The great failure of marriage even in the highest echelons of the Torah community is because people don't know the halacha, the Torah laws, of marriage, divorce, Family and raising children. Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn publishes books, publications, and material on blog and Google with approbations from the greatest rabbis such as the Gaonim Reb Moshe Feinstein, Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev and other major gedolim.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Friday, May 29, 2015
Failing Children and Failing Families - New Telephone Conference May 31 Sunday 9:30 PM details below
This Sunday night telephone conference has different dial-up and code numbers than our Wed night telephone conference. The Wed night 9:30 program continues regarding halacha of Even Hoezer. But the Sunday conference is a new topic with new dial and code numbers. It is about failing children and failing families.
The new Sunday 9:30 program beginning May 31 is about failing children and failing families. Leading educators have said that each year things get worse. And yet, nobody is doing much about it. A few people are doing things or have good ideas how to improve things, and we want people to know the problems and how to avoid them.
To join the Sunday night at 9:30 PM telephone conference dial 641-715-3580 then enter code 198771#
The regular Wed 9:30 program
Dial 605-562-3130 then code 411161#
Why are we making this program for failing children?
A leading educator told me that he has taught school about thirty years. And every year more and more children are unable to succeed in school and may face a life of problems chas vishalom. Originally 2 out of 25 children had problems succeeding in school, and now the number has shot up close to triple that amount. Let us try to understand the problem and see how to improve things.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Audio of Shiur #9 - What is the Authority of Beth Din?
Audio of Shiur#9 - What is the Authority Behind a Beth DIn?
Click below for audio at http://torahtimes.com/2015/05/28/audio-shiur9-authority-of-beth-din/
Click below for audio at http://torahtimes.com/2015/05/28/audio-shiur9-authority-of-beth-din/
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Shiur #9 – What Beth Din is Empowered to Coerce a GET?
Telephone conference shiur #9 What Beth Din may Coerce a GET? May 27 9:30 PM call 605-562-3130 add code 411161#
Shiur #9 – What Beth Din is Empowered to Coerce a GET?
1.
We have previously
discussed when a Beth Din may coerce a GET. Now we want to go into the power of
any Beth Din, how they are authorized by the Torah to make a coerced GET.
2.
Gemora Gittin 88b: “Abayeh
found Rav Yosef sitting and coercing husbands to divorce their wives with a
GET. He said to him, ‘But we are plain people [meaning the rabbis in Babylonia did not get the ancient Semicha and therefore
are not MUMCHIM.] Rashi explains that in those days rabbis in Israel did
receive the ancient Semicha that began with Moshe Rabbeinu and were therefore
authorized by the Torah to fulfill all judicial functions necessary such as
coercing a GET when appropriate. But Rav Yosef was in Babylonia, and the rabbis
there did not receive this Semicha. So by whose authority did Rav Yosef coerce
a GET?
3.
Rav Yosef replied, “We are
messengers of the rabbis who got Semicha.”
4.
Tosfose there D”H bimilso dishechicha explains, “We do the
work assigned to us by the earlier generations [who had Semicha]
in Israel.”
5.
We see from this that the
entire capacity to coerce a GET and fulfill other functions of a dayan
today is because we received permission
to do this from earlier generations in Israel who had semicha.
6.
Furthermore, the gemora
says that we are not authorized by the early generations of Semuchim to fulfill
the functions of a Torah Dayan in all things, only in those things that are
common. But why is this? Why did the earlier generations grant permission for
us to fulfill the will of the Torah with Semicha only with what is common to us?
7.
Perhaps this itself that
the permission is not total reminds us that our status is not that of real
Semuchim. We may only function according to the command of the earlier
Semuchim. The earlier generations of Semuchim were the greatest of their time.
And they passed on this Semicha to Babylonia and other countries who had no
Semicha only if the rabbis there were very prominent scholars, the cream of the
rabbinate. This means that today coercing a husband is a right only of the
greatest rabbis. Not long ago a letter from the major Gedolim in Israel said
the same thing. But their letter was a response to coerced Gittin from people
who are not true scholars or who differ with the Shulchan Aruch. But besides
these considerations, we may also assume that the permission given by earlier
Musmochim applied only to great rabbis. If so, those who are not great and
coerce a GET have made an invalid GET.
8.
In fact, see the Tosfose
HaRid on the gemora above Gittin 88. He deduces from Bovo Basro that coercing
to divorce a wife is only effective
because “it is a mitzvah to obey the sages.” Obviously, the power of coercion
is only given to such rabbis who are considered by everyone, even one who has
to be beaten to fulfill the Torah, as authorities. The Beth Din not universally
recognized as great sages, may produce invalid Gittin. Did the earlier
semuchim, the greatest rabbis, give permission for plain rabbis to fulfill the
roll previously given only to the greatest rabbis? Probably not.
9.
Chasam Sofer in his
teshuvose on Even Hoezer in two places 28 and 116 says that if the husband
knows that two authorities differ whether or not the husband should be beaten,
and then the husband is beaten and says, “I want the GET” because of that
beating, the GET the husband gives is invalid by the Torah. This is because the
husband only gives a proper GET under a beating when he accepts the rabbis as
the true authorities to speak for the Torah. But if he knows there are those
who disagree with the Beth Din that orders coercion, he does not accept them or
their coercion and the GET is invalid, and the children born from it are
mamzerim.
10. A letter from Israeli
gedolim, Reb Chaim Kanievsky, Reb Nissim Karelitz, Reb Nosson Kupshitz, Reb
Chaim Mahyer HaLevi Wosner, and the late Gaon Rav Shmuel HaLevi Wosner
published in the book Mishpetei Yisroel, together with other very prominent signers, warns that today there are
rabbinic courts that make invalid Gittin, and that everyone must beware of
marrying a woman with a GET from them.
11.. Posek HaDor HaGaon Rav
Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l told me that any Beth Din that flouts the Shulchan
Aruch that he takes away from them “Chezkas Beth Din.” They lose the status of
a Beth Din. It is highly possible that
this is not just a decree of today’s rabbis to protect against some rabbis who
don’t know the halacha properly. It is based upon the permission granted the
generations after Semicha to practice coercions of Gittin, etc. The earlier
Semuchim did not want everyone coercing Gittin, only those who are the senior
rabbis of the generation, or who work with the permission of the senior rabbis
of the generation.
12. The process of our doing
the Dayan work entrusted to us by the earlier Semuchim, how does it work?
Nesivose in Choshen Mishpot 1:1 says that the Torah gave the rabbis the power
to give latter generations the capacity of Dayanuse, and the Torah allowed the
rabbis, the earlier ones, to decide what kind of things can be adjudicated in
latter generations. Thus, the work of the latter rabbis is valid by the Torah.
13. The Nesivose says that the
Ramban and the Rashbo disagree and consider the Dayanuse done today has no base
in the Torah, as we are not Semuchim. But it is valid by the power of the
rabbonon. However, if the greatest rabbis in the world such as Rav Wosner zt”l
and others of his class wrote a letter forbidding ordinary rabbis to force a
GET, perhaps the original permission for latter rabbis to give a GET is
violated because the original permission was only for great rabbis to make
coercions.
14. Tosfose Sandhedrin 2b
bottom of page says that although the Torah gave permission for judges to
adjudicate it was necessary for the Torah to bring another passage to prove
that judges can coerce Gittin. The Ketsose Choshen Mishpot 3 says that permission
to coerce was given only to the seventy sages who together with Moshe
controlled the Jewish people. Thus, to coerce we need very senior rabbis, the
greatest in the world, they or their express permission.
15. In New York State a law was
passed to force a husband to give a GET when the marriage is over. Such a GET
forced by the government is invalid. Threats to the husband to take away money,
custody of his children, jail, humiliation, produces an invalid GET. A woman
married with an invalid GET has children that are possibly mamzerim.
16. In the next generation many
children will be born from such Gittin and may be mamzerim. Some rabbis such as
the ones who made the GET will consider them fine, and others, such as the
above Gedolim, will consider them likely to be mamzerim. Klal Yisroel will be
split in two.
17. If anyone has a problem
with a GET, such as those who got a get from Epstein, a flagrant violator of
the most basic teachings of the Shulchan Aruch, should not remarry with such a
GET, and should contact people who can attempt to deal with the situation.
Basically, such people must
immediately get a GET from a respected Beth Din.
18. If they cannot get another
GET they must contact a respected Beth Din to see what can be done. Sometimes,
a Beth Din can determine that the Sofer and the Witnesses were kosher people
and that the GET was kosher, even if it was done in a Beth Din of those who
disagree with the Shulchan Aruch.
19. The Beth Din must determine
the status of the mother and the status of the children born from the invalid
GET. Are the children mamzerim? It is easier to help the children than the
mother. A doubtful mamzer is much less of a sin than a doubtful wife, and a
doubt of a mamzer is different than other Torah doubts. See Sheb Shematso I:1.
But only a prominent Beth Din should be involved with this. Who would marry the
woman or her children if a prominent Beth Din did not approve of their marrying?
20. The Beth Din may determine
that despite being forced the husband decided to give a GET willingly. See Chazon Ish Even Hoezer Gittin 99:3 that
if a husband is forced but finally decides on his own and not because of the
coercion to give a GET it is kosher. But an experienced Beth Din must rule on
this.
The laws of GET Meusoh are
complex and there are various opinions. This requires a prominent Beth Din.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Audio of Shiur 8 - More on Negating a Marriage Because of Blemishes
Audio of Shiur 8 - More on Negating a Marriage because of Blemishes is at www.torahtimes.com. You can go there and select the audio's window on the top line or click the link below.
Audio of Shiur 8 - More on Negating a Marriage because of Blemishes
Audio of Shiur 8 - More on Negating a Marriage because of Blemishes
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Shiur #8 of Telephone Conference - More on Negation of Marriage Because of a Blemish Wed 9:30 PM
Shiur #8 Telephone Conference – More
on Negation of Marriage because of a
Blemish
Wed May 20 9:30 PM –
Call 605-562-3130 then enter code 411161#
1.
We discussed in Shiur #7
last week that HaGaon Reb Moshe Feinstein is lenient but many Gedolim are
strict about whether a major blemish negates a marriage. Today we want to look
into this further.
2.
Gemora Kesubose 57b - A woman is an Aruso, married to a man, but
stays in her father’s house until the Chupa, when she becomes a NISUO, fully
married. If it is discovered that the
Arusa has a major blemish, the marriage is negated. See Rashi there.
3.
This would seem to be a
proof to Reb Moshe that a serious blemish can negate a marriage. However, this
is only about an Arusa, but perhaps once someone has Chupah the conditions for
negating marriage are themselves negated, as we discussed last week at length. See
Shulchan Aruch EH 38:35,36 and Yevomose 107. A pious Jew does not want to have
relations with a woman without marriage, and he cancels his conditions.
4.
Tosfose Kesubose 72b ד"ה על מנת writes that even though the gemora says that a
blemish can negate the marriage, the gemora in Kesubose 73b brings two
opinions. One is that the woman’s marriage is negated and turns into a doubtful
marriage, and she needs a GET. The other opinion is that the Torah permits her,
but the rabbis require a GET. The Rosh 72b says that the opinion that it is a
doubt is a sin diorayso to remarry without a GET and Tosfose Kesubos 72b ד:ה על
מנת says the same thing.
5.
If so, a marriage negated
can still require a GET. Bais HaLevi and Ain Yitschok disagree with Reb Moshe as he quotes in Igeres Moshe EH I:79:1. Ayin
Yitschok of the Kovneh Rov I:34:7:44 quotes those who forbid her remarriage as
the Chavass Yoir, Besomim Rosh, Rashbatz and Shevuse Yaacov. Thus, the gemora
and the many authorities who forbid the remarriage based on a blemish would
prevent a woman from remarrying even if her husband has a major blemish, even
if there is a possibility that the marriage is negated, as is taught in
Kesubose 73b.
6.
The gemora Kesubose 73b
says that a woman who has a blemish of nedorim that a husband doesn’t tolerate,
and therefore by the Torah the marriage is negated as the husband did not know
this before he married her, nonetheless, Rabo holds that she needs a GET by
rabbinical law. Rovo says that there is a doubt in the Torah itself if she
needs a GET in such a case. Thus, even if the marriage is blemished, she needs
a GET.
7.
Reb Yosef ben Leib
considered the rebbe of the Bais Yosef writes in volume II:19:3 that the custom
of rabbis is when rabbis argue about if a woman can remarry that even if a
majority of rabbis permit her to remarry, if a minority forbid it, we are
stringent and the woman cannot remarry. In a case of a person with a blemish, the
majority of rabbis forbid a woman to remarry, and in that case, surely the
woman has a problem remarrying.
8.
Tosfose there in Kesubose
72b says that some blemishes require a GET and some do not. Tosfose mentions
the blemish of EILENUSE [whereby a woman can have biah but cannot have
children, as she has a blemish in her entire system and is not like other women]
does not need a GET. But other blemishes do not free the woman without a GET.
9.
Some rishonim hold that
even when the husband did not know that she is an Eilunes, and he discovers
that she is, even though this is a serious blemish, she needs a GET.
10.
Rambam Ishuse 4:10 – If one
makes kiddushin whether the man is a Serise Chamo or Seris Odom, and so with an
Eilenuse who is married with Kiddushin [Erusin] these are complete marriages
[the couple is married by Torah law].
11.
Magid Mishneh quotes on the
above Rambam that Rabbeinu Tam ruled that an Eilunes who was not known to be
one and married with Erusin, that she needs a GET.
12.
Rambam Ishus 24:2 “One who
marries a woman and does not know her blemish and she turns out to be an
Eilunes, she does not get a Kesubo nor does she get the Conditions of a Kesubo,
but extra gifts from the husband to his wife she does keep.”
13.
Rambam ISHUS 7:8 One who
makes kiddushin [erusin] to a woman, and it is discovered that she has a
blemish that render a woman unfit or one of the oaths that she made renders her
unfit, and afterwards he discovers that she has this blemish, the marriage is a
doubt if it is negated [because he did not make a clear condition].”
14.
From this we see that if
the husband or wife did not make a clear condition and then it is discovered
that they have a bad blemish, the marriage is a doubt, maybe it is negated,
maybe not, and she needs a GET and without it she cannot marry.
15.
The Magid Mishneh explains
that the Rambam paskens like Rovo that if it is discovered after the Kiddushin
that the woman has a bad blemish it is a doubt and she requires a GET to
remarry. The gemora there says clearly that she needs a GET if no specific
condition was made to negate the marriage if she had this problem.
16.
This again is a proof that
even in serious blemishes we don’t allow the woman to remarry without a GET,
and many poskim hold like that, not like Reb Moshe.
17.
Rambam rules Ishuse 7:23
that if a man made a condition in Erusin that he did not want a wife with
certain blemishes, and the wife had them, the marriage is negated. But if
afterwards he married her with Chupah or
took her to his house and they were together and then he did not make a
condition, the woman is married and she needs a GET. Thus, even if there is
proof that Erusin is negated by a blemish, if there is Nisuin the conditions
may be negated and the woman needs a GET. Thus all people who want to negate a
marriage because of a blemish, if they did not make a clear condition before
the Chupa, they are married and the wife needs a GET. How does this agree with
Reb Moshe’s lenient negation of marriages, that seem to mean even if they were
married a few years and maybe even if they had children, the marriage is
negated?
18.
The Meiri Kesubose 72b D “H “One who marries a woman, etc.”
says that when a man marries a woman who has the blemishes of oaths that men
don’t tolerate, and he did not know about them, the marriage is negated and no
GET is needed. This is a proof to Reb Moshe that a strong blemish negates the
marriage.
19.
Reb Moshe and Chelkas
Mechokake EH 39:9 say that the woman must immediately leave the marriage if she
discovers a major blemish in the husband. But how do we know that she did leave
immediately?
20.
Thus, the issue of a
blemish to negate a marriage has various aspects and opinions. The majority who
discuss this do not permit the woman to remarry without a GET. Then we have the
opinion of Rosfose Kesubose 72b that it may depend on the level of blemish. If
so, who can determine what the thoughts of Chazal were in considering this?
21.
The latest assaults on
Shulchan Aruch by people who are inventing new ways to free a married woman
based on some invention in defiance of the Shulchan Aruch, are far away from
the ideas taught here.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Audio of Telephone Conference #7 Negation of Marriage without a GET?
Click on the link below to get to torahtimes.com and on top of the windows is one that is about Negation of Marriage without a GET?
Audio of tele-conference #7 Negation of Marriage without a GET?
Audio of tele-conference #7 Negation of Marriage without a GET?
Monday, May 11, 2015
Telephone Conference #7 Negation of Marriage without a GET
Telephone Conference Shiur #7 - Negating a Marriage without a GET
Shiur on Wednesday night 9:30 May 13 – Call 605-562-3130 then enter code 411161#
1. HaGaon Reb Moshe Feinstein in EH IV:52 writes that if a woman marries and finds out that the husband has a great defect, that the marriage can be negated without a GET. Cases are that the husband cannot have BIAH, or the husband is a Shoteh.
2. In EH IV:113 Reb Moshe permits the wife to remarry if her husband is discovered to be strongly involved in homosexuality. But this only applies if the wife, immediately upon learning about her husband’s problem left him and did not return.
3. However, “If it is impossible to get a GET from him we permit her to remarry, but if it is possible to get a GET from him we must do everything possible to get the GET.”
4. But why is there such a need to get a GET that everything possible, such as paying large sums of money, must be invoked? And the answer is, that it is extremely rare to find a Rov who permits a married woman to remarry without a GET, and even Reb Moshe commands us to get a GET at any cost, if possible
5. Also, Reb Moshe in EH I:79:1 brings from the Beis HaLevi Simon 3 and the Kovneh Rov, AIN YITSCHOK 24:6 and BIARE YITSCHOK 4:3, Gedolei hador in the time of the Chofetz Chaim who were are not sure that the marriage is negated by a great Mum or blemish.
6. The Kovneh Rov brings in AYIN YITSCHOK I:EH 24:7:44 that some authorities feel that there is a doubt whether if there is a great defect the marriage is negated: Chavass Yoir, the Besomim Rosh, Rashbatz and Shevuse Yaacov did not want to permit remarriage without a GET. If so many great authorities were not sure of the halacha with a great blemish and refuse to permit the wife to remarry, Reb Moshe took upon himself to permit this. But this does not mean that we do this as we see that the majority of the great authorities from previous generations did not consider the woman free to remarry.
7. Reb Yosef ben Leib, considered by some the rebbe of Rebbe Yosef Karo, writes in volume two IV:19:3, Regarding a woman remarrying when she may be forbidden to do this, we are stringent and forbid this, even if most authorities permit it.” What if most or all other authorities forbid it? That is the situation with Reb Moshe’s opinion about permitting a woman to remarry when nobody agrees with him. But there is another problem with this heter.
8. Reb Moshe himself says that the person who wants to cancel the marriage can only do so when the great blemish is discovered and immediately, without delay, the person leaves the house and has nothing to do with the blemished person. This is found in Chelkas Mechokake EH 39:9.
9. My question is: Let us assume that a blemish does permit a woman to be free of the marriage. But who knows that the wife immediately fled from the husband? Of course, now, hours or days or weeks later, she may have decided to leave. But if she delayed even by a small span of time, she is not free. And is it not likely that the woman was in a great state of shock and struggled to think things over. Leave? Maybe yes, maybe not. Perhaps being alone is worse. What would people say? Who will support me? What will the children say? How will the children ever marry if people know that their father was an active homosexual? What if the wife wants to straighten out her bank account that has large sums that if she has a few days can be in her favor, but if she just runs away, she may lose everything? What is the halacha about that? Who takes the responsibility to say it is not a problem?
10. Another problem is one I learned the hard way. I once needed a GET from somebody who would not allow a rabbi into his office. Reb Moshe had a teshuva permitting making the GET. A rabbi agreed to do the GET on the condition that he personally not give a document that the woman was properly divorced. Rather, he would write that according to Reb Moshe the GET was kosher. At that, I called Reb Moshe’s gabei and was told, “Just because it says that in the Teshuva sefer, does that mean that we do it?” I was stunned and just hung up. I called up Reb Aivigder Miller zt”l who told me, “Reb Moshe became stricter later in life and regretted some decisions he had made in earlier times. When the world was a complete disaster Reb Moshe felt he had to be very lenient. But as the word got frumer Reb Moshe pulled back.
11. If so, who says that anyone should do what Reb Moshe permits in this case when all rabbonim disagree with him?
12. I heard from the assistant to Rav Henkin, Rabbi Margolin, a similar thing. We used to doven in the same shull and we would talk. He told me that he constantly asked Rav Henkin to put out his teshuvose, because he was the posek hador in America before Reb Moshe, and he had a huge amount of teshuvose. But Rav Henkin refused. He felt that his teshuvose were for a lost generation, and he hoped that better times would come when his teshuvose were not appropriate.
13. If so, when we find an incredible chidush from Reb Moshe, who says something that nobody else in the world accepts, and what the greatest authorities discuss in depth and reject Reb Moshe’s leniency, who can go release a woman from a marriage and have her remarry and have children after that? Probably, there is a serious doubt if Reb Moshe himself would continue to hold this opinion. And even if he does maintain his leniency, how can we permit a woman to remarry when all of the great rabbis who discussed this refused to permit her to remarry? And how do we know that she really left immediately when finding out the problem with the husband?
14. Another problem. A marriage made with the understanding that it will only be viable if such and such are done. Or a marriage that is only viable if a person does not have a certain problem. If the condition is not fulfilled do we cancel the marriage? If the marriage was made with ERUSIN alone, only giving a ring, for instance, and the condition is not fulfilled, the marriage is off. But if the couple had CHUPAH or intimacy, the condition may be cancelled. See Shulchan Aruch EH 38:35.
15. “One who makes ERUSIN with a condition [that cancels the marriage if the condition is not fulfilled], but has relations with his wife without mentioning the condition, [and the condition is not fulfilled seemingly canceling the marriage] she needs a GET [meaning she is married despite the condition that cancelled the marriage] even though the condition was not fulfilled. We suspect that he negated the condition when he had relations with her or brought her into his home. Ramo – And if somebody else marries her she needs a GET from both of them.” We see from this that even when somebody says he will marry only if a certain condition is fulfilled, and the condition is not fulfilled, if he has relations or CHUPAH with his wife, we fear that he negated his conditions. This could be because “nobody wants to have marital relations that are zenuse.” See also EH 38:36 at the end that she is married after the intimacy and he must give her a KESUBO even if the condition for the marriage is not fulfilled.
16. Thus although if somebody makes a condition to marry and the condition is not fulfilled the marriage is off, that only applies to ERUSIN, without CHUPAH or BIAH. But if somebody makes a condition that only with this condition is there a marriage and then there is CHUPAH or intimacy, there is a serious question if the condition is negated by the CHUPAH or intimacy. Because once a person has CHUPAH or intimacy and still presses the condition, the marriage is off. And the CHUPAH and intimacy were outside of a marriage, or Zenuse. Therefore, it is quite possible that any condition made for ERUSIN is negated upon CHUPAH or intimacy. But a woman married with CHUPAH or intimacy, even if we would normally assume that no man or woman would accept such a blemish in marriage, this is only prior to CHUPAH. But once there is CHUPAH conditions are negated so that the intimacy is not Zenuse. If so, in all cases where the marriage is negated because of a MUM or serious problem, once there was CHUPAH it is possible that the marriage is still viable to prevent BIAS ZENUSE.
17. See Yevomose 107 “Nobody makes his intimacy Zenuse” and “a marriage made with certain conditions, those conditions are negated when the couple is together” means basically that the marriage with CHUPAH survives the requirement of conditions. This is a complicated topic but surely it is not a simple thing to free a woman who is married to somebody who has a great blemish MUM, especially as other than Reb Moshe nobody permits it, and everyone forbids it. And, as I mentioned earlier, Reb Moshe’s teshuvose often contain material that he personally refused to permit in later years. Perhaps this is one of them.
18. It is a tragedy that in Philadelphia we have Roshei Yeshiva who encourage a woman to remarry without a GET, even though I am going to publicize that her remarriage is AISHESS ISH and her children from the second “husband” are mamzerim. Whoever permits this married woman to remarry without a GET deserves NIDUI.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Audio Kabbala on the Diminishing of the Moon and Suffering
Audio file from Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn on the strangest teaching in the Talmud and Medrash, G-d's confrontation with the Moon at Creation.
Click on the link below to go to torahtimes.com, and then click on audio file about Moon.
Audio File on Diminishing the Moon
Click on the link below to go to torahtimes.com, and then click on audio file about Moon.
Audio File on Diminishing the Moon
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Telephone conference Marriage Recognized and Not Recognized by the Torah
Telephone Shiur #6
Wed night 9:30 PM 5/6/15 Call 605-562-3130 then code 411161#
Marriage Recognized
and Not Recognized by the Torah
Rabbi Dovid E.
Eidensohn/845-578-1917
1.
What kind of marriage is
recognized by the Torah?
2.
When a Jew gives a ring or
valuable object to a Jewish woman and says “you are mekudeshes to me” or a
similar phrase, the woman is married to the man. EH 27:1. Marriage can also be
created by giving a document of marriage to the woman and she accepts it, and
it says that she is mekudeshes to the man who gave her the document EH 31:1.
Also, if the husband has marital relations with a Jewish woman with intent to
marry they are married EH33:1. Two Orthodox witnesses must witness any act of
Kiddushin EH 27:2; 31:1; 33:1.
3.
If witnesses know that a
Jew and a Jewess are together and having marital relations, and we know that
they were once married but now are divorced, we assume that their being
together in front of witnesses or with the knowledge of kosher witnesses is an
act of marriage and they are married EH 149:5.
4.
But if the two were not
originally married and then divorced, we assume that the two intended not
marriage but Zenuse and there is no marriage. Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 149:5.
5.
If a husband and wife are
together in a community where marriage is often not established by Torah ritual
but by governmental or social style, and the people probably consider
themselves married, either because they are ignorant of the Torah or deny the
Torah or ignore the Torah, we have a problem if kosher witnesses knew of them.
6.
The Gadol of America, Rav
Yosef Eliyohu Henkin zt”l, wrote in Lev Ivro that when two Jews marry in a
secular ceremony but they consider it marriage, or the type of secular marriage
has a name, civil marriage, that indicates marriage and not Zenuse, we assume
that they are married. (Lev Ivro page 12). Reb Moshe Feinstein zt”l disagrees
EH IV:81. This is also a machlokess between the Ragetshover who is machmir and
HaGaon Reb Yonoson Shteif who says the custom is to be lenient, see Teshuvose Rav Shteif #118.
7.
If the husband and wife
make a two ring ceremony, it would seem that both share in the act of
Kiddushin, which could result in no Torah marriage at all. On the other hand,
maybe the wife knows that her mother married with one ring, and she wants to
give a ring only to be modern, but without violating the basic idea of Torah
kiddushin. Reb Moshe Feinstein zt”l wrote in Even Hoezer IV:13:4 that in such a
case the couple must be told by the rabbi that the marriage is when the husband
gives the ring, and the wife may give the ring only after she is married by the
husband’s giving of the ring, as a celebration of the previous act of marriage.
But if this was not done, Reb Moshe does not know what to say, because who
knows what the couple was thinking?
8.
Also in the time of Rav
Henkin even secular people recognized the role of the male as being the head of
the house and the woman he married came into his possession. Therefore, any
kind of “marriage” would satisfy the Torah requirements. But today with gender
wars and the women insisting on being equal to men “marriage” means not what
the Torah calls Kiddushin, when the wife is possessed by the husband, but
rather a partnership. If so, the “partnership” marriage does not create Torah
marriage.
9.
Because of this, couples
without kosher Kiddushin living together in New York or other areas where
Orthodox Jews live and the couple has a de facto marriage without Kiddushin, we
have a problem if by Torah law they are married. If they are married and broke
up without a GET, we have a problem if the woman can remarry without a GET. And
if she does remarry without a GET, we have a problem if the children are
mamzerim.
1 .
A woman in order to gain
entrance to a country pretends to marry a man who is a citizen of that country,
and she stays in his house, so that they
both appear as man and wife. The man makes a condition he will do the woman a
favor so she can enter the country, but she must stay in his house for three
months and then she must leave and they will separate. Reb Moshe says she is
not married by Torah standards. Igeres Moshe EV VI:112
1.
A woman is married to a man
in a Reform ceremony. The man and his ancestors were Reform. Reb Moshe
Feinstein zt”l in Igeres Moshe IV:75 says that there is no marriage. In that
case the couple was together a short time and were not in a neighborhood with
frumeh Yidden. Yet Reb Moshe says that if possible a GET should be given. But
if this is not possible he permits the woman to remarry without a GET.
1.
A woman wanted to marry a
Kohen but she is a divorcee. So she went to a Reform rabbi and married the
Kohen. Reb Moshe says that she is not married to the Kohen because the Reform
marriage is not a marriage. And if there are Orthodox people who know that they
live together there may be kiddushin from biah, but that only applies to
Orthodox people who don’t want to live with Zenuse. But people who go to Reform
don’t have compunctions with what we
call Zenuse. So there is no marriage, because those who are hefker regarding
Torah and mitsvose have no reluctance to make a Biah of Zenuse. Igeres Moshe
IV:76.
1 .
In Igeres Moshe IV:77 Reb
Moshe makes it clear that Reform people don’t make a ceremony of marriage
acceptable to the Torah and they are deniers so that even Rav Henkin who
considers civil marriage a Torah marriage would agree that this does not apply
to Reform deniers of the Torah.
1 In Igeres Moshe IV:78 Reb
Moshe says that a goy who is converted by a Conservative rabbi who is mechalel
Shabbos who marries a Jewish woman with such a rabbi, she is not married. Rabbis
known to be kofrim make invalid marriages and are invalid witnesses so she is
not married.
1.
A woman who met a man and
they married in civil court where there were no Orthodox witnesses and stayed
together only a few days. She is not married as no Orthodox witnesses knew they
were together. Igeres Moshe IV:80
1.
A Russian woman married
there at a time when the government treated marriage as an easily broken thing
and the government itself sometimes breaks up a marriage to serve the
government. If the woman wants to be frum we can clarify what happened and find
a reason to permit her to remarry. But if she won’t be frum we don’t have to help her get married and live in sin.
Igeres Moshe IV:81.
1.
See Reb Yonosan Shteif zt”l
in his teshuvose207 is a Pilegesh permitted or forbidden. A Yevomo LaShuk who is
a pilegesh is this permitted? See
his teshuva at length forbidding
a Yevoma LaShuk to be a pilegesh.
1.
A woman finds out that her
husband is a mumar. Is this kiddushei toose? See Reb Yonosan Shteif 103. See
degrees of Mumar in teshuvose Yam Shel Shlomo #41 that perhaps applies in this
case also. See also Ayin Yitschok I:24 about mekach yoose in marriage.
1.
If somebody is married and
takes another woman without kiddushin, and she stopped going to the Mikvah, and
this goes on for many years, when she leaves the man, does she need a GET?
Tsemach Tsedek from Lubavitch EH I:138 has lengthy discussion of this. He does
not say a definite thing but concludes that there are proofs to be lenient.
This is about a Pilegesh if she needs a GET.
. Regarding Pilegesh see
Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 13:7: “A Pilegesh who lives only with one man who
wants to marry somebody else must wait ninety days.” From this it seems that
she does not need a GET because it only demands a delay of ninety days. The Gro
there #19 says that she wants to have children. That is, they are married in
practice if not with Kiddushin. And it would seem that there is no need of a
GET as this is not mentioned. See Even Hoezer 26:1 a machlokess about Pilegesh
forbidden or permitted.
.
A husband is discovered to
have a terrible fault such as being unable to have intimacy, we try to get a
GET from him. If that is impossible, there is a great discussion in the Poskim.
See Igeres Moshe EH1:80 at the end there his lenient opinion, and the opinion
of the Gaon of Kovna in Ayin Yitschok EH 24 and Bare Yitschok 4 that this might
be forbidden dirabonon.
2 Let us conclude that there
is a great difference of opinion regarding many Jewish marriages, if they are
valid or if people need a GET in order to remarry. We have previously discussed
the issues of forcing husbands to give a GET that could make mamzerim.
2 It is a time to learn Even
Hoezer, and each day, it is more important to learn Even Hoezer.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Audio of telephone conference on a forced GET
click below and see www.torahtimes.com with many windows that hold posts. Click on the window on torahtimes.com that holds the post of Audio of telephone conference on a forced GET.
Audio of telephone conference on a forced GET
When you see the post with the audio about forcing a GET on torahtimes.com, click on the audio so it plays.
Audio of telephone conference on a forced GET
When you see the post with the audio about forcing a GET on torahtimes.com, click on the audio so it plays.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Telephone Conference Shiur #5 - Beth Din Coerces a GET
Telephone Conference Shiur #5 - Beth Din Coerces a GET
1.
Even Hoezer 77 paragraphs 2
and 3 make it clear that in general it is forbidden to coerce a husband to
divorce his wife despite her demands and protests. And yet there are some times
when a husband can be forced to divorce his wife, such as when it is forbidden
to live with a relative see EH 154.
2.
Even Hoezer 1:3 should we
force somebody over twenty years old to marry? Shulchan Aruch says yes and Ramo
says the custom is not to force people in choosing a mate in marriage even if
they are not doing the mitzvah properly. See the Gro there #9,#10 seems to
approve of forcing people to fulfill the mitzvah not like the Ramo but like the
Shulchan Aruch. Here forcing a mitzvah is permitted by some authorities, but
forcing a GET is in general not
permitted.
3.
See Ramo in Shulchan Aruch
EH I:10 a man marries two wives can we force him to divorce one. Two opinions
in Ramo. Here two wives is a sinful marriage because of Cherem Rabbeinu Gershon
not to marry two wives. And in a sinful marriage a divorce can be forced.
4.
When the Shulchan Aruch rarely
approves of forcing a husband to give a GET, how does this work? Today there
are no mumchim. See gemora Gittin 88b. See also Choshen Mishpot beginning of
Simon 1 in Nesivose, Tumim, and Ketsose in Simon 3.
5.
Chazon Ish Gittin 99:2 when
Beth Din mistakenly tells the husband he must give a GET and that is not the
law, the GET is invalid for two reasons min haTorah. Thus a Beth Din has no
power to force a GET when the Shulchan Aruch says the husband in that case
cannot be forced. And if the Beth Din paskens without forcing the husband and
the husband gives the GET the GET is invalid and the children are mamzerim
diorayso.
6.
What was the power of the Geonim to permit forcing
a husband in defiance of the gemoras that clearly indicate that a husband in
most cases cannot be forced to divorce? Tosfose Rid Gittin 89a based on gemora
Bovo Basra מצוה לשמוע לדברי חכמים.
What does this mean?
7.
See also Tosfose Kesubose
63b AVOL discussion at length about coercing a GET.
8.
Did the Geonim permit
always to force a GET when the wife demands it, or was this a temporary ruling
that is not applicable today? A machlokess HaRishonim in this see Ramban and
Baal HaMoor on the Rif Kesubose 63b.
9.
What is the authority of a
Rov or a Beth Din to teach people the halacha and to insist that they obey? See
Rashbo in Teshuva I:253.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Book Secret of the Cherubin first 3 chapters
Book on Cherubin
Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn
Secret of the Cherubin -
Chapter One
In the Holy Temple
and the Tabernacle of Sinai there were various rooms and courtyards, some
holier than others. The highest sanctity was in the inner sanctum, the Holy of Holies.
In the Holy of Holies was the Holy Ark. Inside the Holy Ark were the Tablets
Moses brought down from Mount Sinai and a Torah scroll. On top of the Holy Ark
were decorative images of winged angels in the guise of a boy and girl, called
the Cherubin.
The Ark contained a
Torah scroll and the Tablets of Moses. Why did the Cherubin stand atop the Ark
and its holy treasures?
The holy work Tano
Divei Eliyohu or The Yeshiva of Eliyohu HaNovi begins with the idea that the
Cherubin preceded all of the Creation of Genesis. It continues to say that
Derech Erets, meaning proper character traits, precedes the Tree of Life and
the Torah. This is essentially the famous saying, “Derech Erets precedes the
Torah.” Derech Erets is how we relate to others and to ourselves, and how our
personality and human processes operate. Thus, the Cherubin represented the
purity of humanity ready to learn and obey the Torah. A Jew devoted to Torah
but whose personality is flawed cannot achieve a proper level of Torah.
But there is another
aspect of the Cherubin mentioned there. The book Tano Divei Eliyohu begins with
“And He drove the man out” of the Garden of Eden after the sin of Adam and Eve.
“And He established the Cherubin in front of the Garden of Eden” to prevent
people from entering the Garden. With the Cherubin was “a sharply bladed sword
that twisted.” Thus, the Cherubin are avenging angels.
The Cherubin are
avenging angels who appear in the guise of children, a boy and a girl. This is
amazing. Do children become avenging angels? But a purity of heart that merits
a purity of Torah cannot tolerate evil. It struggles to maintain the purity of
the Holy of Holies and whatever Torah level is has achieved. This battle is a
constant and mighty battle, requiring great efforts and wisdom. Those who seek
the Garden of Eden and higher holiness battle with an angelic evil force, the
Satan, and inner biological and ego issues that require much planning and
patience. The great rabbis warn us that if we seek to go too high we can fall.
The weapon we use is a “blade of a twisting sword.” We must know when to go
higher and when to accept our present level. To err is to be in danger. And we
must constantly pray for divine assistance, because how can a mortal filled
with evil forces succeed?
The highest level
of Derech Erets is in proper and loving marital intimacy. Thus the Cherubin,
representing Derech Erets, are boy and girl. This symbolizes marital relations,
the highest level of Derech Erets, as a pure and innocent love.
The Torah and the
Cherubin represent Torah and Derech Erets, or how to observe the Torah in human
relations. But the Cherubin are more than simply the idea of relating to other
people. The Cherubin represent the incredible concept of G‑d, alone in His
Self, who sought to relate to others. We cannot approach the depth of this
properly without the wisdom of G‑d which we lack. But we must appreciate it.
We must emulate G‑d.
We must seek to relate to others. We must connect to others, and respect them,
even if by so doing we may denigrate our own honor and glory. The world is filled
with denial of the Truth and Torah. Yet it is G‑d's wish to make such a world
in order that people can accept challenge and merit reward. Relating to others
is more important than we can imagine. We, each of us, are more important than
we can imagine. So we must remind ourselves of our importance, and yet, we must
work on modesty. The sword is sharp but it turns and twists, up and down.
Truly, life is a “ladder standing on the ground, and its top is in the
heavens.” But if we don’t do things properly we can fall off of the ladder. And
when we fall, the higher we were, the greater is the damage from the fall.
Thus, the Cherubin,
boy and girl together, represent several important teachings. Through them we
understand somewhat why HaShem created people. First of all, the Cherubin were
innocent and pure, and therefore Cherubin in Aramaic, means “children.” Thus, we must
strive for purity. Purity means many things, but it surely means we must relate
to others without envy and hate. It is possible that relating to others without
envy or hate is the hardest command in the Torah. The Second Temple was
destroyed because of vain hatred.
Another lesson in
the idea of Cherubin being “children”
male and female is that Adam was created alone until he discovered, “it is not
good for a man to be alone.” Then HaShem created Eve. Adam and Eve then had
children and the world is their progeny. But marriage is a “twisting sword.” On
the one hand marriage may be the highest level of humanity. It requires a
supreme Derech Erets for two different people to marry. And the biological
passions associated with childbirth threaten us constantly with evil thoughts
that easily lead to sin. We are always struggling with these opposite poles of
humanity. But the Cherubin, boy and girl, represent the idea that humans can
struggle towards the ideal and the goal of purity in a world of the opposite.
For this was a person created. And when a person tries to be pure, heavenly
forces embrace and encourage him. If he fails and sin, evil forces embrace and
destroy him.
The Holy of Holies
teaches us that despite the evil in the world and in all of us, we must recall
the possibility of the highest purity as indicated with the Cherubin astride
the Ark.
Reb Yisroel
Salanter founded the Musar Movement to emphasize Derech Erets and proper social
and personal behavior. He said that it is easier to master the Talmud than to
purify one bad character trait. Great is our burden. But the Torah and the heavenly
realm are there to empower us to succeed.
King Saul, the
tallest of the Jews in his time, was a mighty warrior and the king of Israel,
the first king. And yet, we are told, “Saul was as a one year old child” in his purity. How
could this be? Because the Cherubin teach us that life is to have temptations
of ego and illicit desire and to fight them. Saul merited being as pure as a
child without the hate and illicit desires that deprive people of holiness.
The great
challenges of life are not in the Torah and its commands, because one twisted
with hate will twist the Torah. One who has a pure heart and a pure mind and
only such a person can learn Torah properly. Thus, Torah without Cherubin is a
mortal danger. But when we seek Torah and Derech Erets, the Torah that we learn
is pure.
The Zohar accepts
that marriage and having children are done using the Evil Inclination within
us. But it must be a servant and not the manager. As a servant, it creates
lovely children with lofty souls. As a manager it destroys.
Thus, the Cherubin,
boy and girl, represent human relations at its purest level. This includes
marital relations that elevate a person as perhaps nothing else.
All of us outside
of the Garden of Eden struggle to find goodness. But our world is saturated
with biological and spiritual forces that threaten Torah values. When we
struggle with darkness a light comes from the highest heavens to help us. The
supreme achievement is to achieve purity similar to that of young children.
This is the teaching of the Cherubin.
Chapter Two
Cherubins Stand on the Ark in the Temple
Why did the Cherubin stand on the Ark containing
the Holy Torah and the Sacred Tablets? But Cherubins were baby-faced angels of
kindness but could also be avenging angels. Anyone who entered the Holy of
Holies and did not belong there would deal with the Cherubins. To know how to
behave with kindness or attack requires a knowledge of Torah. Thus, the
Cherubin stood upon the Torah to be guided.
It is very easy, and happens frequently, that
somebody does something very wrong because he thinks he is doing a good deed. This is especially
prevalent in family as we will discuss.
Light
and Darkness
“And it was evening and it was morning, one
day.” G‑d created the world with both light and darkness. The physical world
has light and darkness, day and night. And the spiritual world has light and
darkness, goodness and evil.
The physical world
after sunset and before sunrise has periods of confusion. It is in between day
and night but seems to be neither. This “between the sun’s rising or setting”
has no clear status as day or night. The spiritual world also has light and
obvious goodness, and it has darkness and obvious evil. It also has things that
are confusing. We are not sure if it is good or bad, or both, or what.
Thus, the Cherubin,
angels, stand on the Holy Ark in the Holy of Holies. Sometimes the Cherubin are
as baby-faced loving children. And sometimes they are avenging angels. Rooted
in Torah, the Cherubin know what to do, when do be kind and when destructive.
How do we apply
this to our lives?
The Cherubin, boy
and girl, represented purity in marriage, perhaps the greatest mortal level.
Marriage is a very special and holy level, but it also requires elements that
can go in the other direction. It is very difficult to know what to do, even to
know what is right and what is wrong. Let us take some examples.
Much of marriage
goes in opposite directions. For instance, Rambam tells us that the husband must honor his wife more
than himself, and that the wife must treat her husband as if he was a great
officer. That is very nice. But what about when the husband feels that he is
the one who makes Kiddush and learns Torah and explains halacha, not the wife.
And what if the wife feels that she is the one who is entrusted with holding a
baby until birth and raising it, while the husband is outside of the home,
doing things that may be less important in the long run than creating good
people.
What if the husband
points out to his wife that he is the one who learns and teaches Torah. And the
wife rejoins that the Zohar teaches that the first word in the Torah is בראשית whose letters are בית ראש meaning “the house
is primary.” Who is right? Who is wrong?
In my work Secret
of the Scale we talk about this at length, and we want to discuss these matters
again and add some more material. But our point here is simply that marriage is
a time of confusion. And the Cherubin remind us that we must be rooted in
Torah, “standing on the Ark” in order to proceed.
The Gaon Reb Shlomo
Zalman Aurebach lost his wife in his old age. He came to the funeral and
refused to ask his wife publicly for forgiveness. People came to him and
questioned this. It is the Jewish custom to be forgiveness at that time. Reb
Shlomo Zalman answered, “I never did anything to displease her. So why should I
ask her forgiveness.” Here is a great Gaon and a great Tsadik. But to be
married fifty years and never aggravate your wife? That is something special.
It might also be very unusual.
The great conflict
in marriage is not the conflict of Torah and the house. It is the conflict of
two people who are very different in many ways. How can the live together for
fifty years with never a wrong word? That is the power of Torah. And even those
who do have Torah rarely achieve it. As Reb Yisroel Salanter said, “It is
easier to master the Talmud than to master one bad character trait.”
One thing I learn
from the Cherubin is that to stand astride the Ark and do the right thing you
have to be an angel. What does that do for me? I don’t know if it does anything
for me. But it does tell me to get to work. And “one who comes to purify
himself merits heavenly help.” Yes, there is heavenly help. And yes, there are
angels. And we need help constantly.
But I have a more
practical path. We will discuss this in chapter Three. It is called, “Shalom
Bayis Beth Din,” an idea approved by Gedolei HaDor that could really make a
dent in the broken marriages we see today.
Chapter Three - Shalom Bayis Beth Din
The Gaon Rav Mayer
Mintz zt”l once told me the following. A Jew did such a terrible sin that
nobody ever heard of a Jew doing such a thing. They went to a rabbi who told
them, “I don’t know why the Jew did such a thing, but this I know. He did it to
serve HaShem.” That is, we are limited in our evil-doing when we know we are
doing wrong. Perhaps we were overwhelmed by anger or desire and do something we
know is wrong. But if we know it is wrong, we have to limit the scope of the
evil. If, however, we are convinced that the evil deed is not evil but a good
deed, a mitzvah, why should we refrain from doing it completely?
We have in family
the best and the worst. The best is when people marry and try their best to
succeed. But as time goes on, and the problems multiply, there may be a
different atmosphere in the home. Eventually, somebody says something and the
other spouse is very offended. Words are exchanged. A coldness pervades the
home. Relatives sense it and are told the complaints. From then, it is
downhill. As the bitterness becomes public knowledge, certain types intervene
and encourage the worst. And the worst does happen. Finally, somebody may want
a divorce. And the other spouse refuses. This leads to war. Hate and
destruction rain down on the house and the children and cause terrible pain to
the couple. It may never end and it may constantly get worse and worse. Why?
Because the warring people are sure that they are the righteous one, and the
other one is the evil one. So why not destroy an evil person?
Enter Shalom Bayis
Beth Din.
Shalom Bayis Beth
Din is not a Beth Din to deal with divorce and giving a GET. Shalom Bayis Beth
Din never deals with a GET as it is only there to assure Shalom Bayis. How does
it work?
The task of Shalom
Bayis Beth Din is one, to educate about how to behave in a marriage. This
education can begin before the wedding, even long before it. I once told a
prominent therapist that education for marriage should begin at the age of
three, he countered that the latest scientific evidence is that the education
should begin much earlier than that, before gestation! At any rate, the earlier
the better.
Shalom Bayis Beth
Din is there to deal with any arguments or differences of opinion in the
marriage, to extinguish the sparks of war before they really ignite. How is
this done?
First of all,
Shalom Bayis Beth very strongly urges a couple never to discuss their complaints
with relatives and friends. Those personally inclined towards relatives and
friends and can make a bad marriage worse. We even have idealistic people who
seek opportunities to “enlighten” married people about the “benefit” of a war
against the other spouse.
Secondly, when told
of a complaint, Shalom Bayis Beth Din listens carefully, but deals with the
complaint to limit it so that it doesn’t become the great excuse to make war
and hideous horrors in the house.
Third of all, when
it seems that somebody wants a divorce, we follow the advice of the great Gaon
and expert in personal matters, Rebbe Yaacov Kaminetsky, who told a Rov: “Ask
her if her husband would be good enough for a zivuge shaynee.”
Until now Shalom
Bayis Beth Din is only voluntary. But if the family has no great worry about
disobeying the Shalom Bayis Beth Din, there are times when the pain and passion
overcome all reason. Therefore, the couple when it approaches Shalom Bayis Beth
Din, is given an option of pledging in writing, in a document valid in American
law, that the couple will obey the ruling of the Shalom Bayis Beth Din not to
do this or to do that. And if they Beth Din is not obeyed, the Beth Din has a
right to fine the spouse who defies it.
In such a
situation, if the spouse continues, say, to beat his wife, and the fines
multiply, the person may realize that he cannot control himself (which is
common) and he realizes that he will lose a lot of money, because the Beth Din
has a legal document that requires the fine to be paid. At that point, he may
decide to agree on a GET, to save himself the fines. This is not a GET Meuoso,
a forced GET. I have discussed this with great authorities. The fine is not to
give as GET. The opposite is true. The fine is to make Shalom Bayis and sustain
the marriage. But the only escape for one who cannot control himself is a GET.
This hopefully will limit the amount of women who are refused a GET.
A prominent Gaon of
the past generation told me that he never saw a husband who beat his wife stop
beating his wife. He said it is a sickness. If so, the fine could convince the
husband to divorce. But this is not the purpose of the Beth Din nor does it
want to deal with divorces. Better that another Beth Din deal with divorce. But
if there is nobody else to take care of it, someone worthy will decide whether
the Shalom Bayis Beth Din should get involved with a GET. But again, the Shalom
Bayis Beth Din is only there to make Shalom Bayis and does not talk about GET
in any way to encourage it. Of course, it could mention that if the fights keep
getting worse every day that who knows, it may end up a divorce. But the Beth
Din does not in any way shape or form encourage a GET. If the husband or wife
want a GET, again, it is better that another Beth Din deal with it. And if only
the Beth Din should be able to succeed with the GET, a worthy person must
decide what to do.
An important part
of Shalom Bayis Din’s activities is teaching about intimacy. There are hideous
problems from marriages that are destroyed by frumkeit regarding intimacy. There
are unbelievable sins when there is not a happy functioning intimacy in the
house. We hope to discuss this in more detail later on.
A man had been
fighting terribly with his wife and were separated many years without a GET. I
read him a few lines in the Shulchan Aruch. He jumped up and said, “I need a
wife.” If people could read the Shulchan Aruch, if they realized the true
halacha of how to behave in marriage, so many marriages would succeed. But
today, there is great ignorance across the board about the laws of marriage and
divorce.
The Cherubin stand
asride the Torah, because everything depends on the halacha. Every marriage
should also stand astride the Shulchan Aruch, because only when people know the
halacha and obey it can we really hope for a successful marriage.
Shalom Bayis Beth
Din is a project of the Jewish Outreach Congregation, which is heavily involved
in education about marriage and divorce. We will deal with this in the coming
chapter, Chapter Four Teaching the Laws of Marriage, Family and Divorce.
Chapter Four – Laws
of Marriage, Family and Divorce
We have mentioned
above that the Cherubin had faces of children, to symbolize purity. They were
boy and girl to indicate the holiness of marriage and family. And they stood
astride the Holy Ark with the Torah of Moshe inside along with the Tablets from
HaShem and Sinai, to show that we must root ourselves always in halacha as
taught in the Torah. When people know the laws of marriage, family and divorce,
there is hope. When people don’t know the laws of marriage, family and divorce,
there are problems.
Today there are
terrible problems. Jewish Outreach Congregation has been working hard the past
years to rectify the terrible ignorance about these sacred laws. I spoke at
length to the posek hador HaGaon Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev of Jerusalem zt”l
about these problems, and he encouraged me to struggle against the ignorance
and worse that is going on today. (not completed)
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