerusalem, praised by Rav Kaduri as one who wrote Kabbala books on a level that could only be ruach hakodesh.

And to explain to people my teaching on Pilegesh is very simple. I clearly wrote on my post that it is a sin to marry a pilegesh, and I am only talking about people who should not take Kiddushin because they will not honor it, but force the husband to give a GET in a way that makes invalid divorces, or they declare the marriage not valid, which is an evil outrage. Such people should not have kiddushin, but they are not allowed to be alone because of biological pressures. Therefore, the only solution is pilegesh, to rely on those who permit pilegesh. However, because piilegesh chould result in a need for a GET, anyone who does pilegesh needs a  proper Beth Din to sign a paper for them that the marriage is not one that requires a GET.

But Sam just zips in and says lies that I permit Pilegesh. I can't stop the liars, but let them hear some truth for a change. I don't know how they will adjust to that. But I believe that people who see these blogs that specialize in hate of Haredim, made by people who may not be frum, or are not known to be frum, should realize that such people are suspected of saying what we have shown are obvious lies, and anything they say is to be suspect.

The sin of loshon hora is one thing. But to make up a lie about somebody, especially somebody who is involved with Avodas HaShem, is the kind of sin that Yerachmiel and his followers whatever their real names are will be judged for. Now, today they probably don't believe in such things.It is quite likely that these people are bitter about somebody in the Torah community for reasons real or not. But to devote one's life to lies about people who spend their lives helping people, is wrong. And when HaShem will judge Yerachmiel and his followers, all of those who contributed to that enterprise may be called in to testify for themselves.

Hope for the Torah: 4 Winds of Wealth for Happiness - Post One

4winds of wealth for happiness This is a link to an audio tape of Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn explaining the Four types of wealth that make for happiness. You may begin by listening to the audio, or you can read this material first.

4winds of wealth for happiness is about the great decline of Torah especially in America, that has resulted in a great lack of prominent gedolim, and has brought to the leadership of the Torah community people who regularly do the opposite of the Shulchan Aruch and poskim, as we have often discussed on this blog and elsewhere.

There is now a great crisis with broken Torah families, often leading to terrible fights in secular court and Chilul HaShem, not to mention the suffering of the people involved. There is something wrong. But what is it? One thing is that when we hear what present Torah leaders in America want to do, they never talk about broken marriages. It is fighting the Internet or some such thing. This is how I got into the 4winds, as I will explain.

It all began some years ago when the Magid of Jerusalem was in Monsey. Since it was my style to pester every Odom Gadol who came my way, I used to regularly talk to him when he visited Monsey during his various campaigns to raise money for Israeli Yeshivos, etc. This time, I came to him after he gave a lecture with a new kind of request. I told him that a video store had opened in Monsey right in the center of town. In those days, Monsey was all about Torah. A video store was a shocking thing. I anticipated that Reb Shalom would say something fiery, perhaps in public, perhaps as part of his regular derosho, to arouse people to this problem. So how surprised I was that just the opposite happened.

Reb Shalom, a student of Reb Elya Lopin, was a master speaker and an artist with his gestures. He answered my remark about the video store by turning away from me, so I was staring at the side of his face, and the face was cold, very cold, granite that did not know I existed. I repeated myself, but no change. I tried, again, and no change. So I thought, "Here I am, Mr. Azuse ponim, because how else could I speak to all of the gedolim? I raised my voice and said, "Rebbe! Hashchoso!"

Reb Shalom was waiting for that. Suddenly, he woke up. His eyes flashed. With great theatric control he slowly turned and moved his hand and finger at my face and declared, "A Yeshiva is haschoso!" I felt myself falling down, down, down. But a still quiet voice said to me, "Just be quiet. He said this in public. He has to explain." Reb Shalom relished his triumph by smiling and saying, in a nice way in Yiddish, "That shut his mouth." I used to banter with him when he was in a good mood. Now he blew me away. But I was waiting. And then Reb Shalom explained why he said such a drastic thing. Yes, he was very upset about what was going on in Yeshivas, and he meant what he said.

A few weeks later, at the wedding of my son, I saw that a very prominent Rosh Yeshiva was there, as he was the mechuten of my mechuton. I went to pester him and sat with him for half an hour talking about my compalints about the Agudah and Rosh Yeshivas. He listened and did not dispute anything. I then mentioned about Reb Shalom's remark. The Rosh Yeshiva suddenly became aroused and enthusiastic as if to say, "Yes."

I asked my son how this could be, as he was a major Rosh Yeshiva, and my son answered, "He is always talking like that."

From that time on, I became even more critical of what was going on in the Torah world. And if today you read my ferocious comments about major RoshYeshivas who coerce Gittin and make mamzerim, that is when it really got started.

For a few years I battled major Rosh Yeshivas brutally because they were giving out letters commanding people to coerce a GET from somebody who was related to a Rosh Yeshiva and another person who was married to the daughter of a friend of a Rosh Yeshiva. I let loose and claimed that they were making mamzerim, which was true.

But as time went on, and I saw that I had succeeded in presenting the sources for my complaints, but I saw no change in the posture of those I criticized, even after Gedolim in Israel joined in the battle, I realized that the whole American Torah world was sinking. What could I do?

I recalled that the Chofetz Chaim said, "We don't punch darkness. We create light." I began to think how to create light. First I came up with the idea of Shalom Bayis Beth Din, to educate couples and to work with them when there were problems, and maybe to fine people who don't listen to the Beth Din that could save a lot of people from being forced to stay married with problems of coercion. But I realized that the problem would not be solved with that, as the problem is the great lack of Gedolim and the emergence of people who are not only ignorant about basic halacha in Gittin but they are also corrupt.

One day, I had an idea. The solution is really to reach into the schools where young people learn, and teach them the real Torah, the one I had learned from much personal talking to Reb Aharon Kotler, Reb Moshe Feinstein, Reb Yaacov Kamiinetsky, Reb Yosef Shalom Elyashev all of them zt"l, and others. But what would be the focus, the program? I came up with the idea of the Four Wealths.

People must be taught from childhood to be great or wealthy in Torah, to be great and wealthy with money, to be great and wealthy with social skills and Derech Erets, and to be great and wealthy with knowledge of the world, the physical and political issues.

(Continued in Post Two)

Beth Din and Forcing a GET

Whereas few people know the laws of Gittin, but many people are free with their comments about the laws of Gittin, I wish to break the general pattern by stating the laws of Gittin with sources. Some people dismiss my sources by saying that "that is the opinion of the minority" but they have no idea who the "majority" is. Secondly, I talk about Torah matters with a very strong backround in talking intensively with Gedolei HaDor of the past generation such as Reb Aharon Kotler, Reb Moshe Feinstein, Reb Yaacov Kaminetsky, Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev and many others. If I say something, I can back it up. But the critics who have no proofs other than what they feel is right or wrong, have no sources. And this applies to nearly all of the Beth Dins and Rosh Yeshivas and rabbis who signed letters or who spoke out about coercing husbands to divorce. I never ever spoke with one of them who knew the laws of Gittin, although they surely thought that they did.

 Finally I contacted the Gedolim in Israel and they backed me up, sending out letters all over Israel, and finally making an entire Sefer on these topics. They say that any woman who receives a GET from those Beth Dins that coerce husbands in violation of clear halacha, that the GET is not recognized and the woman needs another GET. If she has children from the old GET it is a question if they are mamzerim.

We are thus anticipating a huge mamzer problem in the coming generation. Rav Elyashev zt"l told me that any Beth Din that coerces, he takes away from them chezkas Beth Din, meaning we don't respect their Gittin. They are not a Beth Din.

 I was once sent by the Beth Din in Jerusalem to Posek HaDor Reb Moshe Feinstein with a problem of a doubtful mamzer. I saw first hand what a horror it is. And now, we are going to have a flood of such people. Of course, if Open Orthox and Modern Orthodox parents have children like them, who disregard the Shulchan Aruch and invent the laws of Gittin, they may marry their own kind. But many non-Haredi children become Charedi. These children will be considered a problem, and I consider this child abuse. I visited a blog recently that pours scorn on me, and let them pour it. But why do they pour it on helpless babies? In fact, Rabbi Soloveitchik's son spoke out about this. He said, We must learn about the ways of the Haredi community, because many of our children will end up there. So why are we making mamzerim?

 And there are problems with Haredi Beth Dins also. One in Monsey has been censured severely by HaGaon Rav Chaim Kanievsky shlit"o. I wish to add here, that if chas vishalom somebody has such a problem, with a questionable GET or chas vishalom a problem with a child, please contact me. I once had a case of an utterly ridiculous GET, as somebody did his best but it wasn't wonderful, as he didn't know the laws of Gittin. I wrote a teshua on the GET and I was told that Reb Elyashev zt"l said when he saw it, "I never said the GET was invalid." Thus, on the one hand we have to prevent doubts. But if there are doubts and problems, we have to send the question to somebody with the extensive experience talking to Gedolei HaDor who can maneuver.

In the case I mentioned above about my mission to Reb Moshe, there was a huge argument among the greatest rabbis. It seemed that the boy would be ruined. But I have a lot of pure chutspah besides my training, and things were solved, beautifully. Of course, I cheated on that, as I merely did what a Gadol told me to do, but if you spend time with Gedolim, things can work out. The laws of coercing a husband to give a GET are found in two places. (Hint: ask your expert on Gittin where the laws of forcing a GET is. Probably, as I have found, they will point to somewhere in the laws of Gittin. Wrong. The coercion of a husband because of obvious physical faults, etc. in the husband is in the laws of Gittin. But this is extremely rare. The divorces today are about a wife who doesn't like the husband. The laws of that are not in Gittin but in Kesubose, because we don't want a GET, we want the family to continue.)

 In Even Hoezer Laws of Gittin 154 we have the laws of what husbands can be forced to give a GET. These are extremely rare cases, such as a husband who has an awful smell, etc., as well as a husband who cannot function as a man. Also there are very serious problems such as a husband who changes his religion, a husband who may hit or kill his wife, etc. But the laws of divorce that apply to the vast majority of Gittin are not in the laws of Gittin, but in Even Hoezer 77 paragraphs two and three. There everyone, the Shulchan Aruch, the Ramo, the Beis Shmuel, the Chelkas Mechokake and the Gro say that pressuring a husband to give a GET when the wife demands a GET because she loaths the husband is forbidden. The Vilna Gaon #5 says that nobody disagrees. And yet, right and left, we have Beth Dins openly demanding a GET and forcing it. The GET is invalid and the children are mamzerim, unless somebody finds a way out of it, which is quite a challenge.

 The Chazon Ish in EH 99 says that if Beth Din tells the husband that the Torah requires a GET and he gives it, the GET is invalid and the children are mamzerim. But this goes on all the time. Yes, there are great problems with Beth Dins that disagree with the Chazon Ish, or who never learned the Chazon Ish, or who don't really know the laws of Gittin. If you have a problem with a Beth Din, or in general, write me at dddeid@verizon.com or call 845-578-1917. Also, we are organizing nationally a group of people who want to fight back against the mamzer producers. Some of them are husbands who have been badly broken by the system. I encourage them to work with me and we will fight back. I am also interested in making a group for women mainly those who are stuck with problems of divorce. Children need a lot of help when the parents fight. I need some ladies who can help out in this. Shalom.

Teach Your Children - "Beware of Chazir Menshen"

Years ago, I got involved with fighting child abuse. But there was a problem in how to present the problem to young children. An experienced teacher once said that he was told about warning children about child abuse, that it could backfire. Only a very experienced and confident teacher should talk about such things to the class. One teacher said that his mentor did talk about these things to the class, but that he feared that he was not ready to do it. So what could I do? Because child molestation is rampant everywhere, even in the Torah community. I hit upon the idea of telling my children, "Watch out for the chazir menshen." When I said "chazir menshen" my face revealed my true revulsion for anyone who would do such a thing. Not long after this, my young son came charging into the house shouting, "Tatee! A chazir mensh is next door." It seemed that next door, in a shull, my son was learning, and a man came in and started learning. Then the man came over to talk to my son about something and suddenly, my son realized that this fellow had not come to talk. My son bolted for the door. I was out in a flash. I saw a fellow huffing and puffing on his way up the street, and I was after him. He beat me to the bus by a few steps. Which was very lucky for me, if not for him. It seems that one of the favorite tactices of molesters is to go to a different community where nobody knows them. Not long after that the police found a young child sitting in the driver's seat of a car that had just had an accident. It seems that the owner of the car was a molester who would let kids drive the car as a payment for their chazir help. When he saw the accident from the kid's driving he ran away, but the police had the car and probably traced the license plate to the owner. We have a great problem that biology begins way before marriage. Yeshivas have problems. When I was young, a Yeshiva expelled a large group of older students. That was why. Some despair of preventing everything. One student told me that he told his Rosh Yeshiva that a student was engaged in chazir stuff. Nothing happened. I don't want to discuss what happened when the student started pestering the Rosh Yeshiva about it. I once went to a prominent Rov in Israel, to discuss with him the laws of Gittin. After a while, he said that he was going to doven Mincha, and I went along. After Mincha, the Rov called me over. "Do you go to the Mikvah?" he asked. I answered, "You suspect me of going to a place that is tumoh, rima visolayoh?" He smiled and said to me, "Go back to Monsey and say that filters are wrong." That has to do with Mikvah laws, but he didn't contest my description of the Mikva. A Mikvah is a great problem. There is a new one in Monsey that is built in such as to avoid many problems, but taking children along with the father to the Mikvah is surely a questionable act. A friend who is very active in child molestation once told me that there is a Mikvah in Brooklyn known in the trade as "h___central." Men come in, look, lock on to somebody, and they are gone. Biology doesn't run away. What can you do about it? I told you what I did about it, teaching my children about chazir menshen. But that is not enough. A child must not be worried about eventually getting married. There are parents who do not want to suffer the humiliations and struggles that finding a shidduch for a child requires. When I was involed in shidduchin, mostly to Israelis, who have a different time zone, we had to dedicate a good part of the night to reach people who were not available by day. We struggled, we slept less, and we suffered the shame of being refused. And our children knew it. Once I turned to my young daughter at the Shabbos table and said, "When are you leaving?" She blushed happily. It means a lot to a child to trust the parents that they will work hard for a shidduch. When children trust their parents to deliver a shidduch when they need it, it is much easier to control the kedusho. But there are parents who get a phone call from a child, "Mazel tov! I am engaged." The parents are shocked and upset that they knew nothing about it. But why didn't they know about it? Today, in the Torah community, there is a terrible problem with kedusho. I once dealt with a lady who was a government employee dealing with certain problems. She told me she wanted to meet some Monsey rabbis, and I arranged a meeting with a rabbi who is heavily involved in marriage and divorce. I later went to the rabbi and asked how the meeting went. He told me, "She left me a video of Torah Jews swapping wives." I don't want to say where the video was taken. When I tell this to the "pros" who know all about life that I don't know about, they laugh at me. They say, "That is the problem/ Hah! hah!." I wouldn't dare write what they have to say. Somebody once told me that in his neighborhood of Torah Jews the bad things go on in the houses while parents are busy elsewhere or or know what they better not find out. A fellow told me his child was molested when he moved into Monsey and somebody came over to help him adjust because he was a new "baal teshuva." He found out why that individual wanted to "help out" rachmono litslon. We have to give our lives for our children, so that they know and you know, what is going on. The key, I was told by a major Israeli thinker, is to make the children enjoy Torah and mitsvah, and to be happy. And today, that requires a lot of effort. We have to fight for our children, because we have competition.

Why do People Refuse to Accept the Shulchan Aruch?

Why do People Refuse to Accept the Shulchan Aruch?

On my brother’s blog when I talk about the sin of coercing a GET when a woman breaks the marriage, people respond that this is a sin only according to the minority of authorities. And I ask, again and again, without getting a proper response, “If I am the minority, who is the majority?” And there is no answer. Why?

I once asked a friend of mine why he, personally, refused to accept what it says clearly in the Shulchan Aruch and the poskim, with no disagreement, that a husband whose wife has left him cannot be coerced to give a GET.  This is stated in Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 77 paragraphs two and three. The Gro there says that nobody disagrees. And this is rooted in a Rashbo (teshuva VII:414) The Maharshal in a teshuva (41) in a lengthy discussion shows that a woman may leave the house of her husband if she truly despises him, but may not coerce a GET, even if he wears things that indicate a change of religion.

I never got an answer, and that itself was amazing to me. This was truly a pious person, and yet, when it came to coercing the husband, he was in favor, to some degree, of giving the wife what she demanded, although a lot of mumbling confused the issue. Why the mumbling, and why the refusal to accept what the Shulchan Aruch and authorities teach?

Jacques Barzun’s “From Dawn to Decadence” quotes Alexis de Tocquevilles classic book on America  “Democracy in America” (1835). This was a book that produced favorable impressions for Europeans about America. But Tocqueville had this warning, “I know of no country in which there is so little independence of mind and real freedom of discussion as in America. The majority raises formidable barriers around the liberty of opinion; within these barrier an author may write what he pleases, but woe to him if he goes beyond them.”

Thus, Barzun adds, “The great danger was the tyranny of the majority. No protection against it was provided--or could be, given the principle of one man, one vote. And that tyranny was not legal only but social also—pressure from the neighbors, tacit or expressed.”

Reb Yehuda HaChosid tells us that Jews in every country where they reside are influenced by their gentile surroundings. American Jews also are influenced to some degree by the way of the surrounding populations. And in America, when the majority has erected a barrier to an idea, it is a very powerful barrier. But what is the idea in America that promotes the coercion of men when the wife breaks the marriage and wants a divorce? We could say that Americans by majority have erected a barrier to causing pain to a woman, but there is more to it than that. And once again, we apply to Tocqueville who was asked about Americans, and the secret of their great success. He had various good and otherwise statements about the men, but he concluded, that America’s success was due “to the superiority of their women.”

Here we see in “the superiority of their women” a recognition that in America the success of the country was due to the women. This itself gives them a special role. And when we combine this with the natural tendency of men to want to help women, we see that coercing husbands to divorce when the wife breaks the marriage is a very powerful idea.

Now let us quote an unknown rabbi who said, “When you see a Jew doing a hideous sin, know that he does it leshaim shomayim, for the sake of heaven.” That is, a Jew has a limit when he sins, because he has a Jewish soul and can’t go too far. But once convinced that he is doing not a bad deed but a mitzvah, a Jew is capable of sinning hideously. And therefore we see that people can make a mitzvah out of breaking up marriages and destroying husbands, once convinced that this is a mitzvah. A woman once lied about her husband and got him jailed. Then she asked me to help her because she feared what the husband could do. It seems he knew a few things about her. I asked her, “Do  you want a GET?” She said, “No.” I asked, “So why did you jail your husband?” She said, “The ladies told me to do it.” Okay, that sounds ridiculous, but it happens. There are people who feel it is a mitzvah to save people from their marriage and they make more problems with their “mitzvah” than they would if they thought it was an aveiro.

A woman once called the police on her husband claiming that he attacked her little daughter. The police and the experts came rushing over, did tests, and found out that the story was a complete lie. This came to court, and the judge said that the mother lied, but she could still have custody of the children.

Coercing a husband to give a GET makes an invalid GET in almost all occasions. This itself is a hideous sin, because it produces an invalid GET that makes mamzerim and a wife a noef. A woman with an invalid GET who remarries must  get another GET. She is forbidden in marriage to the first and second husband. Her child may be a mamzer. And yet, we find major Rosh Yeshivas and dayanim who produce and indeed militate for coerced Gittin. They are in their opinion doing a good deed, although the Shulchan Aruch and poskim consider it a terrible sin.

And things just get worse every day. The Philly Rosh Yeshivas are working to “help” a woman who refuses to settle with her husband and get a GET. So to save her the trouble of settling with her husband, who wants to settle, and wants to go to Beth Din, these “Roshei Yeshiva” have permitted the woman to remarry without a GET! And guess what! Nobody except my brother and myself publically protest this!

But let us put aside the consideration of sin and the punishment of the Other World. Let us just note what suffering a husband has when his wife breaks the marriage. I know husbands who were successful in their lives and were happy with their family and children. One fine day the marriage is over. The husband leaves the house and his children and much of his assets. He must pay child support for children who may be learning to hate him. If the wife turns up the pressure on the husband to divorce with a GET, Beth Din or secular courts may take away the husband’s rights with the children, and drain him fiscally, even jail him, if he does not give a GET. And if he beset with such pressures gives a GET, it is invalid and the children are mamzerim. And if he refuses to give an invalid GET, he can be tormented by the courts even jailed.

A husband told me how he was on top of the world, with a wonderful job, plenty of money, etc., and his wife broke the marriage, took the children, took his house, and he ended up sleeping in a car and losing everything.

Let us not take sides, who was right and who was wrong. The process of war in marriage destroys, and the suffering of the children is also terrible. And yet, there are people who strongly believe in the need to educate women to break their marriages.

There are those who encourage women to make an order of protection by lying about their husband. And then whenever the husband comes to see what the child is doing in school, etc., the wife shows up, calls the police, and the husband is arrested. A major therapist told me that he had a man who was jailed 58 times but he insisted in participating in his son’s life, to watch him in school and in sports, and when he showed up, so did the wife and the police. Eventually, even in this extreme case, the judge may realize that enough is enough. And of course, there are those who are successful in getting an order of protection against the husband seeing the children. This is besides the ability of the mother to influence the children to hate their father.

How, in the name of Torah, in the name of being a human being, can people enthusiastically embrace the idea of coercing husbands to divorce their wives? How can a community, a Beth Din, or Torah people, destroy a husband because he wants his family, his wife and his children? Is this evil? Or is the destruction of such a husband evil?

When husbands are confronted with the pressure to give a GET or else, and refuse to give a coerced GET, and are driven from their positions in the community, and despised and humiliated constantly, some people rejoice. But why? Does the Torah permit this? Does human decency permit this? No.

Therefore, in the coming generation, children born from such Gittin will be unable to marry children from homes who accept the Shulchan Aruch and the pesak of Gedolim in Israel that a GET coerced is invalid. A woman who has such a GET may not remarry. And if she receives a GET from such a Beth Din that makes coerced Gittin, even if her GET was not coerced, we don’t recognize the Beth Din as a Beth Din and we don’t recognize their Gittin. I heard this personally from Posek HaDor Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l and it has now come out in a letter from Gedolim Rav Chaim Kanievsky, Rav Shmuel HaLevi Wosner and other Israeli Geonim.

Thus, the coming generation will be divided between those who feel it is a mitzvah to destroy the marriage and the husband, and those who believe in the Shulchan Aruch and the Gedolim. Only then will some people realize that they have the sin of child molestation, among other things, for their “mitzvah.”

Male and Female - Who is Superior?

Underlying the great wars over coerced divorces is the gender war. Today, society is not prepared to accept that women don't have the rights of men. When the woman want a divorce and the  husband refuses, if we look into the Shulchan Aruch we usually find that the husband cannot be coerced. But today this is, even in religious circles, not acceptable. Even rabbis who do incredible and ridiculous things to "free" a woman to have mamzerim and niuf may be influenced by the fear that if women are treated shabbily they may give up Yiddishkeit. And that is no remote fear. Yes, they are wrong. But while we say what it says in the Shulchan Aruch is permanent, based as it is on solid halacha sources, we also must deal with the gender war. And we must do his for two reasons. One, we want to prevent mamzerim. And two, because we want to know the facts. Who is superior? Male or female? It would seem from society in general, and from physical attributes, and some say mental attributes, that men are superior. Women are weaker than men physically. And in the Torah we find that men dominate. Is that the end of the story? Let's see.

Let''s begin. The first Jews were Avrohom and Soro. They argued over Yishmael. HaShem said to Avrohom, "All that Soro tells you hearken to your voice." Rashi explains, "This shows that Avrohom was inferior to Soro in the power of prophecy." What does this mean? That Soro was greater than Avrohom? So then why do we mention Avrohom in the first prayer of the Amida and not Soro? We must remember this question as we go on to the next Jewish generation, with Yitschok and Rivka.

Yitschok wanted to give the birthright to Aisov, who was wicked, but Rivka intervened and saved the Jewish people. Furthermore, she had a prophecy to do this that Yitschok did not have. What would have happened if Jews would be led by Aisov?

The next generation was Yaacov and four wives, two of them sisters, Leah and Rochel. Yaacov didn't like Leah and loved Rochel. And yet, the great tribes of Israel and the majority of Jews come from Leah. From Rochel came Yosef who almost destroyed the Jewish people, with his fights with his brothers, and whose descendents took the Ten Tribes of Israel away from Judah and introduced paganism until they were conquered and exiled.

Let us go down to the time of Moshe. How was he born? His father, the greatest rabbi in the world divorced his wife because Jewish boys were being killed by the Egyptians. His little daughter Miriam protested, "Father, Pharaoah decrees on boys and you decree on everyone. Now no Jews will be born and we will disappear." Her father obeyed her and took back his wife and Moshe was born. Who took care of Moshe and saved hiim? Miriam. And who actually saved Moshe? Basyo, the daughter of Pharaoh. Thus, we see the great man destroying the Jews and the daughter of Pharaoh saving the Jews.

When the Jews left Egypt with great miracles the men took swords prepared to fight and the women took musical instruments out of faith in HaShem that He would save them from the Egyptians. When the Egyptians drowned with great miracle the men stood and said a praise of HaShem, but the women, led by Miriam, formed a circle and danced and sang with musical instruments. Not long afterwards, the men worshipped the Golden Calf but not the ladies.

In Jewish history, most leaders, including Moshe, had great misery with the Jewish people. The exception is a woman, Devorah, who was a Judge, leader in battle, and prophet. During her lengthy rule the Jews behaved perfectly. The only flaw in all of this is that her name is Devorah that means a "Bee." It would seem that Devorah and Chulda another prophet who was a woman were named after creatures such as a bee and a mole because being a woman in the house is a much higher level than being a prophet in the street, as "all honor of a woman is inside the home."

At any rate, who is superior? Thus, we have a great problem. If women are consistently superior to men, why are they not the rabbis and the leaders? Not only that, but we make a blessing "who has not made me a woman." Now, that sounds pretty contradictory. To understand, we come to the Diminishing of the Moon at the earliest week of Creation. It was then that the (female) Moon asserted herself and demanded that the (male) sun be diminished. Then the sun and moon were both equal in light. HaShem replied, "Go and diminish yourself." The moon was very upset about this and HaShem tried to pacify her and failed. So HaShem said, "Bring an atonement for Me because I diminished the Moon."

I don't know if we can understand this in this world. But basically, the Moon is the female force of DIN or justice. The sun is the male force of kindness. A world of DIN or justice would punish the wicked immediately. Thus the universe would shine with Kiddush HaShem. But Rashi tells us that to subject the world to DIN would destroy it. Therefore, HaShem brought in kindness. But this kindness allows the wicked to prosper. For this the Moon protested and HaShem agreed, but this is how the world would be. It would be a world filled with evil and Chilul HaShem. And it would be a world where those who honored HaShem in the darkness would achieve great reward in the Future World. The Jews were "diminished" and lived with exile and suffering. Women were diminished. And the Jews and women are closer to heaven and the Future World because of this.

Therefore, the gemora says that women are easily accepted in the Higher World  but not men. One who is diminished in this world easily merits the other world, but not the reverse. Thus, the suffering of women in this world is part of being diminished, a status that brought them, even in this world, to a special level.

The Torah begins with בראשית and the Zohar says that בראשית spells בית ראש meaning "The House is First." The Torah begins with the idea that the Torah begins with Bayis, or house, where the woman is dominant. She raises the children. But when she goes into the street like the man she loses her level.

 Only in the other world will be truly understand the suffering of Israel among the nations and women relative to men. In the meantime, HaShem has an offering brought for His decision to diminish women and with that His own Honor.

Modern Orthodox Marriage: May They Have Kiddushin?

Divorce in the Modern Orthodox World

On my brother’s blog Daattorah.blogspot.com about  a  hundred comments are raging, between pro-men and pro-women in the divorce situation. There is no way to resolve the debate and there is no way to see how we in the future will resolve it. The Modern Orthodox World, in which I include those in the Haredi world who invent the laws of Gittin when they have a cousin or friend’s wife who needs a GET, especially the famous Rosh Yeshiva who permits a woman to remarry without a GET because she is the daughter of his close friend, have their Torah, which says that a WOMAN MUST HAVE A GET and the rest of us have a Torah that says this isn’t so.  The result of this standoff is that children born from the Modern Orthodox and Orthodox with relatives and friends who need a GET will not be accepted by regular Orthodox Jews. They will be considered possible mamzerim. We are going around foaming at the mouth about child abuse, but when it comes to the greatest of all child abuse, the creation of a child as a mamzer, the very people who are making the mamzerim do the most screaming about abuse of women and abuse of children, not realizing who the culprit is.

Here I want to do two things: One, to show how the Modern Orthodox World got to this point, to challenge the clear teachings of the Shulchan Aruch about Gittin, and two, to provide a solution for the Modern Orthodox.  We will also touch on the problems of the Rosh Yeshivas of the Haredi world who have cousins or friends who need a GET and so they invent the laws of Gittin, but that is really a separate problem that requires its own discussion.

I was born in 1942. By the time I was able to run around by myself and play, WWII was over, and America was the refuge for many great rabbis who miraculously travelled through Communist Russia to China and Japan during the war and eventually came to America and Israel. As a child of twelve I was enrolled in Yeshiva Or Torah DiBrisk, founded in Washington, DC by two sons of the Brisk Dayan, the Malin Brothers. There were three rebbes and four students. For three years I learned there and then I went to Baltimore and Lakewood, to study from others who had escaped the war. These great rabbis Rabbi Yaacov Bobrowsky in Baltimore and Reb Aharon Kotler in Lakewood just picked up a gemora and went to work in America. They never talked about the war or anything other than just plain learning. By the time I turned twenty, and Reb Aharon departed the world, I had many years of the Torah of Europe.

But had I been born earlier, I would have entered a Torah desert. True, there was Yeshiva Yaacov Yosef and Torah ViDaas, but the vast majority of Americans had nothing to do with a true Torah, and they had very little interest in it. Then people who considered themselves Jews wanted an Americanized Judaism, Reform, Conservative, or nothing. In those days, most men had nothing to do with Judaism, but many women joined Jewish secular clubs.

For the very few who wanted a real Torah education, very early on, Yeshiva University beckoned. Indeed, the greatest American Torah stars of the Yeshiva world came from Yeshiva University such as  Reb Nosson Wachtfogel and Rav Mordechai Gifter. Yet even they did not become established Haredi Torah leaders in New York City. They went to Europe where they suffered the great privation of European Yeshivas to achieve greatness in Torah. But the fact that they had a beginning in America was due to Yeshiva University.

Yeshiva University had two giants who created a mighty institution for Modern Orthodox Jews: Dr. Revel and Dr. Belkin. They created an American Yeshiva experience that provided a thorough college and secular education with a Torah and Talmudic  training from the greatest Torah scholars. Those who taught Torah in YU were the son of Reb Chaim Brisker, Reb Moshe Soloveitchik and his son Reb Yosher Bre Soloveitchik; the senior European Rosh Yeshiva Reb Shimon Shkub, and the Meitseter Ilui genius. Dr. Belkin himself in Europe was known in the Yeshiva world as the Radiner Ilui genius. When he came to America he used his genius to do great things for Yeshiva University. He also regularly picked up more and more doctorates, and was known as a major scholar in Greek studies.

All of this was critical at a time when successful Orthodox Jews would often leave the Orthodox synagogue to go to a Conservative or Reform temple, because Orthodoxy was for the poor and those who could not speak a good English.

But there was a price for all of this success in YU. A young American who spent hours a day listening to a shiur in Yiddish from a European Torah great, and then spent hours a day listening to a lecture about apikorsus from an American in English, absorbed from both of them. This was the formula for the reality of Modern Orthodox. People were not ashamed to be Modern Orthodox, but they would be ashamed to be associated with the poor Orthodox Jews and those who could not speak a good English. Modern Orthodox trumpeted the greatness of having your cake and eating it too. Be Orthodox and be Modern.  But in reality, the cake you had was not the same cake as was eaten by a Torah Jew in the pure European style. It was a cake leavened with treifeh, and inevitably, it produced Treifeh.

There was however, some control over the Treifeh. When the rabbis trained in Yeshiva University wanted to introduce a change in sensitive marriage laws, Rabbi J.B. Soloveitchik thundered, “It is the end of all ends.” That was the end of it. The rabbis of YU had to get professional synagogue and other Torah jobs, and for this they needed semicha. The Yeshiva and the Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Soloveitchik, controlled who was recognized as a rabbi. So Rabbi Soloveitchik had a certain control over things.

But today, the new Rosh Yeshiva is an American fellow who is himself introducing treifeh in sensitive marriage laws. He has called for coercing the husband to give a GET whenever the marriage is broken. Furthermore, he states in a recorded tape, that the husband should be beaten and beaten, if necessary to death. That tape was removed from the Yeshiva University website after the arrest of rabbis for torturing husbands to force a GET. But we see the picture.

Add to this the terrible gender war in America, and the fact that in the finest Torah homes divorces end up in secular court amid the worst accusations and Chilul HaShem, and we realize that our time is designed for desecration of family law.  The reason for this is that the Torah in the rishonim and the Shulchan Aruch makes it very clear that a marriage is a sacred thing that cannot be broken easily. Surely a man cannot be forced to give a GET to his wife just because the wife complaints about him. It is possible, in very rare circumstances, to force a husband to give a GET. But the vast majority of divorces are not ones that can be coerced. See Even Hoezer 77 paragraphs 2 and 3 that coercion and pressures are forbidden, and the Gro #5 that nobody disagrees. None of the commentators there disagree either. Coercion is forbidden, period. Posek HaDor Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l even has in his teshuvose proofs that it is not a mitzvah upon the husband to give a GET, even if the marriage is broken.  Such a terminology is quoted in the Shulchan Aruch and is rooted in the Rashbo VII:414.

But today, you cannot sell these things to the secular world, and much of the modern Orthodox and even much of the Orthodox world will not tolerate it either. Therefore, it is no wonder that the head of the modern Orthodox rabbis, Rabbi Herschel Schechter, has openly called for beating any husband who refuses a GET once the marriage is broken, even if it is necessary to kill him. This is not amazing in of itself. Rabbi Shechter once told somebody to kill the Prime Minister of Israel because of  his settlement policies. Now, of course, when he said this he didn’t  mean it, etc. But it surely sounds like he meant it on the tape that was made of his remarks, a tape that was removed from the YU website after the FBI captured rabbis who tortured husbands for money to give a GET. Whether he meant it or not, only he knows. But to even say such a thing says a lot about the state of things today, where the demonizing of men has reached such a level that you make points  in your Modern Orthodox audience by calling for a husband’s murder.

The Gedolim have called for people to understand that many Beth Dins and rabbis are coercing divorces and that these divorces and the Beth Dins are not recognized. As Rav Elyashev told me, “I take away chezkas beth din from them.” That means that a woman who has a GET from a Beth Din that does not honor the Shulchan Aruch because it coerces Gittin that may not be coerced, must go to a kosher Beth Din and make a new GET. Failure to do this could lead to problems with her child if she remarries without an accepted GET. In the next generation, many children will be problems. Making a mamzer or a doubtful mamzer is the ultimate child abuse.

For this I have called for Modern Orthodox and Haredi Orthodox who rely upon such rabbis who coerce Gittin that may not be coerced, never to marry with Kiddushin. It is forbidden to accept Kiddushin unless you accept that if you are a married woman, you cannot remarry until you have a non-coerced GET or the death of your husband. Otherwise, you may not marry with Kiddushin. I have suggested that such people marry with a marriage that is not Kiddushin, but as Pilegesh. The husband and wife are married; it is not zenuse. They live in the same house and have children who are completely kosher, as long as they both maintain the marriage. If the wife steps out and has a boyfriend other than her husband she is considered a Zona and the marriage is over, but no GET need to be given.  And if she sins and has a child the child is not a mamzer. This  is the obvious path for people to take who want to marry but will not commit to kiddushin, which includes a large segment of the Modern Orthodox world and even some Haredim.

On my website at torahhalacha.blogspot.com I have a post about Pilegesh, for People who cannot have Kiddushin that explains this in more detail. Anyone who wants to discuss this with me can send me an email at dddeid@verizon.net.

ORA - the Mamzer Producing Organization

ORA, the organization to torture husbands and force them to give a GET, has a list of recalcitrant husbands featured on its blog. It supplies the SIRUV and other information about them. It also demonstrates and humiliates them to force them to divorce. Such a coerced GET is usually invalid. If the woman remarries with an invalid GET she is living in sin and her children may be mamzerim. ORA follows the teachings of Rabbi Herschel Schachter, the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva University. He is adamant that we must force husbands to divorce when the marriage is broken. That is, every woman who wants out can just leave the house and call ORA and they will humiliate and harrangue the husband until he gives a GET. Thus, of the many husbands broken by ORA, there are probably many mamzerim by now from the invalid divorces due to ORA's coercion. But Rabbi Schachter stands beyond this.

Therefore, it is important to recognize a huge divide among rabbis and Beth Dins in the world today. Some, especially the Modern Orthodox, but also many Haredi rabbonim, feel that a woman who really wants to leave her husband must be supported and the husband must be humiliatd and forced to divorce. Others, such as the Gedolim in Israel, say that any rabbi or Beth Din that coerces Gittin in such a manner just because the wife wants a divorce is not only wrong, but loses its chezkas Beth Din. All divorces done with that Beth Din are not accepted. The woman needs another GET. If she remarried and has children, a senior Beth Din recognized by the Gedolim must check if there is a way to save the GET.

Here we are interested, not in protesting what ORA has done, and not in defending husbands, even though they may have been treated the wrong way. We want to show something much more important. We want to show how the halacha about divorces are split in the world. And since Posek HaDor Rav Elyashev zt"l told me that any Beth Din that makes coercions he takes from them Chezkas Beth. And since the living Gedolim in Israel have agreed to this in a sefer Mishpitei Yisreol, we must establish the fact that a large number of functioning Beth Dins make invalid Gittin, and women divorced by them are not considered divorced by Gedolim. Of course, if such a Beth Din issues a summons, it is not accepted as a Beth Din, and it is probably a sin to go to it.

We hope to do here what we have done elsehwere many times: Show that the halacha is clearly that in the vast majority of cases the woman has no right to sue for a GET, and if she leaves the house, she may leave, but we cannot coerce the husband or pressure him to give a GET.

Let us take a look at the Siruv published by ORA against a man M. Kin. Again, we are not here interested in who was right. We are interested in the process of the halacha as understood by ORA and its rabbi. And we want to show that this is wrong and not accepted by Posek HaDor Rav Elyashev zt"l and lihavdik bain chaim lichaim, living Gedolim. Here is the text of the Siruva.

 ד"בס

בית דין צדק

כתב סירוב

במותב תלתא כחדא הוינא ב , יום י"א לחודש תמוז שנת תש"ע לבה ,ע" ועייננו

בדו"ד בין מר ישראל מאיר קין לאשתו לאנא ועל סירובו החוזר ונשנה לסדר

לאשתו גט פיטורין כהלכה. ולמרות מאמצים אדירים לפייס אותו ולתווך בין

הצדדים, מר קין הנ"ל מסרב בכל תוקף לגרש את אשתו כדמו .י"

ועל כן, יצא מאיתנו לפסוק את דינו כדין "מסרב" ואינו ציית לדינא , ודינו מבואר

בשו"ע יו ס ד" ימן .ד"של וחובה מוטלת על כל מי שיש בידו להשפיע עליו לשחרר

את אשתו מכבלי העיגון ושיהא ציית לדינא .

"וע ז באנו על החתום בעיר נו א יארק:(Free translation)

Order of Contempt (Seruv)
The three of us sat together on 11 Tammuz 5770 (June 23rd, 2010), and we deliberated on the
dispute between Mr. Israel Meir Kin and his wife, Lonna, and his repeated refusal to arrange a
Get (writ of Jewish divorce) for his wife in accordance with Jewish law. Despite extraordinary
attempts to appease him and to mediate between the two sides, Mr. Kin adamantly refuses to
divorce his wife in accordance with Jewish law.
Therefore, we determine that he is considered a “Sarvan” (recalcitrant) and does not comply
with Jewish law, and the ramifications of this status are elaborated in Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh
Deah siman 334. It is incumbent upon anyone who is capable, to influence him to free his wife
from an agunah’s chains and comply with Jewish law.
We hereby affix our signatures in New York City:
(Rabbi Hershel Schachter)
(Rabbi Nachum Sauer)
(Rabbi Avrohom Union)
END QUOTE of SIRUV

We make here one point. The letter of SIRUV says that he is being held in contempt and will be banned from the public because he has not given a GET. But this is a violation of the SIRUV. A SIRUV is not about the particular claim somebody has on another. A SIRUV is about refusal to go to Beth Din. The Beth Din in this letter clearly states that the SIRUV and the subsequent banning of the husband is to force him to give a GET. And this is a violation of the SIRUV itself.

Rabbi Schachter has openly declared that a husband is to be forced, beaten, and if he still refuses to divorce, he should be beaten until he dies! This is absolutely wrong.  Rabbi Schachter not only believes this. He made a tape stating this that was featured on Yeshiva University's blog until the FBI sting about rabbis who beat people to force them to give a GET when it was taken down. But many people have copies of the original.

A Beth Din that threatens to kill a husband who will not give a GET  is the ultimate GET MEUSO or coerced GET. The Beth Din is plainly in violation of halacha as taught in the Shulchan Aruch and the Gedolei HaDor.

But there is another problem with this SIRUV. The SIRUV clearly states that the Beth Din itself demands a GET. Even if there was no other coercion involved, the very fact that a Beth Din orders the husband to give a GET, telling him that the Torah requires it, can itself invalidate the GET. The Chazon Ish writes, EH 99:2 If a husband is coerced by the mitsvah to obey the rabbis and therefore divorces, the get is invalid because it is forced, and because it is a mistake. Had the husband realized that the rabbis on the Beth Din made a mistake, he never would have issued it. So the GET is botel by Torah standards for two reasons: It is coerced by the mitsvah to obey the sages and if the husband had realized that the Beth Din made an error he would not have written th GET so it is a mistaken GET.

The Rashbo in VII:414 states clearly that when the wife demands a GET because she hates the husband no pressure can be brought upon the husband to divorce. Rather, "If he wants, he gives a GET. And if he doesn't want, he doesn't give a GET." This is brought down as halacha in EH 77 paragraph 2 and 3 in all of the commentators of the Shulchan Aruch, the Shulchan Aruch and the Ramo, Beis Shmuel and Chelkas Mechokake. The Gro there #5 says that nobody disagrees [of the present authorities.] Of course, Rabbi Schachter does disagree. He even says the husband should be killed. So, what kind of Beth Din is that? It is without value, of without Torah identity. It is simply a rebellion against the Torah. I always ask the Beth Dins and the rabbis who coerce husbands: I have all of the sources mentioend above, and what are your sources? That is usually the end of the conversation.

Incidentally, the Rashbo mentioned before says that there is a class of complaint by the wife that does compel the husband to give a GET, but we may not coerce with a strong pressure. Meaning, we may not humiliate him, beat him, or put him in cherem. This is the husband who has a physical problem and cannot be a man in marriage. We coerce him by telling him that the Talmud demands a GET and if he refuses to issue a GET it is permitted to call him a wicked person. Now, this is only mentioned in the Shulchan Aruch regarding this one kind of case, where the Talmud clearly states that the husband is obligated to give a GET. But in all of the average cases of divorce demands, there is no mitsvah from the Talmud or the Torah to divorce. "If he wants to divorce he divorces, and if not he does not." And if humiliation is forbidden even for a husband who is not a man and cannot maintain a marriage and the Talmud demands he divorces, certainly a husand who has not obligation from the Talmud to divorce may not be humiliated.

This law of not humiliating the husband even one who is not a man and certainly others who are healthy is quoted by the Radvaz  IV:118,, Beis Yosef  EH 154, and Chazon Ish 108:12. Nobody disagrees. But Rabbi Schachter disagrees.

See Teshuvose Maharshal 41 that a woman who is very upset with her husband because he is clearly not religious and may even be interested in another religion may leave the house but cannot force the husband to divorce.But Rabbi Schachter disagrees. What is his source? I asked one of his disciples to get me his source and he told me, "Rabbi Schwartz head of the RCA Beth Din and rabbis in Washington DC." Now, I spoke to Rabbi Gedaliah Schartz and he told me that he let a couple who came to him for a GET leave without a GET because he just blew away their marriage. And the Washington rabbis humiliate a husband who doesn't give a GET because Rabbi Schachter told them that!

Of course, Rabbi Schachter allows murder to force a GET, so why not humiliation? After all, didn't he once tell somebody to kill the Prime Minister of Israel because he did something that R Schachter opposed? But decent Jews who don't murder and don't tell other people to murder don't talk that way. And any organization that accepts such a person utterly devoid of Torah learning until he disagrees with the Shulchan Aruch and all of the commentators with no source of his own except Rabbi Gedaliah Schwartz, who himself has invented a new Torah, is a disgrace.

I just mention that Rabbeinu Yona in Shaarei Teshuva III:139 says that "humilition is worse than death." If a GET forced by the threat of killing is invalid, so is a GET forced by humiliation, especially the ORA humiliation that never ends, and involves protests in public so that everyone should despite the victim. This surely makes an invalid GET.

Of course, Rabbi Schachter might feel he doesn't have to obey the Shulchan Aruch, because he knows better than the Gro and all of the commentators. But what does he do with a gemora in Berochose 23A that a Talmid in a Yeshiva killed himself after being humiliated? Maybe Rabbi Schachter has a different text for that.

We have finished our discussion today, but I just mention as an aside that should be covered in a different post, that when a husband is summoned by Rabbi Schachter or his disciples to come to a Beth Din, the first thing to do is to call the FBI.

Video II HaGaon Reb Moshe Feinstein zt"l

Video II Hagaon Reb Moshe Feinstein zt"l

Video HaGaon Reb Moshe Feinstein I

Video I HaGaon Reb Moshe Feinstein zt"l

A video from Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn about the years he talked to Reb Moshe about halacha issues.

Video II HaGaon Reb Aharon Kotler zt"l

Video II HaGaon Reb Aharon Kotler zt"l

Video I Reb Aharon Kotler

Video I HaGaon Reb Aharon Kotler zt"l 

by Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn



The video is based upon the years I learned in Lakewood Yeshiva under HaGaon Reb Aharon zt"l. The video gives us some kind of an idea what a difference it is when a Gadol is no longer with us. At least we should think of what we lost and do our best.

PILEGESH - A SOLUTION ONLY FOR THOSE FORBIDDEN TO MAKE KIDDUSHIN

The problem

The problem is that Torah marriages fail and sometimes the husband will not give a GET. The wife then goes to people who force the husband to give a GET that is invalid, or else, the latest is that rabbis, some of them prominent people, declare that the marriage is over without a GET. This is mamzeruth.

Therefore, marriage today with kiddushin can create two things: One that the wife remarries without permission from the Torah and she is sinning with niuf, and secondly, if she has children, they can be mamzerim.

Another aspect of the problem is that some people fear to marry because they know that the divorce can destroy their lives and the lives of the children and make terrible disgrace and chilul HaShem. Some people fear because they themselves have divorced, and some people, even young ones, see what is going on and refuse to take a chance with marriage.

There are thus many singles of all ages today. And these singles live close to Gehenum. If they don’t date they suffer and if they do date they suffer. Many don’t keep basic halochose because of the biological stress. There is not proper kedusho in their lives. Some openly disregard negiah rachmono litslon. And how does it stop with that?

The Solution:

The people who can't do Kiddushin should not do Kiddushin.  If people know they can marry without kiddushin, and leave on their own schedule, it will solve a lot of problems. This is Pilegesh. One who is able should make kiddushin, not pilegesh. However, we maintain, that one who will not honor kiddushin, a woman who, if not given a GET, will find a “rabbi” to permit her to remarry either with an invalid GET coerced, or as is happening in Philadelphia, to just leave with no GET, then she should not take Kiddushin at all. And if she, or a man in a similar situation, fears to make Kiddushin lest he or she be stuck with years of aggravation until a HETER is found, and meanwhile lives in sin, such a person is a candidate for pilegesh.

As we describe in more detail later, marrying as Pilegesh could require a GET. Therefore, I suggest that if somebody cannot have Kiddushin because they won't honor it, and cannot be alone because of biological urges, such a person is a candidate for Pilegesh. But ordinary Pilegesh can perhaps require a GET. Therefore, it must be a marriage without Kiddushin and without any Torah requirement for a GET. This requires a proper Beth Din to decide.

Who Qualifies for Pilegesh

We repeat: Pilegesh is only available for someone who cannot commit to honoring kiddushin. This would probably include modern Orthodox people who are not careful about negiah, who will listen to their rabbis to do things that make invalid Gittin, or who will listen to rabbis who permit remarrying with no GET. Such people should never marry with Kiddushin, but only with pilegesh.

Again, we make it clear. If someone can honor Kiddushin, it is a sin for them to refuse Kiddushin and make pilegesh. Of course, sometimes a person is not sure about Kiddushin. Such a person must decide what to do, and should talk to us or somebody else about the proper course of action. I would prefer pilegesh to Kiddushin in such a case of doubt, but that is up to the person involved and whose who advise him.

What Will Happen Without People Doing Pilegesh?

What is happening now that there is no pilegesh? People are marrying with Kiddushin, and making invalid GETS or are leaving with no GET, or are going to a “Beth Din” that claims that if the husband refuses to issue a GET, it will issue it in the name of the husband, and pretend that the husband who refuses to give a GET and says that he does not want to give a GET is not telling the truth and the truth is that he wants it! And of course there is the old standby of Rackman who promised every lady her freedom when she wants it. He just blew away the marriage. And if the wife protests that she had children with the husband and if the marriage is gone retroactively the children are born out of wedlock. Rackman assured her that his piece of paper takes away the marriage only when issued, and before then she was completely married! What this means is that the Torah is mistaken in its attitude towards Gittin, and the modern rabbis must redo the mistakes of Moshe and the Talmud. It is pure apikorsus.

Thus, pilegesh is important because the generation, with all of the gender battles, is unable to tolerate the woman suffering in marriage more than the man. Pilegesh will allow the woman to leave when she wants. This will restrain the ardor of the modern rabbis to redesign the Torah with new levels of apikursus.

What is the Actual Act of Creating Pilegesh?

The actual act of creating pilegesh is a clear commitment on the part of the husband and wife of the following:

1.       They will live together as man and wife, but without kiddushin.

2.       They will sign a document signed by witnesses and preferably a Beth Din, that they commit themselves to a relationship without kiddushin.  And even though some may feel that people living as husband and wife automatically become Kiddushin marriage, because nobody wants to live without Kiddushin, and thus zenuse, the couple declares that it is not making kiddushin, but is doing what they are advised to do, to be without kiddushin, as pilegesh.

3.       The couple is to declare that even if one of them decided to have relations with the idea of making with it a Kiddushin, the other person would object, and there would be no kiddushin. But furthermore, each side commits to refrain from doing anything that could create kiddushin. And thus, the couple marries with pilegesh with the chazoko that they do not want kiddushin and should not be suspected of making kiddushin.

4.       Should people taking the path of pilegesh  inform others about it? Of course, the first couple to make pilegesh will probably not be prepared to announce such a thing. On the other hand, if we can publicize the importance of saving klal yisroel from becoming two nations, one considered by the other to be possible mamzerim, the idea of pilegesh will become accepted. And if nobody accepts it, I will publicly call for pilegesh, for the sake of klal yisroel, and for the sake of the people who should not sin by taking kiddushin.

5.       At this point, whereas people have not made pilegesh marriages for generations, we have to be careful and think how to prepare the pilegesh arrangement.Somehow we have to make the idea a solution for a Jewish people torn to pieces by Kiddushin. Those who can maintain Kiddushin should not take pilegesh, it is probably sinful to do so. But one who cannot take kiddushin has a sin for taking kiddushin, and such a person should prefer pilegesh.

6.       Kiddushin has many conditions, the consent of both parties, the action of the husband the consent of the wife, witnesses, etc. Pilegesh depends basically upon the intent of the two sides to enter into a marriage where they are loyal to each other and act as husband and wife. Once pilegesh smells like zenuse it is zenuse. But for a yiras shomayim who is terrified of kiddushin for good reasons, and who is terrified of the sins of the single scene, pilegesh is a holy thing.

7.       And for someone who can tolerate kiddushin, and decides to do pilegesh, that is a sin.

8.       We must emphasize this otherwise pilegesh becomes a destructive force, affecting the holy of holies, kiddushin.

Should We Publicize Pilegesh?

If we publicize and know about the divorces and the invalid divorces and the remarriages without the Torah’s permission and have no solution for it, why should we not publicize that there is hope for the poor suffering people who are trapped in singledom and sin regularly and who knows what sin they will do tomorrow?

We want to empahsize one thing: The laws of people marrying or having relations without kiddushin have, throughout th generations, been with various opinions. Some said that people living together are automatically married with Kiddushin, and others disagreed. Some said that secular marriage makes kiddushin and some disagree. Some feel that Pilegesh requries a GET, because the couple wants a Torah relationship. But our permission of using Pilegesh means a Pilegesh type of relationship with the condition that there is no kiddushin ever to come from it, and that a Beth Din before the Pilegesh type of relationship clearly clarifies that there will never be an obligation to give a GET when the relationship ends. There will never be mamzerim from it. Therefore, if a couple marries say with secular law, and clearly states that they want only a marriage of secular law and not kiddushin and not anything that would require a GET, we have at least established that the children are not mamzerim. Because it is harder to make a mamzer than to make a sin of adultery because a doubtful mamzer is permitted by the Torah and forbidden only by the rabbis But a question of a married woman if she is divorced is a very serious matter that must be considered forbidden. But if a Beth Din clarifies that the couple has clearly stated that they do not want any kind of marriage that demands a GET, and if there is a GET the marriage is a mistake and invalid, we have gained a lot. And since I, and not some major Rov, is saying this, there will hopefully be no uproar about it, because basically I am saving mamzerim. And again, anyone who can have Kiddushin and makes Pilegesh has a sin. And if somebody has Pilegesh and does not clarify clearly in a way satisfying to a proper Beth Din that the marriage does not require a GET, that surely is a sin.

Let's Discuss a Solution for the Mamzerim and Niuf

The Time has Come to Stop Mamzeruth and Niuf: But How?

This post is about a solution to the problems of mamzeruth and niuf. It is about four pages and touches on some very important topics, affecting the relations of the genders, and all people who plan to marry. It is furthermore a new idea, not that it is not covered heavily in the poskim, but that people don’t do it for many generations. Nonetheless, I feel that the time has come to do this. I have semicha from HaGaon Reb Moshe Feinstein zt”l that he knows me for many years as one who delves very deeply into complex halochose (published in three halacha seforim beginning with hilchose bayis neemon). And I feel confident that the great efforts I expended in speaking constantly to gedolei hador of the past generation Reb Aharon Kotler, Reb Yaacov Kaminetsky, Reb Yosef Shalom Elyashev, etc., and getting my brain redesigned on a regular basis, has helped me. HaGaon Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l knew me from a Beth Din I made to serve Russian Jews that basically had to ask him all of the shaalose, and he gave me his name to use for my Beth Din, which is a very special type of semicha because I understand he didn’t do that very often. Now to the article.

The time has come to stop mamzeruth and niuf. If we have a major Yeshiva in America whose Rosh Yeshivas permit a woman to remarry without a GET, and refuse to say what rabbi permitted it, and nobody protests except me and my brother, the time  has come to say it like it is. Things are very bad now and they are going to get much worse.

What is the problem? There are many Torah broken families with no GET, and people “help” the lady remarry, even though these “helping” ideas are wrong. Now is a time for creating children mamzerim. Now is a time for child molesting. And now is a time, not just to protest, but to solve the problem. But how can that be done? It can be done.

The problem is rooted in the laws of Kiddushin or Torah marriage, when the husband takes the wife with “kiddushin” and sanctifies her with a divinely sanctioned marriage, this is kiddushin. The husband gives his wife a ring and says, “You are mekudeshes to me”  you are sanctified or set aside for me. At this point the woman “belongs” to the husband. Rashi tells us in the parsho of Sotah that a woman is married to a man, but also to HaShem. This is a great level of spirituality. Why a woman is relegated to the husband is one of the great mysteries, and we will deal with it here very briefly. We must do this because the main force of the mamzer producers is the fear of offending women if the Torah does not allow them freedom to leave a marriage. Implied in this is that the Torah is wrong. And some of the more leftist innovators say this openly. But we must respond to this.

I am now working on the Ari z”l’s commentary on Shir HaShirim. So far in my work, this is the major theme. The female essence, the Schechinah, is bitter and complaints about the way she is treated. Now, there is one passage where the Ari z”l says very little and skips the main portion of the passage (I:6). And even passage 6 has no heading, but five and six are together, which is strange.  And that passage really needs a commentary. But I explain that this passage refers to the gemora in Chulin 60b, where during the first days of Creation, HaShem created the Sun and the Moon, and both of them had the light of the sun, a full blazing light. The Moon complained that two kings cannot share the same crown. HaShem responded, “Go and diminish yourself.” The Moon was upset by this and HaShem said that “Jews will use the Moon for their calendar.” But the Moon was not happy. Finally, HaShem said, “Bring for Me an Atonement that I diminished the Moon.” Thus, the diminishing of the Female Essence or Din leads to great evil in the world, which is a Chilul HaShem and HaShem is humiliated by the lowest people. For this Chilul HaShem on Himself and the Female Essence which is higher than the Male Essence of Kindness, HaShem, on Rosh Chodesh, has an offering brought, as if it could be. The Ari z”l does not comment on that passage fully because we don’t want to talk too much about HaShem’s atoning that cannot be understood in this world.

The New Moon, when the new month of moon appears, is a holiday for ladies but not men. On that day HaShem remembers that He created the world with the female equal to the male, but then things changed. And so, today, in this world, there is a world of diminished female power. The Schechina is a holiness of the Female Essence, called DIN, or justice. If the world functioned with the Female Essence of Din all sin would lead to rapid destruction, and the world would collapse. So DIN and the Female Essence are “diminished,” because true Din can only be revealed in the Higher World. Let’s leave it at this for now. We will just say what is says in Shir HaShirim about the complaints of the Schechina. In this world there is no explanation. 

But the reward for the suffering is incredible and permanent in the Higher World. Briefly, the Schechina, Israel and women are treated very shabbily in this world. For this, that they suffer and still love HaShem and obey Him, they have great reward in the Future World. When HaShem reveals His Monarchy to All, these three will be elevated. When the Female Essence demanded superiority over the Male Essence HaShem responded, “Go and diminish yourself.” The diminishing in this world leads to superiority in the Future World. Indeed, the gemora indicates that it is easier for a Jewish woman to gain Paradise in the Higher World than it is for men.  But let us go back to our original issue. What is the solution to the problem of mamzerim and niuf from broken marriages?

Rule One: The Laws of Kiddushin, or Torah marriage, are quite severe. A woman whose husband disappears, as often happened in previous generations, has a big problem, until she has proof that he died or if she receives a GET from him. Rabbeinu Tam says that a woman who obtains a GET that may be kosher, but some people disagree with it and may talk about it,  spreading questions about the GET that it is not kosher, and her child would suffer from this, she is forbidden to remarry. We may say a bit differently, that a woman who marries with Kiddushin and yet is not prepared to honor it completely, even to remain an Agunah all of her life, may not receive Kiddushin in the first place. Somebody told me that this is the opinion of a Gadol in Israel.

Rule Two: There is a mitzvah in the Torah for a man to marry with Kiddushin. See Charedim 20:6. But  a woman who will not honor Kiddushin properly, and will remarry without a proper GET, or who will seek to coerce her husband to make an invalid GET, or go to the Philly mob that allows a woman to remarry without a GET, how can she marry in the first place? It is a sin for her to accept Kiddushin.

Rule Three: A man or woman must be married for biological and Torah reasons. A man or woman who is not married but is mature biologically is a threat to himself and to the community, especially if they have been married once before and have experience in marital intimacy.

Rule Four: If a Jew has relations with anyone without marriage, he has committed the sin of Zenuse. This is very serious.

Rule Five: We thus have Rule One that it is a mitzvah in the Torah to marry with Kiddushin. But there we learn that one who will not honor Kiddushin to the end may not marry with Kiddushin. So what can such a person do? Zenuse is a serious sin, Kiddushin is forbidden. What can he/she do? There is a third way, marriage that is not kiddushin, referred to as Pilegesh. Pilegesh was once a term used to differentiate between one’s main wife, and secondary wives. Some say that marriage without Kiddushin is forbidden, and some say it is permitted. But the ones who permit it have rules that it must be a real marriage and not an excuse for zenuse. Now, in case a person is forbidden to make Kiddushin, and is forbidden to be alone and end up sinning with zenuse, chas vishalom, the only viable path is pilegesh, or marriage without Kiddushin and without zenuse.

I am now in the process of working out the exact process of pilegesh, or marriage without kiddushin. It will have to contain two things: One, a clear commitment from the male and female to marry with real marriage not zenuse, and they must clearly reveal that they do not, under any circumstances, want  kiddushin. 

Preferably, a Beth Din should draw up papers where they both sign in severe terms their intent to marry without ever making kiddushin, until they change their minds and want kiddushin and return to the Beth Din to arrange this. This is because someone may feel that when anyone marries in a community containing Orthodox Jews and they see someone living as man and wife, they assume that the marital relations were done with the intent of using biah as the act of kiddushin. We may encourage an oath or something very serious to make sure that no Kiddushin is involved. We will also strongly emphasize that zenuse is forbidden.

Years ago I suggested a similar thing to a group of Orthodox rabbis who served Conservative pulpits. I told them that they make Kiddushin diorayso but afterwards the people don’t honor the kiddushin, possibly making mamzerim. I suggested that they not make Kiddushin, but some ceremony such as a two ring ceremony where it is clear that the marriage is a partnership and not a taking of the wife by the husband. I asked some rabbis who approved.

Later somebody else who was a major rabbi in a major city in Israel suggested something similar to avoid mamzerim, and there was an uproar. His suggestion would have rocked the boat with the control of the rabbonuse over marriage in all of Israel. But in America, and in Israel if there is no  government issue, I don’t see what is wrong with avoiding mamzeruth.

At any rate, there is a great weakness in all of this. Those laws that people constantly need are well known to many rabbis, the laws, the sources, and the limaaseh, exactly how to fulfill them. But when we are talking about something that was done far in the past, such as making marriages without kiddushin, we have two weaknesses. One is that there will be an uproar over the breaking of tradition. And two, nobody really has the experience to know what to do in this area.

As far as the uproar goes, I say that those rabbis who made no uproar when the Philly Yeshiva told a married woman to remarry without a GET, without saying what rabbi permitted it, I don’t know why they should yell and scream when somebody does not do kiddushin because they are afraid of mamzeruth. And as far as the second problem, that we are far removed from making marriages that are not kiddushin, that is true. But on the other hand, there are many seforim that talk about these laws, some with many pages of details.

Thus, we are sure that kiddushin is forbidden for many people and yet marriage is their only option. So if a Beth Din can clarify their relationship that it is not kiddushin and will not become kiddushin, and everything is written down, signed by the couple and the Beth Din, there should be no problems. Whether the couple should take a GET when they separate, and the exact procedure of marrying in this way, must be developed. At this point I simply advance the basic idea. It may be, as with other halacha issues, that only time will allow for us to realize the best way to handle all of this. But one thing, I hope we never have to worry about mamzerim.

GUEST POST YOSEF ORLOW

The Jewish Nation is built up from Jewish Communities around the world. And the cornerstone of the Jewish Community is the Jewish Family. The Zohar says that the first word in the Torah has six letters that spell בית ראש meaning “the house comes first.” The house and the family are the beginning and key element of the Torah and the Jewish experience.

Yet, the concept of Jewish Family, as handed down from generation to generation, is under attack. There are many broken homes. Children are adrift as they shuttle back and forth from their two-family homes. They struggle to balance the fights of their parents with their own need to survive. Husbands are suddenly bereft of their wife and children. Wives find themselves abruptly alone with children and small resources. But the pain of parents and children pales beside the pain of the child born when a woman remarries without a Get or with a coerced and invalid Get. Children born from another man -- not the true husband of the wife -- are Mamzerim, and such Gittin are great problems. ORA is an organization that prides itself on having publicly torturing dozens of husbands who subsequently gave coerced Gittin, and who caused problems of Mamzerus. I wonder if ORA’s mentor, Rabbi Hershel Schachter, will encourage his progeny to marry these children. And when the Kamenetskys in Philadelphia finish getting a married woman remarried without a Get, I wonder if they will encourage their grandchildren to marry her children who will be considered Mamzerim by those who believe in the Shulchan Aruch.

Yes, there are Rabbis who advise women to remarry either without a Get or with a coerced and invalid Get. But the great Rabbis of Israel reject these innovations. Any child born to a woman who remarries based on an invalid Get, will be considered by most Rabbis to be a  Mamzer.

Failure to resist those who attack the Family will mean that the Jewish People will split into two camps that cannot marry from one to the other. If present trends continue, the assorted “solutions” of marrying without a Get, as is now being done in Philadelphia, or coercion of the husband, which goes on elsewhere, will produce Mamzerim, and also doubtful Mamzerim; many women who will be told that their Get is not acceptable will have to divorce their new husband, while their children may have a permanent status of Mamzerim.

One Talmid Chacham has assumed the mantle of leadership. His teachers, the Gedolim of the past generation, directed him to publicly teach the Halachos of marriage and family. Through intensive discussions he had with these leaders, he was able to receive the right and true Tradition on how to preserve and expand the Jewish People.

I have the privilege  to serve this Talmid Chacham. He is Rabbi Dovid Eidensohn, who I have worked with for years, and have had the merit to also provide with truly modest financial support.

Join our efforts of educating the Jewish people about the problems of invalid Gittin. My phone number is (301) 754-1128.

Please click the Paypal link to the right. Donate $1. Do it now. Do it for the Eternity of the Jewish People, and for your eternal reward. When you see the new Mamzerim, you will be able to say, “I did what I could.”

Yosef Orlow