Profile Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Torah Holidays - Nissan and Tishrei


Torah Holidays
By Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn
The months of the year have special holidays and special months. The Jewish calendar begins in the spring month of Nisan and ends with the winter month of Adar. The greatest group of holy holidays and holy days is in Tishrei in the summer, which follows the holy month of Elul. Tishrei begins with Rosh HaShana, the New Year, which ten days later is Yom Kippur the fast day of penitence, and a few days later Succose, the festival of the Tent, when people leave their homes and eat and sleep in Succose. In climates very cold few people sleep in the Succah, but do eat in the Succah. The eighth day of Succose is a new holiday called Shemini Atseres, which means the holiday of the eight day, the eighth day of Succose.
Strangely, the first Jewish month, which is Nissan, although it has the important holiday of Pesach, or Passover, is completely outclassed by Tishrei. It would seem that by rights Nissan should be the beginning of the Jewish year, and the senior candidate to be Rosh HaShana, the New Year. Instead, Rosh HaShana is seven months later, the first day of Tishrei. That day is the big holiday of the year, with the blowing of the Shofar, and great efforts to make it the pure and holy holiday that determines the future of the year.
Another strange thing about Nissan and Tishrei is that Nissan is the beginning of the Jewish year, and Rosh HaShana the gentile or general year. But the gentile year is the day of the greatest and holiest celebration, the blowing of the Shofar, the reading of the Torah, and holiday dress, and the first day of Nissan is not a major holiday at all.
But on Nissan the Jews left Egypt, not with a Torah that had not yet been given by HaShem and Moses to the Jews, but as a people who were slaves and now going to the Holy Land of Israel, but not yet there. On the first day of Nissan the Jews were still in Egypt with only a few Torah commands. Two weeks later the Jews were commanded to sacrifice the Paschal lamb, and about the sin of eating bread and the mitsvah of eating matsose. But Nissan was not the great day of celebration. It was rather a beginning, a very small beginning, of the year, which concluded in Tishrei, which was essentially a Rosh HaShana for the gentiles, not the Jews. There is an important Torah teaching in this strange situation. The Jewish people are “the smallest of the nations” but their task is to bring Torah and goodness to the entire world, to all of the gentiles. For this reason, the key holiday is not Nissan but Tishrei, because only in Tishrei have the Jews advanced to the level of receiving the Torah and the Ten Commandments at Sinai and merited to hear HaShem speaking to them. Nissan is special because it is “light from darkness,” Jewish slaves to Egypt who escape with miracles to go to Sinai and eventually receive there the Torah. Perhaps nothing is so crucial to Israel as the mitsvah of teaching the entire world about HaShem and Torah. And the culmination of this command is on the gentile holiday of Rosh HaShana, the New Year, a New Year, not for Jews whose New Year is Nissan, but for the Jews who fulfill their task of teaching Torah to the world.

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Pneumonia Fixed with Medication and the Hospital


Pneumonia, Part Two, Baruch HaShem finished
Dovid Eidensohn

I went today to my doctor and he studied me very carefully about my pneumonia. He finished his work and told me that there is not a trace of pneumonia left in me, but that I must now be very careful not to stir things up and make problems. He suggested a few weeks of peace of mind, and only then getting once again into the thick of things.
He sent me to a lab to study my blood, and told me that in two weeks I have to redo an x-ray about my general situation and the passing of the pneumonia. The happiness in my heart that I heard such good words from this doctor, who is surely one of the top experts in his field, gave me strength that had eluded me for a few weeks. I walked with a steady pace to the doctor’s office, and returned full blast, although I was careful to force myself to sit down at one point and relax. Then I got up and went home full of happiness.
When a person is my age and has pneumonia or some terrible disease, one senses that just in the next room in the Angel of Death. And when the doctor gives us the good news that the pneumonia is gone and that if we behave there is surely hope for a healthy future, we surely want to thank HaShem for fears that may not return.
I want to say more, but the doctor warned me to take my joy slow and easy unless I want to make a mess of things. So I will obey him and thank HaShem and conclude for me at this time.

Sunday, August 12, 2018

A Time to Love, and a Time to Hate


A Time to Love, and a Time to Hate
Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn

A time to love, and a time to hate, is a biblical phrase, usually used to explain how all people feel from time to time. But today, in America, and increasingly in other countries, larger populations, stronger communications, technical improvements; these modern elements unite people into movements and feelings that are very strong, and invariably, spill out into fear of others and fear of not fighting back.
A friend of mine has for years studied human issues, even as I was busy studying Talmud. I began to realize talking to him that building in the United States was a war between strongly opposed organizations or ideologies. I began studying the issue from various sources and it was obvious that something was gong on out there that had to be studied. At this point, I feel that the quarrels and hate are growing, but wherever they are today, is just the beginning. The important thing now is to somehow address this problem and maybe solve it. Let me explain as I understand it why now, is the critical time to deal with this growing phenomenon.
The forces at war are biblical people who follow how they understand is heavenly values, and people who dismiss the bible and have biological drives they cannot control. Sometimes biblical people cannot control their biblical desires and sin with children or with other people, and sometimes people who are not biblical feel a need to be pure in moral matters. But the rest of us have a variety of what I described, and they are two strong and fanatic forces, growing stronger and stronger, and heading towards pure war. The only hope is to head off this war with some kind of effort.
This is not my idea. I understand that a major leader in one of the groups has suggested that what we need is the ability to talk things over. Yes, it surely won’t be easy for both sides to talk together without solving first their differences, which can’t be done without great struggle. When we know that both sides are matched in populations, share the ability to access weapons, which will surely lead to let’s not discuss it more, this must force us to the table.
I don’t think that the first table of such conference will have a big table, but it will be a beginning. If we can find a couple of leaders on each side, who realize what the cost of failing is, they can get a few more leaders, and eventually, the media will pick up the growing numbers on both sides who want to save their own lives and the lives of their families, and there is some hope, that maybe, some efforts, some sacrifice, and some prayers, things may either be solved, or if not, be held off for as long as we can manage it. After all, we Orthodox Jews await the coming of Messiah, and we hope he doesn’t arrive during the final battle, heaven forfend.
As I said before, I am a Talmudist, not a people person, and don’t have great knowledge of people and surely know nothing of organizations. Perhaps somebody like me who only awaits the wonderful day when I can be finished with this job, can ask others who do want the job, to step up to the plate.
Anyone interested, from any side, call me at David Eidensohn 845-578-1917 (land-line, leave a message where to call you back), or write to me at eidensohnd@gmail.com. After all, I am almost eighty years old, but if you are young man and don’t want to see the end of this problem, it pays you to give it a try.
Shalom and peace to one and all,
David Eidensohn


HaShem Helps - in Hebrew language


פותח את ידך ומשביע לכל חי רצון.
ממני דוד אליהו אידנסון

הנה ידוע שמשיח שיבא בקרוב בימינו עוד פועל הנסים שלו בדיבור ולא  צריך לעשות על ידי מעשה. ובודאי שהקב"ה עושה דברים בדיבור. ולא צריך לידים. וא"כ מהו פותח את ידך ומשביע לכל חי רצון. שכן ידך קמץ עם סגול הוא ב' ידים יד ימין ויד שמאל. וזה ודאי צריך ביאוור למה הוכרח השם לב' ידיו כביכול להשביע לכל חי רצון.
וי"ל שפה מיירי פותח את ידך ומשביע לכל חי רצון. והנה כל חי כולל כל מיני אנשים. וגם כולל אולי כל חי גם הבהמות ושרצים. ולהשביע כל חי אפילו של אומה ישראלית לבד הלא יש צדיקים ורשעים  והמדות שלהם מן הקצה אל הקצה. ובפרט שכל חי הכונה לכל האנשים שבעולם שזה כולל יהודים וגוים.  והפסוק אומר שמע ישראל השם אלקינו השם אחד. ופרש"י השם אלקינו שהוא מדת החסד עם מדת הדין לישראל שהם מקבלים דין ועונש על העבירות, אבל השם אחד על הגוים. שאין להם השם אלקינו מדת הדין שבזה מקילים להם שרק מבקשים מהם לצאת מן הקליפה שלהם וליכנס להיות בני נח או אפילו יחידים שיזכו להתגייר ממש. ובכל זאת לא שייך לעשות פעולה של דיבור לכל המינים אלא כביכול צריכים ליטול כל אחד ואחד ביד ולתקנו. ובכל זאת ידך הוא בלא יוד שאין זו כלפי מעלה דבר קשה ורחוק אפילו שצריך להשביע לכל מיני אנשים וכ"ש אם צריך להשביע אלה שאינם אדם כלל.
א"נ יש לומר שכאן פותח את ידך ומשביע לכל חי רצון הוא דבר גדול מאוד להשביע לכל אחד ואחד שצריך יד ולא דיבור סתם, א"נ י"ל ומשביע לכל חי רצון הכונה הרצון העליון של הקב"ה שיזכו שיאירו כל אחד ואחד מאור העליון שהוא הרצון של הקב"ה למה ברא פלוני ושאר הנבראים מדה זו הוא צריך חקירה גדולה שגם אצל הקב"ה רק נעשית בפעולת הידים יד ימין ויד שמאל.
והנה ודאי שהקב"ה לא היה צריך לידים לעשות שום דבר ח"ו. אלא בכדי לגלות לבני אדם שמקבלים חסדו של הקב"ה להשביעם בדיוק מה שצריכים ומה שזוכים. שהרצון הולך בתוך כל אחד ואחד וממשיך תמיד כל חייו והקב"ה כביכול משתמש בזה ביד להמשיך הברכה והרצון תמיד לכל אחד כפי מה שהוא. וזה דבר תמידי כאילו הקב"ה יושב תמיד שנה אחרי שנה להשביע לכל יחיד ויחיד וכל הנבראים.

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Suffering before Moshiach and the Solution


Family Suffering before Moshiach Comes
By Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn
The Mishneh at the end of Sota tells us that in the Footsteps of Moshiach, prior to the coming of Moshiach, great problems will take place with Derech Erets, or human relations with other people, extending even into the family. Thus, “one’s enemies will be his household.” Sons will quarrel with fathers, and daughters with their mothers.”
Of course, when the family is at war, children suffer. And when they grew up, and maybe marry, what happens then? Rashi tells us that Footsteps of Moshiach means the terrible exile before the actual arrival of Moshiach. Is it true that this will be a time of destroyed families? But the lengthy Mishneh there, after describing in graphic detail the suffering of the time in family, concludes with, “And there is nobody to turn to other than our Father in Heaven.” Reb Elchonon the prime disciple of the Chofetz Chaim said that this means that turning to HaShem can bring us salvation. Yes, turning to HaShem can turn an age of disaster into achievement and peace.
Is there any other idea that can help in such a time?
The Haredim in chapter 20:8 tells us of the mitsvah, “It is a positive Torah commandment for a man to have marital relations with his wife. This applies even when the wife is pregnant. As it is said, ‘And he shall make his wife rejoice.’ (Devorim 24,5) There is also in regard to this mitsvah a negative command as it is written, ‘And her marital relations shall not be lessened (Shmose 21,10)
Rashi in Devorim and the Zohar there as well tell us that the mitsvah of making a wife happy does not mean that one rejoices with the wife. It means that the husband must think solely of how to make his wife happy. This means, says Raishi Chochmo, that if the husband has limited money, he must spend it on his wife and he will do without.
A house where the husband lives to make his wife, not himself, happy, is a house where the wife senses the direction of the house and can only reciprocate. Such a family lives in peace and happiness. The children grow up in peace and will themselves be fine fathers and mothers.
Rashi in the Mishneh stresses that “In the Footsteps of Moshiach” means in the terrible exile preceding Moshiach. The suffering will surely limit peoples’ income and this itself can make great problems. Thus, the crucial thing is to raise a family with extremely limited spending. Those who do have some money will be tested to see if they spend their money on more luxuries or supporting Torah or the poor. One who lives the right way with money is surely doing the will of heaven that can bring the greatest blessings, even in a bitter exile.
Some of my children are paid good money to speak in schools in Israel, about what? About their family life as children. Every Shabbos I would speak at great length on the greatness of women, based on solids sources in gemora. My wife didn’t mind, of course, and the children grew up without any interest in money which we didn’t have, or having a nice house which was quite different. But everyone was happy. I took my children regularly across the street to a property filled with trees and various challenging paths. When we reached a certain hole in the ground, we stopped, and the children were all excited about Mr. Shlang. Now Mr. Shlang never appeared, but happiness was there.
A son of mine once asked me permission to sleep under the kitchen table, because our house didn’t have room for a big bedroom. When he got permission, everybody was jealous. That son is now an international expert on running a Yeshiva and dealing with any problems with rebbes or students. Some of my daughters in Israel are regular speakers in schools. They are asked to speak about what is what growing up as children in our house. People know that our children are special baruch HaShem.
For forty-five years, my wife supported the family with a business which she recently closed. During that time nobody went without. We started out small, but we turned to heaven and to Torah and did without things we didn’t need. What we needed was to show how much parents and children loved each other. Today, here and there in different countries all of the children are similar. They were trained in peace and love.

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

How to Make a GET, and how Not to Make It


Making a GET
By Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn
The laws of making a GET are taught in the Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer. But as with the general structure of the Shulchan Aruch and even the gemora, many are the considerations of those opinions. So we have to go carefully and find out the final judgement of the great rabbis. In the Shulchan Aruch the great rabbis are Rav Yosef Caro the Beis Yosef, Reb Moshe Isserles the Ramo, the Vilna Gaon[1], the Beis Shmuel,[2] the Chelkas Mechokake and a few more printed opinions. In Even Hoezer page 77 par. 2 and 3 we find these great rabbis declaring that one may not force a husband to give her a GET. The exception is if a prominent Beth Din finds that it has clarified that what the lady claims her husband did to her is true, then we may possibly find that the husband is forced to give a GET, even if we have to beat him.
The Rambam[3] writes the basic ten Torah rulings about how to write a GET. The first is “The man should not divorce his wife unless he wants to do it.” “And if he divorces against his will she is not divorced.” Thus, a woman who forced her husband to divorce her and remarries somebody not her husband, the child born from that person is a mamzer.
Rashbo in teshuva 414 volume VII says when a woman demands a GET that “if the husband wants to divorce he divorces her, if he doesn’t want to divorce her he doesn’t divorce her.” Meaning, we don’t force a husband to divorce even if the wife complains bitterly about him. If the Beth Din knows that the wife is right and that the husband is doing bad things to her that require Beth Din to force him to divorce her, that is Beth Din’s prerogative, but the wife alone has no power to force a GET.
The Rambam[4] writes, “A woman who denies her husband marital intimacy is called a MOREDESS, a rebel. And we ask her why she rebelled. If she says ‘I despise him, and cannot tolerate sleeping with him willingly’, we force him to divorce her by a certain time, because she is not a slave to sleep with somebody she hates.”
In general people assume that the Rambam gives a woman the power to force a husband to divorce her if she claims he disgusts her. However, the Ramo in teshuva 96 quotes a lengthy teshuva from Rav Eliezar Ashkenazi that the Rambam never said that a woman has the power to force her husband to divorce her. In fact, there is an open Mishneh in Nedarim 90b that no woman can force her husband to give her a GET because we fear that she simply wants a nicer husband not that her story about this husband is true. In earlier times when women did not lie, we believed women who had sad stories about husbands, but not in later generations. If so, obviously the Mishneh blocks us from assigning to the Rambam the position that a woman may simply demand a GET from her husband because he disgusts her. Furthermore, the Rambam never said that the woman demanded a divorce. It says that she demands privacy from intimacy, but remains in the house, does the dishes and takes care of the children. But she refuses marital intimacy. Such a woman is believed and precisely because she did not mention the word “GET,” we believe her story about her husband, and force the husband to give a GET. But if she demands a GET we don’t force the husband to give her a GET because “maybe she just wants another husband.”
However, the Rambam adds the words “we force him to divorce her by a certain time.” This means that we believe her that the husband is indeed disgusting to her. But we give the husband a period of time to learn how to behave, and the Beth Din probably is involved in this. If by the end of this period the wife has changed her mind and accepts him for intimacy, he does not have to divorce. But if that period comes and she still despises him, he must give her a GET.
One of the hottest disagreements today is about the ruling of the Beth Din of America that all members must have husbands sign a paper that whenever the wife demands a GET he must give it to her immediately, or pay a large sum of money regularly. This created great controversy because it argued clearly with the above mentioned Mishneh in Nedarim 90B that no woman is believed to force her husband to give her a GET, because we fear she is lying about the husband simply because she wants another man for her husband. If so, how can the wife be able to force her husband to pay a fortune of money every year for not giving a GET immediately after she demanded it? A prominent Israeli rabbi said that whoever ruled this way is not an Orthodox Jew, and Rabbi Bleich from Yeshiva University reportedly savagely attacked it.
This teshuva of the Ramo #96 is very rich at the end of the lengthy study there to locate various reasons where senior rabbis have the right to demand a GET from the husband. They are 1) If the husband acts in a way to shame the woman and her family, such as if he is a public thief, the Rosh rules that we may force him to divorce his wife because he is shaming the wife and her family. 2) Since the husband the thief cannot return to their home in the city where he committed robberies, because they will seize him and maybe kill him, this prevents him from returning there, and this itself that he must stay away from his wife who is not obligated to follow him to another city means that we must order him to divorce so that she can have another husband and that he can have relations with a woman and not live in sin. (Tur) 3) Since the husband has only one child and has not fulfilled the command of Pru urvu, we force him to give a GET so he can remarry and have children. The Ramo (mentioning Rav Eliezar Ashkenazi) concludes that the above mentioned gedolei oilom of the Rishonim have permitted us to force the husband to give his wife a GET. But the final decision must be in the hands of “two experts on Torah Law” who alone will determine if we should force him to give a GET.
We will stop here, having provided basic ideas in these matters of forcing a GET, but we were careful not to overload with the large number of opinions that most people won’t want to struggle with. But on a basic level, those who clearly force a GET from the husband or tell a wife ridiculous reasons why she was never married in the first place, have surely put themselves in a very sad halacha situation, and children they have from these


[1] The Vilna Gaon is a Rishon despite being born in a latter generation, and the others are Acharonim.
[2] Beis Shmuel is considered by Maharsham the greatest of the latter Acharonim to rule on halacha. (Maharsham teshuvose IV:73 page 40
[3] Gerushin  I:1 and 1:2
[4] Ishuse 14:8

Monday, July 30, 2018

Kiddushin and Pilegesh for Torah Ladies, Plus and Minus


The Laws of the Torah for Ladies: Terrifying Problems, and the Mightiest Holiness
Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn
My dear friends! I am writing for you the Law of the Torah for Ladies, Jewish ladies. Terrifying problems exist, and the Mightiest Holiness. It takes great courage to discuss such things, which amaze and confuse to a degree perhaps not found anywhere in the Torah. My style is always the same, no matter what I discuss. I present sources, but these sources themselves often conflict terribly with other sources. How then can I entertain hopes of not utterly overwhelming people so they can’t get to the bottom of these problems? But I studied under the greatest rabbis of the past generation, the Geonim Reb Aharon Kotler, Reb Moshe Feinstein, Reb Yaacov Kaminetsky, Reb Yosef Shalom Elyashev, Reb Shmuel HaLevi Wosner, and Rav Ephraim Herschel, all of the zt”l. I have semicha from them in writing and orally, that I can plunge into deep halacha problems and produce a clarified response to do away with confusion. I have no fear of this. I say all the time[1], “One who serves his rebbe is greater than one who learns Torah.” Does this mean that one who brings his rebbe a cup of coffee is greater than one who learns Torah? It means that one who learns Torah is confused with many conflicting teachings, but one who serves his rebbe and ascertains how to plunge to the depth of these conflicting teachings merits the pure truth, which is Torah without the confusion.
In my work which I publish frequently I often explain things that stun even me, and I realize that it was beyond me, but an act of HaShem to reveal these thoughts. My rebbe in this world and the next, Rav Shmuel Toledano zt”l, the Gaon of the Jerusalem Kabbalists, wrote many very deep Kabbala books, and he gave me permission to rewrite them at my leisure. The senior Kabbalist Rav Yitschok Kaduri zt”l wrote about my rebbe, “He wrote with Ruach HaKodesh,” not mere brilliance. The rebbe’s books make me dizzy, but I struggle, and struggle some more. Torah is not easy.
Now, let us get to work, to discuss the Torah for Jewish women, problems and solutions.
Let us begin with Berochos 17A, “Greater is the trust HaShem has in women more than His trust in men, as it is said, ‘Trusting women hearken to my words.” This seems to conflict with the teaching of Shlomo HaMelech in Shir HaShirim,[2] “I am black and I am beautiful, daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kador and the tents of Solomon.” The Ari z”l explains that black means justice and stress and beauty means a sweetening of the justice and stress, so the tents of Solomon were a beautiful white and the tents of black were strict justice and ugly.
“Do not look at me that I am extremely black, because the sun has blackened me. The sons of my mother turned against me, and made me guard the vineyards. My vineyard I did not guard.” Thus a woman can suffer from her own brothers and her mother did not intervene. This is terrible suffering.
We now get into a Kabbalistic teaching that makes us dizzy, but it is critical to understand our topic. The great Kabbalistic Reb Moshe Chaim Lutsato tells us that there are ten worlds in this world, and that the worlds are called Sefirose. The bottom Sefira right next to our world and its sins, is called MALCHUSE, or monarchy. This MALCHUSE is deluged with the terrible sins of humans and she suffers terribly. This is part of her agony of being black and turning white. In Kabbala it means as follows. The highest of the ten levels is called KESER or crown. Now, pay attention. The highest sefira or KESER is so high and heavenly, that it is wrong to even say that it exists! This means that its level of existence is not an earthly finite existence but one of the higher world, which we may not understand in this world. But this highest world in our world, KESER, is one with MALCHUSE and plunges down to greet her, and raises her up to the top of the ten Sefirose, and then, incredibly, raises her into the very heaven to the AIN SOFE place of pure heaven, and there the sins she deal with in this world are dealt with and somehow returned to earth in a state that improves them, similar to the teaching of the Ari z”l that the female begins with blackness and becomes a beautiful white. I want to stop the Kabbala at this point, because we want to get into the basic teaching for women of their role in the Torah without the very complicated Kabbala ideas. But keep in mind black to white and realize that women have a very high place before HaShem, although in this world we may sense the opposite, as we will discuss.
We want now to go directly to this, the pain and suffering of the woman, not with Kabbala, but with basic teachings of the Talmud and the Shulchan Aruch.
We come now to the marriage of women, with two ways permitted by the Torah. See Sanhedrin 21A as taught by the Vilna Gaon in the beginning of the Laws of Kiddushin. One way is for a woman to marry with Kiddushin, and the other way, is for a woman to marry with Pilegesh. Both of these have positive and negative capacities, as we will explain.
We will now turn to the Rambam who promotes both Kiddushin and Pilegesh, but also clearly states the problems with both of them. In the volume of the Rashbo called Meyuchesses where the vast majority of the teshuvose are from the Rashbo, two of them are from the Ramban, and one of these is about Pilegesh.
Today there are many women whose marriages are in trouble. There are two types of Torah marriages: One is with Kiddushin, and the other is with Pilegesh. The Vilna Gaon in the beginning of the Laws of Kiddushin talks about both Kiddushin and Pilegesh, and says that the gemora in Sanhedrin 21A approves of both Kiddushin and Pilgesh as valid marriages for Torah Jews. The Vilna Gaon also says that the major authorities Ramban and Rambam also approve of Pilegesh as well as Kiddushin.
To understand what both Kiddushin and Pilgesh mean for the wife, let us examine the teachings of the Ramban, one of the greatest Rishonim. In the volume of the teshuvose of the Rashbo known as meyuchesses[3] we find in teshuva 284 a teshuva signed clearly by the Ramban, not the Rashbo.
The Ramban there is about Pilegesh and Kiddushin and he writes, “Kiddushin and marriage in a chupah tent is a mitsvas esseh. One who comes to marry a woman who will be forbidden to all men and possessed by him to inherit her and to be defiled by her [when she dies he goes to the grave and becomes tomay] the Torah commands him to make Kiddushin and enter the chupah tent, and he must recite before ten men the blessings of a wedding. And if one sleeps with his wife in the house of his father-in-law (before chupah) he is beaten with makose marduse. And if after he brought her to his house he hurried and slept with her without having the blessings of marriage she is forbidden to him as if she was a nida. And anyone who did not give her two hundred zuz for marrying her, she thinks that since he does not treat her as a real husband, that he has determined to divorce her. She is then as one who is divorced in the heart of the husband.
“However, if the husband wants the wife not to be married with Kiddushin but as a Pilegesh, so that she will not be owned by him, and not forbidden to other men (meaning that a woman married with Kiddushin who gets a divorce and marries a second person, is forbidden to get a divorce from the second husband and return to her first husband, because the first husband still has power over the woman even after she was divorced by him and the second husband. But this applies only to a woman who married two men and was divorced by both. But if she was a Pilegesh or zonah she is not owned by anyone and can return to anyone as long as she is not burdened with two Kiddushin marriages.) Furthermore, she has no level of Kedusha at all (it seems that Kiddushin creates a relation of holiness that the husband uses to hold some level of control over the woman even after he divorces her, but Pilegesh does not create such a level of holiness, although it is certainly a kosher marriage and their children are completely kosher children.)”
In the beginning of the laws of Kiddushin, the Vilna Gaon says that the gemora in Sanhedrin 21A permits Pilegesh, and that the Rambam and Ramban agree to this.

Ladies who find Relief by being Pilegesh
What relief does a married woman achieve by marrying not with Kiddushin, but as Pilegesh? But we mentioned the teaching of the Ramban before, that Kiddushin gives the man great power over the woman, power that continues even after he divorces her. Pilegesh does not recognize any power in the husband. When the husband and wife decide on a true marriage, without zenuse but with Pilegesh, husband and wife are married with the permission of the Torah. This permission of the Torah means that whenever husband or wife wants to leave the marriage, for any reason, they may. This is the opposite of marriage with Kiddushin, which until the husband dies, does not relax his hold over his wife.
With all this, there is a second side of Pilegesh which can be a problem, maybe worse than Kiddushin. That is mentioned in the Rambam himself, who permits Pilegesh, but writes afterwards a letter to his rebbe Rabbeinu Yona, that in Rabbeinu Yona’s city, he should not permit Pilegesh. The reason is, that precisely because Pilegesh is so easy to achieve with both marriage and divorce, that people may be led to believe that Pilegesh can lead them to do zenuse. Each city must consult with its great rabbis if Pilegesh is appropriate in their community. We find the same attitude in the greatest of lenient rabbis regarding Pilegesh, Rabbi Yaacov Emden, who after extoling Pilegesh, writes that the Pilegesh couple must consult with the great rabbis of their community. If so, what do I say about this? I received strong semicha to pasken difficult questions in halacha from the Gaon Reb Moshe Feinstein zt”l, the Gaon Reb Yaacov Kaminetsky zt”l, and the Gaon Reb  Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l. This is what I feel, and feel strongly about, if Pilegesh is permitted or forbidden.
Ideally, and such as the case in earlier generations, every generation had its great rabbis who had power over the community. Today, this is not true. In America and even Israel, there are great problems, especially regarding women who married with Kiddushin and the husband won’t give them a GET willingly. Many of those considered the major rabbis of the community obviously don’t know the laws of Gittin properly. They therefore encourage women to force a GET from their husbands. A forced GET, says Rambam, is worthless and this means that if the woman remarries with an invalid GET her children from the second husband are mamzerim. This itself should caution us against Kiddushin, because every marriage of Kiddushin, if it doesn’t work out well, could lead the woman to demand a GET, and if the husband does not give a GET willingly, the woman has no GET and if she remarries with the invalid GET, her children are mamzerim.
Another idea being practiced in America and even Israel, as well as other countries, is for a rabbi to tell a woman that because of ridiculous reasons, she was never married in the first place.
If so, I surely feel that better Pilegesh then mamzerim with Kiddushin, and the reality is that the senior rabbis in America are very weak in dealing with women who have Kiddushin. There was not long ago a group of rabbis who charged sixty thousand dollars to torture a husband with electric shocks to force him to give his wife a GET until the FBI arrested them and made the Trenton case which results in jail terms and fines. There are also major rabbis who openly encourage women to force their husbands to give a GET which makes an invalid GET. A woman remarried with an invalid GET who has a child from her new husband has produced a mamzer. Better, I feel, is Pilegesh, which does not produce mamzerim, than Kiddushin, which increasingly, is producing mamzerim.
On the other hand, Ramban, who certainly permits Pilegesh, writes a letter to his mentor, Rabbeinu Yonah, that in his community Pilegesh should be forbidden, because people will turn it into zenuse, do to the fact that it is so easy to get married with Pilegesh and to leave that marriage with no penalty, no GET and no pain. And I say that while that is surely a factor, the major factor is the terror of women making mamzerim because they have Kiddushin, which is much worse than Pilegesh. Even Pilegesh which may with some people lead to zenuse does not produce mamzerim but forcing a husband to divorce his wife does make mamzerim.
We will stop here.


[1] גדול שמושה של תורה יותר מלמודו שנאמר פה אלישע בן שפט אשר יצק מים על ידי אליהו – ברכות ז ע"ב
[2] Shir HaShirim I:5 and I:6
[3] The volume of the Rashbo entitled meyuchess means that it is the teachings of the Rashbo with two exceptions signed by the Ramban, 283 and 284. 284 is about Pilegesh and Kiddushin and their differences.

Peace in the Family and Stop Anger and Bad Traits


Shalom Bayis Beth Din
By Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn
The purpose of Shalom Bayis Beth Din is to promote Shalom Bayis. We have a group of activists working with us and a group of Talmidei Chachomim. Our goal is not to divide the children and the properties between husband and wife in a broken marriage and divorce, but rather to introduce Torah attitudes to improve the marriage and make Shalom.

ושמח את אשתו


 The Torah teaches[1] “When a man marries a new wife, he shall not go out to the army, nor shall obligations to the military for any reason apply to him; for one year he shall be completely involved with his house, and he shall make his wife that he took, rejoice.”
Rashi explains that this means “He shall make his wife rejoice. And one who translates this and ‘he shall rejoice together with his wife’ is in error, because it means he must make his wife rejoice, not himself.” The same idea is in the Zohar in this part of the Torah, that the husband must make his wife happy, not himself.
The Raishis Chochmo, a major commentary, says that this applies to money.[2] “This means that he must honor her constantly with money and clothes more than his means.”
A house where the husband sacrifices his own wants to honor his wife is a house of peace. A house where the husband and wife argue about who gets what with the money or clothing is a house with one foot somewhere else.
And what is the proper way for a woman to behave? The Raishis Chochmo says[3] “Moshe was commanded to teach Torah to the women before the men, because the ladies guide their children to go to learn Torah in school, and watch them carefully that they learn Torah, and they have mercy on them when they come from school, and speak to them nice things, and watch them that they don’t waste time from Torah learning, and they teach the children fear of heaven when they are young. And it is thus that righteous women create Torah and fear of heaven.
“And a woman should be careful that when her husband comes from work and he is tired and drained, that she urge him to spend time learning Torah and to give charity.”
The Raishis Chochmo continues at great length about the proper path of the female. And he has much to say about how men should behave as well. See what he writes about the path of humility for the man, how he must control his anger and flee honor. See there the chapter on humility chapter two and elsewhere.
The point is that all people have problems with anger and other bad traits. The Chofetz Chaim used to closet himself in a shull and cry with great tears to HaShem. Somebody once followed him to see what he was doing in shull on a regular basis. He heard the Chofetz Chaim cry out to HaShem standing before the Oron HaKodesh, “Master of the Universe! I am a Cohen. And a Cohen has a tendency to become angry. Please save me from anger.” So what should we say?
 In a video, I talked about love and fear in the house, and I claimed that in a house, if a father once lets loose with his frustration even a word or two, and a child is pained, nobody knows the cost of that anger. Therefore, fear is crucial to teach a person control in the house, especially in the house with his close family.  Because what we do to insult strangers passes, as they don’t really care. But a family does care and may never forget.
Therefore, let us fear, and let us love, and let us pray that we behave. It is not so simple. If the Chofetz Chaim had to constantly pray in front of the Aron HaKodesh not to have anger, one of the worst traits, what does that mean for us?



[1] Devorim 24,5
[2] Raishis Chochmo chapter on Derech Erets page 266 – Derech Erets the man with his wife
[3] Perek Derech Erets page 255 “The fourth gate is the Derech Erets appropriate for women”

How a Family Can Live in Peace and the Price of Peace


Shalom Bayis Beth Din
By Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn
The purpose of Shalom Bayis Beth Din is to promote Shalom Bayis. We have a group of activists working with us and a group of Talmidei Chachomim. Our goal is not to divide the children and the properties between husband and wife in a broken marriage and divorce, but rather to introduce Torah attitudes to improve the marriage and make Shalom.

ושמח את אשתו


 The Torah teaches[1] “When a man marries a new wife, he shall not go out to the army, nor shall obligations to the military for any reason apply to him; for one year he shall be completely involved with his house, and he shall make his wife that he took, rejoice.”
Rashi explains that this means “He shall make his wife rejoice. And one who translates this and ‘he shall rejoice together with his wife’ is in error, because it means he must make his wife rejoice, not himself.” The same idea is in the Zohar in this part of the Torah, that the husband must make his wife happy, not himself.
The Raishis Chochmo, a major commentary, says that this applies to money.[2] “This means that he must honor her constantly with money and clothes more than his means.”
A house where the husband sacrifices his own wants to honor his wife is a house of peace. A house where the husband and wife argue about who gets what with the money or clothing is a house with one foot somewhere else.
And what is the proper way for a woman to behave? The Raishis Chochmo says[3] “Moshe was commanded to teach Torah to the women before the men, because the ladies guide their children to go to learn Torah in school, and watch them carefully that they learn Torah, and they have mercy on them when they come from school, and speak to them nice things, and watch them that they don’t waste time from Torah learning, and they teach the children fear of heaven when they are young. And it is thus that righteous women create Torah and fear of heaven.
“And a woman should be careful that when her husband comes from work and he is tired and drained, that she urge him to spend time learning Torah and to give charity.”
The Raishis Chochmo continues at great length about the proper path of the female. And he has much to say about how men should behave as well. See what he writes about the path of humility for the man, how he must control his anger and flee honor. See there the chapter on humility chapter two and elsewhere.
The point is that all people have problems with anger and other bad traits. The Chofetz Chaim used to closet himself in a shull and cry with great tears to HaShem. Somebody once followed him to see what he was doing in shull on a regular basis. He heard the Chofetz Chaim cry out to HaShem standing before the Oron HaKodesh, “Master of the Universe! I am a Cohen. And a Cohen has a tendency to become angry. Please save me from anger.” So what should we say?
 In a video, I talked about love and fear in the house, and I claimed that in a house, if a father once lets loose with his frustration even a word or two, and a child is pained, nobody knows the cost of that anger. Therefore, fear is crucial to teach a person control in the house, especially in the house with his close family.  Because what we do to insult strangers passes, as they don’t really care. But a family does care and may never forget.
Therefore, let us fear, and let us love, and let us pray that we behave. It is not so simple. If the Chofetz Chaim had to constantly pray in front of the Aron HaKodesh not to have anger, one of the worst traits, what does that mean for us?



[1] Devorim 24,5
[2] Raishis Chochmo chapter on Derech Erets page 266 – Derech Erets the man with his wife
[3] Perek Derech Erets page 255 “The fourth gate is the Derech Erets appropriate for women”

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Can we Force a Husband to Give a Divorce When Witnesses Agree With His Wife’s Bitter Complaints?

Rabbi Dovid Eidensohn         Monsey, NY                845-578-1917  eidensohnd@gmail.com               12 Cheshvon 5778

We know that a wife who demands a GET because her husband is disgusting to her is refused a GET.  Although the Rashbam and Rambam and many Geonim permit or require forcing a GET when this happens, the latter poskim led by Rabbeinu Tam and the Ri forbid forcing the husband to give his wife a GET when she claims that her husband disgusts her. See the Rashbo Volume 7 chapter 414 which is quoted by all of the authorities in Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer Laws of Kesubose chapter 77 paragraphs 2,3. See the Gro there #5 who comments that everyone [of the latter poskim] accepts that forcing a GET is forbidden unless there is a rare exception.

This seems to contradict the Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer about marriage chapter 154.There it says that a husband who takes a job that causes him to have a bad odor is forced to give his wife a GET.

The answer probably is that when a woman makes a claim that she wants a GET because the husband has something wrong with him that she cannot tolerate, we want to know if the woman is saying the truth or not. Perhaps she wants to get rid of this husband and marry somebody else that she likes better. This is taught in the Mishneh in Nedorim 90b. There was a time when we believed a woman to say things that would force the husband to give her a GET. For instance, she could say that she slept with somebody not her husband and this would force her husband to give her a GET. But then the Mishneh says that the laws were changed. We no longer believe women to make up a story that forces her husband to give her a GET. Maybe she is lying to leave this husband and find another husband she likes better.

However, if witnesses corroborate the story of the wife, that is usually proof that she is not lying and the husband can be forced to give her a GET. Thus, the laws stated in Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 154 about a husband who has a bad odor that forces him to divorce his wife is not a contradiction to the law that a woman cannot force her husband to give a GET. If there is no proof that she is right, she is not believed. Maybe she just wants another husband. But if there is proof and others corroborate her statements about the husband, or if any Beth Din can tell absolutely that the husband goes around with a terrible smell all of the time, in such a case, we believe the wife, and the husband must give a GET.

We are not coming to pasken any Shaalose here, because the issues of believing a wife and believing witnesses is not a simple one. See the Tur Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer chapter 77 and the commentary of the Beis Yosef page 116. There is a great literature in these matters, and we have mentioned one facet. A woman is not believed to force a GET unless she can produce outside proof such as witnesses.

Tosfose in Kesubose 63b D”H Avol quotes the Shaaltose that if witnesses testify that a woman acted in a suspicious manner that she might have been sinning with a man not her husband, the husband is forced to divorce his wife. Again, these matters fill many pages and we are not coming to clarify the final laws. However, we do want to establish that although a woman may not force a GET from her husband, if her demands are supported by witnesses, it is quite possible that the husband will be forced to give her a GET. But her claims without support are not accepted.