War with Husbands: How to Win Big and Go to Gehenum

I think that this post's title is so hideous that only I could have thought of it. But I follow the gemora in Pesachim that warns us to speak properly. The exception is when we have to clarify confusion. Then we have to say it like it is. And, after years watching in growing agony what goes on in Torah marriages when they go down the drain, I am writing about this problem: How women can successfully make war with their husband. Wat wives are doing today in increasing numbers, and often or usually with some support from some rabbi. The punch line, is as above, "and Go to Gehenum." Now, I am not on the "Gehenum Board" in the Other World; but based upon the Torah sources I will supply here, the women who are doing the tricks and ferocious things we will describe are going to have to answer for it. And while they are doing that, they may be hearing the screaming of the rabbis who told them to do it, from the smoke filled pits outside the Heavenly Beth Din.

And as I am wont to do, when I give somebody a criticism, I like to mention also, perhaps at the beginning, the other side of the coin. This is especially true with women, who are more easily received in Heaven than men, so that their getting to the higher world is basically easy for them, while it is not easy for men, as the Gemora in Berochose says. So, what favorable thing can we say about fighting wives before we blast them out and say they will go to Gehenum?

What is going on today in divorce is going on for two reasons: One, husband and wife have no training in dealing with divorce. At least, not for the first few divorces. Two, there are rabbis and their supporters who organize and teach frightened women what they must do to destroy their husbands and get a GET.

A wife in a troubled or broken marriages often is afraid and even panics. They turn to others for advice. Usually, they turn to parents and close friends, who love them very much and are bitter at the husband for distressing their daughters or dear friend. In my Shalom Bayis Beth Din project I insist that no relative or friend ever get involved in a  problem marriage, especially one who divorced themselves. A senior rabbi in Israel heard this idea from me and vigorously added his approval. That is probably the one worst problem in broken marriages, when close family and friends "help" the wife to fight the husband and they are not equipped emotionally to do anything else. Only outsiders who have no strong emotional inducements may help in a troubled marriage.

Relative to this problem of "helpers" who teach the troubled wife how to get vicious, we  have strangers who have taken upon themselves the "mitsvah" as they put it of "freeing" a woman from her husband. They feel that any husband who refuses a GET to his wife is evil and must be forced to divorce. In halacha, this coerced GET is invalid and children from the next marriage are mamzerim. But this is a big business, one powered by very senior rabbis and Rosh Yeshivas who don't know what they are talking about. One has called for coercing a husband even to beat him until he dies. Another has permitted a woman needing a GET to leave without a GET. That is surely invalid and the children in the next marriage mamzerim. But these "rabbis" are so sure of themselves. They have no sources and I have plenty of sources, but because of their high position in the community people especially ladies who don't know the science of confronting a mistaken senior rabbi obey them and perform the mitsvah of destroying a husband with gusto. These people have their share in the child molesting that occurs when the baby is born from the next marriage and the child is a mamzer.

Then we have the organizaiton ORA that sponsors rallies outside of the homes of husbands and their families. People who refuse to give a GET have their family targetted, fired from jobs, etc. It is a terrible war and pressure and does result in many divorces. These divorces are usually invalid and the children born from them are probably mamzerim.

Now let's get to the main point, the evil things that women, fine and decent and Torah people, who love their children and parents but end up breaking their hearts, who are gentle and kind but end up with the utmost viciousness, and what they do in their war with the husband.

War with Husbands: How to Win Big and Go to GehenumThe technique is as follows. Call up a rabbi who permits women to do anything to get a GET. The rabbi never knew the caller but shoots out permission to call the police, to put the husband in jail, to break the marriage, etc. and etc. And the woman finds other women and some men who are influenced by these "rabbis" to make war on a person who may be completely innocent, and maybe the wife is a liar, as sometimes happens. But the war starts and... That is enough for today. But there is much more on this subject, hopefully, in another post. Back to our present post and a final word to the destroyers of marriage and children:

Next stop is Gehenom. But, enjoy the hate while you can.

The New "Treifeh Agunah Movement" Powered by Ignorant Rabbis

In our previous post we discussed the treifeh Agunah movement founded by someone hwo declared war on the Shulchan Aruch, as I describe there. We also noted that she succeeded in persuading many rabbis who don't know the laws of Gittin, because very few of them do know the laws of Gittin, to help ladies who demand a GET. And these rabbis, some of them dayanim or Roshei Yeshiva, have "helped" in a big way. Now, many women terrorize her husband, have him jailed, turn the children against him, and drain him financially until his life is a fire. This is happening today big time and tomorrow it will be worse.

These ladies are  from the finest families, from the best Torah schooling. And now they do things completely forbidden by the Torah. If they are really successful in the new world of treifeh fighting, they will force the husband to give a GET, not realizing that a coerced GET is invalid. And when she remarries, her children will be mamzerim. The Gedolim of Israel have decreed that a divorce given by a Beth Din that is known to coerce Gittin not in accord with the Shulcan Aruch, is considered invalid until a proper Beth Din will check into it. I heard from HaGaon Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt"l that he takes away Chezkas Beth Din from a Beth Din that coerces Gittin against the Shulchan Aruch. And guess what? The tidal wave of war against the Shulchan Aruch, powered by a famous and senior Rosh Yeshiva, has now gone beyond coercing a GET, to telling a woman she doesn't need a GET to remarry if her husband won't give it! Once she is fed up with her husband, either she gets her GET, or she can remarry without a GET! If only the Boss of the original Agunah movement would know how far she has succeeded!

TheNew "Treifeh Agunah Movement" Powered by Ignorant RabbisSadly, many good and learned Torah scholars are saddened when they hear of this  violation of the Torah, but they are silent. This is the "new Torah." Any idiot can come along and toss the Shulchan Aruch in the trash, and nobody will utter a public word against him. Well, here is an exception. Me and my brother are busy fighting these things. And my brother asked me, where is everybody else? I told him that we do our work lishmo and don't have a job from the community. But those who live off the community and could lose their job if they start up with the Agunah lobby or some prominent Rosh Yeshiva, they have learned to keep their mouths shut, at least in public. In private, of course, nobody is going to marry such a mamzer born from an invalid GET. I would like to see if the Rosh Yeshiva or Rov who permitted a woman to remarry without a GET, or with a coerced GET, would marry his child to her children.

And let  us remember when the mamzerim arrive and some rabbis acknowledge that nobody may marry them, that this is the work of the Boss of the treifeh Agunose, who succeeded in getting prominent rabbis who did not know the laws of Gittin to support them to do their treifeh things.

In our next post, we want to detail what treifeh things are being done, often with the approval of prominent rabbis. And if anybody has a source to show that I am wrong and that they are right, I am very interested in seeing it, because there is no source for what they are doing.

The Agunah Movement and Mamzerim

Many years ago, there were serious Agunah issues. They were not Agunahs because a husband sunk in a ship and nobody was positive he was dead, which is the traditional Agunah. They were people whose husbands were alive and well and hoping to maintain a good marriage. But for some reason, the women did not like their husbands, and refused to be with them. They insisted on a GET, and the husbands resisted. Many people tried to settle things but nothing worked. I got involved, and both of these marriages were ended, but that is not the main news. The main news is that the marriages were ended with absolutely no rancor on any side. Big rabbonim and askonim were involved. The husbands had their opportunities to be heard, and finally, things worked out and there was a GET. The entire community was involved. The husbands knew it and everyone knew it. But it was handled with consideration for every side, and they appreciated it.

It was not an easy thing, and after it was over, I was sick for a while. But it was worth it. Because everything was done peacefully and everyone involved left with a good name, Some of them involved remarried, and as far as I know are happy.

In those days, what became the Agunah movement began. I heard about it and called up the heads of the Agunah movement, which were two women: The Boss and her assistant. I suggested to them that they work with rabbis to arrange divorces when necessary. The assistant agreed. But the Boss refused. She said to me, "I don't want to work with rabbis. I want to force rabbis to change the halacha of divorce." I was stunned. I asked her, "Do you really think you can force rabbis to violate the laws of the Torah because of your Agunah movement?" But that is exactly what she said. And that is exactly what she decided to do, and that is what succeeded. Today there is a flourishing Agunah movement that violates the Torah constantly. It produces mamzerim,  married women remarrying without a proper GET, and lately, produces women who just walk out on their husbands without any kind of GET, and remarry, simply because they are somewhat disappointed in their husbands! The Boss won!  Rackman invented a permission for any woman to remarry because  a husband who does not give a GET shows he is a bad husband and the marriage to him is nullified. There is absolutely no proof of this in the Torah, and the Shulchan Aruch and the poskim are full of the opposite. But that is the situation today. And that situation is producing mamzerim right and left. And for mamzerim, there are no solutions.

Rackman was the first of the evil rabbis, but not the last. The enormous pressure of The Boss and her followers became a mighty movement. Today, a woman who wants a GET has many ways to get it,ways that defy the Torah and produce mamzerim. So, the Boss won, and the babies lost.

The Philly Lady Who Wants to Remarry Without a GET

The Philly Lady Looking to Marry Without a GET

The Philly lady looking to remarry without a GET has been so advised by her rabbinical adviser that she does not need a GET. Now, why does every woman in the world who is married and needs a divorce need a GET, and why does the Philly lady not need a GET? Well nobody has openly stated that they permit it. But she is still looking for somebody to marry, without her GET. And nobody has protested, other than this blog.

If this woman doesn’t need a GET it must be that the marriage doesn’t exist. But she was married. She had a child with the husband. What happened to the marriage? Those who permit her to remarry without a GET must hold that the marriage vanished. That could happen if the husband married her and then it was discovered that the marriage was conditional and the condition was not fulfilled. But in this marriage, there were no conditions.

Furthermore, when somebody makes conditions to their marriage, and the conditions are not met, the marriage can vanish retroactively, but this holds true only if all that was done was Kiddushin. But once the couple marry fully and are together, even if one makes a condition and it is not kept, there is a serious problem whether or not the marriage is valid. See Even Hoezer 38:35 and 36. It seems that people make kiddushin with conditions and they want them fulfilled. If the conditions are not fulfilled the marriage vanishes. But after Kiddushin when they are together already in marriage through Chupa or biah they negate the conditions. Thus, even if we assume that there were conditions that were not met in the marriage of the Philly lady, once she had a child she surely negated the conditions and is married and needs a GET.  This holds true whether or not there was kiddushin and then a chupa, and certainly if there was marital intimacy [and certainly if there was a child because most Jewish women don’t want children to be born from zenuse]. Once they are together with chupa or biah, they are mochel conditions so that the being together will not be bias zenuse.

But for some strange reason this lady is considered different than all of this, and she is judged as one who does want bias zenuse. How did her rabbinical adviser know that? Or maybe her “rabbinical adviser” never saw the Shulchan Aruch EH 38:35 and 36 where it is stated, “All of this [that conditions destroy the marriage] is only valid until the two are together [chupah or biah] but if they are together she is certain married, because we assume that when they were together in chupah she negated the conditions. Therefore, she is married and he has to give her a kesuboh.”

Now, if this couple not only married but had a child, even if there was a proper condition and the condition was not met, there is a serious issue whether the marriage vanishes. Because “nobody makes his marriage into zenuse.” If the woman claims that she is free, she is claiming that she lived with her husband and had a child from him with znuse, something that is strongly frowned against, and that runs against the feelings of good Jewish people. Whether such a condition survives intimacy and surely having a child is a serious question. We might want to go into that serious question another time. But for now, let us keep it simple. The wife claims that her marriage vanished. If it vanished, she had a child with no marriage. The child is born out of wedlock, and she had a child out of wedlock. If she is happy with that status, is the child happy with it? When the child comes of age and the child looks for a shidduch, will someone want a child born out of wedlock, from zenuse? This now becomes an issue for Beth Din, because “Beth Din is the father of orphans.” Children whose parents claim falsely that they were born out of wedlock invite the censure of Beth Din.

Well, we will supply a complaint to hasten the process. We will stand up for the honor of the child, who is a pure child, born from a pure marriage, from a mother who is being advised by some nut of a “rabbi” that she is not married. And that nut job obviously does not care about the child. Maybe the child is not paying him, or maybe… But we will state which is obvious to any rabbi who is not a nut job. This woman is married. If she remarries she is sinning with not zenuse but niyufe mamosh. If she has a child it is a mamzer. And yes, just as Beth Din, or responsible people if there is no Beth Din, have a moral duty to speak out to help a helpless child, so do you and I  have an obligation to publicize to the world that if this woman remarries, her new children will be mamzerim. And the child she had with her real husband is completely kosher. If her “rabbi” has it reversed, it is probably because his “daas Torah” is in reverse. But we will speak up for the two children. The one born already is a pure child from a pure marriage. And the one who cholila vichass will be born from this lady who claims that she is not married now, her child or children will be mamzerim. Not doubtful mamzerim, but definite mamzerim.

Philly lady. Give my regards to your “rabbi.” You will be hearing more from me. But I don’t blame you. I blame him. The K people in Philly are behind all of this. And I won’t stop mentioning it. Now, let me talk to you.

Your husband wants to give you a GET. But you have to settle with him, not loads of money, not loads of burdensome things but improved visitation from the daughter who left Washington to live in Philadelphia. Even though you played pretty rough with him for years, he is not looking for revenge. I am in touch with him and anyone from your side who wants to settle things, contact me at 845-578-1917. And know this: If you have a child without a GET, the child will be hearing from me. And it will never stop. Maybe whoever told you how to behave will call up the people sitting in jail now who tried to beat up your husband, but failed. Maybe they will beat me up and shut my mouth. Maybe.

Proof that Philly Produces Mamzerim

MAMZERUS in Philadelphia?

The recent effort by the Kaminetskys of Philadelphia Yeshiva to “help” Mrs. Friedman, a married woman, to remarry without a GET, is a hideous rishuse. Somebody told me he was asked by Shalom Kaminetsky if he wanted to marry Mrs. Friedman. He asked if she had a GET. He was told no, and that she doesn’t need a GET, only lichumroa. When asked what Rov permitted her to remarry without a GET, the answer was that when he will marry her he will be told what Rov permitted it.

Let us assume that somewhere, in some hole in the ground, there is a Rov who permits a married woman to remarry without a GET, because she wants a different husband, etc. May the woman remarry based on that one Rov? If the Shulchan Aruch and all of the poskim forbid it, what Rov can permit it? But, perhaps, somewhere, there is a “rabbi” who permits it. May the woman remarry because some rabbi or even a few rabbis permit it? That is our question.

The Rashbo in Teshuva I:353 elaborates on the laws of pesak halacha. He says that if there is an argument between two rabbis and one is greater than the other in wisdom and number of students, we never are permitted to do as the opinion of the smaller rabbi, even if there is great urgency. If there is an argument among rabbis who are equal in wisdom and number of students, we follow the majority usually, but if there is a great urgency we can sometimes do as the minority.  But if it is generally known and accepted that the halacha is as the teachings of the majority, we don’t accept the teaching of the minority even if there is a great urgency.

If there is a doubt because the arguing rabbis are equal then if the question is a Torah issue we must be stringent. But if the issue is a rabbinical issue we may be lenient. If the community accepts a rabbi to adjudicate their Torah issues, everyone in the city must follow that Rov whatever he says. If the community does not have a single Rov who rules on all Torah issues for the community, but the community has decided to follow the Rambam or some similar Posek in all that they do, this is permitted. But if a Rov in that city brings proofs to differ with that particular posek, he may follow his own logic. Because the Rambam is not a real Rov for the community and therefore a Talmid Chochom may disagree with him if he is worthy to argue with the Rambam in general. But if the Rov is appointed by the people of the city and is alive everyone must obey him even a Talmid Chochom who disagrees.

If there are two scholars who disagree and they are equa,l in Torah questions they must be stringent. But if two scholars disagree with one scholar who are all equal, we go according to the majority.

Let us now turn to our case of the runaway married woman. Not a single rabbi in the world has openly taken credit for this pesak. So, as far as the world is concerned, the woman who remarries is a SOTA and her children are mamzerim. A man who dates the woman should ask a question of his rov if he is doing the right thing, otherwise, he should stay away from her. And if he does not stay away from her, and marries her, even after hearing the name or names of the “rabbis” who permit it, he is sinning with a married woman according to the opinion of the vast majority of the rabbis and the great rabbis who have never permitted such a thing.

We, all of  us who are truly Torah Jews, follow the Shulchan Aruch. The Shulchan Aruch has various cases where a woman was tricked into marriage by a bad person and she finds out what happens and she is very bitter. She wants out. The Shulchan Aruch says that we force the husband to give a GET, because there must be a GET. The fact that the woman has changed her mind about marriage even for very good reasons does not change the fact that she is married. See the previous post with sources.

Another source we mention here is the Laws of Kesubos Even Hoezer 77:3 that quotes from the Rosh in teshuva 35:2: A woman was tricked by a wicked person into marrying him. He told her lies and she believed him. But once married, she realized they were lies. The Rosh says that although he does not allow coercion of husband to force a GET in most circumstances, in such a case he permits it. However, he clearly states, that even in such a case where it is clear to all that the husband is a liar and lowly person and the woman would never have married him had she known about him, the Kiddushin remains and there must be a GET.

If so, how can we assume that Mrs. Friedman, who never said her husband was a liar or horrible, just that she had some small complaints, how can she unravel kiddushin?

Bottom line: The Rosh is brought down in Shulchan Aruch above. The Gro paskens like that. Who is this “rabbi” who disagrees and permits Mrs. Friedman to remarry without a GET? And why are the Rosh Yeshivas who screamed at Aharon the husband for not giving a GET not attacking the Kaminetsky attempt to marry a married woman? And why are the rabbis in Washington still torturing Aharon Friedman as if he was unworthy to enter their shull? If Mrs. Friedman says she doesn't need a GET, why is Aharon being tortured to force a GET? And why are the rabbis in Washington tormenting Aharon after he obeyed the Baltimore Beth Din, while his wife ran away from it?

Leaving Without a GET: "Daas Torah" in Philadelphia

In our previous posts here, we have discussed the problem of the modern Yeshiva and its invention in halacha, especially the laws of Gittin, where women are helped by forcing the husband to divorce, which makes an invalid GET and mamzerim. But just when we thought that things could not get worse, we find that in Philadelphia a married woman is going on dates. She, it is said, has stated that she is "free" and she has Shalom Kaminetsky to support her and help her remarry. He told somebody that I know and trust that although she has no GET, she doesn't really need one. He refused to say what rabbi said that a married woman doesn't need a GET. However, since Shalom's father is Reb Shmuel Kaminetsky, we assume that he works with his father's permission. The girl and her family are known to be close to the Kaminetskys.

In our previous posts we showed proof that the Roshei Yeshiva who permitted humiliating a husband have no proof or opinion to support them, as they defy open teachings of the Rashbo in teshuva VII:414, Radvaz Volume II:118, the Beis Yosef author of the Shulchan Aruch in Tur 154, and the Chazon Ish in Gittin 108. Furthermore, the true gedolim in Israel have written in letters and a new sefer published on the subject that anyone who receives a GET from a Beth Din that practices coercions in defiance of halacha must have another GET, as the first one is not recognized. I heard personally from HaGaon Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt"l that a Beth Din that coerces a GET in violation of halacha loses its chezkas beth din, meaning as the present gedolim have said, that the woman needs a new GET from a kosher Beth Din.

Surely, a Beth Din that allows a married woman to remarry without a GET entirely is an invalid Beth Din, and all Gittin that it makes are invalid unless a reliable Beth Din investigates carefully and approves the GET.

Of course, the Philadelphia inventors of halacha have no source for what they say. But there are plenty of sources that disagree, as we will bring here. First of all, Maharshal in teshuva 41 says that even a wicked husband who converts to another religion and cannot do anything positive for the wife in marriage, the marriage is still valid, and the issue is whether to coerce him to give a GET. But the Philly Rosh Yeshivas disagree with the Marshal, whom the Ramo considered to be greater than he was, and they have ruled that such husbands allow the wife to remarry without a GET.

And what if the wife becomes wicked and leaves the house? Is the husband free to remarry without a GET? The Posek HaDor of his time Reb Yitschok Elchonon zt"l in AYIN YITSCHOK I, the first few teshuvose, has many cases like this, and in all of the cases, the marriages stood, and the husband had to give a GET or have HETER MAYO RABONIM. See also teshuva 36 the husband became insane, and yet, she is not free to remarry until it is known that the husband died. See also teshuva 61 a wicked man gave a ring to a girl and uttered You are mikudeshes li and she obviously did not want to marry him. It is obvious from the teshuva there that if she did hear all of his words even if she immediately afterwards rejected him there would be a serious problem of her being married to him. But the Philly rabbis, if she would have had a father close to their Yeshiva, would have taken care of her that she was free to remarry.

Also, throughout history there have been women whose husbands turned wicked and left them and they are Agunose. Why did the rabbis of those times not say that since the husband is so wicked as to leave his wife and become a rosho that the wife would never have married him in the first place had she known how evil he was, and therefore, the marriage never took place? But the rabbis throughout history have never ruled that a woman whose husband has turned wicked can say that she never would have married a wicked person and therefore the marriage never took place.

Furthermore, in the worst case scenario, when a woman has a wicked husband and it is known that had she known about him she never would have married him, we find clearly that the marriage is not ended and she is still married. See Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 154:1 in Ramo that a husband who marries a woman and then becomes a member of another religion, that the marriage is still valid and the wife is not free to remarry without a GET. There is even a question whether such a person can be coerced to divorce. Now, according to the Philadelphia inventors, why can't the woman simply say that she never would have married such a person who changes his religion, and then remarry?

The Ramo says there that if the husband is known to have relations with strange women, some permit to coerce such a husband to divorce. But we see that if the husband is not coerced to divorce, the woman cannot just leave because she never would have married such a wicked person and the marriage was a mistake. Indeed, where do we find in the Shulchan Aruch that a woman is married, maybe has children, and the husband becomes wicked and the marriage disappears? There is no such thing.

Furthermore, the lady in Philadelphia has never claimed that her husband is wicked or anything of the sort. She simply says that she could find a better husband, even after she had a child from the first husband. The first husband is a very respected person with a very good job in Congress. So how can the inventors in Philadelphia come up with a reason to remove the marriage after she had a child with the first husband especially as even she never said he did anything hideous?

Without going into further proofs here, we see that the "Daas Torah" Rosh Yeshivas who invented the permission to coerce husbands because the wife was a cousin or friend of a Rosh Yeshiva, which is pure corruption, now have invented the removal of marriage entirely, despite the fact that nobody in Jewish history ever said such a thing. And if it is true, that whenever a wife regrets marrying the husband the marriage is removed, what marriage is there that hasn't been removed at one time or a hundred times over as people always have moods and disagreements and even worse, but who assumes like the Philly rabbis that the marriage disappears simply because the wife wants the marriage to disappear so she can marry somebody else?

Some years back the Rosho Rackman invented this idea, that any woman whose husband did not give a GET, can remarry, because had she known that he would not give her a GET, she never would  have married him. And all of the rabbis, including and especially the YU rabbis, blasted him out for this, and eventually, he pulled back somewhat. For sure, all of the women who remarried from Rackman lived in sin and their children from the new husband are mamzerim. And the Philly lady if she remarries, will have mamzerim for children. BE WARNED! The Philly rabbis who encouraged a married woman to remarry without a GET are wicked and have no place in halacha. Nobody should ever ask them an opinion in Torah, because they just invent what they want and call it "Daas Torah" as we explained. How anyone can send their child to the Philly Yeshiva is beyond me. If the Yeshiva rabbis there told people to eat treifeh, would anyone send their child there? So how can anyone send a child to that Yeshiva, and how can anyone contribute to it, when the Yeshiva rabbis encourage mamzerim and women sinning with other men who are not their  husbands?

Yes, there are some "rabbis" who encourage the remarriage of married women without a GET. One is the head of the RCA, the same Beth Din that issued a siruv to the FBI's fake husband. If you want fake husbands, and fake halacha, go to the RCA and the rabbis of the Philly Yeshiva. At any rate, in the Philly situation, to my knowledge no rabbi has openly permitted the woman to remarry. Obviously, the Kaminetkys are aware of what she is doing and Shalom's active help is proof that he and probably his father approve of her remarrying without a GET. Both of them are deserving of CHEREM. They are producing mamzerim, and if a mamzer is produced, they are the child molestors. Please, don't send your child and do not support a Yeshiva run by child molesters!

Part Six of Broken Marriages and Divorces- What is the Solution for our Future?

 They key to our future is to return to one of two paths. One, is the style of Torah initiated by the Gro and Reb Chaim Volloznher, that students learned without enough food for years. I don't think think this is likely to happen and if it is started I don't think it will last very long. In those days starving was part of life. Today, nobody heard of it. So that is not a solution.

Another idea is to go back to the style of Chazal, as indicated by Rambam and the gemora. The goal in life for a Jewish man is to be great in Torah, also wealthy, and in addition to be great in Derech Erets and human relations, meaning of courses family as well, and four, to master basic skills needed for life, as the rabbis taught, "Greater is one who toils with his hands than those who fear heaven."

Years ago when I taught English to children late in the afternoon, I was exhausted, they were exhausted, and one day the Principal came into the class during recess and found that all of the children were working with pen and paper doing their school tasks. He asked me why the children don't go to recess. I explained that they did not want to go to recess. They liked doing work. He walked out and did not complain.

A prominent therapist has said that happiness comes from doing something that offers two things: One is that he can do it, and two, that it is a challenge. If the challenge is too hard, the person gets frustrated and quits. If the challenge is too easy, the task is boring. But if a person works on a challenge that he can do, but it is a challenge, the flow of his feelings will be happy and positive, even more happy and positive than when he enjoys himself eating or some similar pleasure.

If we can begin our children's education at a very early age to learn how to learn Torah, to learn how to earn, to learn how to have Derech Erets, and to learn how to cope with various physical tasks, we produce somebody who after many years of this is ready for marriage. A woman who marries such a person is very likely to be happy. She has Torah. She has money. She has Derech Erets. She has a talented husband. What more can she ask?

But how do we do this? We have to first teach the value of this program, which is really the program of the Torah from the earliest times and the way of the gemora. We find in the gemora the greatest Talmudists who were often very wealthy. How could this be? If children all earned as children and came to adulthood with the money to buy a house without a mortgage and a steady income, we understand. Some of these children continued earning until they became wealthy, and some became very wealthy. But as children and as adults, the learning was the major task of the day. But the work was a steady project, even though it was not the major task of the day.

Our task now is to find people who realize the danger of raising children in the present environment, and who want to give their children a chance at a really wonderful family life, great in Torah, great in wealth, Derech Erets and general skills.

Let us realize that young children spend an enormous amount of time watching television and playing ball and wasting time. If we can capture the "flow" of the child to earn money, he will gladly work hard at it. Every coin that clinks into his pocket will strengthen his resolve to continue. And when he succeeds in Torah, not with lessons that are designed to show how clever the teacher is, but are designed in the ancient Torah style to begin from the beginning and master the entire work, and to continue until more and more books are truly mastered, happy children and successful children will be happy and successful adults.

I am looking for people who are interested in developing such programs. If you are interested in this, call me at 845-578-1917. Thank you.

Part Five of the Yeshivas and Broken Families

If we study the Talmud and its related works, we see that ancient Israel raised its men to achieve four things: One, a Jewish man was trained to seek greatness in Torah. Two, he had to earn a living. And according to Rovo, if he learned Torah, he should strive for wealth, so that he would not be pressured by fiscal problems when he was learning. Thirdly, he had to learn Derech Erets and how to deal with his fellow, whether in family and marriage or general society, even with gentiles. Fourth, he had to learn basic worldly things, as the Talmud says, "Greater is one who toils with his hands than the G-d fearing."

A person as a child was trained to learn Torah, but also trained in the other things. Thus, Rambam says that one may not marry until he purchases a house (no mortgage) and has a steady income. Now, if people married at the age of seventeen or eighteen, and they learned in Yeshiva their whole young life, when did they get the money to buy a house? And how did they suddenly have a steady income? Obviously, the training of a child was to do what an adult should do. As the Shulchan Aruch in Orach Chaim tells us, after Shacharis one must go to work, because all Torah without work is waste. And without a steady income one enters into borrowing and eventually stealing and endless sins.

Working did not begin when the person was ready to get married. He was trained during childhood to prepare for life exactly as an adult would do: the major part of his time was learning, and part time the person works. If a child begins this program as a child, a decade plus later he will have extensive experience in business and other fields. He will have earned enough money to buy a house. He will have had years of setting money aside for investments. Thus, the students of Rovo told him that they owned real estate and it supported them so they only had to work part time. This began in childhood.

When such a child reach adulthood, he married solid in money, solid in Torah, solid in Derech Erets, learned by practical dealings with people for many years in business./ Because he was involved in Derech Erets, he also picked up basic skills needed to be "one who toils with his hands" that was greatly lauded by Chazal.

A wife in such a situation had a good income, a nice house, money for what she needed, clothes that cost more than her husband's clothes, because Rambam says that the husband must honor his wife more than himself, and this means spending on her, as Raishis Chochmo says. The husband has learned Derech Erets and can get along with people, and his wife benefits from this. And if something has to be done around the house, the husband is experienced with working with his hands. Such a woman is surely blessed and happy. Why in the world should there be, heaven fore fend, problems and divorces?

But what about today? Somebody goes to Yeshiva. He learns many years. He hears this shiyur and that talk but rarely does he master Torah. Rather, he masters the lecture that shows how clever the Rosh Yeshiva or Magid Shiur is. After years of this, he has forgotten the complicated shiurim and has only smatterings of this or that. I know somebody who has spent years trying to finish Shass Bieeyune, and he only needs a few more masechtose. But he is paid in Kollel not to finish Shas but to listen to lectures that the Yeshiva forces him to attend. And Shass may take years and years. So we have no Gedolim. But furthermore, we have frustrated Bnei Torah. Years of this kind of learning  rarely produces someone great in Torah. He surely rarely becomes great with wealth. Derech Erets? The Yeshiva culture is to encourage the greatness of a Talmid Chochom, that people owe him great honor and money. This is the opposite of the mitsvah taught in Rashi and the Zohar that "and he shall make his wife rejoice" means he makes her rejoice in marriage, not himself.

The wife may not appreciate her role in all of this. She works hard in a job to support her  husband to become a Gadol, but as time goes on, no how much he learns, the job of being a Gadol goes only to the family of the Rosh Yeshiva. Others just keep grinding away with no end. And the wife is not getting younger. More and more children arrive and she sees no end to her labors to support a husband who will need support for ever. When she mentions this to her husband he tells her that Daas Torah requires her to honor her husband. Without going into the gory details, we have a picture of why there are broken marriages and divorces. Yes, "A Yeshiva is Hashchoso." It destroys men. It destroys women. It destroys children.

Yes, there are a few people who can truly become Gedolim. But the present system is surely not the path to this. If so, why of the many thousands who have learned for many years in Yeshiva and Kollel, we have major Rosh Yeshivas who support gay rights and coerce husband with invalid Gittin producing mamzerim? And they, rachmono litslon, are considered by the Yeshiva to be "gedolim" that everyone must obey!

Part Four of the Yeshivas and Broken Marriages

What happened when all of a sudden going to Yeshiva was popular? This took place in the sixties, after the passing of HaGaon Reb Aharon zt"l. The new generation was a time of great turmoil in America. The Viet Nam War was going full blast.  Americans were going there to die and suffer greatly in the heat and swamps, never knowing when a bullet would fly at them. Victory was elusive, but death and wounding was not. Students who were being drafted rioted. Throughout America, the students and the hippies revolted. Colleges became centers for rebellion against everything sacred. No longer could an Orthodox Jew go to college.  And who wants to go to college and get drafted? A Yeshiva student was exempt. Therefore, Yeshiva became popular.

Someone in Yeshiva could go for a few years on the sums of support demanded for marrying a Kollel fellow, and people were found who would pay it. In addition, the huge sums of the Poverty Programs were enlisted for those learning who had little money. Beautiful buildings went up, lovely families were established, even while the rest of the country wallowed in the agony of rebellion and drugs. Many parents who lost their children in college looked enviously at the Yeshiva students.

At that time, those few students who had learned before the changes, and who had suffered from the privations of the early years, became Rosh Yeshivas. This was a time when the rabbis in America had not supported the Yeshiva movement. There were open wars with Mr. Mendlowitz and America's rabbis. There was even an attempt to isolate Reb Aharon from the rabbis, but it failed and the senior rabbi who initiated it died suddenly, in the middle of his preparations. Thus, the new generation of successful Yeshiva rabbis was one without true rabbinic leadership. Rosh Yeshivas were not trained in halacha and rabbinic services, but now, they were asked questions by their many students and their families, and the general community. But they did not have the preparation to answer many of these questions. Therefore, they initiated the idea called "Daas Torah" meaning, they would say whatever they thought. Rosh Yeshivas now assumed the mantle of Gedolim, without knowing as much as a Gadol should know. Anyone who disputed their findings was considered a rebel against "Daas Torah." There was a vacuum in true halacha, so evident when the major Rosh Yeshivas made invalid Gittin. As a very senior Rosh Yeshiva once said to me, "You know Gittin. Tell me, where does it say about the names of the GET?" I told him where in the Shulchan Aruch it said about how to write the names in a GET. The Roshei Yeshivas had to write Kesubose. But they did not study the laws of Gittin and did not know how to write the names. I once saw a Kesubo and saw that it was invalid. I asked who wrote it, and was told a certain major Rosh Yeshiva.

Let us now return to our original question. Why is there divorce among Torah Jews? And we will now, having prepared the basic ideas, will turn to specifics that cause the divorces and broken families in the Yeshiva world. We turn now to Part Five of the Yeshivas and Broken Marriages

Why the Broken Families and Divorces? Part 3 - More on the Yeshiva

In part two of this we mentioned two gedolim, one of the past generation and one of this generation, who agreed that "A Yeshiva is Hashchoso." This stunning remark, made to me when I asked one of them what to do about a video store in Monsey, indicates that we don't fight with video stores. We fight inside, in our own world, and make sure that people are happy and successful in their lives. Then, they don't have to run to bad places. But if we have Yeshivas that leave people frustrated, we are in for the worst. This incredible remark was an explosion to me. But the basic message was not at all surprising. Let me explain.

I learned by HaGaon Reb Aharon Kotler zt"l for two years, before his petira. When he left the world, the whole system changed. It changed for reasons that were both positive and wonderful, but they changed. What was the change, and why was something that was so wonderful and positive something to worry about and complain? Because the fact is, when the world changed radically for the better, when people began to flock to learn in Kollel, when money poured out of the Poverty Programs from President Johnson, I got out. I felt that I was a talmid of Reb Aharon and I wanted to remember the Torah as it was when I learned by him. The new stuff was not for me. From then on until the present day, whenever possible, I made myself a pest at the feet of the great rabbis, but I stayed out of the conventional Yeshivas, if such a thing was possible. I spent hours talking to Hagaon Reb Moshe Feinstein zt"l when he visited Monsey often to visit his family here. I was always nervous that somebody would come and take away "my" Reb Moshe, but in the years when I pestered him, I only remember three people asking him a question.

I might add, that in Lakewood there were few people who spoke regularly to HaGaon Reb Aharon zt"l. There was first of all a great generation gap. And then there was Reb Aharon, a ferocious fire in Torah, and people stayed away in droves. I jumped in because I was pure azuce ponim. That is how I pestered Reb Moshe and all of the others. But most people were too normal to act that way. Good for me.

What was wrong with the new world, with its flow of Torah Jews, its growing Kollelim, its new and beautiful buildings for Yeshivas, whereas I had buildings that were real dumps? The answer to that is to go back to the time of the Vilna Gaon and Reb Chaim Volloznher, when modern day Yeshivas were first established. Those Yeshivas catered to people who had nothing, who often went hungry, sometimes for days. But they learned with all of their strength. The new Torah world was awash in money. This did not mean that Kollel people themselves were loaded. They were not. But the element of hunger, of fear of the future, was not there. When I learned in Yeshiva I knew that if I ever married it would be a miracle. Later on, a good boy didn't worry about that. He only had to figure out what ridiculous sum he would demand as kest, or support. It got to the point that a girl who wanted to marry a Yeshiva/Kollel boy had to pay a fortune. People became masters at taking money from the government's Poverty Program. My family, when I finally married, never touched that money.

Years later, I sat next to my mechuton, the Matasdorfer Rebbe, at the wedding of a young son. He asked me, "How do you have such good children?" I answered him, "We never touch that money." He was impressed. Yes, yes, he nodded.

As time went on I attached myself to various tsadikim and Gedolim who were fighters for holiness and goodness. I began to see that Agudas Israel with the new Rosh Yeshivas, were on the other side of the fence. I once called up the Agudah for help in battling gays. Two major Rosh Yeshivas answered me, "It is forbidden to fight gays. We are against hate." I hope  you don't believe me. But it is public record that the Agudah supported the gays in a government defense bill where somebody tacked on a measure to severely punish anyone who hit a gay. To my knowledge, the Agudah was the only major religious body to do this.

And when I called up my friends who worked in the Agudah about this, they said, "True, you have traditions from past generations to fight gays. But today, our Rosh Yeshivas are the Gedolim, and everyone must listen to them." Well, people who support gays are not my gedolim, and I don't listen to them.

Later on, it was this Yeshiva element of Rosh Yeshivas, the "Gedolim" Rachmono Litslon, that signed letters that everyone is obligated to coerce a husband to force him to give a GET, something that is absolutely wrong from the standpoint of the Shulchan Aruch. But the new "Gedolim" are not experts in the laws of Gittin. They teach about the ox that gored the cow, and they pasken all questions with their logic. And what they say, even if it is the opposite of the Shulchan Aruch and senior rabbis in all generations, is what we must do. It becomes "Daas Torah." HaShem Yerachem.

In this twisted "Torah" world, we have mamzerim from invalid Gittin, and we have broken families and divorces. Now we turn to the basic problem of divorce in the "Torah" world, in part 4.

Why the Broken Families and Divorces? Part Two

In Part Two of Why the Broken Families and Divorces, we want to know two things: One, why the intensive efforts in schooling in Yeshiva schools did not save men and women from a hideous divorce. Two, and this is sensitive, we want to know if there is something in the Yeshiva world itself that caused these things. Is that possible?

Years ago, Monsey was a paradise. It was just apple orchards and simple lifestyles plus some Yeshivas and shull; nothing remarkable other than a bear or snake that was used to the woods in Monsey as a habitat. One day somebody put up a video store on Main Street in the center of town, not far from Yeshivas and shulls. This was a scandal. I went with a friend to the Gaon Rav Shalom Mordechai Schwadron zt"l who visited Monsey then, raising money for his causes. I told him about the video store and anticipated that he would give a fiery lecture about it and tell us how to stop it. But although he had always treated me very warmly, this time he put on a special "frozen face" that only a professional actor such as he could do. I repeated myself, "Rebbe! A video store" but he completely ignored me. His face war turned away from me and I got the message that I didn't exist. Well, I thought, I am used to talking to Gedolim only because I am Mr. Azuce Ponim. If he wants to make a face, I will call up the azuce ponim. I raised my voice and said, "Rebbe! Hashchoso!" That was what he was waiting for. The great mashgichim - Reb Shalom was a Talmid Muvhok of the greatest, Reb Eliyohu Lopian -  knew how to put you in "in the sack", which was where I was going now.

Reb Shalom suddenly came alive. His eyes sparkled fire, as he slowly turned towards me, his hands moving in  cadence with his mood, until he pointed right into my face and said, slowly and professionally, "A Yeshiva is hashchoso!" My azuce ponim went sailing into outer space as I felt myself sinking and falling, falling, and a still voice said to me, "Just be quiet. He said this in public. He has to answer. Be patient."

I just waited. Reb Shalom saw that he had struck a home run with his attack, and he chuckled and said something in Yiddish about my new silence. I just waited. It was his turn. Then he turned serious and began to explain his complaints about the Yeshiva. I was so stunned that I don't recall his exact words, but he had made his point. Video stores are not the problem. Yeshivas are. Now, why that is so still eluded me despite the phrases or so I heard from Reb Shalom. So not much after this, when I was at my son's Chasunah, a major Rosh Yeshiva entered. I jumped him as I always did to an Odom Gadol, and sat with him for half an hour with my complaints about a certain Yeshiva organization. He listened and said nothing, but he did not dispute anything I said. Then I told him about the statement of Reb Shalom, that "A Yeshiva is Haschoso." He suddenly perked up and nodded a firm assent. I was amazed. But "two are better than one" and these two were for me the "a thing shall be clarified by two witnesses" and I resolved to see what they were trying to tell me. Now, I don't know what they thought. I can only say what I think, in my limited ability, to be the reason for their remarks.

In this, part two, we have already said a mouthful, and any statements of mine will have to await Part Three. But I will say this here: In the past few years, I have had mighty battles with the major American Rosh Yeshivas about Gittin. I attacked them publicly for encouraging the humiliation of a husband and destroying his father's job and his uncle's job. These Rosh Yeshivas meant business. They were going to force a GET. And as we have seen on this blog, a forced GET just because the wife wants a GET is invalid. I publicized heavily the sources to show that these Rosh Yeshivas were wrong. I spoke to the leading posek of that group, who is a major posek in America. He told me his reasoning. I wrote thirteen pages to show that he was completely wrong. The Gedolim in Israel agreed with me and put out letters attacking humiliating a husband and coercing a GET.  I called up several of the Rosh Yeshivas who signed letters commanding everyone to coerce the husband to give a GET. They had no source for what they were doing. I was told that many if not all of them had not even spoken to the husband before they issued terrible letters about coercing him. These Rosh Yeshivas are part of the problem of "A Yeshiva is Haschoso." But how this happened, will have to wait until Part Three.

Why are there so many Horrible Broken Marriages and Divorces? Part One

Why are there so many horrible broken marriages and divorces? First of all, just what is so horrible about divorce? For the husband, divorce is a disaster because he loses his wife, he loses access to his children other than visits, he probably loses his home, he must give his ex-wife a fortune in support, and often he ends up losing his income or job, either directly or indirectly because of the divorce or broken marriage. If the divorce goes through a Beth Din he pays a lot of money for the Beth Din, for toanim, and if the case goes to court he spends a fortune on legal fees, and may be in fear of prison and the judge who can easily ruin his life with a ruling about the children or payments, even jail.

For the wife a divorce is a disaster because children always need a father on the premises, especially children troubled by a divorce and by an absent father. And if the mother plays the game of teaching the children to turn against the father, the children may eventually go back to him, and be upset with the mother for denying them a father for so long. The mother is also all alone in dealing with the family, and is not always able to deal with rough children, especially boys who need a firm hand.

For husband and wife the stigma of being divorced is painful. And then comes the question of remarriage, and the pain of who rejects and who accepts the divorced person is a sad spectacle. Often the mother is driven to think: If I would have stayed with the first one, with all of his faults, it would be better than what I am faced with now. HaGaon Reb Yaacov Kaminetsky zt"l  once told a Gittin Rov. "Tell the lady who wants a divorce to think if she would take her husband as a zivuge shayni." That is a sobering thought. But sometimes, it occurs too late. And of course,  a single mother with children is limited in her income, and it is unlikely to improve. She has to marry off her children, and maybe herself, all alone.

So why are people breaking marriages and seeking divorces? When we talk about people who are Torah Jews, steeped in musar and yiras shomayim, the number of broken families is incredible. What is going on?

There are several factors. One is that marriage in general has gone out of style in America and surely elsewhere. No longer are the majority of Americans in functioning marriages. Some are technically married but only because they have no intention of remarrying, so they remain married with no actual marriage. Others never married in the first place, but go along as if marriage is not important. And everyone realizes that even somebody who wants to be married must run the gauntlet which often ends in broken marriages and divorce. Some feel it is better not to marry. Today, even some children from Torah families are refusing to think about shidduchim. There is a huge element of single people of all ages. Getting married today is scary.

Another factor in the huge divorce rate is that there are people of all types, even in the Torah community, who have taken upon themselves the obligation to warn people about staying in a bad marriage. Now there are people who actively encourage people to face the fact that their marriage is bad, and to consider a divorce. A lady who put her husband in jail told me that she does not want a divorce. But the ladies she respected told her to do it. Sometimes parents are so upset about something the other spouse did that they encourage a broken marriage. This is a major problem.

In this, Part One of our discussion of why there are broken marriages, we have described the basic scenery of marriage today, in the Torah world. It is in danger. And we see that the highest level of Torah families are engulfed in hideous battles, even going to secular court, even publishing in secular newspapers attacking the other side. I never heard of such things. But one thing I know, tomorrow will be much worse. Therefore, we have to think deeply into this. What is going on? Why is the holiest of all institutions, the home, being destroyed? (The Zohar says that BERAISHIS the first word in the Torah, spells BAYIS ROSH.) We have discussed here in Unit One the basic scenery of despair. But now let us turn to Unit Two. We want to know why all of the Torah being learned, all of the good education a couple receives, does not enable them to survive the vicissitudes of marriage today. We turn now to Part Two.

The Halacha of Coercing a Husband to Give a GET with Humiliation

There are various levels of coercions permitted to force the husband to give a GET, as taught in Even Hoezer 154. One is when the husband must divorce because he married somebody forbidden to him, even if it is only forbidden dirabonon. There are also cases where the husband has physical ailments that no woman could tolerate. In these cases a husband may be coerced even with a beating until he gives the GET and says "I want to give the GET."

Then there are other cases, lesser than the above, when beatings are forbidden, but minor coercions are permitted. Therefore a man who cannot perform in marriage must divorce his wife. But if he refuses, he is not beaten or put in Cherem. But he may be told that he is wicked for not obeying the Talmud that commands him to divorce his wife. See EH end of 154 and Rashbo Teshuvose I:1192.

But most demands for divorce are simply the complaint of the wife that she can't stand living with her husband. In this case, no coercion is permitted. See Even Hoezer 77 paragraphs 2 and 3 in all of the commentaries including the Gro #5 there who elaborates on this and says that nobody permits coercion in such a case, and this is the opinion of the Shulchan Aruch, the Ramo, the Beis Shmuel, and the Chelkas Mechokake and nobody disagrees.

Furthermore, the Gaon Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt"l rules in his teshuva sefer that there is no mitsvah upon the husband to divorce. "If he wants to divorce, he divorces, and if not, not." Therefore, the terrible practice of many American rabbis and others to coerce a husband whenever the wife leaves the marriage is wrong and if the husband is coerced with beatings or with Cherem or with great loss of money or with humiliation the GET is invalid and if the woman remarries with the invalid GET her children are mamzerim. (But nobody should pronounce on the child mamzerus until a prominent Beth Din or posek has examined carefully the whole situation.)

Letters have gone out from Gedolei Yisroel in Israel in the past and present generations that any Beth Din that coerces husbands to give a GET because of the demands of the wife, that such a Beth Din loses the status of Beth Din, and any Gittin given by it are not accepted. The wife needs another GET from a kosher Beth Din. I heard this myself from Posek HaDor Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt"l, that he takes away Chezkas Beth Din from any Beth Din that coerces a husband upon the demands of the wife.

One of the great sins done by these rabbis is to call upon people to publicly gather at the home of the husband and humiliate him. The organization ORA is notorious for this. They torture husbands, call up his employers, torture his family, even old people who can can get sick from these public protests and tortures, and do what they can to force the GET. Such a forced GET is invalid and the women born from ORA's coercions are usually mamzerim. In the coming generation there will be many children that are mamzerim, and the rabbis who created them are true child molesters, because making a mamzer is cruel to the child.

The Rashbo in Teshuvose VII:414 says that when a woman demands a GET because she cannot tolerate the husband we try to make peace and if there is no hope for that than we still cannot coerce the husband to divorce. "We never force the husband to divorce. But if he wants, he divorces, and if he so chooses, he does not divorce."

This is true for a woman who is upset with her husband but the husband can function as a husband. But a husband who cannot function as a husband and the wife demands a GET we talk tough to the husband and tell him clearly that he must divorce his wife, "but we do not put him in Nidui, and we do not humiliate him, and we do not cause him any physical pain." We thus see clearly that the Rashbo forbids coercing a   husband even one who cannot be a husband, and is therefore obligated by the Talmud to divorce, if the coercion is a pressure of humiliation or beatings. Surely an ordinary man who is not commanded by the Talmud to divorce may not be coerced with humiliation just because the wife cannot stand him.

And those rabbis who do coerce husbands with the organization ORA or otherwise to give a GET, have caused invalid Gittin, and the children born from an invalid GET are mamzerim. In the next generation there will be a tragedy of children who are considered by senior rabbis to be mamzerim. And these rabbis who defy the Shulchan Aruch, the Gro and the Rashbo, with no source differing, will have the sin of making mamzerim and permitting a married woman to remarry without a GET.

The Radvaz in II:118 brings the Rashbo and agrees with it. And so does the Beis Yosef in TUR Even Hoezer page 73b d"h כתוב. The Chazon Ish also agrees see Even Hoezer Gittin 108:12.

But we have ORA and others backed and encouraged by rabbis who "disagree" with the Rashbo, Radvaz, Beis Yosef and Chazon Ish, even though they have not got a single person who agrees with them. If they do, let me know it. I have a lengthy refutation of what one of them decided was a source who disagreed. I showed my findings to gedolim in Israel and they agreed with me. I asked them to hang up signs all over Israel that one who humiliates the husband makes mamzerim and they did so. Lately, this group, mainly the Beth Din in Bnei Braq, has published a sefer endorsed by gedolei hador Rav Chaim Kanievsky, Rav Shmuel HaLevi Wosner and other Torah greats in Israel attacking coecing the husband to divorce. But ORA and the assorted rabbis who want to help women disagree.

The Halacha of Coercing a Husband to Give a GET with HumiliationA student of one of these rabbis once called me up and let me have it for disagreeing with his rebbe. I told him, "Everything you say about me is fine. But I ask you one thing. Ask your rebbe, right now while I am on the phone, what his source is to humiliate a husband that he relies on to defy my sources of the Rashbo, etc." The fellow agreed and soon came back to me with the source. The source was the rabbi in the RCA and the rabbis in Washington, DC. But the rabbi in the RCA once told me that he permitted a husband and wife to leave his Beth Din without a GET, because he invented some reason to take away the kiddushim, which shows that he is in a new world where there is no Shulchan Aruch. And the rabbis in Washington DC are not experts in Gittin, but relied on this New York rabbi, who says that his source is the rabbis of Washington.

Okay, when I ask this, people can ignore it. But when the children who will be mamzerim ask it, what will these rabbis say? And when nobody wants to marry them because the greatest rabbis in the world consider them mamzerim, will the rabbis who encouraged their birth marry them to their children?

Rabbi Eidensohn Will Speak in Lakewood, NJ on Monday, Nov 27

Rabbi Dovid Eidensohn will speak on Divorce and Broken Families: Why?

NOVEMBER 27 MONDAY

2-5 PM

At MUNICIPAL BUILDING OF THE LAKEWOOD TOWNSHIP

Second Floor Room C

231 3rd St

Lakewood Township, NJ

Admission Free - For Men

Broken Marriage - Try to Repair It or Go Further?

QUESTION:

I have a broken marriage. Should I try to repair it or give up on my wife and children and start all over? I am not a young man.

ANSWER:

Without knowing you or your wife or your children I can't advise you. I merely point out that at your age if you continue as you have in the past few years, battling here and there and everywhere, you may never remarry and may never have children who live in your house. That is one thing.

Second of all, if  you know exactly why the marriage broke up, and people you respect and rely upon agree with you that those were the reasons, you can think about fixing the marriage, although that is a very difficult thing to contemplate at this late stage, after years of problems and separation. But if you have no clear idea why the marriage broke up, or  you don't have a clear idea how to fix the problems, and  you are running out of time to remarry, you have to decide what to do.

In these matters there are certain experts, at least a few of them, who are really successful and experienced. If  you get opinions from them, you may save yourself a lot of aggravation.

But at any rate, stay in touch with me if for no other reason than to get some moral support. When a person sees his life draining away, and his children growing up without him, he needs a lot of help just to stay in one piece. We really have to accept this challenge, just to fight to hang in there. It is not an easy thing. The rabbis have taught that a woman can be the greatest happiness for a man or the opposite. And when it is the opposite, it is worse than death. Broken Marriage - Try to Repair It or Go Further?

Paying Money for a GET. Is this extortion that invalidates the GE?

QUESTION:

I read with interest your blogpost:

Halacha of Marriage and Gittin: Question - Can a Beth Din Force a Husband to Give a GET?

I have a question of my own that I would like you to discuss on your blog if possible.

You mentioned that a GET arising from (media) pressure towards the husband is invalid and future children from that wife with a subsequent husband are mamzerim. Please can you clarify whether a GET that was achieved by money being paid to the husband is equally invalid as it is also a form of coercion? I would welcome such a halachic ruling as it would undermine extortion by husbands who seek to blackmail wives for their GET.

Many thanks,

ANSWER:

Paying the husband to give a GET is not extortion. The wife who wants a GET has caused the husband great suffering and has usually taken away his children to some degree that causes him much misery. Why should she not have to pay him something for this? The Torah does not give the woman a right to just leave the husband and take her children, unless the husband gives the GET willingly. If the husband wants to suffer all of the financial losses and emotional pain of the wife taking his children, and maybe his house, and his good name, that is one thing. But if he has no obligation to give a GET, and the wife pays him to give it, nobody extorted money from him and the GET is valid. This happens all of the time and nobody ever said it was extortion. But if the wife's side threatens the husband with loss of money, if he doesn't divorce, that is an invalid GET.

Destroyers of Marriage -Making Mamzerim

A while back I was talking to a major Rov in Israel about Shalom Bayis. I told him that I wanted to make a program for Shalom Bayis whereby neutral people would deal with the problems of the marriage. And I added, "And not the mother or the father of one of the spouses." The Rov forcefully nodded his assent . When there are problems in marriage, that itself is not the end; nor is it the beginning of the end. But when somebody gets involved to protect one side, and pours gasoline on the flames, the marriage and family can be destroyed.

There are people who deliberately try to break a marriage. This may sound fantastic, but I have seen it. Once somebody called me up with a complaint about his wife. It sounded like he was really aggravated, and it was hard to understand just what his wife had done to him. I asked him who he was talking to and he told me so and so. I asked, "Isn't that person just divorced?" He said, "yes." I said, "Get him out of your house." I never heard any more complaints.

Destroyers of Marriage -Making MamzerimThen we  have the rabbis and the dayanaim who want to help women and not men. This may sound fantastic. But New York State made a GET law that forces men to give a GET. Somebody spoke to me today and told me that he is frequently in Manhattan courtrooms because of his divorce situation. And he and other men are told clearly that the law requires them to give a GET or else. This law was passed by Orthodox rabbis and prominent Orthodox individuals who wanted to help ladies get a GET. And of course, they will say that they want to help men also. But a forced GET is a forced GET and it is invalid. The Vilna Gaon says clearly that nobody disagrees with this. So what is the source for the rabbis who made the New York State GET Law to force a husband to divorce his wife? The Chasam Sofer says clearly that if some rabbis permit coercion and some disagree, and the  husband was coerced by somebody who permits the coercion, the GET is invalid completely and the children born from it are mamzerim. But here we have a minority of rabbis and people who defy the greatest rabbis in the world, who have protested these coercions, and have said they don't recognize the GET of anyone who coerces husbands to divorce, and all they care about is their opinion that has no source at all in halacha. See Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 77 paragraphs 2 and 3. All of the opinions forbid coercion of a GET simply because the wife wants it. Coercion is permitted only when the husband marries a forbidden woman or some other very serious matter. But today, right and left, we have rabbis who invent halacha and produce mamzerim. In the next generation there will be two sets of Jews, and one set will not be able to marry the other ones.

A man who obeys the New York State Get Law and divorces his wife, under the pressure of the court, has issued in invalid GET. The children the wife has after her divorce with another man are born while she is still married to the first husband. They are probably mamzerim. And nobody talks about this.

A know of a group of prominent rabbis who banded together to force a husband to give a GET and there was no halachic base for the coercion. I publicized my opinion with the sources that these rabbis are making a mamzer factory and the mamzerim born are destroyed, who will marry them. Thus, these rabbis are guilty of child molesting.

Yes, these things are going on today, and the ones promoting and practicing them have fine position in the rabbinate and among Beth Dins. And there is not a shred of proof that their opinion produces a Kosher GET.

Thus, those who encourage broken marriages and those who encourage broken Gittin will have to answer a Beth Din in the Other World that agrees with the Shulchan Aruch. What will they do then?

Registering Women for Military Draft in America in 2016

Forcing Women into Combat to Satisfy Radical Liberals

By Rabbi David E. Eidensohn/845-578-1917/dddeid@verizon.net

As an Orthodox Jew with daughters, granddaughters, and great-granddaughters, I am deeply concerned about the government’s efforts to draft women into the American army. It seems likely now that in 2016 all American women must register for the draft or face heavy fines and jail. This would force Orthodox Jewish girls to live among men in some strange country. My concerns are religious. But there are concerns mentioned by the military and by women and others in general. Do women really have the ability to fight men to the death on the battle field? The Supreme Court has ruled that unless women are declared fit for combat duty they cannot be drafted. They can join the army voluntarily, but not be forced to join it.

The following is a from a report released by the US Marines on October of 2014:

Interim CMR Special Report − October, 2014

US Marine Corps Research Findings: Where is the Case for Co-Ed Ground Combat?

Abstract

This is an Interim Special Report on the multi-phased research effort, initiated by Marine Corps Commandant General James Amos to gather quantitative data identifying the physical strength requirements of combat arms units. The goal is to find ways that women can be integrated into the combat arms without lowering standards. Researchers are finding this difficult (actually, impossible) to do, owing to naturally-occurring physical differences that make men significantly stronger…To date, twenty female officers attempted the extremely tough course but were not successful…Nothing produced by the research so far indicates that women can be physical equals and interchangeable with men in the infantry. Nor is there any evidence that women want to be treated like men in the combat arms. (emphasis mine) End quote.

            The future of America is on the line. Do we sacrifice our military for the radical women lobby? And since when do you force through a measure opposed by the military to satisfy politicians?  Why does congress not have truly open hearings to discuss this matter?

I remember the great fanfare that took place when a woman flew off an air craft carrier in the Pacific. The woman took off, and went right into the water. Her life and her very expensive plane are now gone. How many more women must die to satisfy the fantastic demands of radical feminists?

I recall a newspaper article about a reporter in Afghanistan with American troops. He noticed a boy soldier, someone very small. He approached the soldier and saw that it was a woman. Now, the enemy soldiers over there are very large and ferocious. Who in his right mind would send a “boy” sized soldier to fight such people? The fanatics.

Many women realize this. They need the army for their reasons, but feel they can serve without going into actual combat where women are not strong enough or vicious enough to perform properly. But the politicians ignore them.

It is thus that the inclusion of women in killing and physical tasks they are not equipped for is likely to happen. It will happen even though many women and others oppose this. Some oppose it because women are not natural killers and lack the strength for serious and prolonged fighting, killing and death. Others oppose it because the army if it accepts women in combat will have to lower its strength requirements, which is fatal in today’s world. We are talking about weakening the American military.

In Iraq a senior officer inspected the front line troops. He walked and walked and nobody intercepted him. Finally, he stepped right into the concealed place of some soldiers. They were a man and a woman and they were not busy with warfare. The new army in its fighting faze will be filled with unwanted pregnancies, rape and such things. The army will be damaged.

The great scandal is that congress has not called hearings on this. Everything is being carefully stage managed to produce the extreme wishes of the radical feminine lobby. And these women will die first. And if they are captured, the lucky ones will be beheaded.

Marital Intimacy - Obligations

Marital Intimacy is an obligation. One who marries another has an obligation to perform properly in marriage, and marital intimacy is one of the obligations. The ancient Persians were very fastidious people and would not be together without clothes. A Jew who wants this custom may be divorced, because it is wrong. The obligation is to give a complete marital pleasure.

Here we run into what we discussed previously that Torah marriage is not a partnership. A partnership means that I work because you work. A partnership usually doesn't work because everyone assumes that they work harder than the partner. Torah marriage is two people who marry to do kindness to the other. It is reciprocity. As we explain, and as I explain in my book, Secret of the Scale, marriage is a process of the husband doing kindness to the wife and the wife to the husband. Ideally, this should be a pure act of kindness and not because I want a good response. But obviously, this works better when both people are schooled in kindness and come from a good marital home where giving and loving made a paradise. But when people marry and don't have these attitudes, good luck.

In the book about the famous tsadik Rabbi Aharon Moshe Stern of Kaminets, we read many pages about kindness and marriage that brings us into a new world of tsadikim in marriage. We meet Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Aurebach who had a wonderful marriage for fifty years and when his wife died he refused to ask her forgiveness, although all Jews ask forgiveness then. He explained, "I never did anything to her that I have to ask her for forgiveness." People were amazed. Fifty years together and not one thing? But Rabbi Aharon Moshe Stern replied, "What is so special? If you get married, of course you have to do kindness with your wife, so how can you do something else?"

Rashi and the Zohar teach that the passage in the Torah "and he will make his wife rejoice" means marital intimacy. And it means that the husband has an obligation  to do kindness to his wife, not to please himself. Of course, if the husband pleases  his wife, and arouses her, he will surely benefit. But the idea is to do kindness, and the pleasures comes later.

We find in the parsha of Vayaro "And G-d appeared to him." It doesn't begin the reading by explaining who "him" was. It just says "him." Because Avrohom was sitting at the door of his tent looking for travelers he would invite for a meal and do kindness to them. A person who lives for kindness thinks only of another, not of himself. Therefore it says, "And G-d appeared to hiim" without mentioning his name, to show the pure intent of Avrohom, that he sat at the door of his tent looking for ways to perform kindness, and not thinking at all about himself. This is the kindness that makes a marriage like the above tsadikim had. Can you imagine the joy of such a house?

Thus an obligation of marriage is to do kindness to the other. Ideally, the marriage is an endless cycle of giving and the other one giving. Once you start taking, watch out.

Regarding martial intimacy, we mentioned Rashi and the Zohar that the husband must proceed out of kindness, to make his wife happy. And she too, must be a good Jewish wife and mother, and everyone knows that the Jewish mother is the epitome of kindness. How else could she raise many children who are a burden in their youth and need help when they grow older?

In fact, in terms of kindness, the woman may be greater than the male. Perhaps for this reason we find the gemora teaching that a Jewish woman easily gains the Other World and its paradise, but men may have to struggle. Kindness opens up all of the doors, and ego and selfishess open the other doors where nobody wants to go.

There is an obligation on the husband and wife to recognize that in all of their lives, they will only have marital intimacy with their spouse. Thus, they are obligated to adjust themselves to the needs of the other. Again, if a successful marriage is predicated on kindness, this is easier obtained. But if marriage is based on partnership and demands, this may not come so easily.

If for any reason the marital intimacy doesn't work well, the couple must get help. There are people who can help, and even though not everyone can find a cure from every doctor, if you persevere, you will find the right one for you and fix things.

There is something terrible about the obligation of marital intimacy. That is, each of us have desires, biological and emotional, that are stronger than we are. The wrong moment, the wrong person, can destroy us, as we mentioned earlier about the great tsadik who glanced at a woman and seized a heavy ladder that only ten men could lift and ran to sin with her. If we ignore the needs of our spouse, who knows if they will fall pray to their powerful desires? Unfortunately, even in the Torah world, there are many people who stray from the proper path, as Rambam and the gemora tell us, and as we mentioned in another post. Today there are terrible problems in this regard.

A rabbi told me this story. A young man who was becoming religious worked as a taxi driver. Once a lady got into his taxi and they ended up sinning. The young man said to her, "Listen, I am just becoming religious, and I did this for the pleasure. But you are a very respected woman whose husband is known as a great tsadik. How could you do this?" She replied, "My husband is a great tsadik. So he ignores me. A few times a year is not enough. So I do it like this." That husband is not a tsadik. He is a rosho. He has violated the obligation of "and make his wife rejoice" which applies to all men all of the time. And he has destroyed his wife because of his wickedness.

All of us will eventually come to the other world, and there are various entrances. Some of us will rap on the door we want and will be guided elsewhere. And a lot of these people will complain bitterly tht they intended to achieve holiness or some other good deed with their wickedness, and they will be asked to please go away to where they belong.

It is absolutely crucial to live knowing what is truly  a good deed and what is a sin. When we deny kindness to someone for some religious reason we are doing a very dangerous thing.

Marital Intimacy: Clarify for the Confused

Marital Intimacy is a very confusing thing. And because it is a very confusing thing, it must be clarified. Otherwise, the marriage is in danger. First, what is confusing about it.

Take the Shulchan Aruch itself. One place it says "whatever a man wants to do with his wife let him do it." And another place advises  him to be holy and removed from base deeds. This confusion, and the efforts to resolve them, have damaged or destroyed many families. Let us therefore clarify the confusion.

"Whatever a man wants to do with his wife let him do it" means when he wants to do it for biological and emotional reasons. Such a man who refuses his strong inclinations is in danger of flipping out and fulfilling his desires the wrong way, even with other women not his wife. Because this sounds like an extreme idea, because we are talking about Torah Jews who don't go around flipping out and sinning, we must prove this point.

The gemora says that on Yom Kippur a rabbi met Eliyohu HaNovi and asked him what HaShem feels about the Jewish people on such a day, when Jews are so holy and wonderful. Eliyohu HaNovi replied that in that city where many scholars lived, 300 virgins sinned with men on Yom Kippur. This is an incredible statement and perhaps nobody could believe it, so let us examine the whole gemora there, and we find understanding. It seems that in the time of the Holy Temple the service on Yom Kippur was led by the High Priest, usually an older man, and it involved much dealing with sacrifices and going here and there. Ideally, the High Priest would get a good night's sleep and have the strength to work a whole day. But the rabbis did not want the High Priest to sleep Yom Kippur night, let he while sleeping become tomay, impure, and be unable to perform the sacrifices on the morrow. But since everybody was asleep, how could the High Priest stay up all night? Therefore, the citizens of Jerusalem stayed up all night and walked around in the streets near the Temple where the High Priest was. They talked and walked, walked and talked, and the noise kept the High Priest up. Since everyone poured into the street, and there were no lights as we have today, here and there men singled out a woman to talk to her, and one thing led to another, so that 300 women sinned.

The rabbi asked Eliyohu HaNovi what HaShem said about that. He said, "HaShem says, 'at the door sin crouches.'" This means that the Satan is at the door. Just give it an opening, and wham.

We see that good intentions destroyed 300 virgins and their male counterparts. Why were people walking around all night? To keep the High Priest awake. And in subsequent generations, in Babylonia, where the Jews were exiled after the Destruction of the Temple, Jews continued this in the above Babylonian city, without a High Priest, in order to remind themselves of the glory of the Holy Temple. Intentions were good, but the results were disastrous. Thus, this story and others in the Talmud and Torah remind us of the great power of temptation. As Rambam says,  There is no city without sexual sin.

Thus, we have a choice. Be with our wives, or end up sinning. If  you have no biological or emotional drive to perform x and y, fine, be refined and holy. But if you have a genuine need to do something, you must do it, or you are in great danger.

Briefly, this clarifies the contradiction in the Shulchan Aruch and gemoras. Each person must know what they need, and they must fulfill their needs in their own home. To ignore one's strong desires is dangerous, and many have stumbled in this sin.

The Talmud tells of a beautiful Jewish woman who was redeemed from pirates and until things could be arranged for her she was put into a loft where the holiest rabbi in town lived. In order to make sure that even he did nothing wrong, the provided a ladder that had to be moved by ten strong men, knowing that the rabbi could not move it and thus could not sin with the woman. The rabbi was busy learning, and, inadvertently, he happened to glance up and see her. He was seized with desire. He grabbed the ladder, and realized that he was about to commit a terrible sin, and he could not stop. He therefore cried out, "Fire! Fire!" Everyone came running to save the rabbi, and they saw him on the ladder. So, they said. This is a rabbi. He has more lust than anyone else. The other rabbis complained to this rabbi that he had made a disgrace of rabbis. But he said that he would to anything to avoid such a terrible sin, and that is all that he could do.

In another post, we will go into more details, but for now we only want to establish that everyone must know what their drives are and satisfy them. In marriage, the husband must satisfy the wife and wife the husband. Anyone, husband or wife who is not satisfied, may do the worst sin. We know that throughout our history, great and holy people who were smitten with desire sinned. So, don't trust in yourself. Do what the gemora and Shulchan Aruch says: If you have a strong drive, satisfy it. And satisfy your spouse. If you have no special drive and are satisfied with ordinary intimacy, fine. In that case, if you seek out thrills you may be going in the wrong direction.

Question - Can a Beth Din Force a Husband to Give a GET?

Question: Can a Beth Din Force a Husband to Give a GET?

Answer: A Beth Din has no power to invent an obligation to coerce a husband. However, if the husband is obligated by the Torah to give a GET or be coerced, it is a mitsvah upon a Beth Din to force the husband to divorce. However, the husband who are to be coerced to divorce are very few, such as a husband who marries a woman forbidden to him. Furthermore, a husband who cannot function in marriage is required by the Talmud to give a divorce. But if he refuses, the only coercion permitted is to tell him that he must divorce and if he refuses he will be considered wicked. But if somebody marries a woman forbidden to him Beth Din can beat him until he gives the GET and says, "I want it."

Therefore, the vast majority of divorces are when a wife tires of her husband for whatever reason, and demands a GET. In such a case, Beth Din is forbidden to coerce a GET. Furthermore, Posek HaDor Rav Elyashev zt"l ruled that such a husband has no obligation, no mitsvah, to give a GET in the first place. We discussed some of this elsewhere on this blog, about the rights of the husband.

The Chazon Ish in his work on Even Hoezer Gittin 99:2 writes, "When Beth Din demands that a husband give a GET but did not beat him with sticks, and thus obligated him against the ruling of the Torah [that does not require a coercion] does this constitute a forced GET [that is invalid]?"

The Chazon Ish writes that if a Beth Din demands a GET when the Torah or Shulchan Aruch does not demand a GET even if it has to be forced, then the GET given by the husband is invalid, for two reasons.
One reason is because the Beth Din is being forced by Beth Din, and the force of Beth Din, even the force of a mitsvah, invalidates the GET. That is, it is a mitsvah to obey rabbonim. But the GET must be given without any coercion. If the husband gives the GET because the mitsvah to obey rabbis coerces him, the GET is invalid.

Secondly, the GET is invalid because if the husband would have known that the Beth Din erred in demanding a GET, he never would have given it. He gave it because he does not know that Beth Din erred. Thus, the GET is gives is given by mistaken, and is invalid.

This is a very important point. Beth Din and Rabbonim cannot invent halochose. When the Shulchan Aruch clearly states that we do not coerce a GET and we do not pressure the husband to divorce, and rabbis and Beth Din say that husband must give a GET and coerce him with their ruling, this is a mistaken Beth Din and the GET is invalid according to the Chazon Ish.

I have spoken to prominent rabbis who have ruled about forcing husbands to divorce and I asked them their sources. It is obvious that the source was that they wanted a GET for the woman, but they had no source in the Shulchan Aruch for this, and there are plenty of sources tht say the opposite, such as the above Chazon Ish. This is a tragedy going on now that will produce in the next few years many mamzerim, HaShem Yerachem. The Gedolei HaDor for the past two generations have demanded that rabbis cease and desist with their inventions, and have demanded that coercing a GET must have the approval of gedolei Hador, but the rabbis who force divorces continue on their merry way. The children from their work will be considered mamzerim or possible mamzerim by all those who follow the Shulchan Aruch and the Gedolim.