The Torah from the Vilna Gaon to Today
By Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn
Contents
Unit One
Chapter One – Washington, DC
I was born in 1942, in Washington, D.C.
Despite some European rabbis who escaped the war and came to Washington, DC.,
very few people were fully observant Jews. Somebody told me that in those days
he could not count ten families that kept basic Torah commands. Thus my chance of growing up a Ben Torah was
remote. But HaShem runs the world. In Washington, DC there was a Yeshiva, Or
Torah DiBrisk, founded by the Malin brothers. They descended from dayanim in Brisk, the great Torah city of
Lithuania. There were three rebbes in the Yeshiva and four students. The Malin
brothers with their flowing black coats and beards taught us American boys a Torah that
seemed to us to suffer nothing from the secular environment.
I joined the Yeshiva before my Bar
Mitsvah, and learned there for three years. Then I went to Baltimore for three
years. I learned in Yeshiva
Chofetz Chaim from a close disciple of Reb Baruch Ber,Rav Yaacov Bobrowsky. He taught
us in Baltimore the Torah of Kaminets and Reb Baruch Ber. Then I went to
Lakewood to learn from Reb Aharon Kotler for two years until he died. This was
about 1962.
In 1967, a week or so before the Six
Days War, the Malin brothers and their families left for Israel. They turned
over the Yeshiva to American rabbis who could more easily attract American
families and students. At a time when senior Israels were fleeing the country,
the Malin clan went to Israel on a plane and faith. They came at the right
time. In six days a mighty miracle was unleashed. The Malin brothers founded a
new Yeshiva in Israel which eventually became one of the largest Yeshivas in
the world.
I went to public school in
Washington, DC. In some people this would turn them off from Torah, but to me the
Brisker Yeshiva was the real thing and public school was not. Finally, a
teacher in the public school told my parents that I didn’t belong in public
school. It seemed that in public school people were interested in dating and
who had a wealthy father. I never was exposed to this kind of life and I had no
interest in it.
Another miracle HaShem made to allow
me to become a Beth Torah was that my father was a scientific genius who
doubled a submarine battery’s power with one invention. Because a non-nuclear
submarine moves with battery power, a doubled battery means
the submarine goes twice as far. One day we went to the office of the Assistant Secretary of
the Navy where my father was honored for his battery invention.
In those days people were enthused about two
things: making money and science. A scientist was to them as a prominent
politician or movie star is today. People were taught that religion was not
modern and not proper. But they had no inkling how to argue about it. I loved
the debates, I loved the attention.
Once I was walking down the street
and a man came over to me and asked, “Don’t you know that people came from
monkeys?” So strong was the belief in Darwinian evolution that religious people
were considered strange. This man didn’t know me and I didn’t know him. But he
was concerned for me, realizing that I was growing up in a world that utterly
despised wearing a yarmulke or having any strict religion. So how did I
maintain myself in such a world? I loved the fight and I loved the attention.
After all, the evolutionists had no proof that any species ever developed
something more complex. Professor Gould, the major evolutionist, said it
clearly: there is no biological process that creates complicated creatures from
simple creatures. He believed that evolution happened but maintained that it
was the greatest of accidents and completely removed from any biological
process. Well, when you are an atheist you have to believe in something. Better
believe that a person is the greatest accident in history in order to protect
yourself from being religious. I had no use for secular beliefs. I was snug and
secure in my gemora and Torah beliefs.
There was no fantastic stretching of truth there. And this strengthened me so
that I was completely removed from secular thoughts and programs.
I once befriended Joe, a prominent
mathematician who was involved with my kiruv efforts. One day he invited me to
meet Hungarian Paul Erdos. Paul Erdos, as a child, would lecture senior
mathematicians, but before he spoke, his mother had to fix his tie. When he
came to my friend’s house, he didn’t say hello. He would say, “I am ready to
discuss math” not in those words but basically that was the message. He was a
real genius with all of the trimmings. I taped my interview of Paul Erdos.
There were three people besides Paul
Erdos in the room: The host Joe, a professor from the kiruv efforts, and me.
Joe and the professor were shocked that Paul Erdos was such a mighty
mathematician but unable to deal with my questions. Joe came over to me and
asked for the tape. This was the divine miracle giving me strength in a world
that had no use for Torah.
A great miracle HaShem made so I
would be a be a Ben Torah was my parents.
My father lived in the Bronx as a child, an area teaming with thousands upon
thousands of Jews, some of them religious. But my father was the only child in
his neighborhood who would accompany his father to shull on Shabbos. My zeideh
was the president of the shull, but the vast majority of young Jews had nothing
to do with an Orthodox shull. It worked two ways. A fellow from Massachusetts
told me that when he was young and went to shull the men discouraged him and
his friends. They didn’t want children around. The shull was their club.
My mother’s grandfather was a
bearded rabbi with a long rabbinic coat. He taught children and when a new
rabbi came to town he would help get the new rabbi started. But he never
surrendered his Torah purity to American values. For this he was ridiculed
sometimes even by his own family. My mother was the only one who truly honored
and loved him. I believe that the unusual actions of my parents merited for
them that they built a generation of Torah Jews, something extremely rare in
those days.
I am seventy three years old. When I
walk into a Torah shull or Yeshiva, I am often the only one my age there. The
new generations of Torah are exploding, but older people are rare. My parents
merited many children with pure Torah and Yeshiva beliefs. Not long ago there
was a funeral for a very old family member. People assembled from the family
for the funeral, and somebody went over to my sister and said, “You have the
right way to live.” It was said because some people had great wealth but suffer
from children. They saw in my mother a
mighty wealth of children and family, and they realized that all of their money
did not bring them such happiness. I know of several such members of the family
who openly complained that they lived a life of failure despite wonderful
material success. Without Torah, a family is on its own. It is not pretty.
Chapter Two – Yeshivas in
America in the Forties and Fifties
In this chapter we want to address
the forties and fifties. We then must discuss separately the sixties and later
decades. We want to continue with our discussion until we reach our times with
their great achievements and great problems. But each of these sections of time
were unique and must be dealt with separately.
There was a known tradition from Reb
Chaim Vollozhner that the Torah would go from country to country for thousands
of years and end up in America. Until the horrible war years, there were here
and there great rabbis who came to America to teach Torah, such as Reb Shimon
Schkob, the senior Rosh Yeshiva in Europe; Reb Shlomo Heiman, the Rosh Yeshiva
of Yeshiva Torah Vidaas who was the
greatest Talmid of Reb Baruch Ber, and the mighty genius the Meitseter Ilui.
These few great rabbis came to America to teach Torah to a lost generation. Other
Gedolei HaDor came to America to raise money for their Yeshivas; but they also
spent a lot of energy to raise the spiritual level of the Jews. Reb Baruch Ber,
the Ponovitcher Rov, Rav Meir Shapiro who founded Daf Yomi and the Yeshiva of
Chachmei Lublin, and Reb Elchonon Wasserman the major Talmid of the Chofetz
Chaim, came mainly to raise money for their Yeshivas, but taught Torah to the
general public in various lectures.
Then came the war years. A flood of
great rabbis such as Reb Aharon Kotler miraculously escaped destruction and
came to America, to build Yeshivas and establish a high level of Torah. Reb
Aharon built Lakewood Yeshiva, a mighty endeavor, but very few people came
there. I learned there the last two years of Reb Aharon’s life, and as I
recall, two people came each term and two people left, until the final year. At
that point, brilliant students, a group, came to the Yeshiva, and the bad times
were over. Reb Shneur, Reb Aharon’s son, increased the student body tenfold,
and today, the numbers are astronomical. But in the forties and fifties, lovely
trees were planted, but the basic situation was difficult. The vast majority of
Jews were not interested in sending their children to European Yeshivas, and the
few who went to Yeshiva suffered terribly from the financial crisis that hurt
all American Yeshivas. As sad as it is to say it, the success of Torah in
America did not really take place until the general fiscal situation improved
for people who want to learn in Kollel. This happened in the sixties and on, as
we will discuss later. The sixties was also the time when college students
rebelled at the War in Viet Nam and turned colleges into drug dens. In such a
situation, many parents refused to send their child to college and agreed to
send their children to Kollel. It was thus that the success of Torah is predicated
upon secular events, planned by heaven to enable Kollels and Yeshivas to become
popular and successful. But there were those who feared that these secular
events would change the standards of the Kollels and Yeshivas, something we
must discuss when we discuss the sixties and beyond.
To return to our discussion of the
forties and fifties. On the one hand, the forties were the times of the
greatest suffering for the Jewish people in history. On the other hand, the
forties was the time of the greatest revealed miracles. When Germany conquered
Poland to begin WWII, Reb Chaim Ozer, the Gadol HaDor, told the Yeshiva
students who were fleeing here and there, to come to Vilna. This was because
Vilna was involved with the dealings of the Russians and Germans and was at
least temporarily a safe haven. But there was a great reason, known only to
heaven. In Vilna hundreds of Yeshiva people would escape through the miracle of
the Siberian railroad, which went
through Russia with its incredible passenger group. The group eventually
ended up in safely in Japan and China, and, after the war, left for Israel,
America and other safe places.
Many miracles accompanied the Jews
from Vilna to Japan. The first miracle was finding a country that allowed Jews
in. It seemed that no country wanted a flood of Jews. Then a good-hearted
Japanese began signing documents allowing the Jews to enter Japan. Finally, he
was forced to return to Japan, because as he sat in the train on his departure
to Japan, he signed documents allowing many people to escape death and come to
Japan.
Another major miracle was finding
the money to support hundreds of people in their flight through the entire
Russian empire. The Russians were Communists who hated religion, but the money
they could raise from Rabbi Kalmanowitz made it worth their while. They charged
very high prices, but on the other hand, treated the Jewish passengers with
great respect. Although secret service people were always around they did not
in any way molest the Jews.
Nonetheless, there is a story about
the train going through Russia when a Russian officer got on board and saw a
bunch of rabbis. He cried out, “Rabbis?” It was obvious he wanted them arrested
and sent to Siberia or worse. Reb Aharon Kotler ran over to him and shouted,
“You are a Jew.” The man relented.
The group of Yeshiva people and
families was led by the Mashgiach in Mirrer Yeshiva, Rav Yechezkal Levenstein.
When the train ended its journey in Russia and loaded the passengers on a
decrepit Japanese vessel, the Jews went to Japan and China, which was
controlled by Japan. Rav Yechezkel would constantly remind everyone of the
mighty miracles that allowed their escape. The decrepit ship that brought the
Torah Jews to Japan sank on its next trip. The huge railroad line that carried
the Torah Jews through Russia was badly bombed after the Jews reached Japan.
American bombers dropped huge tonnages of bombs to destroy Japan, but Jews now
lived there. The Jews were not harmed. This was a mighty miracle.
The Japanese were partners with
Hitler in the Second World War. When Hitler heard that many rabbis were safe in
Japan, he demanded that the Japanese send all of the Jews to Germany, where
they would be killed. There were two stages to this standoff between Germany
and Japan. At first, a Japanese general came to the leadership of the Jews in
Japan and asked to speak with someone. The Amshonover Rebbe was selected. The
two, the Japanese general and the rebbe went into a room and only much later
emerged. Both were smiling. The rebbe was asked what happened. He replied, “The
Japanese general asked me why Hitler hated Jews. I replied because he considers
Jews as Orientals.”
But the pressure continued. Finally,
the Japanese decided to return the Jews to Germany. But by that time the American
bombing was so intense that Japan was being consumed city by city. The Japanese
were struggling just to find some way to survive the terrible bombings, and to
deal with the anticipated invasion of Japan by America and its allies. They had
neither strength or time to deal with anything else, so the Jews were left
alone. Finally, Germany surrendered, and the fear passed.
Reb Chazkel told everyone where to
live. Some wanted to flee to safer places, but Reb Chazkel insisted that
everyone do exactly as he said. Reb Chazkel explained that every day his great
rebbes came to him and told him exactly what to do. This is how the Jews
survived despite the constant bombing that destroyed entire cities. The Yeshiva
community was not affected.
Once some Jewish women heard the
terrible explosions of the bombs and ran into the shull where Reb Chazkel was
learning. He asked why ladies came into a shull and they explained that they
were terrified by the bombs and trusted in the rebbe’s holiness to protect
them. Reb Chazkel told them to go to their homes and nothing would happen to
them, and so it was.
One of the greatest miracles of the
salvation of the Torah Jews in Vilna had to do with money.
Chapter Three – Vilna and The
Miracle of Money
The miracle of money is the story
how Rav Avrohom Kalmanowitz succeeded in raising the huge sums needed to
transport the Torah Jews in Vilna to Japan. The Russian Communists charged
large amounts of money to travel to Japan which was a trip across all of
Russia, and the train stopped here and there and people stayed in fancy hotels.
Never were the Jews molested although secret service people were always near
them.
What was the story of the miracle of
money? Rav Avrohom Kalmanowitz realized that the Japanese friend of Jews who
was stamping papers for Jews to travel to Japan was enabling Jews to leave
Vilna and escape almost certain death. But large sums of money was required.
Rav Kalmanowitz went to wealthy Jews to contribute but they refused. The idea
of transporting a large number of Jews across Russia to Japan, a country that
was at war with the United States and a partner of Hitler, was ridiculous. And
they refused to give. One day, Rabbi Shain of Monsey, then just married, saw
Rabbi Kalmanowitz sitting very depressed. He asked what the problem was. Rav
Kalmanowitz said that he needed huge sums to save the Jews in Vilna but nobody
would give. Rabbi Shain had just married and was given a large nedan or wedding
present by his father-in-law. He had a license to be a shochet in a large
slaughter-house in New York. When he retired, he could sell his license for a
fortune, so he had a well paying job and a future of wealth. But he told Rabbi
Kalmanowitz that he would sell his license and give the money for the Jews in
Vilna. Of course, he had to ask his wife first, which he did, and she agreed.
Now Rabbi Kalmanowitz waved the
large sum of money given by a newlywed, who basically gave away a life of
wealth, under the noses of the wealthy. They were ashamed and had to give, and
they did. This was the miracle of the money. But it didn’t end there.
When the big donors wrote their
checks, Rav Kalmanowitz had the funds to repay Rabbi Shain. But Rabbi Shain
refused the money. He gave the money to tsedoko and did not want to be repaid.
But Rabbi Kalmanowitz would not tolerate this. A young man gives up a life of wealth and refuses to take it when it
is no longer needed? Rabbi Shain was forced to take the money. But although he
took it, he put it aside for tsedoko. He would not use it.
One day Reb Moshe Feinstein confided
a problem to Rabbi Shain. A Mikveh was opening in New York and a certain rabbi
wanted control of it. Reb Moshe himself
wanted control. Rabbi Shain told Reb Moshe, “I purchased that Mikveh with my
money (money that was returned by Rabbi Kalmanowitz.) I am the boss there, and
I will select the rabbi, Reb Moshe.”
When America and Japan were at war,
Americans could not just send money to the Vilna Jews. But money was
transferred to various countries that were not at war with America or Japan and
it ended up with the Jews in Japan.
Eventually, it was possible to send
individuals in Japan to other countries, and some, like Reb Aharon Kotler, left
immediately. He came to America and threw himself into rescue work as well as
building Torah. But the major element of Jews, the Mirrer Yeshiva, led by Reb
Chazkel Levenshtein and various senior Geonim, decided upon a policy that
nobody leaves unless everybody leaves together. Nobody knows how many people
that saved, but eventually the entire Mirrer group left Japan and went to
various countries. Rav Kalmanowitz built the Mirrer Yeshiva in Brooklyn and
begged and cried until Reb Chazkel agreed to be the Mashgiach there. A few
years later Reb Chazkel went to Israel and became Mashgiach in the Ponovitcher
Rov’s Yeshiva in Israel. Throughout his career as Mashgiach, Reb Chazkel was
careful to teach in a style most beneficial to the student body. With some, as
in Kelm in Europe, he could be very strong and strict. But with others, he had
to tone down the discussion. But he was a mighty tsadik and his blessings
brought many miracles to the individuals and the community.
Once a young tsadik died and Reb
Yeruchom, the rebbe of Reb Chazkel, appeared to him in a dream rebuking him for
not stopping the death of the young man. Reb Chazkel then said, “Is everything
on me?” And he replied, “Yes.” Such was the great tsadik Reb Chazkel. Such a
person had the great holiness to save the Jews in Vilna in those terrible days.
Chapter
Four – Money and Miracle in the Yeshiva System
When I learned in Lakewood under Reb
Aharon Kotler, I was a bochur and had no financial problems. The people who learned in Kollel, married and
with families, had a pittance of payment
for learning in Kollel, that is, when they received any payment at all. And
yet, people lived this way year in and year out. How did they do this? In those
days, it was not fashionable to have a child learning in Lakewood. So people
really suffered financially. How did they survive?
One way was for Kollel wives to
teach in the various Lakewood synagogues, where pay was, by Yeshiva standards,
very high. When my father passed away, I spoke to Reb Aharon about me being the
oldest in the family and my mother never had worked before, as my father
supported the family with a good income. When he became terribly sick for some
years, the money was spent, and when he died, my mother had to go to work. Reb
Aharon told me to go to work. He told me I could teach in a non-Orthodox Hebrew
school as long as I stayed out of the room where people prayed. I told this to
a senior scholar in Lakewood and he told me that this is how people lived in
Lakewood, as the wives worked in these Hebrew schools.
One of the reasons people were
opposed to having a child attend Lakewood Yeshiva was because of the inability
to support a family. One person who is today a Gadol HaDor was expelled from
his house because he wanted to learn by Reb Aharon.
One reason that people survived in
Lakewood will be understood by the following. When Reb Aharon told me to go to
work I returned home. My mother asked me what I was doing in the house instead
of learning in the Yeshiva. I told her that Reb Aharon told me to come home and
help with the family. She was shocked. I was on the next bus back to Lakewood.
That is, the women did not have an ideal time raising the children and supporting
the family. But the few women who chose this Torah life were the “women of
valor” so praised by Shlomo HaMelech. If there is Torah in the world, it has a
lot to do with their attitudes.
To learn in Kollel one had to
believe in miracles. A senior student there told me that he went over his
expenses and payments, and the payments were more than his income. How could
this be? He attributed this to divine miracle. This surely was a major factor
in the survival of Kollelim. There were few students in Kollel then, those whot
learned there had faith in HaShem and belief in his miracles.
The forties and the fifties were
very difficult times for Kollel people. And because of the fiscal difficulty,
few people chose a life of Kollel. But all of this changed in the sixties, when
money was more plentiful and Kollel became more popular. How this happened in our next chapter.
Chapter
Five – Kollel Becomes Popular in the Sixties
Why did Kollel become popular in the
sixties? Two things were involved. One, President Lyndon Johnson made a war on
poverty. Huge amounts went sailing out here and there and everywhere. Kollel
people without proper incomes qualified. But even Kollels themselves could apply
for large grants because they housed poor people. This was one major factor in
the advance of Kollelim in the sixties.
A second reason was the War in Viet
Nam. It seems that college students were drafted to serve in the army and to
fight in Viet Nam. This was a very unpopular war and one of the reasons it was
so unpopular was that nobody saw a way to win it. Eventually, America just left
and declared victory! The students in colleges not only protested about the war
in Viet Nam, they rebelled against the entire system of morality, encouraged by
such people as college professor Leary who lectured that one improves by taking
mind damaging drugs. Many followed his teachings. For Orthodox people to go to
college in these circumstances was a major problem. Thus, going to Kollel
became acceptable and then it became an honor.
Boys now had high price tags for
learning in Yeshiva and eventually in Kollel. A Yeshiva student cost thousands
of dollars to marry, and people accepted this burden. As the price for a good
Yeshiva bochur went up, it was easier to maintain people in Kollel.
Here and there people asked if the
new Kollel people with the new money would have the same level as the old
students who suffered greatly from fiscal problems. The system was here to stay.
But the question was a valid one. Can people who come to Torah amidst support
and without fiscal helplessness be the same as people who suffer brutally from
lack of funds and yet learn Torah?
I never took a poll on this, but I
myself realized that there was a change, and I had very little interest in the
new system. From when I came to Lakewood and began pestering Reb Aharon at
every opportunity, I took the opportunity to pester every Gadol that I saw. It
was pure azuse ponim. But I made a career of it. I rejected the system that
emerged from the poverty programs and the Viet Nam era, and just found a Gadol
here and a Gadol there and that kept me going. When I saw the free flow of
money I rejected it even when I was married and desperately poor. I qualified
for all kinds of programs and refused them. My children grew up without a lot
of food everyone else had, but they grew up with the old fashioned ideas not
the new things, and they grew up happy with little.
In the beginning of the sixties Reb
Aharon went to the other world. As long as he was alive it was possible to look
at him and put up with the fiscal suffering. But now he was no longer here.
That also made a difference, a huge difference. But the poverty programs came
along to make kollel respectable and possible. But I and others who lived in
the old era were not comfortable with the new Kollel and the new flow of money.
It is not that people had wealth from learning in Kollel. But there was no
longer the complete helplessness and living from miracles that people in my
time experiences. We can thus say that the sixties ushered in a new era
regarding Kollel. The question we may ask if whether the flow of money produced
someone who was interested completely in learning or whether there were other interests.
If they never saw Reb Aharon, it is not a great criticism of them if they did
not have what we had to be satisfied with very little. But it does represent a
change in the Kollel world.
I mentioned in the early part of
this book that I lived in a time when belief in HaShem was at a bare minimum. I
learned in this and that Yeshiva, but the outside world was solidly entrenched
in denial of G-d. I had many arguments to support the Torah aspect, but now,
facing a world without Reb Aharon who passed away in the early sixties, I
needed a new level of support. I turned to HaShem and told him this: I believe
You are there, but I need support for this belief. I am going to test You. I am
now of shidduch age. Because I learned intensely under Reb Aharon, if I stay in
Yeshiva I could probably do a nice shidduch. But I am going to leave the
Yeshiva and go home to New Jersey and write books. Under the circumstances, I
would have very little hope for a fine shidduch, somebody special. They would
probably only want somebody learning in the Yeshiva full time. So I went home
and left it to HaShem.
Time went on and I got married. My
wife descends from Rav Kval, the Radiner Rov, who was the Rov when the Chofetz
Chaim was young. At least two people shouted out, “A miracle.” It was more than
a miracle. HaShem kept faith with me and my problems and I saw it that way. The
rest of my life I did what I felt was right and had no use for social styles
that inhibited me.
The truth is that my wife is a miracle woman. Her mother Leah was
pregnant with her when the Germans divided the Jewish community into those who
would live and those who would die. Pregnant women went to the side of death.
My shver, Reb Pesach, said to himself: I go to life and my wife goes to death?
The Germans watched that nobody from the death side came to the life side. But
they didn’t watch that somebody from the life side should go to the death side.
My shver went and found his wife. The Jews realized what was happening and
began making sounds and commotions. The Germans turned away to see the
disturbance and did not notice what Pesach did. Pesach lifted Leah and hurled
her far away to the side of the living, something that nobody can do. He would
say, “An angel came and took her.”
At the end of the war the Brems escaped Poland and went to Italy.
Much of their time was spent in the woods, fleeing from Germans with barking
dogs. When a child heard the bark of the terrible dogs they started to cry. If
the dogs and Germans heard the child crying, they found the Jews and killed
them. Soro’s mother would tell her to be quiet so that dog would not find her.
Miraculously, she was quiet.
Back to my talking to Reb Aharon. It
was a terrifying thing for a seventeen year old fellow to talk to Reb Aharon.
But I steeled myself and went. When I spoke to Reb Aharon and Reb Moshe, I felt
that I was in outer space, outside of the rocket ship. If I make one mistake, I
will fly out into boundless space. Reb Aharon heard my Torah interpretation and
he was, unfortunately for me, honest. He once said, “Your comparing A to B is
the same as comparing fish to the wall.” But I came back. Slowly, slowly,
through the hail of unfortunate truth, I improved. One day Reb Aharon hinted to
me that I was on the right track, but he did it with a backward compliment.
The story is as follows. One Friday
afternoon, I went to the Yeshiva barbershop where somebody gave haircuts. I was
awaiting my turn and in comes the great one, a major scholar in the Yeshiva, a
member of Reb Aharon’s “cabinet” who consulted with the Rosh Yeshiva. Of
course, I offered him my place, and he accepted. But he didn’t want to just
ignore me. He knew that I liked to say Torahs, so he told me to tell him a
Torah. I told him the Torah I was going to tell Reb Aharon on Friday night, which
was a good time to talk to Reb Aharon. But he didn’t like it. I saw the face
that he made. Something was missing. I added to my remarks “why” something
worked, and he accepted it.
That night, I told my Torah to Reb
Aharon, and he was thinking. Out of habit, I added the “why”. Reb Aharon
exploded. “You are going off the proper path.” I learned something very
important from this. Reb Aharon’s talmidim were more familiar with the style of
Reb Shimon Shkob, the major Rosh Yeshiva in Europe, who specialized in “why.”
And they did not go in the style of Reb Aharon, the style he learned from Reb
Baruch Ber, who taught the style of Reb Chaim Brisker never to teach “why”.
Most people did learn the style of Reb Shimon Schkob, who after all was the
ranking Rosh Yeshiva in Europe; even Reb Baruch Ber honored him as the senior Rosh Yeshiva. But Reb
Aharon’s top students often had a different style. I’m sure he didn’t yell at
them. But I was trained by Reb Aharon, so I deserved a yelling. At least, there
was a backhanded compliment in the complaint. But after that I had a great
sadness that a Gadol HaDor has a Yeshiva where people learn in a different
style than he does. Yes, it is not easy to be a Rosh Yeshiva. Reb Aharon
himself once said that RAM is the letters MAR or bitter. The bitterness is not
all about fund raising.
When I began searching out any Gadol
who came near me. I would speak to them for long periods. Why? It was, from my
perspective, pure azuse ponim. But what they thought about it I had no idea. It
was only much later when I began writing seforim in halacha that Gedolei HaDor
wrote very warm haskomose. I realized that these haskomose came at a price. The
price was that I stood outside of the rocket ship, in terror that I say the
wrong thing. It was frightening. But the gedolim in the rocket ship knew
exactly what I was thinking, and they realized that this terror was what
reveals Torah from generation to generation.
We have covered the important years
of going in America from the old European suffering in Kollel to the days of
the improvement in money and respect for Kollel. We have much to say about the
new era of Kollel, its successes and its problems, but let us begin by going
back to Vollozhen, the mother of modern Yeshivas.
Chapter
Six – the Gro and Rabbi Chaim Vollozhner
Reb Baruch Ber was a genius in
learning, but he was also a master musician and poet. Although his main task in
the Yeshiva was teaching very deep Talmudic topics, he would from time to time
reveal talents in singing, reciting poems, etc. Sometimes, on the spot, Reb
Baruch Ber would hear a lecture and get up and sing it in rhyme.
One of his most powerful songs was
the story of how Reb Chaim Vollozhner became the closest student of the Vilna
Gaon. Indeed, the survival of the Torah was because of this. How did anyone,
even Reb Chaim Vollozhner, get so close to the Gro, someone who was constantly involved
with learning the deepest Torah secrets?
The story is as follows. Reb Chaim
Vollozhner heard that the Vilna Gaon was coming to a wedding at a certain place not far from where he
lived. Reb Chaim decided to go to where the Gro would be, and maybe, merit to
see him. He went to the place, pretended he was a beggar, walking around the kitchen, until
the owner threw him out. Then Reb Chaim joined the community that sat in the
dining room where the Gro was. The Gro was talking about a problem in the
gemora. He said over the problem, but he could not answer it. Suddenly, Reb
Chaim had the answer. But he said to himself, how can I go over to the Gro and
tell him the answer? Then Reb Chaim heard a small still voice, “Don’t be a
fool.” He got up and walked over to the Gro and hinted at the answer. The Gro
immediately understood and he told it to the assembled crowd. Everyone realized
that this was the message that Reb Chaim hinted to the Gro.
Reb Chaim Vollozhner later went to a
place where the beggars slept and went to sleep. He woke in the morning to see
the owner of the hotel standing over him, tears pouring down his face. He
begged forgiveness. He had insulted somebody who answered a question that
puzzled the Vilna Gaon! When the Vilna Gaon left the wedding, Reb Chaim was in
his coach, and he remained close to the Vilna Gaon as the greatest of his
students.
It is important to keep in mind that
the Vollozhner Yeshiva was a radical development. Until then people learned in
community shulls. Now special buildings were designated as Yeshivas and
students did not mix with the community.
Those who mixed could easily get lost. Times had changed. Now the Jewish
community was saturated with deniers of the Torah and they were growing
stronger all of the time. They specialized in seeking out smart Talmud students
and imparting their new ideas until the students left the proper way of Torah.
To combat this Vollozner Yeshiva was established and it maintained a very high
level of Torah and purity until it, under the growing power of the deniers,
also closed down, as we will discuss.
Reb Chaim Vollozhner had a brother
who was also a great Torah scholar. This brother died and somebody eulogized
him that had he lived longer he could have become like the Gro. Reb Chaim
Vollozhner then spoke and said this was wrong. His brother could never hope to
be the Gro. Why? He said that his brother knew the Talmud by heart forwards,
but the Gro knew the Talmud by heart, backwards.
How did two mighty scholars like
these brothers merit coming into the world? The story is as follows. The Rov of
the city where these children were born was the Shaagas Aryeh, someone so great
that the Vilna Gaon said of him, “He and I in the revealed law; I and he in the
hidden law.” That is, the Shaagas Aryeh was greater than the Vilna Gaon in the
revealed Talmud, but the Vilna Gaon was greater than the Shaagas Aryeh in Kabbala.
The Shaagas Aryeh had no money and
the community was poor. But the wife of someone in the town told her husband
that the Rov needed a Talmud. The husband went out and spent a fortune that he
could not afford to buy a Talmud. He allowed the Rov to come and spend the time
he needed to read various volumes. If the Rov wanted to borrow a volume, he
could take one at a time.
One day, the Shaagas Aryeh was in
the house with the Talmud and suddenly the husband came into the room and said,
“Mazel Tov! My wife just had a baby.” “But I heard nothing,” said the Shaagas
Aryeh. In those days there were no medications to make childbirth easy. How
could the Shaagas Aryeh not hear one sound when a woman was having a baby? The
husband answered, “My wife did not want to disturb the Rov’s learning.” The
Shaagas Aryeh was greatly moved. He declared, “This woman will have two sons.
One will master the Talmud, and the other won’t need a Talmud.” Reb Chaim’s
brother knew the Talmud word for word by heart. He did not need a Talmud.
The Shaagas Aryeh had a tradition
that a great Gaon would come into the world. He went from town to town to find
this Gaon. He came to Vilna and was guided to the Rov. He asked the Rov his
question but the Rov had no answer. He was then told to go to the Vilna Gaon,
who answered him on the spot. The
Shaagas Aryeh then declared, “This is a Gaon.” The Rov then came running up
with the answer. He asked, “Am I also a Gaon?” The Shaagas Aryeh replied, “A
Gaon must know the answer immediately.”
The Gro said “he and I in the revealed Torah and I
and he in the hidden Torah.” Meaning that the Shaagas Aryeh was greater than
him in Talmud and revealed learning, but he was greater than the Shaagas Aryeh
in Kabbala. We see from this that the Gro specialized in Kabbala.
Now let us mention something
personal that happened with me in the very early seventies. In those days I
taught nach, but there were very few source books for it. The sources that I
did find discussed various topics that I could not understand. I realized that
this was Kabbala, but I had no teacher for kabbala, and I insisted on always
have a rebbe for everything I did. One day, my wife visited an old friend and I
went along. When we left, the hostess gave me a booklet from someone she was
related to. I read it and returned it, because it was deep things that I didn’t
understand, it was kabbala. Now that I wanted to learn Kabbala and wanted a
rebbe for it I recalled this event and got the book back and contacted the
author. The author was the Gaon and genius of the Jerusalem Kabbalists Shmuel
Toledano zt”l. I was amazed that he
seemed so interested in helping me. I mean, he was a real genius, and he was
one of the very few individuals ever who could sit down with an entire book of
the Gro and write extensively on every page. The Dean of the Kabbalists gave my
rebbe an extremely warm haskomo for his books on the Gro saying that my rebbe
wrote his works with Ruach HaKodesh.
I saw it clearly when I stayed in
his house. Once I was sitting in the guest room and thinking that I had
achieved something. Nobody was listening. And I was thinking silently alone.
Suddenly, the door opened and my rebbe was there. He said, “Yes, you did it”
and shut the door. When I saw that I muttered to myself, “In this house, you can’t
even think to yourself.” But if you get a rebuke from a tsadik, it is special and
is to be appreciated.
I decided that if I have such a
rebbe I had better get to work. I went over to him and said, “I want berochose
for my children to have good shidduchim.” I made him say each child with its
name and mother’s name. When he said the first berocho, for my oldest daughter,
he heard the name and immediately announced the berocho. The second berocho,
for my oldest son, he did not answer immediately. My daughter married
immediately when she came of age and my son tarried a while, but both did
fantastic shidduchim, as did my other children. Those berochose were for real.
He didn’t like me spending so much time on Kabbala. He
told me not to learn Kabbala but to learn halacha. He asked me where I wanted
to learn halacha. I told him a certain exclusive Kollel but I had asked them
and they adamantly refused me in very strong terms. The reason could be that
this Kollel insisted on everybody doing exactly what the program called for. I
could never learn according to a set program. I learned what I wanted to learn
how I wanted to learn. But now my rebbe tells me that I will end up in that
Kollel. It was very amazing to me, but I didn’t argue about it.
To make a long story very short, I
ended up in that Kollel. And I had a very successful time there. But the Rosh
Kollel made one condition with me. I would have a special room where I would
work on my books or learn what I wanted to, but I was never to enter the room
where everybody learned. What happened was that a certain genius who finished
his program much faster than everybody else would leave the big room and come
and talk to me. And when somebody married off a child I was the speaker because
I was an interesting person but the other people there were very special in not
being interesting, which is a compliment for them.
Before I visited my rebbe in Israel
I had invented a new kind of gematria which went into the thousands and I would
send my rebbe my findings. When I got to his house, after he threatened to stop
writing to me if I did not come, he told me that my system was only used when
the evil force was in Bina. So you live and learn.
The story about me visiting my rebbe
is interesting. I would write him and he would write back. But one day he
started inviting me to his house and I had no money and could not go. Then one
Motsei Shabbos, I received a letter from him that if I do not come to him he
will no longer write to me. I was stunned and ran out of the house looking for
a Rov to talk to about it. But nobody was available. I returned to the house in
a panic and my sister was on the phone. She told me that she had just won a
ticket to Israel, but since she was just married, and they did not have money
for a trip to Israel, neither of them was going. What would she do with the
ticket? I asked her to give it to me. So I had a ticket to Israel. Plus I had a
small amount of money from a tephilin program I made as I was then learning
about safruse. I went to Israel and met my rebbe and I appointed him my rebbe
in this world and the next.
Once my rebbe told me that Kabbala
made a lot of problems. But with the problems, Kabbala is extremely popular all
over the world and it is getting more popular all of the time. Very great
things often have very great problems. And if the Vilna Gaon and the Ari z”l
specialized in Kabbala, we can be sure that it is a pure and holy thing, and
yet, the Satan fights to twist things and succeeds. But if we have a rebbe,
there is hope.
Chapter
Seven – Vollozhen and Beyond
The time of the Vilna Gaon and
before then did not have Yeshivas as we have today. The student of the Vilna
Gaon, Reb Chaim Vollozhner, founded the Vollozhner Yeshiva with the blessing of
the Gro. This was a Yeshiva where everyone lived together in the Yeshiva rooms
and were fed by the Yeshiva, at the homes of kind and pious people, or a
Yeshiva may have its own kitchen. Earlier times did not have Yeshivas that fed
and sustained the students for years. People lived in their home towns and had
private tutors, or heard a shiur, or learned on their own. But the idea as we
have today that everyone comes to a central building to be a Yeshiva student
did not exist.
In ancient Israel people married,
stayed a while at home, perhaps until a child was born, and then went away for
years to study Torah. When they arrived in the Torah community there was no
campus waiting to support and feed them. They went into the study hall or halls
that existed there, and got into deep learning. When people saw this, they fed
the students. This went on for years. This was the great reward mentioned in
the gemora end of Berochose for those who support Torah. Rambam is opposed to
taking money for learning. But when people see somebody leave his family and
not work, but simply learn for years, they know he is sincere and supporting
him is not in the category of somebody who takes money as a business to learn
Torah. This money was not demanded but offered when people were convinced that
the students were completely sincere in their learning and did not learn for
the money. Rambam forbids payment for somebody when people will think it is
learning for the sake of earning, a plain business. That is a disgrace and
forbidden according to the Rambam. But in ancient times, when so many people
left their families for years and learned, emerging as great Torah leaders,
those who supported the learners were
secure in their conviction that the scholars were not looking for money,
but for Torah.
In latter generations there were
known communities where great scholars left home for a period, not necessarily
for years as in earlier times, but perhaps for a few weeks, and did nothing but
learn full blast. The Chofetz Chaim used to learn for some weeks at a time in a
nearby city called Ashishek, as did other great rabbis. The Chofetz Chaim
became very good friends with the Rov of Ashishek. Once the Chofetz Chaim,
while in Radin, called over a wagon driver who frequently drove to Ashishek.
“Can you do me a favor?” asked the Chofetz Chaim. “Can you get me a berocho
from the Rov of Ashishek next time you
go there?” The driver readily agreed, but he never came to the Chofetz Chaim
with the berocho.
One day the Chofetz Chaim saw the
wagon driver and called him over. “The Talmud says that one who is sent to do
something does it. But you never brought me the berocho from the Rov of
Ashishek,” said the Chofetz Chaim. The driver was obviously very pained by this
complaint from the Chofetz Chaim. But he absolutely refused to tell the Chofetz
Chaim the berocho given him by the Rov in Ashishek. The Chofetz Chaim pressed
strongly until the driver was forced to divulge the Berocho. It was that the
Chofetz Chaim should walk without shoes and dress in stones. The driver did not
know what kind of berocho that was, but the Chofetz Chaim understood it and
smiled. He replied, “I cannot say that the part of the stones is appropriate
for me, but the Rov blesses me that I will be in the Beis HaMikdash when
Moshiach comes and I will do the service of the Temple without shoes as the priests
may not wear shoes. As far as wearing stones, he blesses me that I will be
Cohen Gadol and wear the priestly vestments. That I cannot readily anticipate,
but it is a wonderful berocho anyway!”
The Rov who was the good friend of
the Chofetz Chaim died, and his son became the Rov. But in that one generation
times had changed. People no longer wanted somebody who was a close friend of
the Chofetz Chaim. Now the poison of Communism, haskolo and Zionism was making
its mark. Eventually, the son quit his job rather than turn the city into a
battle zone.
Thus, the earlier style of learning
Torah in the shulls of each community was no longer possible. Communities were
now infected with anti-Torah ideas.
Reb Baruch Ber’s Yeshiva used to
learn in a shull in a community. But there were people in the community who
adhered to the new treifeh growing and abounding in Europe and elsewhere. One day things got physical and a wicked
person began beating up a student of Reb Baruch Ber. But he made a bad mistake
and the bully was badly beaten by his intended victim. Reb Reuven, the
assistant Rosh Yeshiva and son-in-law of Reb Baruch Ber decreed that nobody
should tell anything to Reb Baruch Ber, because it would cause him great
distress.
However, while Reb Baruch Ber was sitting
and learning with some Yeshiva students, the father of the beaten bully came to
talk to him. Reb Baruch Ber took one look at him and exploded in fury at the
wicked elements that stooped to beat a Yeshiva boy. He went on and on using
words that nobody ever heard from Reb Baruch Ber. The father was stunned, and
finally, he simply turned and walked away.
Reb Baruch Ber said, “It used to be
that people worked all day and came home, but they did not go home, they went
to shull to learn and to doven. Sometimes the shulls were so packed that there
was no room for someone who came late. But today the shulls are empty, because
of the new ideas, the treifeh, the apikorsus that supplants Torah today.”
That was the reality, beginning with
the time of the Vollozhner Yeshiva, that turned people away from Torah and
caused them to be various idealists or even apikorsim mamosh. Even in Reb
Baruch Ber’s Yeshiva there were students who disappeared and nobody would tell
Reb Baruch Ber where they were. Reb Reuven and the students knew where they
were. They were in a different system of Communists, Zionists, maskilim or any
of the hideous new movements.
Chapter
Eight – The Destruction of Vollozhner Yeshiva
We mentioned in our previous chapter
how Vollozhen was the first of the modern Yeshivas, different in that people
left home and communities and went to live in a building dedicated as a
Yeshiva. The purpose of this change in venue was that when students scattered
into various synagogues to study they were prey for the many modern radicals
who taught evil things and snared promising students with their new ideas.
Vollozhen was planned to protect these students. But eventually, the Russian
government demanded secular studies and the Yeshiva refused, and was closed
down.
The Rosh Yeshiva Reb Mayer Berlin told his son Reb Chaim
Berlin that his decision to close the Yeshiva cost him his life. As he lay
dying, he made his son aware of his will, never to allow secular studies into a
Yeshiva. Despite this awesome charge, in later years, when Jerusalem became
infested with radicals and entire communities were lacking in proper teaching
facilities, this same son, Reb Chaim Berlin, agreed with other great rabbis of
the time, such as Reb Yosef Chaim Sonnenson, that if the higher purer standard
would be the standard in all of Israel, thousands of Jewish children would have
no kosher school to attend. Therefore, in certain places in Israel, in certain
communities, leniencies were made.
Vollozhner Yeshiva failed because of
pressure from the Russian government to study secular subjects. But this
pressure was supported by some students in the Yeshiva. The fumes thus entered
the inner sanctum and caused the end of the Yeshiva. When this happened, the
Yeshiva movement was endangered, but other Yeshivas were established. The great
Yeshivas of the post-Vollozhner Yeshiva era such as Mir and Slovodka were
different than Vollozhn with one major aspect: Musar. Every day somebody
signaled it was time to learn Musar and gemoras were close and people began
reading usually out loud from a classic book about Musar such as Mesilas
Yeshorim for a specified period. A specially appointed Mashgiach would speak to
the Yeshiva about Musar. The great Yeshivas had great mashgichim who often were
men of such extraordinary piety and holiness that the Rosh Yeshiva honored
them. Two of the major Mashgichim close to modern times were Rav Chazkel
Levenstein and Rav Eliyohu Lopian. Both of these individuals seem to have had
Ruach Hakodesh of a very intense kind and would constantly give advice that no
mortal could have thought of.
What does the Musar Movement mean?
It means Reb Yisroel Salanter. He founded what is known as the Musar movement.
His disciples built the Yeshiva of Kelm where people were raised to practice an
extreme kind of Musar, such as never moving one’s head unnecessarily. A major
disciple of Kelm was the great tsadik and mashgiach Rav Chazkel Levinstein. He
went on to be a major mashgiach in Mirrer Yeshiva and other great Yeshivas, but
when he went from Yeshiva to Yeshiva, he modified his Musar to be appropriate
for the new element. Not everybody could tolerate the extreme Musar of Kelm.
Reb Eliyohu Lopian was also a student of Kelm and the only one in the Yeshiva
honored as a Rov because he was heavily involved with outreach in the
community. So effective was he that he once had to escape a gang of wicked Jews
by leaping out of a second story building.
With the Musar movement can the
primal role of the Mashgiach, not just the Rosh Yeshiva. But there was great
opposition in some quarters to these changes. Some opposed making changes in
the earlier Yeshiva systems by making set times for everyone to stop learning
gemora and to study Musar. But the Chofetz Chaim and eventually all Rosh
Yeshivas realized that without such Musar the Yeshivas could not succeed.
A major Musar Mashgiach was the
Alter of Slabodka. Of him the Chofetz Chaim said, “I make books and he makes
people.” He turned out Gedolei HaDor such as Reb Aharon Kotler, Reb Yaacov
Kaminetsky, Rav Yaacov HaLevi Ruderman, and Rav Yitschok Hutner. Originally he
did not accept the Musar Movement, but was a successful speaker who would
travel and teach Torah with great success. Everyone knew that he was on his way
to being accepted by a major city as the Rov. But after being influenced by the
Musar Movement he changed and built a Musar Yeshiva in Slobodka. Not far away
from his Yeshiva was a non-Musar Movement Yeshiva headed by Reb Baruch Ber.
This Yeshiva was named for the Gadol HaDor Reb Yitschok Elchonon Issar and was
located in Kovneh.
Reb Aharon Kotler used to leave the Slobodka
Musar Yeshiva to hear shiurim from Reb Baruch Ber. Reb Baruch Ber was a mighty
genius and a great or the greatest student of Reb Chaim Soloveitchik the Rov of
Brisk. Just as Reb Chaim refused to accept Musar Movement changes in his
Yeshiva so did Reb Baruch Ber. But Reb Baruch Ber had such intense Yiras
Shomayim that Reb Chaim said of him, “Reb Baruch Ber will not be granted the Future
World because he does not sin. The fact is, he is so terrified of sinning that
he simply cannot sin. But he will be given reward in the Future World for his
fear of sinning.” There were those who claimed that when a Yeshiva had such a
Rosh Yeshiva it was not necessary to learn Musar because looking at him was the
highest Musar. But eventually, all Yeshivas, urged so by the Chofetz Chaim,
accepted the Musar Movement.
Reb Aharon was a ferocious fighter
in learning. He would regularly interrupt Reb Baruch Ber and have battles with
him that went back and force between these two major geniuses and Geonim. When
things went on too long, the biggest disciple of Reb Baruch Ber, the Gaon Reb
Shlomo Heiman would go over to Reb Aharon and quiet things. But a few minutes
later, Reb Aharon erupted again, and so it went.
There are many pictures of Reb
Aharon and Reb Baruch Ber talking in learning in the summer vacation resorts,
when the great Rosh Yeshivas and Geonim,
utterly exhausted from a year of hard learning, would follow doctors’ orders
and go to vacation resorts. From the pictures it is obvious that Reb Baruch Ber
had a great respect for Reb Aharon. Reb Baruch Ber was a genius in explaining
the gemora, but he was also a genius in inspiring students to learn to their
full potential. When he saw a brilliant student, he honored him vociferously.
Some of the top students of Reb
Baruch Ber were Slonomer Chassidim. The Slonomir Rebbe usually visited Reb
Baruch Ber’s Yeshiva once a year, and when he did, he listened to a shiur and
spoke with Reb Baruch Ber privately. Reb Baruch Ber asked for more Slonomer
students “like these.” The rebbe said he had no more like that because he sent
them all to Reb Baruch Ber. One Slonomer was a mighty genius named Levine.
Another group of Slonomer geniuses was a family called Rubin. Once the Slonomer
Rebbe visited Reb Baruch Ber and a dish was missing. One of the Rubin boys was
sent to get it. Reb Baruch Ber told the Slonomer Rebbe, “To send a Rubin boy to
get a dish violates the honor due to such a person’a great success in Torah.”
Once Reb Baruch Ber walked by a
dilapidated house and somebody told him that the Levine genius lived there. Reb
Baruch Ber said, “He may have a modest house, but to have such a son makes him
a millionaire!”
Chapter Nine – Cures for Evil
Times
Musar, Miracle, Kabala and Hassiduse
Our chapter is about Musar, Miracle,
Kabala and Hassiduse: the great rabbis who made up these movements, their
challenges and successes. We want to know how these rebbes with new ideas stood
up to the evil that was growing by leaps and bounds.
A. The Musar Movement
Musar, or reflection on one’s deeds
and spiritual level, is a biblical value. The Torah says, “Hearken my son to
the Musar of your father, and do not neglect the Torah of your mother.” The
“Musar of your father “ has a connotation of a father who forces the son to
cease doing evil. The mother, on the other hand, “do not neglect the Torah of
your mother” is not one who forces with the stick, but with love and warmth.
Musar is a word rooted in the fighting and struggle to defeat evil. But the war
against evil has many legions, many different kinds of troops, and many
maneuvers. When we refer to the Musar Movement we mean that founded by Rav
Yisroel Salanter.
Reb Yisroel made a revolution that
we call the Musar Movement. Where did he learn about Musar? Reb Yisroel as a
child was a young genius. He went to various great Torah teachers and
succeeded. One day, the young Yisroel noticed a major rabbi. Yisroel began
paying close attention to this man until he realized that this man should be
his rebbe. He once followed Reb Zundel as he took a long walk in the woods.
Suddenly, Reb Zundel turned and said to Yisroel: “Learn Musar and you will succeed in piety.” That was the
beginning of the Musar Movement. Reb
Zundel of Salant was a favorite student of Reb Chaim Vollozhner and was known
as the “third mouth of the Gro” one “mouth”after his rebbe Reb Chaim, the
“second mouth of the Gro.” He also
learned from Rabbi Akiva Eiger.[1]
A terrible plague killed many people
because there was no medicine for it. Someone struck down by the disease could
barely move. He became thirsty and hungry and needed help. If a family member
came to help him, the disease could spread to the family member. More and more
people died trying to help the sick, until people feared to enter the room of
the sick, who then died a miserable death.
Reb Yisroel Salanter gathered a
group of young Torah students, and went with them from house to house. None of
them got sick and they saved the lives of many people. This was a major miracle
and greatly enhanced the prestige of Reb Yisroel. Before then, he was known as
a mighty genius and Torah scholar. But now he was known as a miracle worker.
Then came another issue, if in times
of terrible sickness people should fast on Yom Kippur. It seems that Reb
Yisroel said something that other rabbonim felt was too lenient, although Reb
Yisroel said it in order to save lives.
A rabbi finally came over to Reb
Yisroel to tell him that possibly he was wrong in allowing the leniency. Reb
Yisroel turned on this rabbi and shouted a very insulting word at him. The
rabbi knew that he was in Cherem. He sat on the floor and removed his shoes.
But Reb Yisroel was not finished. He said to the rabbi: You judge me? Did you
bring many Yeshiva students to the home of the dying? Did you save all of them
from becoming sick? How dare you criticize me.” This great angry statement was
balanced in the heart of Reb Yisroel with the Musar Principle that even when
one must become angry to do a mitzvah, it should only be external angry, never
internal anger, never the real thing, just a pretending anger. Anger destroys
good character and is sinful.
Reb Yisroel was making a new
movement. He was introducing new things in a community where “that which is new
is forbidden by the Torah.” On the one hand, he had mighty rabbis as students.
Rabbi Yitschok Blazer became the Rov of the capitol of Russia, St. Petersburg.
Reb Simcha Zissel Ziv created the incredible Musar Yeshiva of Kelm that
produced Mashgichim that led the Yeshivas in the next generations. The Alter of
Slabodka produced Reb Aharon Kotler and many of the greatest Roshei Yeshiva. On
the other hand, many opposed something new. If something new was not done by
the greats of the past, why should it be done now? Hiding behind this
opposition to Reb Yisroel was the reality that Shabsei Tsvi was a great Torah
scholar who meant well, and who eventually converted to Islam and almost
destroyed Klal Yisroel.
Let us compare Reb Yisroel Salanter
and his Musar Movement to the Ari z”l and his Kabbala movement. The Ari z”l was
universally honored despite his new ideas. But Reb Yisroel Salanter was
buffeted and bruised until his life became a series of travels. He finally just
got up and left Eastern Europe to spend his final years in Germany and even
France. He spoke on Shabbos in shull in Germany, and out of the window he watched Jewish Germans
bringing in goods on Shabbos.
The difference between Reb Yisroel
and the Ari z”l was as follows: The Ari z”l, from early youth, lived alone and
had nothing to do with anyone. He grew up in Egypt in the house of a wealthy
relative who became his father-in-law. He spent years in solitude. Incredibly,
he maintained a business even while he plunged the depths of Kabala. The Ari
z”l knew that he came into the world for only one reason, to teach Kabbala to
Reb Chaim Vital. He did not want other students, but they converged on him, and
since some of them were great rabbis, it was not easy to dismiss them, although
he did his best.
Reb Yisroel, on the other hand,
attacked the world with his new ideas. His brilliant, his holiness, his
personality, projected his plans everywhere, and he strived for a new attitude
towards Judaism for everyone. That aroused great disagreement. There were
people who backed Reb Yisroel, then changed their mind, and maybe changed it
again. Finally, he just left Eastern Europe.
It would be a mistake to think that
the traveling and struggling Reb Yisroel was a failure. He succeeded in winning
over the Roshei Yeshiva and those such as the Chofetz Chaim who were the key
leaders of Torah. Eventually, everyone even the opposition, acknowledged that
only with Musar could the Torah continue. The great Yeshivas that opposed Musar
surrendered, and Musar became known as the only hope for a Yeshiva to continue
in true holiness.
Another aspect of Reb Yisroel was
when he came to Western Europe and began meeting individuals and influencing
them to join his movement. Some very wealthy men began to come under his
influence and he obtained large contributions from them for his own projects
and for other projects such as the Haredi community in Jerusalem.
The Alter of Slobodka asked Reb
Yisroel what he should do in his Yeshiva. Reb Yisroel replied, “להחיות לב נדכאים” to bring life to the hearts of broken
people. This means that Yeshiva students were despised. They had no jobs, no
earnings, and no education in secular matters. In the growing secular climate
in the Jewish community this made it harder and harder for somebody to join a
Yeshiva and stay there. Therefore, Reb Yisroel charged the Alter to make a
Yeshiva where pride in self came first. Yes, we must learn about humility. But
we must not be broken, and we must be proud to be a Yeshiva student. This the
Alter achieved. He insisted that Yeshiva students dress in the latest styles,
and not have beards. This sounds shocking, but it created hope for the Torah
that produced Gedolei oilom such as Reb Aharon Kotler and many others.
Eventually, the Slobodka Yeshiva
moved to Israel. The students although originally in Hevron, would visit
Jerusalem and come to the various shulls to doven. Some of the old timers
feared the influx of such modern looking students. But Reb Yosef Chaim
Sonnenson, the Rav of Jerusalem, told them that there was nothing to fear. A
great respect united the Rov of Jerusalem and the Alter of Slobodka. The
students of Slobodka married into very prominent Torah families and became an
important element of the anti-secular movement in Israel.
The success of the Musar Movement
that saved the Yeshivas after the destruction of Vollozhen was to a large
degree dependent on the Mashgiach, who dealt with Musar and developing students
spiritually and emotionally. The great Mashgichim included Reb Chazkel
Levenstein Rosh Yeshiva of Mir and Ponovich and Reb Eliyohu Lopian who after a
lifetime of teaching Torah moved to Israel and was instructed by the Chazon Ish
to become a Mashgiach again, which he did and succeeded brilliantly. These
people utilized open Ruach Hakodesh on a regular basis.
We will bring here much about Reb
Chazkel’s ruach hakodesh, but for now, let us say over two stories about Reb
Eliyohu Lopian.
He became the Mashgiach of a Yeshiva
that was built in an area filled with flies. Everyone in that Yeshiva suffered
all day long from flies, with one exception. One day, the Rosh Yeshiva was
giving a lecture, and he suddenly paused and said quietly to the students.
“Look at that Tsadik. No fly goes near him.” Reb Elya figured out why everyone
was staring at him, and he began to pretend that he was pushing away flies.
Nobody was fooled.
Another time, a widow who had spent
much effort making Reb Elya who by then was an old man comfortable in the Yeshiva
of her departed husband, had to make a wedding. But she had many people to
invite and there was no money to rent a large hall. Reb Elya told her to make
the wedding on the grass of the Yeshiva. But she feared that the wedding would
be in the rainy season. Reb Elya assured here there would be no problem. On the
day of the wedding, the skies were filled with dark clouds, and right before
the wedding begn, it started to rain. The widow ran to Reb Elya crying that her
wedding will be ruined. Reb Elya lifted up his hands to the sky waiting to
catch the drops, but nothing fell. He asked, “What rain?” And it didn’t rain.
B. Hassidim and Misnagdim
The struggle between Hassidim and
Misnagdim was also a war between two groups who disagreed leshaim shomayim. The
real battle was between the Gro and the Russian Chassidim such as the Baal
HaTanya. The next generation saw major students of the Vilna Gaon and
Lithuanian rabbis befriending major Hassidic rabbis. The Chazon Ish explains
how this could be. As I understand what he wrote, there are times when rabbis
can argue about what are to them major issues of the time. But as time goes on,
much worse problems arise, and the earlier problems fade and are replaced by
the new wars which have to be fought. At such a time, people who were once
enemies may make up in order to fight the larger wars.
There is another explanation of this
that I heard from a son of mine who married a daughter of a prominent Yeshiva
family. This family traces its ancestry to the family of the Gro and a Lubavitcher
Chasid who was a disciple of Rabbi Yehoshua Leib Diskin, the greatest of the
Lithuanian rabbis. The Chofetz Chaim was once asked if today the teaching of
the Gro to ban Hassidim is still viable. He replied that if a marriage took
place between the family of the Gro and a disciple of the Baal HaTanya, and it
was surely performed by Rebbe Yehoshua Leib Diskin, the greatest of the
Lithuanian rabbis, there is no longer a Cherem from the Gro on Hassidim.
The family of my son has a letter
between the Chofetz Chaim and Rebbe Chaim Ozer, the Gadol Hador of that time.
There are certain words scratched out. The family has a tradition that the
letter discussed the attitude of the Gro towards Chassidim. If eventually the
great rabbis of the world accepted the Hassidim, why did the Gro make such a
fuss about them? The answer is that when a great soul comes into the world, one
that can really make a difference, the Satan goes wild. He constantly brings
before the Heavenly Beth Din proofs that the world is not worthy to have this
particular rabbi and he should fail or die. The only way to save that rabbi is
for a very great rabbi to attack the object of the Satan, and when the Satan
sees this, he is quiet. Let the rabbi do my work, he thinks. And so the rabbi
is saved.
The Baal HaTanya was a senior
student of the Magid, the successor of the Baal Shem Tov. On his deathbed, the
Magid told the Baal HaTanyo, “You are going to have a lot of problems. But I
will be with you.” The “lot of problems” referred to the large number of major
Hassidic rabbis, older than the Baal HaTanyo, who differed from him and even
came to his Yeshiva and pronounced something terrible on him. Out of respect
for these older rabbis, the Baal HaTanyo escorted them to their carriages.
After a particular bitter period of
battles, the Baal HaTanyo collapsed. His little grandchild who would eventually
become a very great and successful rebbe, jumped upon the prostate Baal HaTanya
and began slapping his face, shouting, “Zeideh, I am here.” The Baal HaTanyo
came to and look at his grandson and said, “Yes, you are here.” I think this
child was the Tsemach Tsedek a giant in Kabbala and in paskening difficult halochose. During his reign which
was very long Lubavitch became very strong and was fully entrenched. But the
Gro gets credit for this, as we explained.
My rebbe the Gaon of the Jerusalem
Kabbalists, told me that he had studied the argument between the Gro and Baal
HaTanyo in certain Kabbalistic ideas, and felt he understood how both could be
right. But I never asked him to explain the matter to me, because those kind of
arguments are not for people with my limitations. But I am happy that my rebbe
told me this, because it fits in with what everybody knows, that the greatest
Lithuanian students of the Gro and rabbinical leaders were very close with
Lubavitch and other rebbes.
It is not just that Hassiduce was
accepted. There is a story brought by the Jerusalem Magid Rav Shalom Mordechai
Schwadron. The Chofetz Chaim was once selling his seforim, and his biggest
customers were Hassidim, especially Gerrer Hassidim. The Chofetz Chaim entered
a shull and two Hassidim were having a battle royal about how to understand a
gemora. They were so busy with this that nobody noticed the Chofetz Chaim.
After a few minutes of this, somebody noticed the Chofetz Chaim and there were
a great embarrassment. They went to the Chofetz Chaim and asked his forgiveness
for not noticing him. The Chofetz Chaim answered them, “You have won.” If the
Chassidim had such a high level of frumkeit plus such a ferocious attitude
towards learning, just like the Lithuanian Talmudists, then the Hassidim won.
Reb Elchonon, the major disciple of
the Chofetz Chaim, was once walking down the street with another rabbi. They
heard an uproar in a shull of children dovening. The rabbis realized that such
a shull was not one of their shulls but a Chassidic Shull.
Reb Yisroel Salanter would go, as
many rabbis did, to vacation places to recuperate from the arduous work he did.
One particular place had special healthy water and even royalty came there. Reb
Yisroel went there with a major Hassidic rebbe possibly the Tsemach Tsedek but
I don’t recall exactly. It seemed that
nobody was allowed to wear a hat out of respect for the royalty there. The
rebbe said that he wore a wig for men known as a toupee. Reb Yisroel replied that he had no money, and
a disciple had given him enough money to go to the spa, but not enough to buy a
tope.
When Agudas Yisroel was established
in Germany, the first major meeting was attended by Reb Chaim Brisker the Rov of Brisk and the
Lubavitcher rebbe of the time. But the next meeting the two did not come. They perhaps
feared that the Agudah being established in Germany and run by Torah Jews who
had a different approach to some things was not for them. But the Chofetz Chaim
and many very prominent rabbis did attend. But for sure, major players in the
Agudah were Hassidim.
The Chofetz Chaim was once talking
to the Gerrer Rebbe. “You have Hassidim,” said the Chofetz Chaim. “Are they
read for mesiras nefesh?” The rebbe responded that they were ready for mesiras
nefesh. People who were not Hassidim did not necessarily have such an attitude.
Such were the times.
C. Rabbis Who Make Miracles
It is known that Hassidic rebbes
make miracles. Litvisher rabbis generally do not do miracles on a regularly
basis and do not do this publicly. But there are exceptions. One is Rabbi
Mordechai Ashminer, a great Kabbalist who lived around the time of the First
World War. A second Litvisher rabbi who did miracles regularly was the Chazon
Ish.
In his work Sheal Ovicho Viyagaidcho
HaRav Hagaon Rav Shalom Mordechai Schwadron tells the story of the great
Kabbalist Rav Mordechai Ashminer who did constant miracles and Ruach HaKodesh.
In Volume II page 185 there is the following story about Rav Ashminer.
A Musar rabbi once visited the house
of Rav Mordechai Ashminer and saw a woman in a fancy coach come into the house
and stay a long time. When the woman left Rav Ashminer’s room the Musar rabbi
asked her what she spoke to the Rov about so long. The lady answered that Rav
Ashminer told her every sin she had done her entire life. The Musar rabbi then
went to Rav Ashminer and asked him why did he public Ruach HaKodesh, something
other Litvisher rabbis did not do.
Rav Amshiner replied that once a
woman came to him and he told her her sins, including the fact that the Mikva
she used was not properly designed. The woman said that the Rov of the city she
lived in was responsible for the Mikva. Rav Amshiner then contacted the Rov and
it seemed that the lady was right and the Rov was wrong. The Rov then
redesigned the Mikva and then the people using it has a kosher Mikva. Rav
Amshiner asked the Musar rabbi: To save a community from terrible sins, is it
not worth performing miracles?
Reb Baruch Ber’s rebbetsin’s mother
grew up in the home of a great Litvisher Kabbalist, perhaps the above Rav
Mordechai Amshiner. Once Rav Amshiner had a Din Torah between two men. The
witness who knew who was right was dead. Rav Amshiner brought the dead man down
to his Beth Din to testify and he did. Reb Baruch Ber’s mother-in-law was a
young girl who had free access to the Beth Din as she used to run around there.
She was in the Beth Din when the soul of the dead man came and said testimony.
Reb Baruch Ber would ask her time and time again to tell him what happened
then.
Another story about Rav Mordechai
Amshiner also from Rav Shalom Mordechai Schwadron’s above book is about a
tragedy when two brothers went for a walk in the woods and somebody threw a
stone at them and killed one brother. The living brother was afraid to tell his
parents and therefore, he stopped writing home. The parents became frantic, and
the mother decided to visit the children in the Yeshiva. But before she left,
she went to Rav Mordechain Amshiner.
She told him that she had two sons
in such and such a Yeshiva. Rav Amshiner replied, “I see only one son.” The
woman steeled herself and said what does he know when he lives here. Rav
Amshiner then told her to go to the Yeshiva of her children. He asked if she
would deliver a letter to the Rosh Yeshiva there and she agreed. She went
immediately to a coach and went to the Yeshiva.
As soon as she alighted, near a
restaurant where the students were eating, she found a Yeshiva student and
asked about her sons. The student told her that one son was killed. She burst
out wailing, something that brought the students in the restaurant outside to
see what was happening. Eventually, the mother calmed down and she asked a
student where the Rosh Yeshiva was as she had a letter from Rav Mordechai
Amshiner for him. The student suggested that he would bring the letter, and the
mother greatly accepted his offer and gave him the letter.
Students realized that the letter
was about the dead student. They were determined to find out what the letter
said. The heated a knife and used it to pry open the letter without tearing it.
They read it and it said that all of the students should leave the Yeshiva and
go home. They then resealed the letter and brought it to the Rosh Yeshiva. One
day went by, two days, three day, and nothing happens. In Lithuania, when Rav
Amshiner said something, people obeyed immediately. But now the Rosh Yeshiva
ignores the letter. The students felt they had no choice. They went to the Rosh
Yeshiva and confessed their sin in opening the letter. Now they wanted to know
why the Rosh Yeshiva did not obey the great tsadik. The Rosh Yeshiva replied,
“I am the Rosh Yeshiva here and he is the Rosh Yeshiva there. What goes on in
his city is his affair, and what happens here is my affair. Now go learn!”
Somebody told this story to Rav
Eliyohu Lopian. He asked if there was more to the story, and the person said
there is nothing more to the story. Rav Lopian asked him if this took place
around the outbreak of the First World War. The storyteller said yes. If so, said
Rav Lopian, this is what Rav Amshiner did. He realized that the war would soon
break out and he wanted the students to go home as soon as possible, rather
than waiting until war broke out and traveling was dangerous and difficult.
D. The Chazon Ish Makes Miracles
The Chazon Ish was a major Torah
personality and Posek in Europe and he was offered important rabbinic
positions, including that of being the Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem, but he refused
everything. The Gadol HaDor Reb Chaim Ozer considered the Chazon Ish a very
senior posek and would show him off to prominent visitors as the glory of
Vilna. The Chazon Ish went to Israel, where again he was offered important
positions, but he ended up in a small rural area filled with simple farmers,
and he had no official position.
This was Bnei Braq, an ancient Torah
community, but one now that was mostly plain people. The Chazon Ish became the
rebbe of the farmers, and of course, any Torah scholar who wanted to live
there. And the Chazon Ish became known as a wonder worker and an amazing genius
who did things requiring a level of genius that was probably also Ruach
Hakodesh. His miracles and Ruach Hakodesh soon became well known and the
Brisker Rov complained that this was not the way of the great rabbis of Europe
or any other place. The fact is, that the Chazon Ish created a new role for
himself, and it brought him the power to influence people who could not be
reached by other rabbis. One of these people was David ben Gurion who visited
the Chazon Ish and tried to work out an understanding with the Haredim. This
visit brought the Chazon Ish much respect by all Israelis, and sometimes people
removed from Torah would come to him for a blessing. When the Chazon Ish died,
Ben Gurion said a eulogy for him for the government. He said that the Chazon
Ish was a ladder whose feet were on the ground but whose head reached the
heavens. The holiness of the Chazon Ish reached to heavens but Ben Gurion could
talk to him about material matters affecting the country.
Chazon Ish was a master of medicine,
looking at a person and telling them exactly what they must do for their very
dangerous medical problem, often completely disagreeing with the major doctors.
Eventually, the doctors learned the hard way that the Chazon Ish was always right,
and he gained much respect for them as well. The Chazon Ish in Bnei Braq had a
family there of his sister who married the great Steipler Gaon and the Steipler
Gaon and the son of the Steipler Reb Chaim Kanievsky today a very senior Torah
scholar. These tsadikim also practiced miracles, telling sick people that they
were healthy in direct defiance of the doctors, and they were right. Doctors
who saw medical pictures that spelled destruction and then saw these same
patients cured realized that there was something higher than an x-ray.
Here is a story from Rabbi Shalom
Mordechai Schwadron’s book of stories about the Chazon Ish and a simple taxi
driver who for all appearances was surely not Haredi, but who had a very deep
respect and love for the Chazon Ish.
A group of Jews were riding in a
large taxi used in Israel to take a group of travelers. The two sitting in the
front were seemingly secular, dressed in short pants and looking very different
than the Haredi Jews sitting elsewhere. The Haredi Jews were talking about the
tragedy everyone felt in the loss of the Chazon Ish who had recently died. The
Jews in the front seat overheard this conversation, and one said to the other:
Listen to those Haredim talk. They are apikorsim. They say that the Chazon Ish is
dead.
The Haredim heard this and asked why
they are apikorsim when everybody knew that the Chazon Ish died not long ago,
and a huge funeral was held for him. Are all of those people who came to the
funeral and believed that the Chazon Ish was dead apikorsim?
The man in the front seat turned to
them and said, “I know that the Chazon Ish is not dead. Do you want to hear my
story, or not? If you want to hear it,
we must pull over and I will tell it to you.” The people in the taxi agreed to
pull over and listen to the story why the Chazon Ish is still alive.
The story he told was this: About a
year ago, my daughter went into labor. I went with her to the hospital, and sat
in the waiting room, waiting for the good news. But a long time went on and I
heard nothing. A doctor finally came out with a form for me to sign. He said
that there was no hope to save the baby, but to save the mother, they would
have to operate and destroy the baby. If I wanted to save the life of my
daughter, I must sign permission. I was totally confused. What should I do?
“An older nurse came over to me and
said, ‘Go to Bnei Braq and get a blessing from the Chazon Ish. Go now,
quickly.’ I never heard of the Chazon Ish, but I knew how to drive. I went
sailing into Bnei Braq and asked where the Chazon Ish was and I went there as
fast as I could. I rapped on the door and somebody came out and said to me,
“Mazel Tov! It is a healthy boy.” I raced back to the hospital and it was a
healthy boy.
After this, another daughter went to
the hospital, with similar problems. A doctor came out and asked me to sign a
form. This time I knew what to do. I went flying to Bnei Braq and raced to the
house. But it was dark, obviously nobody was inside. I asked somebody where the
Chazon Ish was and I was told that he is in the cemetery. I raced to the
cemetery and leaped over a wall and found the grave of the Chazon Ish. I cried
out, ‘Rebbe! You saved my daughter’s baby once, now I have another daughter’s
baby who won’t come out.’ I heard a
voice say, ‘The baby has been born and is a healthy boy.’ I went back to the
hospital full of hope and it was a healthy boy. Now I ask you, is the Chazon
Ish dead?”
The miracle work of the Chazon Ish
and the Steipler is today carried on by Reb Chaim Kanievsky. There are great struggles
between people who have great problems and want to drink the wine he uses to
make havdolo.
Once Reb Chaim told a visiting
American from a wealthy family that he needed fifty thousand dollars for some
mitzvah. The man thought carefully who could be approached, and then called up
a friend who was very wealthy but had never had a child. The man agreed to go
to Israel and meet with Reb Chaim, but he was interested in a berocho for a
child. There was a standoff. The man wanted to give the money but only if he
would be promised a child. So things just hung and nobody would budge.
The wealthy man insisted that he
needed a berocho for a child and Reb Chaim said that he did not have the power
to promise children. Finally, Reb Chaim agreed to give the following berocho: I
hereby give a berocho that so and so should have a child, in the merit that he
has given such a sum to charity, as per my request. I am therefore behold to
him, and based upon that, I bless him to have a child. I give him the blessing
of a baal chove, somebody who owes something to another for doing kindness that
he needed.
This story I heard but the story
teller was not interesting in finishing the story with a nice miracle ending
that a baby was born. But it was
understood that if these kind of people from the family of the Chazon
Ish gave a blessing, it was for real.
We will conclude here with a story
told by the Gadol HaDor Rebbe Yehoshua Leib Diskin, the Rov of Brisk who went
to live in Israel. Reb Yehoshua Leib was a mighty genius, so much so that at
the age of nine he tore up a pesak allowing a woman to remarry and then proved
to his father Rav Benyamin, that the pesak was completely in error and the
father agreed. But the father commanded young Yehoshua Leib to repent for
making the poor woman suffer when she saw Yehoshua Leib tear up the paper that
permitted her to remarry. In three days Yehoshua Leib had a paper that
permitted the woman to remarry and his father approved it.
One day Reb Yehoshua Leib told his
greatest talmid the Gaon Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld, “Come, I will tell you a
Hassidic story.[2]”
When Rav Yehoshua Leib was a Rov in Kovneh, an extremely poor man came to him
because he had a terrifying dream. His father, who had died in the previous
year, appeared to him and told him that he had been reincarnated in a black
bull. A certain distance from Kovna a gentile owned this bull. His father
ordered him to buy the bull, and that the owner would ask eighty rubles but
would settle for forty. After buying the animal, the son was to bring the bull
to Kovno and have it slaughtered by a pious shochet in the presence of the Rov.
The Rov was to eat some of the meat and the rest was to be distributed to other
Jews. Only then would the father find eternal peace. The man had this dream three
nights in a row and ignored it. Then, while he was reciting chazoras hashatz in
shull, he fainted. When he was revived he explained that his father came to him
in a vision and commanded him to buy the bull and slaughter it.
The people in the shull came to my
house with this man. I spoke to the man and the people. They agreed to pay for
the bull, and to give the man the funds to support his family while he
travelled to get the bull. I called the man over and pressed upon him that
people were giving money to buy this bull. But only if everything was exactly
as the dream predicted was it permissible to buy the bull. Otherwise, he was
squandering Jewish money.
The bull was extremely wild, and the
owner, the gentile, warned the son who was buying the bull that it was
dangerous to go near it unless a group of men were available to help with it.
But the son negotiated the price and it fell from eighty to forty ruble. He
then went over to the bull, which stood quietly while the son tossed a rope
over its head and led it off to Kovno where it was slaughtered and some of the
meat was given to Reb Yehoshua Leib Diskin and other meat from it was given to
Talmidei Chachomim.
Chapter
10 – Critique of the Yeshiva System
After covering basic information
about the forties, fifties, and sixties, we should logically then enter into
the seventies until the present time. But we are going to pause here, for the
following reason: As we mentioned earlier, the sixties was the end of the
desperate struggle for Kollel people to survive fiscally and with proper
respect. But this new era included a question and maybe a drawback: Without the fiscal and emotional
suffering of the forties and fifties,
were the new students filled with mesiras nefesh as much as the older students?
Since the sixties era of comfort has
continued to the present time, any criticism of the Yeshiva system might just
extend to this day. In my previous book the Torah that Was, the Torah that Will
Be: Stories of Rosh Yeshivas, I dropped hints that the new generations were
being challenged and maybe heading for some spiritual difficulties. This is an
extremely delicate matter. Let us begin with a story that happened to me.
The story begins in the old Monsey,
a small town of Torah, kedusho, shulls, Yeshivas and houses filled with people
who wanted only to fulfill the Torah. Next to my house was an apple orchard.
Somebody found a snake there once. I found a snake in front of my house and I
killed it. Even today Monsey has many resident deer. One of them almost bumped
into me at night. I never realized how big they were. Sometimes a bear may
drift our way.
One day, we were shocked to see, on
the main street, a video store. I went with a friend to the Magid of Jerusalem,
HaGaon Rav Shalom Mordechai Schwadron zt”l, who was in Monsey to raise funds
for Israel Torah projects and Yeshivas. After one of the Magid’s inspiring deroshose, I went over
to him. Many people tarried after the derosho to speak with him or hear what he
would tell others. When my turn came to speak to him, I told him about the
video store; not only was it in Monsey, but it was right there at the junction
of the two major streets in Monsey and the main shopping district. Reb Shalom
completely ignored me. But that is not exactly what he did. Reb Shalom was a
master speaker, who was thoroughly trained in speaking and being a mashgiach by
the great mashgiach and speaker, Rav Eliyohu Lopion. He learned how to make
motions and faces, and with his talents, he kept audiences listening for a long
time. Rav Lopion could keep people listening for six hours straight. Now I was about to taste Reb
Shalom’s talents, but I was to get more than I could imagine. Reb Shalom made a
face that was turned away from me and frozen in an expressions that said, “You
don’t count. You are not noticed at all. Go. Leave.” I repeated myself several
times, but the face did not change one iota. Then I heard a voice saying to me,
“Look, you are Mr. Azuse Ponim. That is how you have the chutzpah to speak to
Reb Aharon and Reb Moshe and other Gedolei haDor. So open your mouth. Let him
hear from you.” I raised my voice and said
so everyone could year, “Rebbe! Hashchoso!” That did it. Reb Shalom, the master
mashgiach, was waiting for me to put myself “in the bag” and now I was, big
time, in the bag. But what kind of bag was this? Never could I have imagined.
Reb Shalom suddenly woke up. The
frozen face became active, the eyes that completely ignored me flashed fire, he
walked towards me, his fingers and face professionally aligned. At exactly the
right moment and the right pose, Reb Shalom said slowly and professionally , “A
Yeshiva is hashchoso!” I felt as if I was hurled off of a high mountain
into the abyss. I felt I was falling, falling, falling. A small still voice
said to me, “Just be quiet. He said this in public and he must explain.” So, I
just stood there. Reb Shalom saw that he had hit a home run, and he smiled and
said (it sounds much better in Yiddish than what I will write) “That shut his
mouth.” [We had been bantering about something previously and I got in a good
shot. Now he paid me back.]
Reb Shalom then began to explain why
“A Yeshiva is hashchoso.” All that I recall from his various remarks about that
was that people get frustrated, but I don’t recall more than that. I was just
spinning.
A few weeks after this my son was
married. His father-in-law’s mechuten was a major Rosh Yeshiva, world class. I
saw him and jumped him for half an hour, talking about my complaints about the
world. He listened and did not disagree, but did not seem particularly enthused
by what I was saying. Then I took a chance and mentioned Reb Shalom’s remark
that “A Yeshiva is hashchoso.” That got
him going. He really liked it. When I saw that, I accepted the fact that I was
completely ignorant about life. As soon as I could, I asked my son how one of
the great Rosh Yeshivas in the entire world could accept such a statement. My son
replied, “Tatee! He always talks like that.” I heard, and I kept quiet. I had
no comments and no understanding.
Years later, as we will discuss
here, I began to get involved heavily in divorce, Gittin and broken families.
The real horrors that I saw were the best Torah families in the best Yeshivas.
I began to suspect that maybe the wise old rabbis understood something I did
not. And the more I became involved in family issues, the more I was convinced
that something was horribly wrong. But I had no idea what it was or how to
solve it.
In our next chapter, we will embark
on a discussion of a major reason for broken Torah families. And we will begin
to discuss what is perhaps the major issue in the Torah world today, failure of
family, all of it, fathers, mothers, and children, and yes, even parents of
parents.
By rights we should assign an entire
chapter to the stories of broken families, but since we assume that by now
everyone knows people who are suffering terribly from broken families, that is
really not necessary. At any rate, we prefer to talk about solutions, not
problems. So we will begin the next chapter with the teachings of the Rambam on
how to marry and build a family.
Chapter
11 – Rambam on Family and Spending
Rambam Yad HaChazaka Ishuse 15:19:
And the rabbis commanded that a man should honor his wife more than his self
and love her as he loves himself. And if
he has a lot of money let him increase her pleasures in accord with his
wealth.” The Rambam does not tell us exactly how to honor a wife more than his
self. But the classic Musar sefer Raishis Chochmo[3] in
Perek Derech Erets page 266b tells us, “He should honor her constantly with
money and clothing more than he can afford.” This explains the Rambam’s
statement “he should honor his wife more
than his self.” It means spending more for her than he can afford and more than
what he spends on his own needs[4]. The
Rambam there says that a woman should honor her husband with an awesome respect
as if he was a great officer of the king.
The two laws stated above support
each other. When a wife is bought a new fur coat that she needed and her
husband needed one also, but he spends the money on her, not himself, the woman
knows how much sacrifice the husband did for her. This brings her to respect
and honor her husband in an extraordinary way. In my book Secret of the Scale I
describe married life as the ancient scales were designed, with two plates
hanging from strings. Put something into a plate and it descends. When it
descends the other plate rises. Then put something into the rising plate and it
descends.
This means that marriage is a path
of reciprocity. The husband spends more on his wife than he can afford, which
means he cuts down on his own spending for himself and the wife knows this. When
she sees this she is aroused to respect him and treat him like a great officer
of the king. And when he feels this respect, he is further inspired to honor
her more than himself, and so the plates of the scale take turns rising and
falling, a constant parade of love and honor that produces fine children and
lovely family life.
Now, let us think about living
today, especially in Kollel life. There is usually not enough money, even
though people work long hours. Living in a good neighborhood is incredibly expensive.
A friend of mine sold his house down the block for over a million dollars. Who
has that kind of money? And even if some people do have this kind of money, do
they learn in Kollel all day?
And if honoring a wife more than
himself is a crucial element in marriage, how can a Kollel person do this when
he does not work and his wife has to raise the children and in addition bring
in the money? And yes there is such a thing as the Woman of Valor who supports
her family and wants her husband to learn, but how many people are ready for
this kind of very special kind of life? Teaching young girls to be the Woman of
Valor is often a very delicate thing. If the girls are not really cut out for
this kind of life, and they get frustrated, we have the kind of things going on
that go on today all of the time. Yes, the great Hassidic rebbes the rebbe of
the Baal HaTanya and the rebbe before the last one in Lubavitch both said that
jumping too far too fast destroys one’s spirituality. Are we ready to turn
every woman into the Woman of Valor and every person who learns in Yeshiva to
be a Gadol? If we want that, everyone know that a certain amount will be
destroyed. Some even say it openly. We want Gedolim and yes, this may destroy
those who are not ready for it. Today, when we have basically no Gedolim
similar to the ones that I knew a few years ago, why do we continue telling
everyone to become Gedolim when we are producing very different crops? And we
have nobody to ask these questions. But they are being asked and they should be
asked. Now, I am not anti-Kollel, and my wife is an Aishess Chayil as are my
children and grand-children. But something is terribly wrong out there. And
let’s find what it is, and let’s find a solution to this family mess.
We have even a stronger question.
The gemora says in Huriyuse[5] that
Rovo, the greatest sage of his time, insisted that his students achieve wealth
besides mastery of the Torah. How can this be done? If they spend all day
learning, how can they become wealthy? And if they don’t spend all day
learning, how do they master the Torah?
I once did a study of many
generations in the Talmud and found that many of the greatest rabbis were
wealthy. How could that be? Let us now turn to the next chapter, where we are
going to talk about this and who how to become great in Torah and wealthy,
which seems impossible. It does seem impossible, but let’s talk about it
anyway, because if the great rabbis of the Talmud could often if not always
become wealthy, why not try this today?
Chapter
11 – Mastering the Torah and Wealth: How?
How do we master the Torah and have
a good chance of becoming wealthy? We now get into a very interesting area
that, to my knowledge, is not generally known. I will pose certain questions on
this interesting area, that is, I will ask questions on a gemora and the
Rambam. And I don’t know of anybody who has asked these questions. But I feel I
have an answer to these questions. And if I am right, we have a solution to the
mess in family in the Torah world, a big solution.
1)
First
we present a gemora in Sota 44a. It brings three questions asked by officers in
the army when the Jews are ready for war statements (Devorim 20:5) Who is the
man who built a new house? Who is the man who planted a vineyard? Who is the man who married a wife (erusin)
and has not taken her into his home?
These three men are told not to enter the battle lest they die and their
new house, vineyard and wife will go to somebody else.
2)
The
gemora there says that these three passages teach us the way a Jewish man
should marry. First he builds a house, then he plants a vineyard, then he
marries. That is, he marries only after he has built a house and planted a
vineyard. He has where to live and he has to have sustenance from the vineyard.
But just to marry without a house and without a job is wrong. The gemora then
substantiates this from the teachings of Shlomo HaMelech in Mishlei 24.
3)
We
see from this that the way of marriage is only after one has a house that he
built, a vineyard that he planted, and then, only then, does he marry. From
this it is wrong to marry without a house, without a job, or vineyard.
4)
But
there is something missing here. Where did the person get the money to built a
house? He obviously had to buy a piece of property and buy material to build
the house. Where did he get the money for this? Probably, he had a job. Thus,
first comes as job, then comes the house, and then comes the vineyard, and then
comes the wife.
5)
Rambam
says this in Mishneh Torah:Dayose:5:11: An intelligent person first establishes
a job to sustain himself, then he purchases a house, then he marries a wife…but
the fools begin by marrying a woman, and then if they find the means they buy a
house and then, at the end of their life, they go around seeking some kind of
livelihood or they seek charity.
6)
Rambam
says that this way of the fools is the way of curse and one who does what the
Torah suggests is the way of the wise.
7)
The
gemora we quoted does not say that one who marries without money is a fool as
Rambam says. But the Zohar Chodosh Beraishis page 115 in the Sulem Zohar, does
say that one who builds a house and one who plants a vineyard to sustain
himself and then marries is doing the Torah way, but one who marries first
without a house and without a job is a SHOTEH or fool, exactly what the Rambam
says. This may be a proof that the Rambam learned Kabbala but I know that is a
new idea and I will just mention it and leave it.
8)
But
we are sure of one thing: The Rambam and the Zohar both say that one who
marries without a house and a job is a SHOTEH or fool. And does that mean that
everyone who marries while they are busy learning are to be criticized for
violating the gemora and a passage from Mishlei and a passage in Devorim? This
is a very serious question.
9)
Now
we want to take our problems to the next stage. We turn now to a Rambam in Mada
the Laws of Torah Learning chapter 1:5 “A man should always learn Torah and
only then marry a woman. Because if he marries first his mind is not free to
learn. But if his Evil Inclination overpowers him so much that he finds that
his heart is not pure to learn Torah, let him marry and only then learn Torah.”
10)
Here
the Rambam does not tell us about buying a house and planting a vineyard. He
discusses learning Torah with a clear head without worries about family. But if
he thinks evil thoughts he must marry and then learn.
11)
Now
we come to a teaching in the Rambam that may be the key to solving our
problems. In Mada: Talmud Torah:12 Rambam says, “If one has a job and he worked
for three hours a day and studied Torah nine hours…” We see that everyone must
learn more than he can work. The Rambam
gives an example of one learning nine hours and working three hours. But our
question is who can sustain himself with only three hours a day work?
12)
In
gemora Berochose 35b we have two opinions about how much work a person should
do and how much learning. Rabbi Yishmael says that people should work a full
day as farmers, as the Torah blesses Israel “and you will gather your grain.”
Rabbi Shimon bar Yochoi disagrees, “How can somebody plow during the time to
plow, and plant at the time to plant, and harvest at the time to harvest, and
thresh his grain at the time for threshing, and winnow his threshed grain at
winnowing time, when can he learn Torah?” Rabbi Shimon bar Yochoi then states
that when Jews obey the Torah non-Jews will come forward and do their work for
them. The question is, that Rabbi Shimon lived during the Roman oppression. The
Romans forced the Jews to work for them, and did not work for the Jews. So
Rabbi Shimon is probably talking about the level of Moshiach. But what do we do
today?
13)
Abayeh
there says that many did as Rabbi Yishmael and succeeded, and others did as
Rabbi Shimon and failed. Thus, a Jew must do as Rabbi Yishmael and work a full
day. If so, why does the Rambam tell us that one should only work three hours a
day and learn nine hours?
14)
The
gemora then quotes Rovo who says, “Please do not come to my lectures in Nisan
and Tishrei, because if you do, you will be busy the whole year trying to make
a living.” Thus Rovo and Abayeh, the greatest sages of their time, told people
not to do as Rabbi Shimon. But the Rambam does tell people to work only a very
small part of the day. This would be like Rabbi Shimon.
15)
There
is another teaching in the gemora there that in earlier generations Jews worked
part time and learned almost full time. But later on, Jews worked almost full time and learned only part time. Earlier
generations succeeded in learning and earning, but latter generations did not.
We see from this that the proper way is exactly what the Rambam says, to learn
say nine hours and work for say three hours. This is the teaching of Rabbi Yochanan,
a very early scholar who lived very close to the time of the Tanoyim, and he
quotes Rabbi Yehuda bar Ilui, who was perhaps from the earlier generations, a
Tano. If so, it is possible that the Rambam ruled as he did, a Tano, against
Rovo and Abeyeh.
16)
Or
we can say that the teaching of Rabbi Yochana was not to pasken like the
Rambam, but merely to say that earlier generations, possibly in the time of the
Holy Temple before it was destroyed, that Jews merited this level, but not
afterwards. If so, Abeyeh and Rovo who lived much after the destruction of the
Temple, were right in telling people not to do as the earlier Jews did, to earn
very little time say three hours a day and to learn nine hours.
17)
We
find in Shabbos 11A that Rabbi Yochonan says clearly that we do not do as Rabbi
Shimon bar Yochoi. This is what Rovo and Abeyeh said. If so, we have a big
problem with the Rambam ruling that we learn nine hours and work three hours.
This would be against Rovo Abeyeh and Rabbi Yochanan, and Rabbi Yochanan’s statement
about earlier generations who worked very little is not applicable in latter
generations. Abayeh clearly states this that many did as Rabbi Shimon and
failed so today we don’t do these things. If so, we have a big problem with the
Rambam. Why does he pasken to learn nine hours and work only three?
18)
The
incredible thing is that the Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim 156:1 paskens like the
Rambam and says, “After (prayer) one should go to work, because all Torah not
accompanied by work ends in waste and increases sin. Because poverty will turn
him away from his Creator. And yet, one
should not make his work the main thing but the learning should be the main
thing. And he will succeed in both.” This is an incredible thing, the opposite
of the gemoras we quoted and the teachings of Rovo Abayeh and Rabbi Yochanan.
19)
The
Mishneh Berura there goes even further limiting the time spent in earning. But
now we have enough problems and have to come up with some answers. And out next
chapter will present the answers to these and other things, including how to
make people great in learning and wealthy.
Chapter
Twelve – A Time for Solutions
Briefly, we have some problems:
1)
Rambam
and the Shulchan Aruch rule against the great authorities of the Talmud and
require everyone to work part time and learn many more hours than they work.
2)
Rovo
says that his students should achieve greatness in Torah and also wealth. But
how can they do this? When do they work? When do they learn?
The answers and the solution to our
present family problems especially for those whose husbands learn and don’t
work, is as follows:
A child under the age of Bar
Mitsvah/Bas Mitsvah has no obligation to keep the Torah and the mitsvose. Of
course, a child that understands some level of right and wrong should behave
and be a good person, but the obligation to keep the Torah and be punished for
disobeying the Torah begins with the age of Daas that is 13 for boys and 12 for
girls.
Does this mean that a child can
simply ignore the Torah until coming of age? Technically, yes, but the father
is obligated to train his children. A boy as a child has a father who has a
mitzvah to teach his son the Torah. This is not because the son has mitsvose
like an adult. It is because the father must prepare the son for adulthood.
Again, a father must train his son
for adulthood, and this training begins very early in life. Rambam[6] tells
us: “From when is the father obligated to teach his son Torah? When the son
begins to speak he teaches him, ‘Moshe commanded us the Torah’ and ‘Shema
Yisroel.’ And after that he teaches him little by little passages and more
passages until the age of six or seven according to the child’s capacity, and
then the father takes his son to a teacher of children.”
Rambam, in chapter two of Talmud
Torah, tells how the teacher trains his child students. Rambam notes that “the
world exists only because of the Torah utterances of children learning with
their teacher.” That is, of course a child has no mitzvah to obey the Torah.
Only the father has that mitzvah. But when a child learns Torah at the earliest
ages, great holiness is released in the world and it sustains everything.
Therefore, children learning is a very sacred matter.
Rambam says there that a child must
learn with his teacher all day long and part of the night, in order to train
them to learn Torah day and night. Otherwise, children are off from learning
for certain minor times only. Note that Rambam says that a child is trained to
learn day and night; this prepares him for adulthood when he will have to learn
Torah day and night.
Now, if an adult learns nine hours
and works three hours, would it not make sense for a child who is being trained
to be an adult to learn also nine hours and work three hours? Again, the
teacher has to prepare a child for adulthood, as the child has no mitzvah to
keep the Torah. If so, the teaching of the child must be exactly what the adult
does. If the adult will learn nine hours
and work three hours, then a child must do exactly the same thing. The child
must learn nine hours and work three hours or some similar number, or whatever
is appropriate for his age to prepare him for adulthood.
Rambam does not say this and I’ve
seen nobody say this. But if childhood is only to prepare a child for
adulthood, and an adult must work three hours a day, it stands to reason that a
child must do some working. Rambam is in the Laws of Teaching Torah here, and
the laws of teaching how to work is not included in Teaching Torah. But we can
perhaps assume that for a child to become a Torah adulthood and the Torah adult
must work three hours a day, that a child must do the same.
But there is another reason why a
child must learn three hours. If an adult learns three hours, and the gemora we
mentioned in Berochose says that in latter generations people spent the major
part of the day working not learning, why does the Rambam require men to learn
nine hours and work only nine hours?
We must assume that since the gemora
says that those who work most of the time and learn less of the time fail in
both, this is surely not the proper way for a Jew. Since when Jews learned most
of the day and worked part of the day they succeeded in both learning and
earning, Rambam feels that this is the proper way to proceed. And the Shulchan
Aruch that we quoted in Orach Chaim 156 agrees with the Rambam, that a Jew must
learn most of the day and work part of the day. One way to understand this is
that a Jew who is heavily involved in Torah merits miraculously to gain in
three hours what others achieve in nine
hours. But there is another way to understand this.
That is, let us assume that since
nobody in the gemora suggests that we rely on Rabbi Shimon bar Yochoi and seek
miracles, we, too, must behave in a way to prepare a livelihood without relying
on miracles. But how can this be done if people work only three hours in a day?
The answer is, that when a child is trained
from earlier youth to earn a dollar, by the time he becomes an adult he has
already amassed some wealth, can buy a house and properties, and is prepared to
continue into adulthood learning nine hours and working three hours.
Now, let us assume that this is
true. A child learns how to talk and is taught certain passages such as Shema.
He goes to school and learns more passages, how to read, etc., everything that
an adult will need to know how to behave. And if adulthood means steady work,
so a child must have steady work, less than learning, perhaps much less than
learning, but nonetheless, steady work just like an adult.
Now let us take an example of a boy
who is a child but being trained by his father and his teacher. We have said
that part of his training to become a Torah adult is to learn how to maintain a
job and money. And if getting married at the age of seventeen requires a house
and a vineyard, and a house and a vineyard require lots of money, when will the
boy or man get the money? The answer: He begins earning at an early age, first
a few pennies here and a few pennies there under his father’s tutelage, and finally,
a few dollars here and a few dollars there. This is not mentioned in the Rambam
because the Rambam only mentions the obligation of the father and teachers to
the basic learning Torah, as this is mentioned in the chapter called Talmud
Torah. But the obligation to work is separate, but it is real. The child must
begin in very early childhood to earn. As time goes on, the pennies become
dollars, and the dollars become hundred dollars, and one fine day, the father
begins training the child in various programs to learn how to make shoes from
leather, or how to spin wool, or how to make flax and various garments. Farming
is taught to a child. Indeed, a farmer has said that anyone who does not learn
farming as a child can never be a real farmer. Young people grab quickly into
new things, not adults. Adults are good for repetitive things, but not
children, and children are faster to grasp new things, but not adults.
So, let us say that our young boy
Reuven has been slowly trained by his father to buy and sell, and he has saved
up money, because he has no expenses living at home. One day the father tells
him that he has saved up a few thousand dollars. Now it is time to buy
something if it is cheap enough. The father knows that a certain person is
desperate to sell a small property and will take a strongly reduced price. He
tells the son who goes with his father to talk to the person and with the help of his father, he buys the small
property for a thousand dollars. A year later, the property is sold for three
thousand dollars. Again the father looks
around for a bargain. But the son is also looking. He asks around in his school
if anybody knows about a bargain. It seems that a friend of his knows of a large
property that somebody is anxious to
sell because he has to move away. The boy goes and buys the property,
supervised by his father. And as the years go, the boy is learning this and
that, he can make this and that and he can buy this and that. When he turns
seventeen and is ready for marriage, he sells one of his properties and has a
nice house. He has a steady job and by now is working three hours a day. Some
of his income at this point is based upon hiring people to oversee his
properties and businesses. Money is coming in and people like his experience
and honesty and seek him out. He is on
his way to wealth. The three hours a day he works is partially to maintain what
he has and partially to find new bargains.
The Mishneh Berurah in Orach Chaim
156 tells us that one may work only for
bare necessities. As soon as he has the few dollars needed for absolute
necessities, he should spend the rest of his time learning. But this is the
opposite of a gemora that Rabbi Akiva was fabulously wealthy, and he increased
his vast wealth many times over and over again[7]. The
gemora brings a case where Rabbi Akiva paid a sailor to find something
interesting for him in the ocean. The sailor brought him a box. Rabbi Akiva
broke the box and it was full of wealth. Why did Rabbi Akiva need more wealth
according to the Mishneh Berurah? We see that Rabbi Akiva who was the greatest
of the rabbis, worked to make more and more fabulous wealth. And therefore, the
men who have businesses and plenty of money in the bank continue working to
build up their wealth higher and higher. And we find that some great rabbis
were extraordinarily wealthy, such as Rabbeinu HaKodesh and Rabbi Eliezar ben
Arach. And then there were others who had “some wealth” and Rashi explains that
they were comfortable and could learn in peace. But people with fiscal problems
are stressed. This is not a formula for Shalom Bayis.
Let us turn now to solving the
problems of family in our next chapter.
Chapter
Thirteen – Solving the Problems of Broken Families
How to we solve the problems of
broken families? We accept that a family with fiscal problems has pressures
that can destroy the family. We accept that today with tuition costing a
fortune, with real estate in settled areas costing a fortune, and with Kollel
checks remote from a good salary, Kollel people are growing up with stress and
a formula for disaster, which is happening.
We propose a solution. Children must
be trained to make money so that by the time they marry they have substantial
savings and can buy a house, continue with their established jobs and earning
that began in childhood, and live without pressures that easily destroy Shalom
Bayis and a family. We can assume that when one learns Torah without fiscal
worries he learns better than if he would learn with fiscal worries. This is
the message of the gemora in Huriuse 10b that Rovo told his students to achieve
mastery of the Torah and wealth, and Rashi explains that fiscal worries deny a
person the capacity to really master learning. Thus, when we insist on a person
going without enough money, we are telling him not to be a real Talmid Chochom.
So what have we achieved?
There is a separate benefit, that
may be just as crucial to save families. We know that many children today get
lost, even from the finest families. A Yeshiva teacher told me that he has students
who are just not interested in passing a test. They just want out. This is what
happens when you have a class of say thirty students, and five are brilliant
and five are the opposite, and others in between. Some of the students know
they are not making the grade and after awhile, they just let the day go by
without their efforts. But if we have all students planning to be great in
Torah and wealth, what this means is that all of the students know they can
achieve either success in learning or success in earning. A student is in the
bottom of a class intellectually, but the top of the class in earning, does not
despair of his poor marks in learning, because he is the big one with money.
The time will come when he with his wealth will support Torah scholars and have
a great share of Torah in the Future World, and a lot of honor for his work in
this world. Such a child will not turn off from school and will not have suffer
from inferiority complex.
Yes, a child who feels like a
failure, and there are many of them, is in danger not only of not wanting to
learn in Yeshiva, but he is also tempted to take drugs and do even worse
things.
Again, let us take a look at the
situation today with children in Yeshiva. Some are brilliant and top students
and some the opposite. Some are excited by learning in Yeshiva and some are
just turned off. Those turned off are constantly in danger of doing very bad
things, and very bad things are right around the corner for broken children.
Children are often broken because they recognize clearly that the purpose of
life is to be a Gadol, which means brilliance in learning. If they can’t do
this, why not take drugs?
But if we give everyone a chance to
excel, either in learning or in earning, everybody is chugging ahead with hope
and pride. The brilliant student has hope, and the non-brilliant student is
proud of his pile of money. He knows that life will be kind to him in his nice
home, in the fine Shidduch he will make, and even in the portion of Torah he
will receive in this world and the net by supporting Torah scholars. Indeed,
training people to earn means training all students in the laws of what to do
with money, and how to earn and gain money, including the laws of honesty,
etc.. What a difference world would it be when children are taught early in
life about how to earn and how the laws of money guide us in our life.
The policy of teaching children that
the main thing in life and the main purpose of the Yeshiva is to produce
Gedolim is extremely dangerous. Even those who believe in Gedolim first admit
that this destroys many students. Now, if we train all students to make money,
all students are equal. The Kollel students will have some wealth and continue
to develop it after their marriage, but they have Shalom Bayis. The students
who are not cut out for full time learning will realize immediately in their
youth that they are not lost in the Yeshiva, but have a hope of succeeding in
life by making a lot of money, money that they can share with a learning boy
and have a share of it in the other world. They thus have Torah and money, as
do all people. What a difference from the present world where a woman who
marries into Kollel has great financial
problems and where stress is never absent. That is the beginning of broken families.
But now children grow up with a great interest in making money, and that makes
them feel great. If they can also learn that is fine, but everyone is happy
making good money. There is no pressure to leave Yeshiva and be a bum because
Yeshiva is painful without pleasure and without a place for most people. Now
everyone can earn and learn and feel proud of themselves from the earliest
ages.
While I was writing these words, I
was concerned about American law regarding child labor. I checked things out and
it seems that for sure a child is forbidden to do anything dangerous such as
working on roofs or working with dangerous electrical tools such as powerful
drills, etc. On the other hand, a child may work for a parent in the parent’s
business. And if a child is for some reason living with another parent, the
child may consider that person a parent in American law, to earn in that
person’s business, as long as nothing dangerous is done. Furthermore, there are
also special leniencies for child labor in agriculture. Thus, we have a
solution for people whose parents have a business or who can invent a business
on our property to allow a child to do something that can produce earning. Information in this regard is available from
the Department of Labor in the section that deals with Wages and Hours. There
are Federal Laws for Child labor and state laws for child labor. It is possible
that the Federal law permits a child to do something but the state forbids it.
But there are offices in each state to explain what the law is, and there are
offices in the Federal Department of Labor in Washington, DC, to explain law
there. One can see these laws at a website dol.gov/whd which means department
of labor, government, wages and hours division. Much is clearly explained there, and also there are phone numbers and other
contact information there.
I realize that “new things are
forbidden by the Torah.” People who for generations have been trained not to
earn and suddenly hear that they should earn even in childhood and surely
afterwards may feel that this itself, a new thing, is forbidden. But I quoted
open gemoras that a Torah scholar needs wealth, Horiyuse 10b. I quoted gemoras
in Berochose 35b that Rovo and Abeyeh and Rebbe Yochanan in Shabbos tell us
that we must not today do as Rashbi to do without working. If so, the system of
only learning is opposed by various gemoras, and the Shulchan Aruch and the
Rambam oppose it. The question is only how much to work. The idea that a woman
must support her husband and raise the children is impossible for many women,
and it may be impossible for most children. But there is more to it than that.
The Chazon Ish says that in every
generation we must assess what the greatest dangers are, and adjust to them.
Just because in the past generations we fought hard to do something, does not
mean that we must always put that at the top of our list. Time may come when
such a thing that in its time was paramount may become poison. Such was the war
against the Chassidim. At one time it was the right war, and in the next
generation, the students of the Gaon embraced the rebbes. True, there are
people today who won’t learn a Mishneh Berura because the Chofetz Chaim treated
the Baal HaTanyo with great honor, calling
in a Gaon, something rare in the Mishneh Berura. But the world does as the
Mishneh Berura does, and just as he was extremely close with Hassidim such as
the Gerrer Rebbe, so surely today the earlier stance of fighting Chassidim does
not exist anymore. I quote here earlier about my son’s wife who is descended
from a Chosid a disciple of the Lubavitcher Rebbe and the family of the Gro.
Who performed the ceremony when he married? His rebbe, Rebbe Yehoshua Leib
Diskin, the Lithuanian Gadol HaDor. Yes,
times change.
We could add to this the wars of the
Gaon Reb Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld against
secularists and apikorsim. Part of this war was opposing any secular learning,
but there were places in Israel that if parents were not given some secular
learning such as Arabic they would send their children to secular schools and
the children would become enemies of the Torah. Better, therefore, to allow the
secular studies to save these children. Always, in every generation, we have to
know what the battle is and if the old battles are still the greatest of
dangers. Maybe the old battles in the new generation should be encouraged, to
save what must be saved.
In Europe people lived in terrible
times, but they produced true Gedolim. Today we are not producing anything
slightly resembling Reb Aharon Kotler and Reb Moshe Feinstein, and yet they
lived in hideous times fleeing the Germans and the Nazis, and they became great
in learning and piety. Why, today, when we have no problems like that baruch
haShem, are we not producing masters of Torah? Something is very wrong. We must
come back to this topic later on. But we must produce Gedolim. Nothing must
prevent this. And today we are not producing Gedolim, at least, not very many
of them.
Some years ago I asked a Talmid
Chochom if he finished Shass. He said he had a small bit to finish. Recently I
met him and asked him again if he finished Shass, and he said, no, he did not.
I asked him why not and he said that in order to learn in Kollel he has to
learn what the Yeshiva wants to learn, and he cannot get around to finishing
Shass. If this is the new Torah, we don’t need it. I hope to return to this
delicate topic later on. I am going to emphasize then that when we learned by
Reb Aharon, we learned with the understanding that no money was there to
support us, and we struggled because we saw Reb Aharon. But today, they need
money up front. That is the reality. And when the money gives out, the marriage
is in big trouble.
We are looking for solutions to
solve the hideous problem of broken families and broken children. We have
emphasized so far the problem of money. We have proposed that children be
trained to make money, rather, that they devote part of their day to earning.
While we did not go into details there,
we will mention here that “earning” doesn’t mean just rapping on doors. It can
also mean studying what has to be learned in order to be effective in business.
A study of speaking English right, a study of knowing a good vocabulary, a
study of how to right effectively, all of these are important in earning and are
considered hours spent in earning. There are also resources today that provide
much learning. MIT is perhaps the leading mathematics college in America. It
has its mathematics lessons published free on its website. Thus people from all
over the world can develop mathematical skills to highest level. There are many
such opportunities. Somebody who does not have or does not use internet can
either get his computer programmed to go onto those places that are not treifeh
but teaching sites, or books can be
taken from the library or even purchased or borrowed. And although once you go
into these sources surely there are problems, but not earning is a bigger
problem. Because a destroyed family is the biggest problem. In Monsey there is
a place that is known as a hangout for kids. They are our children. And they
are in big trouble. That is the problem. That is pikuach nefesh. But of course,
this is no blanket permission to read the wrong books, which can do the same
evil. We have to look around and find the right resources.
Better yet, why can we not work hard
at preparing kosher material, and make a course out of earning. It should not
be that difficulty to find material for young children. And even when they
advance into harder material, it should not be terribly difficult for the many
people with degrees in the Torah community to prepare material. Of course,
somebody will have to pay for their efforts, but why can it not be done? If
this is the salvation of the generation, why is everything else important and this
not?
So far we have talked about increasing money in Torah families. Now we
want to talk about another important area. The challenges of marriage.
Chapter
Fourteen – “And he should make his wife rejoice”
We want to understand the problems
of marriage and how to solve them. We mentioned previously that a key to
marital happiness is money. A house with parnoso is a happier house than a
house without parnoso. Rambam, we quoted, tells us that a person without a good
parnoso who marries is a shoteh and spends his life running here and there and
maybe ending up taking charity. That is not the formula for a successful
family. And we mentioned that earning should begin at an early age, either in
doing things that actually bring in money that are permitted by child labor
laws, or in studying things that make a person more a candidate for earning.
Now we want to talk about marriage
in its Torah obligations, something that few people understand. I just saw an
excellent article about this on my brother’s blog daattorah.blogspot.com quoting
Rav Shlomo Wolbe who quotes major sources for his points.
Igros
Kodesh (#4): Question:
How to avoid emission of sperm while asleep at night when his wife is a nida
and also during the time when she is permitted to him? Answer: I am
forced to answer even though it is very difficult to clarify the matter in a
written reply. From his letter I got the impression that he needs guidance in
the broader topic of what is the nature of married life. Marital relations need
to be such that he is sexually satisfied even during the time when he needs to
separate from his wife because of nida. Thus we are not talking about the
number of times of intercourse but rather the quality of the sexual
relationship.
Young
men, especially those who are serious about spiritual development, think that
sanctifying oneself during sexual intercourse can only mean that one needs to
minimize lust and sexual feelings as much as possible. But this is a complete
mistake as can be seen from the enlightening comments of Rashi (Nida 17a)[8].
Also please look at the Rokeach (Jerusalem edition page 27a[9])
who cites Nedarim (20b) that everything that a man wants to do with his wife he
can do in order that he won’t have any interest in other women.
We
see clearly that sexual relations need to be so satisfying until all other women
are in his eyes as hens and he absolutely no desire to even look at them. This
is also implied by the statement of Chazal concerning the reward for those
husband who prolong physical contact with their wives after intercourse is
finished. Thus we see the need for intercourse to be intense and satisfying –
and not done merely to fulfill one's obligation and similar extrinsic matters.
And therefore if a person is concerned for the quality of intercourse itself, I
am sure that he will be so satieted and satisfied that lust will not be a
problem even during the period of nida.
Aside
from this he needs to strengthen his Torah study. That means not merely study
with a book but to train his thoughts to be involved with thoughts of Torah
study. For example before he leaves his house or yeshiva to organize Torah
issues to think about until he reaches his destination and that he shouldn’t be
empty of Torah even when he walking in the street.
And
regarding not looking at women – there is the advice of the Gra that one should
pray before leaving to go into the street – that G-d should guard him from all
aspects of sin including sinful thoughts until he reaches his destination (See
Orchos Chaim #135 at the end of the Gra’s Siddur).
Furthermore
he should learn with joy and not to worry or fear at all. That is because worry
and fear just arouse the mind and nocturnal emssions –G-d forbid. And with
G-d’s help if he conducts himself as I have described he will see success. END
QUOTE
I
saw somebody on brother’s blog who protested at such a topic. I replied that
those who fear intimacy can destroy their marriages and even destroy their
babies, because the soul of the child descends when parents are involved in
intimacy. If they are loving a high soul descends, but if they are unhappy with
the intimacy, another kind of soul descends. And yet, although life is filled
with challenges, there is heavenly mercy whenever we start a new leaf and bring
true love and happiness into the marriage.
In
the foreword to the Rokeach quoted by Rav Wolbe above, the editor quotes the
classic work Bnei Yisoschor who writes that the words of the Rokeach were
accepted from Eliyohu the Prophet. The editor brings prior to this the words of
the Pnei Yehoshua who merited to write teachings that he found in the work of
the Rokeach that he writes “merited Ruach HaKodesh.” The Chido is quoted there
who quotes the Maharam that the chapter
on Teshuva (that we will quote about marital intimacy) the author received from
Rebbe Yehuda HaChosid “the father of wisdom” who received it from a whole line
of great rabbis back to Moshe Rabbeinu.
Chapter
Fifteen – Further Teachings about Intimacy
A. Two Opposite Teachings about
Initmacy
The Rokeach in
the rules of Penitence page 27 [in my volume Teshuva:14] writes, “And after the
wife goes to the Mikva the husband should make her rejoice [as it is said “and
he will make his wife rejoice” meaning intimacy] and he should hug her and kiss
her. And he should sanctity himself during intimacy [namely] not speak improper
words, and he should not look at any part of her that is not pretty. Rather he
should rejoice with the intimacy, and with all kinds of hugging in order to
arouses his desires and her desires. [This is] so that he will not think about
another woman but only about her; because she is the wife of his loins, and he
should show her love and affection.”
Let us study
this conjunction. It says several things that are crucial for marriage. That
one should arouse his wife and himself. That he not make an intimacy that can
insult his wife or cause her distress in any way. But one crucial teaching
stands out! [This is] so that he will not think about another woman but only about her [his wife].
Thus, the
process of intimacy is both positive and negative. The positive part is to
arouse his wife and himself to greater love and desire. But the negative part
is a threat: If you are not arousing yourself with you wife, you may be aroused by other women.
In the above
section on Teshuva page 30:20 in my volume of Rokeach he elaborates on the
grievous dangers of becoming interested in other women. In truth, all contact
with ladies, and all looking at them or at things that remind him of these
ladies such as their clothes can destroy a marriage. A married couple is at war,
a war to maintain their love every day of their life. See also Teshuva page
26:9 that every sight of a woman can be a big problem. The only protection is
what we discussed earlier, the family’s arousal and the constant powering on of
true love. It is not easy but it is very important.
In
his chapter on Chassiduse, great piety, the Rokeach page 23:D”H Kadesh tells us
“The Talmud tells us in Nedorim age 20 “Anything that a person wants to do with his wife, let him
do it, lest he gaze at another women with desire.” We see again the great
threat of gazing on other women and losing his desire for his wife. Marriage
requires constant commitment. One wrong look can ruin two lives and the family
as well.
Thus,
we see that the laws of intimacy are split. On the one hand, we are told about
modesty, and not to be like a rooster with a hen, constantly pursuing her with
lust. On the other hand we are told, “Everything that a man wants to do with
his wife, let him do it.” This seems to be the opposite. But the two factors in
marriage are opposites, but they are both valid. On the one hand, when one does
not have a special desire to do something especially arousing and even unusual
with his wife, but he wants to taste a thrill, this violates modesty. This is
the rooster with the hen. On the other hand, if he does have a true desire to
do something especially arousing and even unusual, if he doesn’t do it with his
wife, the desire will not go away. It will just get stronger. One day, chas
vishalom, he may be carried away to do it with another woman. Thus, marriage is
a war of opposites, a need to be aroused with one’s wife and a need not to be a
“rooster with a hen.” A lot of prayer is needed to satisfy these two extremes.
B. I Talk to My Mechuton the
Gaon Rav Meir Bransdorfer
Years
ago, I went to my son’s wedding, and to my great joy, my mechuton the great
Gaon and Tsadik Rav Meir Bransdorfer zt”l was there. Since I always jumped
every gadol who I could attack, I went to talk to him in learning. But the
noise was too much from the music, etc. So the next day, which was Friday, I
went to his house. Actually, I came prepared for battle, because Reb Meir was
known to be the king of those ultra-holy people who had nothing to do with
being roosters. I felt that in America, we can’t possibly encourage this.
I
sat with him for an entire hour, and I did nearly all of the talking. I poured
out sources that we must be fully prepared to pour on the intimacy, and if not,
we are in mortal danger of going to another women. The Rov said only one or two
sentences the whole time, and it took me a few years to figure out what he
meant. By now I have forgotten what it was, if I ever really understood it.
Somebody said that Reb Meir was so great a posek that until Moshiach comes his
equal will not be found.
Now,
note this. Here is the holy rabbi who is famous for educating people to be
ultra-holy in intimacy. And along comes this azuce ponim from America telling
him that all of this is completely wrong, that we live in a world too tempting
for such kedusho.
Finally,
I knew my time was up. It was almost Shabbos. The entire time, the Rov smiled,
even when I challenged him, “Show me one half a person out of a thousand who
never stares at women.” And now he smiled and walked me to the door. His parting
words were, “You have the sources, but we don’t do things like that.” These
words, and his parting words at the
wedding when I couldn’t hear very much, “Read my seforim” which was surely very
good advice, I recall clearly.
The
Rov, by saying, “You have the sources but we don’t do things like that” seemed
to deny the veracity of my statements. But he himself said that I had the
sources. What is going on here?
The
fact is, that the Rov and I were saying exactly the same things. I am an
American, born in 1942, and America is not the easiest place not to be a
rooster. If you want to be a super-holy person with your wife in America, you
may really regret it. But Reb Meir from Israel, who was older than me by ten or
twenty years, grew up in the middle of the slaughter of Jews in WWII. Such a
person can certainly attain a very high level of holiness and remove himself
from the filth that fills the streets of America. So, yes, in general, it is
very dangerous to deny full arousal in intimacy in places like America. But if
somebody is in Israel and listening daily to the death toll and horrors of the
war and wants to be a holy person, all power to him.
C. Split in the Laws of
Intimacy
The
contradiction between seeking full arousal in intimacy and not being a rooster,
is the essential message of the laws of intimacy. One who is worthy can be
holy. But only if it is safe to do this. In America going to a wedding can be a
spiritual disaster, unless you wear blinders, it may not be safe to be very
holy in this regard.
The
rule is: “Anything a person wants to do with his wife, let him do it.” This
means, if you have a genuine biological craving to do something with you wife,
if you don’t do it with her, you are in mortal danger. So, do it with you wife.
And
“doing it” with your wife ideally means once in a while, not full blast, not
always. Don’t be a rooster with a hen. But if you are really a rooster, if your
biology is boiling, let it boil with you wife. Know yourself.
A
Rov told me that some men come to him and want to do this and that and the
other thing. Once this song is played, the Rov replies, “Do it, and that, and
that.” Of course, there are rules and limits, but once the biology starts up,
be very careful, even if you have to be
a rooster.
“Anything
a man wants to do, let him do” means, anything a man has a genuine desire to do
with his wife, let him do it. And this surely applies if he has a genuine and
burning desirefor somebody else who is not his wife. Let him be a rooster to
his wife and leave other women alone.
Biology
is king. If you and your wife want holiness, fine, be holy. But if the biology
is boiling away in your family, you are in mortal danger. Be a rooster. Of
course, if you have any doubts, you can ask your Rov. If you ask me, I will encourage
you to tremble at your biology. It is much stronger than you are.[10]
D.
Arguments in the Gemora about Intimacy
In gemora Nedorim 20A we find a different conflict in the gemora about
intimacy. It seems that there is an argument between a group of rabbis called
“the administering angels” probably because of their extreme holiness, and
another group of rabbis who disagreed with the extreme holiness taught by the
administering angel rabbis.
First the gemora quotes the rabbis called “administering angels”
who are very strict about certain intimacies. They maintain that a child born
of such an intimacy can be born with various terrible problems. For instance,
one who has anal intercourse is one problem, and one who looks his wife’s
secret place or who kisses it has other very serious problems. We find also
that some conversations during intimacy can also make serious problems.
The gemora continues and says, “Rabbi Yochanan taught, ‘This is the
opinion of Rebbe Yochanan ben Dehavei, but the sages have taught the law is not
like Yochana ben Dahavai. Rather all that one wants to do with his wife let him
do it.”
If so, it would seem obvious that the final opinion of the gemora
is that nothing terrible happens to a child born from an intimacy where a man
sees or kisses the wife’s secret place, or if anal intercourse is practiced.
And yet, there are those who accept the gemora’s final opinion that we don’t
rule like the Administering Angels, and yet, certain things are still forbidden,
such as kissing the secret place. Perhaps we could say that it is an extreme
intimacy that should not be done, but does not damage the children.
On the other hand, the final opinion of the gemora is that certain
things done during intimacy can cause great damage to the child. These are the
children born from nine errors in intimacy. Why are the nine errors a problem
to create damaged children but anal intercourse or kissing the secret place is
not a problem? But the answer is that the final opinion of the gemora is that
if a father does certain extreme intimacies because he has a genuine biological
desire for that, this does not damage the child and is permitted, and is even
strongly recommended, so that the man not turn to other women. But if a husband
sins with the nine errors, the child is damaged. Because the nine errors are
the opposite of a good intimacy, because the husband is with his wife when he
or she is not in the right mood for intimacy. Let us take a look at the nine
errors.
1)
A
child whose father frightens or forces the mother to have intimacy and she was
not interested.
2)
A
second category category is somebody who hates his wife and therefore he thinks
about other women.
3)
Another
category is someone who is in nidui, in cherem, and sleeps with his wife.
4)
Another
category is one who sleeps with a wife but he thinks she is a different
woman, for instance a husband has two
wives and confuses one with the other.
5)
Another
category is one who has a fight with his wife before intimacy. They don’t hate
each other, but since the intimacy was during a fight, this damages the child
born from such an intimacy.
6)
Another
category is a man who is drunk, and because he is drunk he doesn’t pay proper
attention to his wife.
7)
Another
category is a husband who has decided to divorce his wife and has relations
with her.
8)
Another
category is when many men have slept with a woman.
9)
Another
category is a wife who demands relations.
We find that Leah told Yaacov “come to me” and that was a good thing.
But sometimes the statement is improper. I am not sure what this means.
Briefly, we see from the above
gemora that the opinion forbidding anal sex, kissing or looking at the wife’s
secret place, is not the law. Because when a person has a genuine biological
need for these, he may do it. Indeed, if he wants to maintain his holiness and
not be with another woman, perhaps he must do it. Shulchan Aruch clearly states
“all that a person wants to do let him do.” If the husband emits seed in vain
this is another issue.
E. When Intimacy is Broken
There
are deeply religious men who are married over ten years, but there is no
intimacy because the wife refuses him. And what happens with such men? Don’t
ask them. Ask their biology.
A
friend of mine was walking down the street when somebody in a car called him
over. Get in rabbi, he said. The rabbi sat down and the man told him, “My wife
has refused me for over ten years, and I can’t take it any more. If I divorce
my wife my children will be known as the children of a divorced family and will
have a hard time getting married. So my friend went to a prostitute but she
blackmailed him. I don’t want to be blackmailed. So I am planning on sleeping
with a religious Jewish woman, because she won’t blackmail me. Rabbi! What
should I do?”
What
should he do? I don’t know. But one thing I do know. If the biology had been
purring along from the beginning of the marriage, this would not be a problem.
But today there are many problems, and there were always many problems. We
really have to struggle to make things work.
Intimacy
is a very delicate thing. It reaches into the deepest part of the heart of the
husband and wife. If husband or wife do something to the other that causes
bitterness, it is very hard to create a proper intimacy.
But
maintaining intimacy is not easy. Let us take a look at the gemora Nida 17A
quoted by Rav Wolbe above. The issue there is one of the various conflicts that
threaten marriages. Modesty requires that a couple have relations at night when
everyone is asleep. But night is a time when people are tired. And tired people
cannot easily arouse themselves to a proper intimacy. This is understood by
those who sanctify Friday night for intimacy. The wife is surely exhausted on
Friday night and the husband is probably just as tired. How can they summon the
energy to have a proper intimacy? If we throw into the pot a few screaming
babies, we get a better picture of the challenge of Friday night or even any
night. The gemora therefore tells of somebody who out of respect for his wife,
had relations during the day. Now this is a controversial thing, because it
violates modesty. But the gemora does make the point that when people wait for
a period during the day when they are not tired and exhausted they can have an
easier time of achieving true arousal.
Rashi
spells out the problem in gemora Nida above 17A: “ONESS SHAINO – Because [at
night] the husband can be too exhausted to achieve proper arousal with his
wife, and his intimacy is merely to fulfill the mitzvah of marriage or to
satisfy her demands. But in his heart he is repelled by her [as he has no
energy to do a proper arousal]. Such an intimacy when somebody feels a negative
feeling to the other produces a child damaged by the Nine Traits that appear to
damage children from a flawed intimacy, as taught in Nedorim 20.”
We
have covered a lot of material regarding intimacy and the problems of marriage.
The problems are many and the solutions are not many. Somebody told me that in
one prominent city there are a huge number of therapists who help people with
problem marriages. He told me that these therapists are usually young just
getting their degrees and the amount of divorces are staggering. I heard from a
prominent psychiatrist that therapists make a lot of problems. Now, if
therapists make problems, what hope is there?
Chapter Sixteen – Maintaining
the Marriage
A
person is married for let us say ten years. During that time, is the marriage
always perfect? And if it is not perfect, does one of them not smile
meaningfully at another person? We must live in fear. Living in fear means
living in love, with arousal, with a full acceptance of the permanence of the
marriage. But can people imagine these things? Can they imagine love and
arousal when it doesn’t always exist?
How
do we stay married?
A. Commitment
When
somebody married in ancient Israel, people would ask, “Did he find, past tense,
or does he find, present tense?”[11] If
the answer is that he found past tense, they added a phrase, “He who found a
wife, found good.” But if the answer was that he finds in the present tense,
people would say, “I find [present tense] a woman more bitter than death.”
What
does this mean?
There
is a very prominent Orthodox Jewish man who helps broken marriages. His name is
Mort Fertel, from Baltimore, MD. He has published a book Marriage Fitness and
everyone is raving about it. He is the big name in marriage counseling, because
almost nobody else has succeeded as he has. Mr. Fertel’s big suggestion is that
the key to love is commitment. He says that love does not last by itself. As
people age, they change. What made us love each other five years ago doesn’t
work anymore today. But commitment creates love.
I
believe that this is the meaning of the above gemora. The key to marriage is
commitment, that is the wife “past tense.” We are not thinking every day about
a divorce. We are committed to this marriage. This commitment creates love. And
that love is created regardless of age or other changes. But only “past tense”
commitment, “He found a wife” and is committed to her, creates love. Present
tense “I find” a wife, just leads to questions that will eventually tear the
marriage apart.
B. Make His Wife Rejoice
Let us look into this in more depth. The Rokeach
quotes Devorim 24: “A man should be completely at home with his wife for one
year [after the marriage] and he should make his wife that he took rejoice.”
Rashi tells us that the words “and he should make his wife rejoice” does not
mean that he should make himself rejoice with the wife, but rather it means
that the husband should make his wife rejoice, not himself. The Zohar says
exactly the same thing.
See
also gemora Kiddushin 34b that although there is a mitzvah in the Torah for
women to rejoice during the Three Holidays of Pesach, Shavuoth and Succose, the
mitzvah is not on the woman, but on her husband. He is obligated to make her
rejoice. The gemora says that a widow with no husband is not obligated on her
own to rejoice but those who take care of her must make her rejoice.
See
the Charedim chapter 20:8 “Positive commands fulfilled with one’s Mila organ
- It is a positive command in the Torah
that a man must have marital relations with his wife. And even when the wife is
pregnant he has this mitzvah. As it is said, ‘And he shall make his wife
rejoice.’ And there is for this also a negative command as it is said, ‘Shmose
21:10 – And he should not diminish her relations.’ From the Semack’s list of
mitsvose of the Torah.”
It
would seem from the Haredim that the mitzvah to make his wife rejoice in
intimacy is not just the first year, but every year of his life. However, the
passage in the Torah teaches several things besides the mitzvah of marital
relationships: “He should not go out in the military” refers to military
fighting. “And it [military matters] shall not come upon him for any reason.”
Again, military matters are not with the Mila organ but with the hands and feet
and body. “He shall be left alone to take care of his house one year.” This is
not quoted by the Haredim to refer to marital relations. Perhaps it refers to the
general needs of the wife as she is the mainstay of the house, to build a
kitchen, dining room, bedroom, etc. But not necessarily marital relations which
are covered by the next phrase in the passage, ”And he shall make his wife
rejoice, [the wife] that he took.” This phrase to make his wife rejoice refers
to marital relations, as Haredim writes there.
We
thus see that the mitzvah of “and he shall make his wife rejoice” applies to the
entire marriage not just the first year.
The mitzvah is to make his wife happy, not himself, as Rashi and the Zohar
state. Of course, if the man shows love and attention to his wife she will
surely be happy with the marriage, and then the husband will be made very
happy. In my book Secret of the Scale I say that this is the Jewish way of
marriage. Just as an ancient scale had two plates attached to strings that were
connected to above holds, so marriage is two people in plates fastened above.
Two plates cannot both rise or sink. One rises and one sinks. Marriage is a
process of reciprocity. The husband fulfills “and he makes his wife rejoice” by
“sinking” and “raising” his wife. When the wife feels the full blast of this
rejoicing, she thinks about the husband and his happiness. She then sinks and
he rises. And when he feels the full blast of her love for him, he thinks of
her and “sinks” and then she “rises.” Thus, marriage, ideally, is a process of
reciprocity. Every minute someone is either riding high on happiness or sinking
low to raise the other in happiness, and then the one on top sinks to raise the
one on the bottom and the process is infinite, at least, ideally.
C. The Male in the Marriage
What do we tell the man in the marriage? (Patience, we will soon
get to the Lady in Marriage.) The Torah tells us “and he shall make the wife he
took rejoice.” The Haredim explains that rejoicing means arousing his wife to
intimacy and marital relationships. That is the great level of simcha, joy in
marriage and life. Therefore, the husband must always be careful to make his
wife rejoice. Of course, the main rejoicing is with intimacy and relationships.
But a husband should care for his wife and family, and even try to make everyone
happy and full of joy.
Rashi and the Zohar tell us that the mitzvah in the Torah “and he
will make his wife rejoice” means exactly that. The husband has a mitzvah to
make his wife rejoice. The mitzvah is not to make himself rejoice with
intimacy, but rather to make his wife rejoice. Thus the husband has a mitzvah
to make his wife rejoice and not
himself. He can be happy but the house
awaits his actions and activities to become a house of love and happiness. That
is how a husband should fell, always, but especially at those special times
when the wife anticipates special joy.
There is a bit of Kabbalistic understanding in the difference of
the man and the wife. Male is kindness and female is justice. Kindness means
giving and justice means being. The man the level of kindness has a special
obligation in the Torah to think mainly of his wife during intimacy, to make
her thrill with the joy of their special relationship. The wife is not
commanded by the Torah to take the lead in creating joy in the house, that is
the task of the husband. The man is allowed to tell the wife that now is the
time for relations, but the wife must be careful how she indicates her desires
to her husband. Thus the male is more active than the female. On the other
hand, the female who does not necessarily begin the process of joy and
intimacy, ends up with the baby and the children and the house. The woman is
the final creation in the world, and she comes after Adam and from him. But her
great task in life is to become pregnant and give birth to babies and to raise
them. Thus the male begins but the basic task in the world to have children and
to multiply and to create population is a female role.
The Zohar says, the first word of the Torah is in Hebrew בראשית which makes two words בית ראש meaning “the house is first” or “the house is primary”. The
woman is not the one necessarily to begin the joy of intimacy or of having
babies, but she is the one who has them for nine months or so, and she is the
one who must raise them. The house is hers thus “The house is first” or “the
house is primary.” And that house is essentially a female essence, run by the
wife, along with pregnancy and raising children. The man is outside of the home and the wife is in the house, thus “the
honor of the woman is inside.” But the husband is outside.
The husband begins the intimacy and he begins the pregnancy and he
begins the birth of the child and its being raised in his house. Thus, male and
female are two parts of the human experience that begins basically with the
male. In the biblical story of Creation we find that Adam began to feel lonely
and for this G-d gave him Eve. But the female is the final creation and chazal
say that in some ways she is special maybe more than Adam. Adam and Eve or male
and female must coordinate themselves and their house and families. The husband
must initiate and the wife follows but finishes.
The Creation of the world was about creating male and female. What
is a male without a female and what is a female without a male? And what is a
world without babies, without children? Obviously, male and female must work
together to build family and the world.
Today, as the End of the World approaches, the Satan is given great
powers that it never had[12]. And
one of the great evils the Satan unleashes is the gender war of male and
female, that destroys marriage, family, and the world. We must do a lot of
praying to be saved from it.
We are told in the Torah “and you shall love your fellow as yourself.” The gemora quotes Hillel that
“what is hateful to you don’t do to your fellow.” This surely means your spouse. And yet, we find in the end of
days, terrible wars. HaShem Yerachem.
D. The Female in the Marriage
The female in the marriage we explained takes the marital rejoicing
and fashions babies and children. She then raises them in the home. This is the
basic plan for Creation and the woman has the major role of having babies and
raising them. The Torah begins with the words בראשית
which means two words בית ראש the house comes first
or the house is primary, as we explained before. Thus, the Torah, which is
essentially a male document, because men must learn and master the Torah but
not ladies, begins with the hint that the house or the female is primary. How
can this be?
We now go into the strangest gemora in the Talmud.[13] It
begins by quoting a contradiction in the Torah in the Creation story. First it
says “and G-d made the two large luminaries” meaning that both sun and moon
were large, or the same size. Then it says, “and the large luminary and the
small luminary” which indicates that one of the luminaries was shrunk by G-d to
become small. Note that G-d “made two large luminaries” they were both large,
and then G-d changed His mind and made one of them small. What happened to make
G-d change His mind?
The gemora tells us a story. Originally the sun and moon were both
the same size. Just as our sun lights up the whole world, so did the moon. They
were equal in size. Then the moon came to G-d and complained, “Master of the
Universe! Is it possible for two kinds to share the shame crown?” She wanted to
be the major light and the sun should be diminished. G-d replied to her, “Go
and diminish yourself.” She said to Him, “Master of the Universe! Because I say
something proper I must diminish myself?” He said to her, “Go and rule by day
and by night” meaning you will be small like the moon is today but you will be
seen by day and by night whereas the sun will disappear during the night. She
replied, “What is so special about that? A candle in the daytime is worthless.”
He said to her, “Go and the Jews will count with you [the lunar calendar based
upon the moon and not the seasonal calendar based upon the sun] seasons and
years.” She said, “Seasons also are counted according to the sun [there are
seasons of warmth and seasons of cold and they depend on the sun] as it is said
etc.” [G-d then said] “Go and the pious will be called in your name Yaacov the
Small, Shmuel the Small, Dovid the Small.” He saw that she was not satisfied.
The Holy One Blessed be He said, “Bring a sacrifice for Me because I diminished
the moon.”
Now this is an extremely strange teaching. Does G-d repent because
He sinned against the moon and hurt her feelings? What does this mean? Also, if
the moon was created by G-d, even if it had an angel to advance its interests,
the angel must serve G-d and not argue with Him. How could an angel sit there
and duke it out with G-d because she wants some honor? And if she did have the
chutzpah to argue with G-d, does G-d tolerate this? And does He have to atone
for doing this? Very strange.
The Torah begins בראשית ברא אלקים
in the beginning G-d created. The Name of G-d is Elokim, which is a Name of
Justice. There are other Names for kindness and mercy, but this name is for
Justice. It would seem that the Torah begins with the level of Justice. What
does Justice mean? It means that when somebody sins he is punished. Mercy would
require some delay in punishment, but justice means when somebody sins he is
punished, and quite possibly, the full level of justice would require immediate
punishment.
The two levels of kindness and justice are male and female. Male is
kindness and justice if female. They are otherwise known as right and left,
right being kindness and left being justice. Furthermore, right and left, male
and female, kindness and mercy, are two separate and different levels. When the
Creation story begins in the Torah, it has two female or left or justice
beginnings. First, as we mentioned, the first word in the Torah is בראשית which is two words בית
ראש meaning “the house is first” or “the house is primary”, a
female essence. If so, the world was created with the female forces of justice
in the Name Elokim, and the first word in the Torah that reduces to “house is
primary” a female attribute. Now we understand the battle between the moon and
HaShem.
The moon was an angel or had an angel that argued with HaShem. Why
did she argue? She looked into the Torah and saw that it had begun the Creation
story, or the entire Torah, with female forces. If so, she realized that the
world had to be one of justice. If one sins, wham, no more sinning. Justice is
the ultimate Kiddush HaShem, sanctification of G-d’s Name, because sin produces
an immediate punishment. In such a world, who would sin? And if they did, they
would probably not be around very long.
Now, if as we are saying, the Torah backs the moon, the female
justice force, why did HaShem not agree to make the moon superior to the sun? After
all, justice is surely superior to kindness, which is a chilul HaShem as the
wicked prosper.
But the creation story itself goes here and there. It begins with
the Name Elokim which is justice. It then adds HaShem Elokim, whereby HaShem is
mercy added to Elokim which is justice. See Rashi Beraishis I:1 that HaShem
began the Torah with the Name Elokim of justice because He wanted justice. But
He then saw that the world could not survive justice and added HaShem Elokim in
a latter passage. Does this mean that HaShem goes here and there and does not
decide?
HaShem in the Creation story made two worlds, the world of the
righteous where rigid justice rules, and the world of the non-righteous who
must survive only with mercy joined to justice. The righteous are punished
severely for the slightest thing. This is the story of the Jewish people,
punished constantly so that they will merit the Future World properly. But
others merit this world and in other world will be a problem. But if they
repent they can have both worlds to some degree, but the lot of the righteous
is much greater in the Future Reward, and the suffering of the righteous is
much greater, in this world. Thus, there are two worlds, one for the righteous
and the Jews, and one for everyone else. The ideal is justice but it is unattainable
for most people, therefore HaShem had to join mercy to justice for those who
can’t attain justice.
Again, there are two worlds, and they separate in this world and
they separate in the Future World. As the Talmud says, This world was created
for Achav the wicked king who was very wealthy, because he had the maximum
pleasure of this world. The Future World is created for Chanina ben Dosa, who
have a tiny amount of food each week, but in the Future World, he will have a
huge portion.[14]
The Jews have their tests and demands for justice and their main
reward is in the Future World.
Let us turn now to the gemora in Berochose 17A, “Greater is the
promise that HaShem makes for ladies than the promise that He makes for men, as
it is said, ‘Women without fear, rise up listen to my voice, daughters filled
with trust, hearken to my words.’” Rashi explains that the terms “Women without
fear, and trusting” is beyond what men were given. But the basic question is
where the women get something that men don’t have? And the answer is that women
live in the world of justice and they trust in their portion in the Future
World, given mostly to people who have been cleansed in this world for all of
their sins, so they merit a full portion of the Future World.
This is what happened when the moon, the female force, was told “go
and diminish yourself.” If you want a big portion in the Future World, diminish
yourself in this world. Women are diminished in this world, and the king is the
sun, the male force. But as women await the higher world and their reward for
keeping a diminished state in this world where men recite “who has not made me
a woman” she trusts that in the Future World her reward will be richly revealed
to her. The man have power in this world, they are the sun that shines like a
king, and only in the Future World will it be revealed what portion women have
who diminished themselves in this world.
Similarly, Jews are diminished in this world, and they will have a
great portion relative to the nations in the Future World.
G-d argued with the moon but she refused to stop arguing that she
demanded to be the king over the sun. Finally HaShem said that she was right.
She wanted justice, she wanted a world where evil was punished so there would
not be Chilul HaShem in a world filled with sin. And when HaShem denied her
this, and thus, as if it could be, created a world filled with Chilul HaShem
and evildoing, He declared, “Bring for Me a sacrifice because I diminished the
moon.”
That sacrifice is the trust the women have in the knowledge that
their place is the Future World, and they trust completely in it and from this
trust they merit great reward.
The gemora in Avoda Zora 5a says that HaShem wanted a world, not of
perfection, but of penitence. Thus the Jews at Sinai worshipped the Golden Calf
and David sinned with Bas Sheva, not because they were not holy and pure, but
because they were holy and pure, but HaShem caused them to sin to teach people
the capacity of teshuva, of penitence.” And those who repent merit to cleanse
their sin and enter the Higher World. Justice without penitence would limit
very strongly who merits the Future World.
Chapter Seventeen - Shalom
Bayis Beth Din
What is Shalom Bayis Beth
Din?
I once spoke to someone who is one of the major therapists in the
United States. I told him about my plan to make Shalom Bayis Beth Din, an
essentially educational effort that will never make a GET and will not deal
with custody, but will constantly teach people, even unmarried ones, about how
to maintain a marriage. If there is a problem, what happens today is that
somebody goes to a relative or a close friend, and that is the end of the
marriage. We need some people who are not related to the husband and wife, but
who are trained to deal with marital problems and marital education. I
suggested that this education begin at the age of three. The therapist
disagreed and said that there is scientific evidence that from the moment of
intimacy the feelings the couple has for
each other impacts upon the child who is to be born. Regardless, the children
who live each day with parents appreciate a peaceful house and suffer when it
is not peaceful. Therefore, we need a Shalom Bayis Beth Din so that everyone in
the house should be happy.
What is Shalom Bayis Beth Din? How does it achieve its goal of
making Shalom, especially today when Shalom is a difficult achievement?
A Beth Din usually hears the case between husband and wife and
determines custody and fiscal matters. Making Shalom is another issue, usually
too far gone for a Beth Din to change, although some delay may be presented.
Shalom Bayis Beth Din is the opposite of
a Gittin Beth Din. Shalom Bayis Beth Din is comprised of people who do not make
Gittin and probably don’t know how to make a GET or other such matters.
So what then is the Shalom
Bayis Beth Din? And, what benefit does it provide?
The major effort of Shalom Bayis Beth Din is educational. As we
mentioned above, educating people how to live in peace is crucial for everyone
who lives in the house. But how to maintain peace is not well established.
Education can help alleviate this. And the education can begin at any time at
any age. Included in this education is basic Musar and appreciation of what it
means to be human according to the Torah. We will strive to inculcate in
everyone the idea that “because in the image of G-d He made man.” As the Talmud
says, “Just as he is merciful, so you be merciful” and so with many other
divine traits that we must imitate to be true people in the image of HaShem.
Who joins the Shalom Bayis Beth Din? At this point, we don’t have
anyone, because it is an idea, a plan, a hope to improving Shalom Bayis. But
our hope is that in every city and every community, people, hopefully
volunteers, will dedicate some of their time to saving marriages and familes.
Who are we looking for?
We want first of all people who are married and not too young,
having a few children is definitely a plus. Volunteers must be bright and
willing to learn. They must also follow the principle of Reb Yisroel Salanter,
that to work for the community you must have a lot of patience. Things don’t go
in a straight line. Things spin back and forth and you have to have the
physical and emotional strength to stick it out.
This is true in general when
dealing with community problems. But when we deal with broken families, it is
surely true. A lot of patience is needed, and people must realize that they are
trying something that is very hard to achieve, and must keep trying without
letting their frustrations making things worse. It is not easy.
For instance, let us say that a couple has been fighting for ten
years, and the children have become problems. What can be done? Prayer? Well,
just keep your cool if anything of it is left!
We have people who give up their precious time and even earnings to
work for Hatsolo and other community matters. But usually there it is a
question of finding the person, applying some kind of first aid, and taking him
to the hospital. It may last a few hours, and if it requires a drive to a
hospital out of the county, it takes somewhat longer. But Shalom Bayis Beth Din
is a situation where it may never be over, chas vishalom. This requires a
realization that the mitzvah is very great, but the frustrations are terrible.
Each person has to recognize what they are capable of tolerating without
quitting, because the quitting can sometime seems inevitable. But you are
talking about a family with children, and quitting is a big problem. And if the
children are not a problem, but the couple is in a broken marriage, that is no
simple matter, either.
One way of dealing with Shalom Bayis Beth Din is to begin lessons
about Musar and good midose with people who are not yet in trouble with family.
That is, as we mentioned in the beginning of our discussion here, that the key
is to start the teaching as early as possible. Take a child, a very young
child, and teach him or her basic Musar and good character traits. As they grow up and the Musar keeps flowing, there can be
a lot of happiness coming from the students. But once the family breaks down,
fixing it requires a lot of patience and who knows what else. Therefore, it is
ideal to begin a program while there is still hope, meaning before people start
fighting with each other and before a family is damaged.
Yes, ideally we begin Shalom Bayis Beth Din with education at the
youngest levels. But some people are not young and are older and even
experiencing problems in family. For them it is much harder. There are two
approaches to people with problems. One, is to teach them the basic Musar we
talked about for children, regardless of whether problems are already
manifested. Yes, father and mother are not on speaking terms, but if a child is
taught the beauty of not fighting, and the glory of Shalom, even for himself,
it is not wasted. Precisely the opposite. When a child is raised to believe
that life is about fighting, it is very hard to do something to change his
beliefs. But when a child is taught that there is hope that he can grow up
marry and have happy family life and happy children, if only he avoids the
mistakes of his parents, why should this be a wasted effort? Let it be an
effort that encourages a child to find happiness and peace. Now that he sees
the terror of family fights, and he
wants something different, why is it impossible to talk about that with him,
and to encourage him to be different? And who says that at some time in the
endeavor the Shalom Bayis people cannot begin working on the parents to improve
the Shalom, something they surely want, an effort surely encouraged by the
child who is working closely with Shalom Bayis Beth Din himself.
Family Troubles from Violating Open Gemoras, Zohar and Rambam
A major goal of Shalom Bayis is to realize, and to inculcate in
troubled families, that there are troubles that have no solution and there are
troubles that have a solution. What do I mean? I mean that we have discussed
earlier in our book here that some of the problems in Kollel and family are
created by too much idealism. And some of the problems come from violating
clear statements in the gemora.
Let me review what these are. The gemora in Huriyuse 10b has Rovo
telling his students that they must master the Talmud and become wealthy, otherwise
the worry about money will damage their ability to learn, and of course, it
will damage the Shalom Bayis in the family. But today what Yeshiva tells
students to become wealthy? They tell them that their task is to become great
in learning and everyone must support them. But who will do it? So the wife has
to do it and the family can be terribly pressured from this. But Shalom Bayis
Beth Din will stick to the rules of the gemora. People have to make a living.
In fact, the gemora clearly says this, as we have mentioned, that one who
marries without a paid up house and a good living is according to the Rambam
and the Zohar a Shoteh, and the gemora says he is doing the wrong thing. Why
can we not bring this out to a family suffering from lack of Shalom Bayis that
obeying the Talmud and having some fiscal relief can help Shalom Bayis in the
family? And those who join Shalom Bayis at an early age, as children, surely
will be taught that they have to prepare for wealthy as children, as we
explained. Otherwise, how can people get the money to buy a house and where
will they find a good paying job if they are learning all of the time. If we
insist on following the gemora and the pesukim the gemora brings in Sota 44a,
especially the statements of Shlomo HaMelech the wisest of men, are we doing something wrong? We are doing
something right, and we are making Shalom and happy people.
I repeat this. Shalom Bayis Beth Din follows the pesukim brought in
the gemora and quoted by the Zohar and Rambam, that people must have money. A
lot of Shalom Bayis goes down the drain when people say they should not spend
time earning.
Speaking of the destruction of Shalom because people don’t follow
the gemora, what about people who don’t follow the gemora when it comes to
intimacy? We have devoted much attention to the laws of intimacy. But how many
people think that what the Shulchan Aruch says is wrong? Where did they get
these ideas? Why are these frumeh people not afraid that when people don’t get
along and have intimacy the gemora in Nedorim 20A says that Chas vishalom they
can have a child from the nine errors, meaning when the couple doesn’t have
true love at intimacy. Why are people not aware of that gemora?
There are people who truly believe that one should ignore his wife
and surely not arouse her in intimacy. The Steipler Gaon and others strongly
disagree, but there are those who feel that arousing the wife is wrong. If so,
what kind of Shalom Bayis can there be from somebody who ignores his wife? An
important askon of the past generation told me the following story. An Israeli
taxi driver came to America and got a job driving a taxi. Once a lady flagged
him down and told him to go to a certain place, and he did it. Then she said, no, I really want
to go somewhere else. He went there, and realized that she wants to do a sin,
and he did it. When he finished, he said to her, “I know who you are. You are
married to a very prominent Jew. How could you do such a sin? I did it for the
pleasure, because I am just becoming, slowly, a baal teshuva. But you, how
could you do such a sin?”
She replied, “Yes, my husband is a prominent Jew. How could I do
such a sin? Because he rarely has relations with me, maybe a few times a year.
It is not enough.”
Let us look at the words of the Rokeach in the chapter on
Chassiduse page 23. He writes, “the gemora says in Nedorim 20, ‘All that a
person wants to do, let him do with his wife, so that he will not look at
another woman with desire. And yet [even though the relations are to save him
from sin] he should relate to her face to face so that the woman has pleasure,
as the passage says, ‘and he will dwell between my breasts’ [the woman is happy
with this as it gives her pleasure] and it says ‘and you should love your
fellow as yourself [one who denies his wife pleasure violates this].’”
We have earlier quoted the Rokeach in Teshuva:14 (page 29 in my
volume), “And after a woman goes to the Mikva he should make her happy and hug
her and kiss her..he should rejoice with all kinds of arousals and all kinds of
hugging to arouse his desires and her desires so that he not think about
another woman but only about her. Because she is the wife of his loins and he
should show her affection and love.”
The Rokeach repeats the obligation to show his wife happiness, hugging,
etc. First he says this regarding her coming from the Mikvah. The woman went
through a lot, many days of loneliness, when she was forbidden to be with her
husband in the slightest way. Now, it is a mitzvah for the husband to make
“light from darkness, greater than light from light” to turn the forbidden
period into one of great joy and intimacy. He then says “because she is the
wife of his loins.” Why did he add this? He is saying that of course the
husband must truly arouse his wife and make her very happy when she goes to the
Mikva. But secondly, even when she did not just go to the Mikva, he must arouse
her and make her happy constantly because she is the wife of his loins. That
is, a wife is one who is of “his loins” meaning intimacy and relations. That is
what she is and that is why she married him. From this comes marriage and from
this comes children. So the husband must be careful to constantly to these
things to strengthen the marriage and the happiness of the children. The
Rokeach concludes “and he should show her affection and love.” This is besides
the Mikva and besides the fact that she is the wife of his loins, he should
show her affection and love because this is an obligation of the marriage and
also because of “and you shall love your fellow as yourself.” See above the
quote from the Rokeach about relations with the wife, “And yet [even though the
relations are to save him from sin] he should relate to her face to face so
that the woman has pleasure, as the passage says, ‘and he will dwell between my
breasts’ [the woman is happy with this as it gives her pleasure] and it says
‘and you should love your fellow as yourself [one who denies his wife pleasure
violates this].’”
We have discussed here the terrible reality that destruction of family
and marriage is often rooted in mistakes in halacha, such as the belief that
earning is forbidden but that a Talmid Chochom must learn all day and not
support his family, but his wife must not only raise the children, but she must
work as well, which is quite a burden and can destroy Shalom Bayis. And once
somebody does something wrong because he feels the halacha is that way, he is
unlikely to change his style. This is a major problem with Shalom Bayis, that
it is based upon wrong halacha understanding.
Unfortunately, there are many who feel that relations are to be
done quickly without arousal and maybe even to a large degree avoided. And in
such families, there are women who can’t take it anymore and they do what they
do. Such a woman is forbidden to her husband and her children may be mamzerim.
Thus, if we want to succeed in Shalom Bayis Beth Din, let us keep
this in mind. We are talking about Torah Jews, who spent years learning in the
best Yeshivas and Beth Yaacovs. Why are they in court, or in Beth Din, or in a
state of war and hate? I deal with Torah Jews who built families and have been
tossed to the tempest by their spouses and family wars. Where did they learn to
do these things? These are terrible sins and they are done often with the
approval and encouragement of Yeshiva rabbis. I spend a lot of time with these
kind of inventions. And believe me, when I fight these “rabbis” I let it be
known that they are making mamzerim, and my blog is full of this with sources,
and I name names. The biggest rabbinical names are doing it. It is all there at
torahhalacha.blogspot.com . A shame and a disgrace that I have to make this war
and nobody else does, until it finally reaches a point where other rabbis begin
to contribute their complaints. What took them so long? But they are afraid to
fight with these rabbis, some who are very big names. So they call me up and
congratulate me for fighting, but they leave it to me, and my brother Rabbi
Daniel. And eventually everyone joins the parade, but what took so long?
Again, Shalom Bayis is about knowing what the Torah halacha is at
every stage. Once we know that, through open gemoras and Rambams, etc., we can
save a lot of misery. “Its ways are the ways of peace, and all of its paths are
Shalom.” If we don’t have Shalom, it is probably proof that we are doing something
against the Torah. And that is exactly what is happening today in the Yeshiva
community, as they invent a Torah that is completely different than what it
says in open gemoras, as I presented previously. If somebody is afraid to quote
a gemora and let people live with Shalom, don’t join Shalom Bayis Beth Din.
Why No Shalom Bayis?
When faced with a couple quarreling and lacking Shalom Bayis, here
are some things to look for. That is, we want to know why the Shalom is
missing, and then we can try to fix it. If we don’t know the factors in the
decline of Shalom Bayis, how can we fix it?
Since we are talking here about Torah Jews, usually from Torah
families who went to the good Yeshivas and Beis Yaacovs, and yet they have no
Shalom Bayis and are damaging the children, obviously there is something very
strong that caused this. Logically, Torah Jews should not do something so
anti-Torah as to ruin a marriage and the family. If they are ruining a marriage
and the family, it is unlikely that they are doing this out of lack of Musar
and Derech Erets. It is most likely that they are destroying their lives
because they feel they must fulfill the Torah itself, and that is the only
thing that can overpower everything else.
Thus, we come to the first reason for Torah Jews to destroy the
marriage and the family. They think they are doing a mitzvah. How can this be?
A couple once came to me with a far-gone marital decline. The wife
declared that her husband did a terrible thing, he drank chalov akum milk. I
told her that when I learned in a very prestigious Yeshiva, we used to drink
that very milk. Of course, this was many years ago, but still, if other milk
was not available, people drank cholov akum. There are those who permit it, and
it is not mamosh treifeh like chazir fleish. Is such a “sin” even if it is a
sin, a reason to destroy a marriage and the children in the family? Do we, may
we, divorce because of such a reason? Absolutely not.
We have now entered a new idea. Maybe a person with even a
legitimate complaint, seek a divorce? After all, the gemora says that when a
couple divorces the Mizbayach cries. That means something. It means that the
malochim are crying, and it indicates that HaShem is very unhappy. Does that
mean anything or not? Of course it means something. It means, “don’t get a
GET.”
When I was studying about the laws of Gittin, I would attend
various divorces. Once I came to a GET and a lady was crying profusely,
surrounded by some ladies who obviously were there to help her when she was
divorced. A lady helping the crying woman gave me such a look, ouch! The
husband was completely calm and prepared for the divorce.
The Rov who made the GET told me that the couple were Israelis,
originally both were irreligious. The husband, however, became religious, and
even Yeshivish religious. His wife was madly in love with him, but she could
not become religious. Finally, after many efforts, it was decided to divorce.
The mother would take the baby.
I didn’t like that. Who gave the husband the right to divorce his
wife and send his son away to become irreligious? Later I went to the Gaon Rav
Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l and told him my question; was it right for the
husband to make the divorce? The Rov told me that if the wife would keep
taharas hamishpocho he would permit them to live together.
Now, I am sure that this husband had rabbis who guided him in the
divorce. It was they who told him to divorce his wife, or at least, it was they
who allowed him to divorce his wife. But did they allow him to throw his son
into Gehenum? Rather, did they allow him to go himself to Gehenum when he threw
his son away from Torah?
Of course, it is not so simple. If the husband would remain with
his wife, who was not religious; and she would keep only taharas hamishpocho,
not Shabbos, not Yom Kippur, and the couple had more children; what would
happen then? Now the issue is whether the new children will become like the
mother and leave the Torah.
However, there is a gemora that supports what the Rov said. Hoshea
the Prophet was told by HaShem to marry a prostitute, the biggest prostitute in
Israel. This was after Hoshea did a terrible sin by telling HaShem to change
His Chosen People to some gentile nation, because Israel was always sinning.
HaShem wanted to show Hoshea was a terrible sin he had committed. After
Hoshea’s children were born and HaShem told him to divorce his wife, he argued,
“But how can I divorce my wife and what will happen to my children?” Well, if
their mother is the biggest prostitute in Israel, we know exactly what will
happen to the children. But HaShem was waiting for this answer.
HaShem said to Hoshea: You
are married to the biggest prostitute in Israel. There is a very good chance
that your children are not your children but born from the many men who came to
this prostitute. And if this is how your children were born, they are mamzerim.
And yet, you refuse to divorce her. How should I turn away from my children,
the Children of Israel, and find another nation to be My children?”
When Hoshea heard this, he realized that he had sinned. He cried
out to HaShem to love and strengthen the Jews, and he was forgiven.
We see from this gemora that when somebody has children, no matter
how terrible his wife is, he doesn’t divorce her. I don’t say that this is an
iron-clad rule, but it certainly is important to think about when a divorce is
being contemplated.
Here is another somewhat different story with another focus, but
proof that in marriage and divorce one does not proceed without asking a senior
authority. A woman came to me many years ago. Her husband wanted to divorce her
but she refused. The husband somehow achieved permission to remarry without
giving her a GET. Reb Moshe Feinstein opposed the husband and said that what he
did was wrong. The woman, it seems, spent many years of her life going around
talking to this one an that one about her great desire to return to her
husband, and about how wicked the husband was for disobeying Reb Moshe.
I asked her what she gains from going around here and there and
everywhere asking for people to help her return to her husband. Would it not be
wiser for her to accept what happened and go on with her life? It is obvious
that the husband will not take her back, and he has some rabbis backing him.
What does she gain from this constant activity that is draining her life from
her until nobody will marry her? It seemed that this woman at one time was
young and attractive, but with all of the traveling here and there and
everywhere to convince people to help her return to her husband, her youth was
spent and what will happen tomorrow? She was not interested. She was fighting
for Reb Moshe’s honor.
I presented this to the Gaon Reb Elyashev, and he agreed with me,
that she should go on with her life, and not sacrifice it for something that
was hopeless. Thus, if we assume that she did what she did because she was
fighting for Reb Moshe’s honor, and if we accept the Rov’s pesak that this was
wrong for her to do this, her youth was wasted with this great effort and it
won’t come back. When she was still young and could go on with her life, she
should have accepted the GET and tried to remarry. Then she would still have a
life and maybe a family. But now, she has nothing but her efforts in a lost
cause that is draining her strength and wasting her years.
This is another example of people who are on fire with something
that is not the right halacha and is wrong to do. And for this they drain away
their lives.
A more common example of this is when a child comes to a parent and
says that the spouse is terrible. The parent becomes enraged and encourages the
child to make war on the spouse. Now, if the child had come to somebody from
Shalom Bayis Beth Din, and this person had been trained never to encourage a
divorce, but to discourage it, unless a divorce seems the prudent thing to do
which is very rare, the child would have been discouraged from jumping into a
divorce, and encouraged to rethink the situation. Perhaps somebody could talk
to the spouse and get things straightened out. But when a relative or close
friends hears the bitter complaints of the spouse, that is a disaster. It means
that war is right around the corner. And war is no fun for the family, and can
lead to hideous things.
There are people today from fine families who married somebody from
a fine family who are in all types of hugely expensive wars because the war
became a mitzvah to protect a dear child or similar reason. All of this could
have been avoided if the person who heard the complaint was a Shalom Bayis
person who had no interest in provoking a war, and was somebody who knew how to
talk peace.
I once told a major posek my plan for Shalom Bayis Beth Din. He
listened and I added, “This way, they won’t run to their mother or father and
make a GET.” When he heard this, he nodded vociferously. He knew, much better
than I do, that destruction follows the path of telling Mommy or Daddy how
terrible the spouse is. Better tell a neutral person who is trained to respond
in the proper way, a way that does not make war but makes peace.
And here, too, we have more of people making war leshaim shomayim,
because they mistakenly thing they are doing a mitzvah. It is not a mitzvah to
teach your son or daughter to divorce their spouse. But once you hear this from
your child, how evil, cruel and insensitive the spouse is, even if you didn’t
hear two sides of the story, you open your mouth and out comes flashes of
flames and maybe divorce, HaShem Yerachem.
There is a special place called Gehenum for well-meaning people who
destroy families because they did not shut their mouths.
Including in this category are people who don’t hear two sides to the story, or who don’t
hear the first side and don’t bother talking to the other side to make things
straight instead of crooked.
I have a friend who was happily married for many years. One day he
called me up and said, “You know, my wife doesn’t really respect me.” I asked
him, “Who have you been talking to?” He replied, “X”. I said, “Isn’t X recently
divorced? Get him out of your house.”
And the marriage was saved.
The New York Times had an article about an apartment building in
Manhattan that categored to the “beautiful people,” young people rising in the
world with their talents, making good money, with a whole life ahead of them of
money and success. One day a couple in this building divorced. That for many
people was a shock, but the bigger shock was that the neighbor of the divorced
person also had a divorce. And so it went, neighbor after neighbor, until the
building was destroyed. That is what happens when you get divorced, and start
talking to your neighbors about how terrible some marriages are, and how
important it is to get divorced. When you see this person talking your way, run
for your life.
Fines for Not Making Shalom
Bayis
When we talk about Shalom Bayis Beth Din, we want it to have power
to force its way, otherwise, whoever wants to ignore it can ignore it. True,
the initial phase of Shalom Bayis Beth Din is education, and education of all
ages in Musar, modose, etc. But when we
are dealing with a couple and somebody defies the Beth Din, if we don’t do
something, the whole thing is a joke. Therefore, there is a second phase of
Shalom Bayis Beth Din, when the couple, voluntarily, realizes that it is not
going to work unless they accept fines from the Beth Din for violating what it
tells them.
For instance, husband or wife are told by the Beth Din that they
are not to do X. And they do X. They are warned, once, twice, three times, but
they don’t change. Then, if there is a fine capacity, the Beth Din warns them
that next time there will be a fine. And there is a fine.
There are two kinds of fine capacity. One, is the honor system. You
have to pay up and if you don’t, the Beth Din won’t punish you, but it could
quit. The second phase is when the Beth Din has you sign a document with
witnesses and notary, that you must pay. This is a legal document and can be
enforced in a secular court of law. And it has teeth. The Beth Din can keep
increasing the amount until something changes, or something gives.
Incidentally, one of the great problems today is pressuring a husband
to give a GET. Because with all of the hate going around in marriage sometimes
all logic breaks down and women go to civil court instead of Beth Din and men
refuse to give a GET at all, there are all kinds of ideas how to solve these
problems.
Shalom Bayis Beth Din is surely a step in the right direction. One
of the reasons women go to civil court instead of Beth Din is because they
think that Beth Din are biased towards men or because they may be told that
Beth Dins are corrupt. (Anyone who ever lost a case in Beth Din may decide that
every Beth Din is corrupt.)
Men can lose the store on giving a GET because of fear that the
woman will take her GET and then go to court and destroy him fiscally and
damage him with his children. Shalom Bayis Beth Din must connect with both
husband and wife. If it succeeds, and both husband and wife trust it, we are
far down the road to Shalom Bayis. Here is somebody to talk to, to reason in a
time when other people will just pour gasoline on the fire.
In halacha, it is forbidden for a woman to go to secular court and
it is forbidden to coerce a husband to give a GET. But we know that when a
woman starts complaining that her husband won’t give a GET, there are those who
consider it a mitzvah to force the husband with public humiliations and maybe
worse things. If Shalom Bayis Beth Din is involved, and has the capacity to
make fines, if one of the two violate what the Beth Din says and becomes
contrary to the spirit of making love and happiness in the house, there could be
a fine. And if this behavior continues and surely if it becomes worst, more
fines and stronger fines could follow. At this rate, if a person has a problem
with beating his wife, and he has to pay fines for doing it, he may decide to
give a GET. A major Dayan once told me that he never saw a husband who beats
his wife stop doing that, because it is probably a sickness that the husband
cannot control. But if the husband sees his bank account disappearing, he may
give a peaceful GET and save a lot. This is not a question of a forced GET. I
have asked prominent rabbonim and they have said that it is not a forced GET in
the above circumstances, because you are not coercing somebody to give a GET.
Shalom Bayis Beth Din is just the opposite. It wants to prolong the marriage.
If somebody does something to damage the marriage, fine him. And keep fining
him. If he is sick and can’t stop, and
decides to divorce his wife to save his bank account, that is not a forced GET.
Nobody asked him to give a GET and the Beth Din surely does not want a GET, it
wants peace and harmony.
Chapter
Eighteen – Shidduchim
The beginning of the Shulchan Aruch
Even Hoezer, dealing with marital and family law, tells us the great mitzvah of
marrying and having children. Then it tells us that one who is not married by
twenty “his bones will bloat.” (KIddushin 29b) What does this mean?
“All of my bones will say, ‘G-d, who is like
You?” (Tehillim 35a) This chapter of Tehilim, adapted in the Siddur as the song
Nishmas, deals with the overflowing love of G-d that we have, especially our
appreciation for His mighty miracles. When somebody gets married, he has plenty
to worry about. Maybe this, maybe that. Thus, marrying is a great leap of
faith. One who makes the leap and marries shows that he trusts G-d and His
miracles. One who refuses shows the opposite. Therefore, the one who marries
and takes his chances merits strong bones for his strong faith. His bones, as
if it could be, “say, G-d who is like You?”But one who refuses to have faith is
punished with bloated bones. If we refuse to marry and fulfill the will of G-d,
we may think we have improved our happiness in this world. But by defying G-d
and His Torah, we don’t have more of the good life, for without G-d where as
we?
Why does a person not marry? He is
doing fine alone, or even if he is anxious to marry, he is not willing to marry
somebody who wants him, because he wants somebody better. He is satisfied with
his single status, because if it really bothered him that he was not marrying,
he would marry. As a rebbe once told me, “I made forty shidduchim. Everybody
can marry, except the picky ones.” You are picky because you have a high
opinion of yourself. If you inflate yourself, if you inflate your essence or
your “bones,” you don’t become more handsome. You become hideous. That is the
meaning of “his bones will bloat.” The high level you have assigned for
yourself to refuse this one and that one does not improve you, it bloats you,
you are making more of yourself than you should, and that “more” is a “bloat”
rather than something positive.
A Chosid came to a rebbe and said
that he had looked for a couple of years, but he feels that he can do better
than what he saw. The rebbe said, “What you saw in the past years is what you
wil see later.”
I once learned in Yeshiva where
there was a fellow who was getting older. He was a fine learner very fum, and
good looking, but he wanted “more.” I told him, “Look, you are a frumeh bochur.
Every year that goes by with no shidduch is one less child. That is a hefsed
merubo, a great loss.” He got married soon afterwards.
Today, unlike in earlier
generations, the divorce rate is awful. The finest families end up with the
worst fights. This itself causes some people to think twice about marrying, and
how can blame them. Yes, marriage was always a leap of faith. But today it is
even more so, because of the terrible problems with broken families and
divorces. And yet, every child born into the world, every marriage, brings
Moshiach that much closer. And a Torah Jews has faith, even in troubled times, that when he obeys the Torah,
he does the right thing, and HaShem will bless him.
Yes, this is how an individual Jew
must feel, or struggle to feel. But what about the problems? Do we ignore them?
To answer this, we have to notice two types of people about worrying. One is a
father or mother, that is, somebody who is looking for a shidduch for somebody
else, usually a child. The other person is the child itself. Each of these have
individual levels of dealing with the fears accompanying marriage.
Let us begin with the parent or one who
works for another person to marry. I married off nine children. It was really
tough. We struggled, we didn’t sleep at night (because most of our shidduchim
were with Israelis who have a different time zone and we had to call them often
in the middle of the night for us.) Knowing that marrying off a child is really
tough is the first step. The second step is to accept with Reb Yisroel Salanter
said, that to succeed in any public mitzvah endeavor requires a lot of
stubbornness and not giving up when things get difficult.[15] Let
us explain this.
When you have a business, and want a
customer or want to buy something and you are refused, it bothers you some, but
there is nothing personal about the refusal. But when somebody refuses your
child, especially if the refusal is from a close friend or even a relative, it
really hurts. Failure at delivering a shidduch to a child is so painful that
some parents just quit. Yes, there are a lot of parents who love their
children, but they don’t have what it takes to put up with the pain of
shidduchim, because there is grinding worry, struggle and then, the pain of
refusals.
Are these parents insensitive to the
situation of their children? It would seem so. But that is the wrong analysis.
These parents want very much to do what is necessary, with all of the
trimmings, for their child. But they don’t know what to do. Nobody goes to
school to learn how to marry of children. And nobody is born with the
understanding of how to go about it. Thus, when the time comes for marrying off
a child, first find a person who understands, who has married off children
successfully, and find out how to go about it. That is an important step. But
often, it is far too late to succeed at that point.
The fact is, that good children are
sought out, and weak children are not sought out. If you knew nothing about
shidduchim, but worked properly with
your children to develop good children, you are far down the road to
success.
If you and your spouse have good
names, that is important. While marriage is a mitzvah and we want to serve
HaShem, there are a lot of other things involved. Let us mention a few.
When parents seek a mate for their
child, they are also seeking somebody who will improve their personal status,
meaning, a family or a match for their children that will raise their family’s
status. Please be advised that parents with such ideas have caused terrible
pain and suffering to their children, either by forcing a marriage that the
child doesn’t want, or by trying to force a marriage that the child doesn’t
want, and refuses. Then there is the problem of the child who does marry and
then hates the person he/she was forced by the parents to marry.
Because so much of seeking a mate
for a child is based on the ego of the parents and their ideas that have
nothing to do with the Torah, it is crucial to have a mentor when you seek to
marry off a child.
The Chazon Is, talking about how we
must behave in certain areas, tells a story which may be pure fiction but makes
a point. A country went to war against a powerful enemy. A general took charge
of the strategy and won. Years later, the general retired, and a new war took
place. The general now an old man, reminded the government of his plan how to
defeat the enemy. But the government rejected him. They said, “You had the
right strategy for the earlier battle, but the situation now is much different.
The enemy learned his lesson, and is attacking with much different plans. Your
old program won’t work today.”
Now, when people enter the
shidduchim market with various ideas from their marriages a generation ago,
maybe those ideas are not fashionable or appropriate anymore.
Therefore, key to doing shidduchim
is to get help and advice from people who made successful shidduchim with their
children.
I once turned to my young daughter
at the Shabbos table and said, “When are you leaving?” She was about ten or
twelve at the time. She blushed happily, because she understood what I was
asking her. I was asking her if she realized that it was up to me to find a
shidduch for her. Children from Torah families can be afraid of parents don’t
step up to the plate to work hard for their children’s marriage.
Another idea is to think about
marrying off children even years before they are of age. A parent who does a
lot of praying for a child’s shidduch is surely storing up points that will
produce a better shidduch.
A parent must look for what is good
for the child. A parent who looks for a child that will elevate the status of
the family can destroy a child. I heard a story about a fellow who dated a
woman, and they were both interested. But the father of the girl was not
interested. So the boy looked elsewhere and married. But the girl was unable to
find anyone that the father accepted. He needed the daughter for certain things,
and was in no hurry to lose her. Finally, the children found somebody the
daughter liked, and arranged the shidduch, without the father. The father was
notified, but it was too late to change things. Yes, there are fathers and
there are fathers. Some make their children happily married and some make
themselves happily in control of a child who is desperate to marry.
With a child the good and bad in
people comes out. There is a parent who does everything difficult just to make
the child happy. And there is another parent who makes himself or herself
happy, and too bad with the child.
Chapter Nineteen – Singles
We come now to the problem of
singles. As we mentioned previously, the gemora in Kiddushin 29b demands that
men marry at twenty or “their bones will bloat” whatever that means (see
above). This is quoted in the very beginning of the Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer.
However, especially in recent years, we have a great problem with singles.
One problem with singles is that
Moshiach comes when the souls that are resting in heaven are put down in this
world in bodies. If people don’t marry and don’t have children they are holding
up Moshiach.
Another problem is that not marrying
means not having children. A person has a mitzvah to marry and a mitzvah to
have children, as taught in the very beginning of Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer. A
person who refuses to marry is similar to a person who refuses to wear
Tephilin. He negates a positive command in the Torah.
Basically, one who refuses to marry
may have a variety of reasons for not marrying. Some refuse to marry because
they hear of so many failed marriages and terrible divorces. Some refuse to
marry because they need many years of study in colleges to get advanced
degrees. By the time they finish their degree they are well beyond twenty, but
now they have to begin working, and establish themselves, which can take
another few years. Finally, they are ready. But by then, it is not so simple
for them to marry. Why?
Let us talk about somebody who goes
to Yeshiva University or some similar Yeshiva where secular studies are
offered. In his youth or teens to be more specific, he devotes much attention
to studying Talmud from pious teachers in the morning, and in the afternoon he
learns about evolution and various anti-Torah science. He graduates from high
school, and then goes to college, and gets his BA degree a year or so after he
has turned twenty. In fact, because it is unthinkable for people who want to
get a good job based upon degrees in college to marry until they get their
degrees and good job, marriage must wait. How long? Well, let us imagine that A
needs four years for a BA, and more advanced degrees are another four years. If
he started this at the age of 18 he is finished at the age of 21. Now he needs
another four years for advanced degree or degrees, which brings him to the age
of 25. Then, equipped with his degrees, he must enter the job market. Let us
say that it takes two years to find the right job and get established in the
field. He is now going on 28 years old. But is it time to marry?
If we assume that the person 28
years old never went near a woman, and is ready now for marriage, we can assume
that he is in a big rush and will marry quickly. But let us look at A and how
he behaved for many years before he was ready for marriage.
First of all, A is Modern Orthodox.
This itself clearly states that I am not completely Orthodox. One of the
“Orthodox” rules that falls by the side is Kedusho, the obligation by the Torah
that a man and woman not have any dealings with strange men and women in a
manner that is likely to bring them to evil thoughts and even evil deeds. A who
is Modern Orthodox goes regularly to movies. He has a television and internet
and he watches most everything. Even if he watches the news it is saturated
with the wrong things. Now, I am an old man, 73 years old. I am also married
and a great-grandfather. But I admit this freely. If I was would read filth and
watch filth it would arouse my biology and what could I do about it?
We have a Torah. You have a choice.
Remove yourself from temptation, or else. In the Torah world not the Modern
Orthodox world, there are men deeply religious, Hassidic or Litvisheh, and some
top learners as well, who have problems with kedusho and they collapse. The
cases I know about involve husbands who wives are not divorced but are not
available. Eventually, they give up and find somebody else. That is real sin.
Now, do you think Modern Orthodox people are any different? I am not different.
Why are they? Don’t mess with your biology. You will lose.
A YU student told me that the rebbes
in Yeshiva lecture about the sin of shacking up with somebody without marriage.
Let us understand. If I was their age, and had spent years watching filth and
reading filth, I would have fights with my yester hora and I would not bet on
myself winning. Biology is king. Let us understand, I have spoken to experts in
the field, and biology is everywhere.
Let me elaborate a bit on this,
because everyone should know this. Some years ago, I heard about a shelter for
Orthodox woman in Rockland County. I called up the head of the Orthodox women
there, and invited her to bring some of her people to my house. Some ladies came, and I was happy that they
did, because some things were accomplished. One lady who was suffering terribly
made a statement that basically said that she is acting in the right way in her
suffering. I let her have it, and so did
other people there, the fellow sufferers. I don’t know if she changed so
quickly, but we made a point. And so it went for a few weeks. One day, the lady
in charge of the shelter told me she is looking to meet some Monsey rabbis. I
gave her the number of a prominent Rov, a major Torah personality who is very
smart and knows all about the world. A few weeks later I happened to visit this
Rov and he said to me, “Do you know what that lady you sent to me did?” Well, I
didn’t. So he told me. I was completely stunned that she proved to him that a
large segment of Monsey men and women were overloaded with biology. Let’s
ignore for now what her proof was. But it was proof. I mentioned this to a
person who seems to know about these
things. He laughed at me. Do I think that is so terrible? He told me about a
bungalow colony designed for switching wives and the husbands put on tephilin
every day.
Okay, let’s assume that everything I
said is pure imagination. But if you want to find out the truth, find it out.
It is there and there are ways to find out.
Let us return to the Modern Orthodox
world and our problems there. We want to talk about singles. A person who is
deep into his twenties and maybe even older may or not be a single. Of course,
I am talking about people who are definitely not married. But that doesn’t
necessarily mean that he or she is a single. As I said here before, if I lived
their lifestyle, I don’t know if I would be a single even without marriage.
Yes, biology is king. The gemora says that on one Yom Kippur night many virgins slept with men. Why?
Because in the time of the Beis HaMikdash there was great fear that the Cohen
Gadol the senior Cohen who ran the entire Yom Kippur service in the Temple, and
was probably an older man, may fall asleep at night of Yom Kippur. In order to
keep him away large numbers of people stayed up all night and went around and
around talking loudly so the Cohen Gadol would stay away.
When the Temple was destroyed, in
one prominent Torah city in Babylonia, the townspeople, without a Temple,
stayed up all night Yom Kippur going here and there and talking loudly, to
remember the Beis HaMikdosh. During these walks where everybody was walking
around, four hundred virgins were defiled. Now, if this can happen on Yom
Kippur, and at a time when everybody was walking around outside, I can’t
imagine how four hundred virgins and four hundred men figured out how to do
these things. But if I was walking around the street there, my biology would
probably teach me pretty quick.
It is thus that I understand that
there are people who put on tephilin every day and have no need to marry,
because they have all that they need from women who don’t need to marry either.
I don’t say that singles all act this way. I just say that if I was a single
and didn’t anticipate marrying immediately, I might be like them, not because I
am wicked, but because my biology is stronger than I am.
Let us leave this disgusting topic,
which unfortunately must be taught, and go into some of my experiences with
singles. When I heard about the singles problems some while back, I decided to
do something about it. I bumped into some very old singles, , and after dealing
with them, I quit. That is a terrible
thing to say, but one thing I got from that is that when Chazal say that one who
is not married at twenty “let us bones bloat” I had some understanding of what
that means. I felt I had heard from some
singles by then such ideas about what they demand in order to marry that I
quit.
Somebody told me that there is a
shull in Brooklyn where the majority of the members are old bachelors. Enough
said.
We must never despair. Let us ask
advice from people who can help us, and there are such people. Let us do a lot
of praying. And when it doesn’t work, let
us pray some more.
All I can say is that I am 73 years
old and not getting any younger. But if chas vishalom I was a single, I would
not want to stay alone.
Unit Two
Foreword
[Write about why Adam and
Eve sinned the Ore Yokor from Reb Moshe
Kordavero]
This book is about problems of today
that are just getting worse, and possible solutions, especially regarding
marriage and family. Some Kabbala here. We want to discuss now:
1.
Gender
issues, battles between men and women in marriage and elsewhere
2.
Misunderstandings
in the Torah attitude towards women
3.
Misunderstanding
in the Torah attitude towards the laws of divorce
4.
In
marriage, what is the role of a man, if there is such a thing, and what is the
role of a lady, if there is such a thing.
5.
The
failure of the first marriage of Adam and Eve: the Kabbala of Ramak.
6.
The
incredible successes and failures of Solomon.
7.
The
incredible failures of the first woman, created by G‑d, Chavo or Eve.
8.
The
crisis of drafting Yeshiva students in Israel.
9.
The
crisis of drafting women for the American military, a very new problem.
Chapter One - Male and Female
of Creation: Sun and Moon
Our issues are quite complex and
require some depth. Let us begin with perhaps the strangest teaching in the
Talmud. The story brings us right into the Creation story of making male and female,
but, it seems, the first male and female were not Adam and Eve, created last in
Creation, but the Sun the Moon, created on the fourth day of Creation. And
guess what, the Moon complained to G-d and there was a real discussion. G-d
attempted to satisfy the Moon but finally He gave up and commanded to bring a
sacrifice so that He, G-d, would atone each month of the year on Rosh Chodesh,
the first of the month, for diminishing the moon. Yes, this is complex and
requires some depth.
We quote a gemora, perhaps the
strangest teaching in the Talmud, in Chulin 60b: [my comments are in brackets].
“Rabbi Shimon bar Pazi asked, ‘It is stated ‘And G-d made the two large
luminaries [the sun and moon and both were large] and it is written ‘the large luminary and the
small luminary’ [there was one large luminary and one small luminary – thus the
two passages contradict each other].
[The explanation is as follows] The
[female tense used for the Moon] Moon said to the Holy One Blessed be He,
‘Master of the Universe! Is it possible for two kings to share the same crown?
[She wanted to be the larger luminary, and she wanted the sun to be the small
luminary, a reversal of what exists today where the sun is large and the moon
is small.] He said to her, Go and diminish yourself. She said to Him, Master of
the Universe! Because I said to You a
proper thought I should diminish myself?
He said to her, “Go and rule over the day and the night.” [The sun will shine
only by day as it is now, and the moon will be in the sky day and night.] She
said to Him, “What is achieved by this? What does a candle achieve in the
daytime?” [Her light by day was meaningless.] He said to her, “go and Israel
will count days and years according to you.” [Go and the Jews will use the
lunar calendar to count the days and years, as the Hebrew months are according
to the lunar calendar that collects the number of days and becomes after twelve
months or so the year.]
She said to Him, “It is impossible
[to do this without the sun] because the sun creates the seasons, as it is
written…” [G-d said] “Go and the righteous will be called in your name Jacob
the Small Shmuel the Small David the Small.” He saw that she was not satisfied.
The Holy One Blessed be He said, “Bring for Me a sacrifice atonement because I
diminished the moon.”
And this is what Reish Lokish
taught…G-d said, This goat [sacrifice in the Temple] will be for Me an
atonement because I diminished the moon.’”
Before we go deeper into this
amazing Talmudic teaching, let us notice that the Tosfose there notes that Moon
is mentioned in the Torah with the male verb [in Hebrew all verbs reflect male
or female nouns. Thus a masculine noun Yorayach or moon has a masculine verb
OMAD, but here G-d told her to diminish herself and the verb diminish was the feminine
מעטי.
We can explain why the Tosfose saw
it important to mention this here in the midst of this most difficult teaching.
The Moon demanded to be the King and that the sun be diminished. Her demands
reflected a male force of wanting to be a king. This is important, because we
will soon show, the Moon felt that she not the sun should be the king; so she
felt that the sun must be diminished. Not only did the Moon demand that she be
the king, or male force, but she wanted the sun diminished, so that two kings
will not share the same crown. Thus, the Moon who was a female wanted the male
level of monarchy of being the boss, and wanted the sun, who was male, to be
reduced and diminished, a level associated with the female after she was
diminished. But G-d refused and established the male Sun as the king and
diminished the female to be the moon as we know it, which is mostly dark and
only fully bright one day a month, and one day a month it disappears. And the
Moon went down fighting so much that G-d said, “Bring an atonement for Me that
I diminished the Moon” which is truly amazing. Obviously, we are not finished
with this story. As the Vilna Gaon says, the most ridiculous parts of the
Talmud are the deepest, and contain the greatest secrets. But for our purposes,
we would be happy to get a basic understanding of male and female, which we
badly need for our purposes of gender and marriage and family. Let us go slowly and gather in various ideas
until we get to the point where we can understand a bit of this very complex issue.
And our purpose in this is to restore gender relations. Basically, men make a
blessing “who has not made me a woman.” Women are not as free as men in
breaking a marriage, as only a man can give a GET usually only when he wants to
give it. There is a great uproar about women being tortured by men who refuse a
GET and similar issues, but the law of the Torah is from HaShem. At least, let
us try to understand it.
We find in the Torah that Creation
was done with six days and the Sabbath. On the fourth day luminaries were
created.[16]
“And G-d said, ‘Let there be luminaries in the Firmament of the Heaven to
demarcate between day and night, and they will be for signs and holidays and
for days and years…And G-d made the two large luminaries, the large luminary to
rule by day and the small luminary to rule by night, and the stars.” As
mentioned in the gemora previously, this passage of two large luminaries and
one large luminary and one small luminary is a great contradiction. The gemora
tells us that first G-d wanted two large luminaries and then when the Moon
demanded that only one luminary be large G-d diminished the Moon and left the
sun as the large luminary. But if that is so, why did the Torah write the
Creation story in a way that part of what it writes is not true at all? If the
Torah says that G-d made two large luminaries but today there is only one large
luminary, why did the Torah have to tell us about something that doesn’t exist
and hasn’t existed since before people were created? What difference does it
make to people at all, especially to Jews who received the Torah many
generations after the Creation? Why does the Torah have to mention this at all,
especially as it is written as a fact, and if so, it contradicts the second
part of the passage, which is an incredible conflict.
Another problem is in the Siddur,
with the blessings of Reading the Shema in the morning. We praise G-d there “He who makes anew His goodness each day,
always, [that is] the making of Genesis [Creation] as it is said, ‘To He who
makes large luminaries, for His kindness is everlasting.” Thus, G-d is praised
for renewing the Creation of two large luminaries every day. But there have not
been two luminaries since before Adam and Eve were created. So what is this
praise of G-d for doing this kindness so that for a few days in the Creation
week there were two large luminaries? This has nothing to do with our world and
is surely not renewed in our time. So what is the blessing saying?
Note that the above gemora says
clearly that the passage about two large luminaries also contains afterwards
the statement that only one luminary was large and one was diminished. So how
can we praise HaShem for something the gemora says clearly does not exist
today?
We find in the Creation story that
G-d made two large luminaries and then
He made one large and one small luminary, the sun and the moon. Since the
passage about one large luminary is in the fourth day story of Creation, there
was no longer two large luminaries from that time on. If so, how can we thank
G-d today for making, today, two large luminaries? That was our question about.
We find a similar problem that the
Creation story begins with G-d’s Name as ELOKIM meaning G-d of strict justice
but after the first section on the Creation, the Torah begins the second
section of the Creation story, by calling G-d HaShem Elokim, meaning mercy
first and rigid justice second, the primary name is mercy. There are thus two
times at least that the Creation story changes something from the beginning of the
passage to the end of the passage as with the luminaries, or with His holy Name
as we find with the two sections of the Creation story. Did HaShem change His
mind?
These two questions are connected
and the answer to both questions is this: The purpose of creating the world was
for people to earn reward for obeying G-d and then meriting great reward. If
Adam and Eve had the obeyed G-d they would have lived happily in the Garden of
Eden which is a paradise, similar to the Future World. But they sinned and were
driven from the Garden of Eden.
999
There are revealed realities and
there are hidden realities. A study of the Creation story points out that in
the act of Creating the world with its various components there were changes.
Now this is hard to understand. How could there be changed. If G-d designed a
world and it had in it two large luminaries, how could this be changed and why
should it be changed?
But we come to a crucial reality in
the Creation story, something that is important for our understanding of
Creation and all that G-d does to create and sustain the universe. G-d has His
plans, but they are subject to the reactions of others to some degree. For
instance, G-d wanted two large luminaries and He made them. His diminishing of
the Moon was only done after she demanded that the sun be diminished. This
leads to the following question: True, the moon was diminished and G-d’s design
was altered as a reaction to the Moon’s demands and actions. But was this “go
and diminish yourself” a punishment? Or was it, too, part of the Creation plan?
If G-d created the world and filled
it with people and somebody sinned, we could understand that since G-d made the
world for people and there was sin in the world, that G-d could punish here and
there, this we understand. But the story about the sun and the moon of Creation
was done days before Adam and Eve were created. The Moon was therefore not
human and must have been an angel or an angel that represented the moon. Why
should G-d redesign the world because of an angel who has no evil inclination.
And if the angel has no evil inclination, why should its mistake change the
world?
Why was it necessary to make two
large luminaries, or two suns? The sun we have is very bright and can even give
us sunburn or worse due to its tremendous power. Why did G-d originally make
two suns when one is fine and two is probably too much for us?
But the Creation story tells us
things that happened and influenced the world forever. Sometimes the Creation
can do something and bring something to be that will not be properly understood
or even revealed until much later. The Creation story was for the entire
existence of the universe, and since the universe is filled with people who
have good inclinations and bad inclinations, many things an happen as a result
of this. That is one idea.
The other idea is that what G-d does
to the world can be reward or punishment. But we don’t always know what is good
and what is bad, what is reward and what is punishment. In the story of the Sun
and Moon the Moon who was not a person but an angel who presumably had no evil
inclination, had a reason not revealed in the Torah, to press for the sun being
diminished. And even after G-d diminished the Moon, He declared that He must
atone for this, which is incredible. The moon doesn’t atone for arguing with
G-d and G-d does atone for not accepting her arguments. What is this?
Another problem in the Creation
story is that the Torah begins with the Creation story and tells briefly what
happened on each day of the seven days of Creation. In each of these days the
Name of HaShem is ELOKIM, the Name of Justice. ELOKIM implies punishment for
evil unlike the Name HAVAYO the Ineffable Name that indicates Mercy. The Torah
thus begins with strong emphasis on punishment for sin. But immediately after
the seven days of Creation are described in terms of Justice as the Name
Elokim, a new discussion of the Creation begins in chapter 2 passage 4 “These
are the generations of the heaven and the earth when they were created. On the
day that the L-d Elokim made the earth and the heaven.” Here we find for the
first time in the Torah the Name of G-d as Mercy, the Ineffable Name that
cannot be pronounced as written. This seems conflicting. The Torah begins with
strict justice and punishment for evil, and then switches to a combination of
Mercy mentioned first and then Elokim the Name of Justice.
But there is a hint to answer this.
The first passage in the Torah that begins the first unit of Creation says, “In
the beginning G-d created the heaven and the earth.” Heaven comes before earth.
The second unit in the Torah about Creation says, “on the day the L-d G-d made
the earth and the heaven.” That is, it mentions first “the earth” and only then
“the heaven.”
The first unit therefore emphasizes
the heaven over the earth. The second unit emphasizes the earth over the
heaven. The first unit that emphasizes heaven does not want to talk about mercy
for evil. It wants a pure world where everybody who lives in it keeps the Torah
and merits the Future World. The second unit talks about a world of “earth and
heaven” meaning, it must consider about the people living in the world. And
they are too filled with sin to survive in a world of strict justice or ELOKIM.
Therefore it is important for them that G-d shine His mercy upon the world even
when people do sin. Without the mercy of the Ineffable Name many people would
sin and be struck down. This is a frightening thing and also a disgrace for the
world and for HaShem who makes a world filled with dying and sick people who
are being punished for their sins.
Now let us turn to the Sun and the
Moon and the antics of the Moon and G-d’s response to it. First of all we ask
why the Moon who was an angel without an evil inclination, could argue
vociferously with G-d. And second of all, if G-d declared that once the Moon
had rejected what G-d said, and insisted that she must dominate the sun and the
sun must be diminished, why did G-d then declare that He, as if it could be,
must bring an atonement for this? And how can G-d sin against G-d? And if He
did not sin against G-d, but sinned against the Moon, does that mean that G-d
must atone for this? Who is greater, G-d or the Moon?
Recall that above we mentioned
another contradiction: the Creation story begins with G‑d’s Name ELOKIM and
ends with a double Name HaShem Elokim. That is, ELOKIM is the trait of rigid justice
and punishment but HaShem is the Name of
Mercy. Rashi tells us in the first passage of the Torah that G-d began the Creation with the Name Elokim or justice,
which is the trait of punishing evil. But He saw that the world cannot exist
thus because people are filled with evil inclinations and easily sin. Thus the
world would be destroyed if every sin was quickly punished. Therefore He joined
Mercy to Justice and was called HaShem Elokim not just Elokim as rigid justice.
The first or primary Name was HaShem the
Name of Mercy, thus in the world we find people sinning and surviving.
The conflict between the two Names
is resolved as follows: HaShem created a world with seventy nations and the
Jewish people, who are not numbered among the seventy nations but are a nation
unto themselves. Even among the Jews there are two levels, for the righteous
and for others. The righteous are judged strictly and punished severely in this
world so that they come to the Future World with full reward and no Gehenum and
punishment. But other people have less suffering in this world on the
other hand they come to the other world
with their supply of sin and are judged there. Also, Israel is separate from
the nations, and the righteous of Israel are separate from other Israelis.
There is thus a system of mercy and rigid justice for the righteous and for everybody else. Jews are more likely
than gentiles to be punished in this world for their sins. Thus the history of
Israel is one long chain of disasters. And yet, the stubbornness of Israel
keeps them faithful to G-d for the most part, and a time will come when evil is
abolished and the righteous will have their full measure of glory and
happiness, sitting with G-d in heaven among the angels and other righteous.
What is the ideal situation? A
person who comes to the other world completely cleansed of his sins and a true
penitent is the ideal success. The Torah thus begins “in the beginning G-d
created” and it uses the Name Elokim of rigid justice, because the purpose of
Creation was to create those who enter Paradise pure. But realistically, not so
many people, not even the majority of people will be completely cleansed of
their sins to just sail into Paradise. Therefore, the second section of the
Creation story begins with the Name Hashem for Mercy and only then, on a
secondary level, we have the name ELOKIM for rigid justice.
The contradiction between G-d making
two large luminaries or one luminary, a conflict within one passage in the
Creation story, is explained the same way. Ideally, there should be two large
luminaries, to increase life and those spiritual and material benefits that
flow from the sun. But since the moon argued, Rashi tells us that she was
diminished. Yes, if there will be failures, there can be diminishing. However, the prayer praising G-d for renewing
anew each day the creation of the two large luminaries refers not to the fact
that the moon is like the sun, because today it is not. It refers to the
Creation when both luminaries are given the opportunity to be great, if they
just mind their own business. But if one tries to push the other one out, it
will be diminished. But G-d wanted everything, sun and moon, to be equal, and
to pour a huge amount of light and spiritual and material benefits each day.
Today, although there is no physical appearance of two suns, when we recite the
Shema and pray properly, this released great forces, perhaps those that
originally came down to earth with the second sun that is now diminished. But
there is a different understanding.
Being diminished means suffering.
But righteous who suffer in this world merit to bring down great lights,
spiritual and material, into the world. Originally a world filled with joy and
without sorrow had two blazing suns to achieve the proper great lights
spiritual and material offerings. Now that there is a diminished second light,
its diminished status and the suffering it represents allows the second
luminary to bring down the same lights once produced by a blazing sun.
In this sense, women who are rigid
justice, and the Moon a female who demanded rigid justice for the entire world,
are diminished. But this diminishing allowed the Moon to bring down lights
similar to what she did before she was diminished. Indeed, because suffering is
so powerful, it is highly possible that the suffering of the diminished Moon
allows it to approximate, equal, or even surpass the level it once had. Perhaps
now the blazing sun and the darkened and diminished Moon can produce spiritual
and material forces that may equal or even surpass the earlier two large
luminaries, depending on the level of suffering and the level of accepting the
suffering and penitence.
What we say about the diminished
Moon we say about Israel among the nations, that their suffering and exile
elevate them spiritually, so that Galut or exile is in Hebrew the word
“revelation.” As the Talmud says, “How could a one sheep survive among seventy
wolves.” Jewish survival requires an incredible level of miracle. And this
miracle comes from “diminish yourself.”
And this is true of the woman faced
with the diminishing she has relative to the man. Yes, she is diminished. But
one who suffers in this world merits what others do not have. Thus the gemora[17] says “Greater is the promise that G-d made to
women more than what He made to men, as it is said…: Reward and promises are
given to righteous people for their righteousness, and there is a very special
bonus for somebody who suffers and maintain their love for G-d. Women are in
this category and merit to be sure of entering Paradise. Men, on the other
hand, have a more difficult time. They were not diminished in this world, and
recited a blessing “who has not made me a woman.” The woman suffers from the
berocho and her diminished status, and this guarantees her a high portion in
paradise and the Future World, but men don’t necessarily have these diminishing
and suffering factors and have less promise that they will gain true Paradise
and the Future World.
“Go and Diminish Yourself”
The key phrase in all of this is
G-d’s command to the Moon “Go and diminish yourself.” Note that He says to her
“go.” If she is standing before G-d and in a position to argue with him a real
long and strong argument, she is obviously very powerful and important. So “go”
means go away from your power and glory, and become diminished. The moon that used to blaze like the sun now
becomes diminished, very much so. Let us study this phrase “Go and diminish
yourself.” I will follow in the footsteps of my rebbe the Jerusalemic Kabbala
Genius Rav Shmuel Toledano, who wrote a lot but then plunged into numbers, or
Gematrias.
If we add up the numbers of the
phrase Go and diminish yourself, Hebrew לכי ומעטי את עצמך
we have the number 816. This spells ת תיו.
What does this mean?
The last letter of the Hebrew
alphabet is the letter TOFF ת. The Hebrew alphabet
begins with Aleph א and ends with TOFF ת.
ALEPH has no sound. It begins at the highest level of Creation, where there is
no sound. TOFF is the end of the Aleph Beis, and the farthest removed from the
purity of heaven. It is the source of rigid justice and even evil. If we
combine the two letters in their full spelling we get אלף
תיו that produces the numerical value of 527. 27 is the 27 letters
of the Hebrew alphabet. 500 is the higher HAY letter ה'
which is the HAY of the Holy Divine Name. It is the ultimate female force, and
if we want to discuss male and female, we must start with her, the HAY of BINA.
The power of BINA or the HAY of BINA is to produce 27 letters that connect this
world to the next. At the end of the 27 letters is the last letter, TOFF, which
produces great forces that produce the challenges of this world, even DIN or
rigid justice which is very dangerous, and also the source of darkness and evil.[18]
Woman
is Left Force of Rigid Justice
Aaaaaa
In the Beginning בראשית
Let us now turn to the first word in
the Torah בראשית”in the beginning”. It is two words: בית ראש,
House First or House Primary.[19] The
Vilna Gaon says that the beginning of a book is its main message. If so, the
Torah begins with בראשית to teach us that the
“House is Primary.” The house is a quiet and protected dimension. The husband
is outside of the house and the children are raised by the mother. What can be
more important? What can be more crucial? And is the woman who is the “House is
Primary” told “Go and diminish yourself?” But G-d told the Moon, “You want to be better
than others. If so, go and diminish yourself, suffer in this world, and you
will be special. But the moon refused. Why? Because the Moon, an angel, refused
to make a world where male and female are equal, because the female is rigid
justice and the male is mercy. Mercy produces sinners and rigid justice
destroys them. Destroying the wicked sanctifies G-d’s Name and Mercy defiles
the Holy Name. Therefore, the Moon refused to consider that she would be equal
to mercy but insisted on being the primary force without being diminished. G-d
told her that if she diminishes herself she will merit a very high level,
higher than before she diminished herself. But she felt that to be diminished
for being pious is a disgrace and a Chilul HaShem. G-d agreed with her that it
is a Chilul HaShem, but because He wanted a world of sin and penitence, which
is the highest level, he did not give full reign to rigid justice. See Avodoa
Zoro 4b that G-d unleashed the evil force to push Jews to worship the Golden
Calf and for King David to sin with Bas Sheva because He wanted not perfect
righteousness but penitence. And because G-d teaches with divine humility how
to behave by behaving so Himself, he accepted the atonement of doing teshuva
for diminishing the Moon.
Deeper
Thoughts about Male, Female in Kabbala
We want to understand male and
female. So let’s begin with the beginning. There are ten sefiroce or divine
emanations. Number one the highest is
KESER or crown. A crown is above the head of the king. It is beyond any mortal
understanding. KESER or crown is called “nothing” because we understand nothing
about it. It is so close to pure divinity that a mortal with a finite mind
cannot comprehend it. Next level is CHOCHMO or wisdom. We don’t understand it,
but we call it YASHE or “there is”. That is some level of comprehension, but
still, it is far removed from our ability to really understand it. CHOCHMO is
“male” or “father.” Next comes BINA or “mother.” Father and Mother are married
in a unique way. They are never ever separated. And yet, they inhabit two different
dimensions. Father is in a much higher dimension than mother. Father is the
first level after Keser and radiates with the power of KESER, with great
trepidation. CHOCHMO is pulled by his fear away from KESER. And he is much
higher than the dimension of Mother, and yet, she has no fear of him. Furthermore, “Father and Mother sprang forth
from Keser simultaneously.” So, there is something here that says they are
similar. But they have two separate and much different functions.
Father takes the mighty divine
lights of KESER and brings them lower where they can function in the finite
world, although CHOCHMO is not yet finite. The KESER lights shining in CHOCHMO
become the source of lower lights, but they are still too high to be known in
the lower world. But it is a beginning. It is “something” but nobody at this
point understands it.
Next step down is Mother. Note that
Father is frightened by KESER because she is much higher than he is. But Mother
is not frightened of Father, although he is much close to G-d than she is. In
fact, mother sprang directly from KESER and maintains a close relationship with
it, unlike Father who is terrified of going near KESER. Male and Female are different, in some ways
higher and in some ways lower. Why?
The purpose of creation was to pour
lights from higher heaven to the lower world. The “action” is beneath in the
darkness and this world but the lights come from above. Therefore, the married
couple, Father and Mother, fulfill this contradiction, of building towards the
bottom with the materials from the highest worlds that are gradually introduced
lower and lower. And at the very bottom is MALCHUSE where things are very close
and somehow understood by the finite mind. And guess what. If you are not
completely confused by now, realize that MALCHUSE and KESER are One![20]
When that enters our thoughts, we
begin to understand the conflict in the system between male and female, Father
and Mother. True, Father is higher than Mother, but since the purpose of the
Creation was to bring very high lights lower and lower until MALCHUSE, and
since the purpose of Creation was to bring KESER or its diminished lights into this world and have a
world filled with evil, in MALCHUSE, the female force can easily connect to
KESER and then it can easily connect to MALCHUSE, because they are one! Bina or
Mother is one with Father, and one with MALCHUSE, the bottom rung of the
latter. Mother and Father are One. Mother and Father both sprang simultaneously
from KESER, and yet, Father turned upward to KESER to take some of the great
lights and bring them lower with his mechanisms for this. BINA takes those
lights and puts them into gear to end up in MALCHUSE, where MALCHUSE is One
with Keser. And Father and Mother are One. But they are doing different things,
going up going down and connecting and going in different directions. But the
function of the many rungs is to take from above and distribute below, and then
to take from below and raise it to above, where it is revealed in the highest
heaven as “light from darkness” which is greater than “light from light.”
What does this have to do with male
and female in this world? Male and female in this world are vastly different,
and yet, this does not mean that one is high and one is low. What it means is
that we live in a world where things come down and things go up, and this is a
cycle of up and down. Furthermore, the system of up and down in a variety of
bases in the universe allows for movement, change and the ability to access
various dimensions and to distribute and reveal various dimensions. But the key
is not just to run here and there. They key is to unite the disparity and to
give it mighty power by its connection to “male and female” or Keser and
Malchuse or right and left or whatever of the various dimensions and forces
there. Marriage achieves this. Thus, father without mother or mother without
father can’t exist because the two sprang simultaneously from Keser and
married, joined together for ever, even though they are both in diametrically
opposed dimensions. CHOCHMO or father is directly connected to Keser with great
awe from that element, which is revealed to Chochmo in the dimension of divine
holiness with nothing to provide a translation into finite language and forces.
This creates a terrifying light that turns Chochmo into a force that cringes
from such light.
Bina, or Mother, on the other hand,
is in a dimension which is unlike Father, not a pure one. In Bina are the
beginnings of the finite world and even a world filled with evil. These forces
cannot cross the boundary between Father and Mother to rise to the level of
divinity where Father and Keser exist. From Bina comes the powerful lights that
must descend, down further and further, ultimately reaching Malchuse, and from
their, our world filled with evil. But the source of all of this is Mother, and
she functions by taking mighty lights from Keser, her source, and other lights
from Father, her husband, and pointing them down down where they ultimately
influence the lower finite dimensions and even the power of evil that lurks
deep down in the finite.
Because Bina or Mother is in the
dimension beneath pure divinity, evil can enter her. That is when Jews sin the
Satan is given the power to rise higher and higher. Beginning in the lowest
dimension of Malchuse which is perhaps mostly evil, the Satan goes up higher
and higher. At every step he seizes the lights and energies there and uses them
for his own evil purposes. As the Jews continue to sin more and more the Satan
and the Evil Force rise higher and higher, from Malchuse to the next six
dimension ending in Chesed, kindness, and from there, the Satan is ready for
the big trip, into the extraordinarily high level of Mother, connected to
Father who is in the world if divinity, and even strongly related to Keser, the
mother of Mother.[21]
But the Satan has stumbled, because
once he enters Mother Jews are aroused by a terrible decree to repent, as
happened in the Purim story. Haman came to wipe out all of the Jews, the Jews
repented, and the power of Mother was utilized to destroy evil. From that came
the Redemption in the sense of the Persian king who allowed the Jews to return
to Israel and rebuild the Temple. He was called Koresh my Moshiach.
Thus, mother and father are very
holy and removed from evil, but trapping the evil force and destroying him is the work of mother. She is the
unique capacity of dealing with rigid
justice and even the source of evil, and when the evil gets extreme, she
destroys it. Father on the other hand is
so high that the evil doesn’t go there as he is in a dimension of divinity. But
the holiness of both father and mother are so high that they both descended
from Keser simultaneously, to bring her lights to the lower dimensions, and to
deal with evil. Ultimately, the bottom of the dimensions is MALCHUSE, where
perhaps most of it is captured by the evil force, but by being closely
connected with KESER who sustains MALCHUSE, ultimately, good can prevail and
evil can be destroyed.
The great pre-Messianic destruction
called “footsteps of Moshiach” eventually rises higher and higher until it
damages somewhat the relationship between couples in marriage, as is taught at
the end of Sota. Today we are in that period and many are the divorces and the
fights that go on. And yet, in this terrible challenge is the light of
redemption, and we hold on and fight the evil as we can, until the end of evil
and the Redemption.
The
Sin of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden – What Happened?
G-d created Adam from the earth, and
when Adam became lonely because “all of them have partners except me,” G-d put
him to sleep and fashioned Eve from a rib. The two of them lived in the Garden
of Eden near G-d’s Presence and were told not to eat from the Tree of
Knowledge. Eve defied G-d and ate from the Tree of Knowledge, because the snake
in the Garden of Eden told her to do this, telling her that she would gain very
much by doing so. Then she pressured Adam to eat from the Tree of Knowledge
also. Then G-d appeared to them and drove them from the Garden of Eden.
Let us look at this story. A man,
Adam, the most perfect person ever created, fashioned by G-d not parents, has a
wife who was not born from parents but came from a rib in Adam that G-d
fashioned into Eve. Adam was the most perfect man ever created and Eve the most
perfect woman ever created, as they are the only people created by G-d. And
both of them were placed in the Garden of Eden, the ultimate in holiness. And
yet, a snake comes along and has Adam and Eve eat from the Tree of Knowledge
and thus defy G-d, and they are both driven from the Garden of Eden and
consigned to eventual death, whereas before in the Garden of Eden they did not
have these problems, but would continue to grow holier and holier and the
Garden of Eden would be the perfect place for them.
Now, let us look away from two
perfect people, Adam and Eve, and talk about ordinary people marrying. Say that
A married B. They date, they become engaged, they marry, and then move to a
house where they will live together. The husband and wife are madly I love with
each other, which is why they married. Suddenly, the wife takes up with another
man, let us not call him a snake, just a bum. Our question is, how can people
madly in love with each other suddenly run in different directions that destroy
the marriage? Something must have happened to turn the wife against the husband
if she runs to another man. Did Adam do something to turn Eve to a snake? It
seems that Eve had relations with the snake. So she went very far in his
rejection of Adam. But we don’t know why.
And when Adam sensed that Eve was
defying G-d, why did he, the most perfect man, not oppose her plans to sin
against G-d by eating from the Tree of Knowledge? If an ordinary man marries
and ordinary woman, and they have an ordinary marriage based on love and
respect, do we ever hear of people just married running after snakes or bums?
Is this something that the most perfect people ever created would do?
There is something serious missing
in the story of Creation, and strangely, it is not a topic that suggests many
answers and interpretations. The story is told and finished. But what is
finished? We must understand. The main point is missing. What turned Eve away
from Adam to defy G-d and also to copulate with a snake?
See Or Yokor who hints and teachings
about what happened then.[22]
Briefly, the marriage of Adam and Eve (ODOM and CHAVO) was a process of saying
the Aleph Beis as they stood together. The recitation of the Aleph Beth united
them more and more. The source of the ceremony came from BINA or Mother as we
explained. First came letters aleph to letters Mem. When they went further in
the aleph beis they did Nun and Samech. They then did the next letter which is
AYIN. AYIN means eye and the angels had the power to observe them going through
the alphabet. Next
letter in the alphabet is PAY. Pay in Hebrew is spelled פה
which means “mouth.” “Face to face” in Hebrew is פה אל פה. Therefore, when reaching PAY, they achieved a level of “mouth
to mouth” whatever that means. All of this was done without antagonizing the
Angel of Evil, because he didn’t really care about these lower levels from the
level of Mercy and not the main force of rigid justice. But now the angels began rushing to the
wedding and the evil angel was left alone in heaven.
At this point, he was aroused and he
realized that if things continued, there would be trouble for the evil force.
He Sam_ therefore joined with his wife, the evil force of Lili_, to destroy the
wedding of Adam and Eve. The evil force is designed so that the female can
tempt people and turn them away from holiness. Lili_ thus went down with Sam_
to tempt Adam. It seems that the female evil force of Lili_ was considered to
be a “snake.” If so, it is possible that Lili_ destroyed both Adam and Eve. She
destroyed Adam by appearing to him with her beauty and having him turn his
thoughts away from Eve. She then came to Eve and had her eat from the Tree of
Knowledge which led to the expulsion from the Garden of Eden for Adam and Eve.
After that Adam refused to be with Eve and he slept alone. But each night Lili_
came to him and tempted him so that terrible demons were created. This went on
for a long time and Lil_ succeeded in polluting the world with her horrible
machinations.
The question is: did Adam have any
power of standing up to Lili_s tempting him with her beauty to make him look at
her, which is all that he did. And once he did that, the marital ceremony
seemingly was disrupted, and Adam and Eve went their own ways with no marriage
ceremony and no marriage. It was then that the snake tempted Eve and had her
eat from the Tree of Knowledge and then she forced Adam to eat of it also and
G-d drove both of them from the Garden.
Again, if that is the story, fine.
But what power did Adam have to refuse the guiles of Lili_? One simple idea
occurred to me. If a man is truly in love with his wife and is standing
opposite her at the marital ceremony, and they are counting this letter that
letter for many letters, and they both know that the end of the counting with
be a wondrous marriage, and along comes another woman, so what? Who wants to
look at her? At a time like that, who looks at other women? The fact that Adam
and Eve were not fully engaged in love at that point gave Lili_ the power to
attract Adam and to destroy the marriage, and ultimately, drive them out of the
Garden of Eden. Again, the mistake was the lack of true love that Adam and Eve
should have displayed at that point.
Counting letters was the marital
ceremony. But the marital ceremony must end in marriage, and it indeed is the
final touch of two people marrying. Ideally, people coming to their marriage
ceremony are “face to face” and growing more and more in love and ready for
marriage.
But such holiness is released during
the marital ceremony which is a pillar of the universe that produces children,
etc., that the Evil Force, Satan or snake whatever it is called, comes into
play to gum up the works. Lili_ disrupted the marriage of Adam and Eve. Once
somebody is ready for a great holiness and the great force of evil interferes,
one falls from the greatest holiness to the opposite. This is what happened
with Adam and Eve and especially Eve. The Evil Force has a special interest in
destroying women because in a sense they are the Left Force of Rigid Justice
which is higher than the male force of kindness and mercy. Therefore, the snake
went after Eve and not Adam.
Devorah,
the Greatest of the Judges?
We know that Moshe was the greatest
of the prophets. He went to heaven for forty days twice. He brought down the
Torah from Sinai. And he is unique among all of the prophets and holy people.
But yet we ask, was Devorah the greatest of the judges of Israel? There is a
difference between a prophet and a judge. A prophet deals with G-d, but most
prophets were sent by G-d to rebuke the Jews, and the Jews were not very
interested. Moshe had plenty of problems with Jews. Finally, his anger at them
caused G-d to ban Moshe from entering Israel. Devorah, on the other hand, was
not at all a powerful prophet in the category of Moshe or even the greatest
prophets. Her greatness was in her great and unmatched success dealing with the
Jewish people. She judged them in peace. She led them in war. This is a unique
level in Jewish history, that the Jews should respond completely to a Torah
leader.
T he obvious question is this: If
Devorah, a woman, was able to do what Moshe and no other male prophet could do,
why are men in general preferred as judges over women? Another question: The
rabbis tell us that Devorah’s name in Hebrew means “bee” and insect. Although
she judged Israel successfully for forty years, forty years of every kind of
glory and success for the Israelites and for Devorah their judge and leader,
her name Devorah means “bee” an insect. Why? Because her becoming a judge, a
male position in general, she lowered her female holiness and was therefore
called “bee” an insect. This is surely incredible.
But recall our discussion of the Sun
and the Moon of Creation. The Moon, female, argued with G-d about her demand to
diminish the Sun, the male because “two kings cannot wear the same crown.” In
the early moments of Creation there were two suns, the Sun and the Moon. Both
were the same size and power and lamination. The Moon felt that only one should
be so powerful and the other denigrated. She felt that she, the female,
represented rigid justice and a world without sin, she is higher than the Sun
the male who represented mercy and tolerating sinners, something that leads to
Chilul HaShem, a disgrace for G-d with all of the sinners running around loose
not being punished. And G-d accepted her reasoning and said, “Bring for Me an
atonement because I diminished the Moon.”
Why, indeed, was the Moon
diminished? It was not necessarily a punishment. After all, the Moon of
Creation was not a person and had no evil inclination. All of the complaints of
the Moon were based on holiness, as we explained, that sinners being tolerated profanes
the Name of G-d. So why did G-d tell her “Go and diminish yourself”?
Sometimes, when you diminish
yourself, you rise higher. A woman diminished so much that a man recites a
blessing “who has not made me a woman” reflects the reality that in this world
women are diminished. But this very diminishing raises the woman and elevates
her. For this level of being “diminished” the Talmud says, “Greater is the
promise G-d made to women more than the promise He gave to men.” The women are
closer to the Future World and its pleasures than Men. Most men are not sure of
going straight into Paradise and the Future World, but an ordinary Jewish woman
is sure of this. Being diminished is actually a very good thing for one’s
future in the Future World. Therefore, Devorah, by raising herself to be a
Judge, was not really diminished and she was named Devorah or “bee” as a mark
of disproval.
Shir HaShirim (Song of Songs)
and Purim
What do the book of Shir HaShirim
and Purim have in common? Both are extremely holy. Regarding Shir HaShirim the
Mishneh teaches, [23]
“Said Rabbi Akiva, the entire world is not so worthy as the time that the Book
of Shir HaShirim was given to Israel. Because all of the Scriptures are Holy,
and the Song of Songs is Holy of Holiness.”
And what is Purim? Purim is a time
when the greatest rabbis drink and become somewhat drunk or even really drunk.
It would seem that Purim is a very minor holiday. And yet, the holiest day of
fasting and prayer is Yom Kipurim, and Yom KiPurim means, literally, “A Day similar
to Purim.” This means, that Purim is holier than Yom Kippur! And we get drunk
then?
Purim, relate to our question on
Shir HaShirim, is not such a challenge. True,
Purim is a day when Jews saw horrible things. A Haman was given the power to
wipe out every Jew in the world. The pious Esther, a prophetess and wife of
Mordechai, was taken captive by the gentile pagan king to be his wife. She even
had a child with him who became a pagan king after his father. And nobody is
really sure what sins the Jews did to suffer such things. It is a day of great
mystery. And yet, it is the happiest day of the year. The whole day is spent,
not praying, not learning, but making joy for oneself and others. What kind of
joy is there on a day of such terrors?
We have no finite answer for that. But the
holiday tells us that there is a greater force than finite understanding. We
cannot understand with our finite mind. But on Purim a great light comes into
the world and without a finite understanding we sense that this is a time to
rejoice, to drink, to eat, to laugh, and to bring and accepts gifts of food.
Purim is a time to drink and even to become somewhat drunk or even completely drunk.
But the idea is that without a mortal finite mind, we connect to G-d, the
heavenly way. That is the greatest holiday.
But understanding the Book of Song
of Songs is much more difficult. The whole book is written to fool us. It is a
love story with graphic phrases. What is this doing in the bible? And why is it
the holiest book of the Prophets?
The Vilna Gaon says, “Something
taught by the rabbis that sounds ridiculous: there is the deepest teaching.” What
does Shir HaShirim teach us with its very complex theme?
We have discussed here in various
places about the Moon arguing with G-d during the Creation that she wanted to
be the blazing great luminary and she wanted the sun to be dimished. But G‑d
told the Moon that she should be diminished. And then G-d decreed on Himself as
if it could be, to bring an atonement because of how he treated the Moon! All
of this is difficult to comprehend if it is possible to comprehend it. But we
state here that being diminished allows a woman to step into a quiet hidden role
where she is considered by the Talmud to have a greater promise of the Future
World than men, as we mentioned elsewhere above. This is deep stuff. And where
can we find this discussed? In the Shir HaShirim. Indeed, we have a few
passages in Shir HaShirim directly about this, the diminishing light of the
Moon who was the Schechina. Again, Shir HaShirim is telling of the misery of a
woman seeking her beloved. And that woman is the Schechina, seeking G-d. Let’s
look at some passages in Shir HaShirim in this vein.
Shir HaShirim I:5_6) – I am black
and I am beautiful, daughters of Jerusalem. As the tents of Kador [black tents]
and the [beautiful] drapes of Solomon. Do not look upon me that I am deeply
blackened, because the sun blackened me. The sons of my mother dealt anger to
me, they made me guard the vineyards, I did not guard my own vineyard.
The Ari z”l explains the passage
that black is a sign of DIN or rigid justice and punishment. But once the DIN
or rigid justice and punishment has ben meted out and caused great suffering,
another force arrives that sweetens the evil and the darkness and produces
beauty and happiness. Therefore “I am black and I am beautiful” meaning even if
I was blackened by the suffering G-d sends upon me, the Schechinah or the Jewish
people, when I accept the suffering sweetness comes into the world and I am
changed into someone beautiful. That is, all suffering, all diminishing by G‑d
produces a cleansing of sin and evil and the beauty of peace and happiness. Those
without suffering and without cleansing of their faults must face the hideous
blackness of Gehenum, or the fires of the Netherworld.
The Ari z”l says that the Schechina
entreats G‑d to be restored to her true status in heaven away from diminishing
and darkness, pain and suffering. Of course, this will take place in the Future
World. The Shechina goes from dark suffering to great glory and happiness, from
this world to the next. This is the path of Israel, from great suffering here
to the Future World of closeness to G-d for eternity. The pain is temporary but
the reward and glory are infinite. The warm radiance of HaShem upon those who
suffered and then entered Paradise is the greatest of all pleasures
And that interim of “blackness”
which cleanses the Jewish people and prepares them for eternal bliss is temporary,
the product of burning rays of the sun in Exile. Despite the darkness caused by
the burning rays of the sun, the Jewish people and the Schechinah know that
pain is merely to cleanse us and ultimately we will have answers to all of the
questions.
We have studied about the angel the
Moon and her being diminished. We said that the diminishing enabled the Moon to
achieve a very high level that she would not have achieved without being
diminished. We mentioned also that women are in many ways inferior to men, and
thus diminished. But this diminishing raises them. And the gemora says in
Berochose, that we quote, that men are more sure of the Future World than men.
They are superior in spirituality precisely because they are “diminished.”
Let us quote what we wrote above regarding this: The gemora in
Berochose 17A says, “Greater is the promise that HaShem makes for ladies than
the promise that He makes for men, as it is said, ‘Women without fear, rise up
listen to my voice, daughters filled with trust, hearken to my words.’” Rashi
explains that the terms “Women without fear, and trusting” is beyond what men
were given. But the basic question is where the women get something that men
don’t have? And the answer is that women live in the world of justice and they
trust in their portion in the Future World, given mostly to people who have
been cleansed in this world for all of their sins, so they merit a full portion
of the Future World.
This is what happened when the moon, the female force, was told “go
and diminish yourself.” If you want a big portion in the Future World, diminish
yourself in this world. Women are diminished in this world, and the king is the
sun, the male force. But as women await the higher world and their reward for
keeping a diminished state in this world where men recite “who has not made me
a woman” she trusts that in the Future World her reward will be richly revealed
to her. The man have power in this world, they are the sun that shines like a
king, and only in the Future World will it be revealed what portion women have
who diminished themselves in this world.
At this point we have discussed
suffering and darkness in this world that brings eventually to cleansing of sin
and great reward in the Future World. But there is another aspect of the Jewish
people and the suffering Shechina taught by the Ari z”l in his commentary to
Shir HaShirim. We begin with a terrible story.
The Ari z”l – Black and
Beautiful: A Contradiction?
The Nazi selection sent most Jews to
die, but some strong men were selected to live as slaves until they collapsed
and died, and some even managed to survive the war. A Hassidic Jew was selected
to live and those selected were instructed to enter a pit filled with a very
painful cleanser to clean out anything on their body. The pain of the cleanser
was terrible and people jumped in and jumped out as fast as they could. But one
Hassid went into the cleanser, suffered terrible pain, and did not leave the
pool of pain. His friends shouted to him to run out of the pool of cleanser,
but he refused. He stayed a long time in the pool and finally came out.
Later on he explained why he stayed
in the burning pain of the pool. He said that when he entered the area for the
slaves he felt a great closeness to G-d. As he entered the pool with all of the
pain, he felt that he was in shull at the end of Yom Kippur, the holiest time
of the year. He felt so close to G-d that he didn’t want to leave, despite the
agony that drove everyone else out of the pool. Later on in his life, he would
explain that the closeness he felt to G-d was so strong that he didn’t want to
leave the pool because he felt that G-d was with him, even more than on Yom
Kippur.
We quoted Rabbi Akiva in the
Mishneh, that Shir HaShirim is the holiest of the prophetic works, and yet, it
is full of the pain of the Schechinah. She cries out in her agony, “I am black
and I am beautiful.” What does this mean? It means that is in the pool of
agony, and precisely there, she senses that HaShem is with her, and her pain
transfers her “black” to “beautiful.” “I am black and I am beautiful” means
among the exile and suffering. Suffering not only does not mean that we don’t
sense G‑d, it means that suffering as Jews or as the Schechina brings G‑d very
close to us. We are thus in the pain black and yet as we sense G-d with us in
our terrible struggles we know that we are beautiful in G‑d’s eyes and readying
ourselves for the Future World.
Let us look a bit into the
commentary of the Ari z”l on Shir HaShirim on this topic, of being close to G‑d
even in the suffering of darkness and exile. The first passage in Song of Songs
“Song of Songs that was for Solomon” means that the male and female of the
heavenly dimensions are completely united. The Male is called “Father” and
resides above the barrier between pure heaven and the lower dimensions of
heaven that pertain to this world and the finite. The Female called Mother
resides in the worlds relative to the finite underneath the barrier between
heaven and the lower dimensions. And yet, says the Ari z”l, Father and Mother
are completely united as one, always. Furthermore “Father and Mother both
sprang forth from the highest heavenly dimension, KESER, simultaneously.” And
yet, Father is too high for us to understand and Mother faces the lower
dimensions and eventually the bottom world of MALCHUSE where the forces of evil
multiply for this world and its problems.
The Ari z”l thus interprets the
first passage of Shir HaShirim that Father and Mother are united as one
unit. Furthermore, of the Ten
Dimensions, the highest is KESER a dimension completely removed from human
understanding. We cannot even say that it exists because we can’t talk about
it. It is, however, a source for Father and Mother to take some of its lights
and shine them lower and lower into MALCHUSE and this world.
Keser is the first dimension, then
Father and then Mother. But Father and Mother are united together, and, says
the Ari z”l, they are both constantly united with KESER. The Ari z”l elaborates
on this a bit and then concludes that Father and Mother are “constantly completely
united together always ‘with Shlomo’ meaning the lights of Keser.” Thus, the
unity of Father and Mother is between the two of them a constant unity, and
these two are constantly united with KESER,
the highest heavenly level. At this level, Father Mother and Keser, all
three are basically removed from evil and pain. But that applies only to the
first three dimensions. Next, the Ari z”l talks about three lower worlds, world
six called “the Holy One Blessed be He” and the tenth world called “His
Shechinah.” You might think that these lower worlds are a great decline from the
highest three worlds, but this is not so.
The Ari z”l says, “[this unity of
the lower worlds] is perfectly … superior and spiritual in the inner faces of
The Holy One Blessed be H [world six] and His Schechina [world ten]. AND ALL OF
THE DESIRE OF THE SCHECHINA IS TO BE WITH THIS UNITY [of the lower worlds, not
the unity of the higher worlds].” This is an incredible statement. The
Schechina or Mother is married to Father who is world number two, and she is
also part of the unity of worlds 1-3 including KESER the highest world. And
yet, although privy to these extremely high lights, her real desire is the
lower worlds, number 6 and 10, so that the Ari z”l says, “And all of her
desires of the Schechinah is to this unity [together with worlds 6 and 10].”
We have to go carefully here, and we
won’t tarry in these very delicate and deep teachings from the Ari z”l, but the
Schechinah clearly derives more pleasure from the lower worlds than the highest
worlds. One reason may be that the highest world’s lights are much too strong
for the lower worlds, so she does not get a perfectly satisfactory pleasure
from the truncated lights of the infinite worlds. Another reason may be that
the Schechina deals with this world, suffering and sinning. Since she is
involved with the lower worlds, and since she is involved heavily with MALCHUSE
the lowest world which is mostly evil, her proper place is in the lower worlds
not the highest worlds. And when she struggles in this world being diminished,
being “black” and suffering, despite her agony, she is being cleansed. And in
this state, if she connects with worlds 6 and 10, very close to her world and
suffering, she has a full blast of pleasure that is not available in the higher
worlds where is no terrible suffering. That is, the revelation of pleasure and
lights depend on suffering, being diminished, and being “dark” a state that
contains within it a capacity for the greatest of all pleasures for the
Schechina.
King Shlomo
and Shir HaShirim
Shlomo wrote Shir HaShirim which is
the holiest of the prophetical works, as taught in the Mishneh we quoted above.
And yet, this book is the strangest and hardest to understand of any of the
prophetical works. The Ari z”l and the Vilna Gaon write commentaries on Shir
HaShirim that delve very much into Kabbala or things that don’t meet the simple
teaching of the passage. This is a very deep book which is appropriate for one
called the smartest of people.
But not only is the book of Shir HaShirim very
difficult to understand, and not only are there passages there that raise
eyebrows of the people reading it, but also the life of Shlomo was also full of
problems. See gemora Shabbos 56b that it is written in the Torah that Shlomo
“did that what was evil in the eyes of HaShem.” Did such a person write the
holiest book of the prophets?
The entire gemora there is busy
quoting passages in the Torah about Shlomo’s evil wives and their sins, and
then it goes into the criticism of Shlomo himself, concluding with a passage
that Shlomo “did evil in the eyes of HaShem.” It then describes the terrible
shame Shlomo had for being so criticized. But it doesn’t say that the passage
meant something different than what it says, as it does with other passages
regarding Solomon. All that we can say is that Shlomo was the wisest of men,
and he built the Beis HaMikdash, wrote many great Torah books, and yet, the
Torah strongly criticizes the evil of his wives who were pagans, such as the
daughter of Pharoah. We cannot understand how Shlomo married such a woman, who
even if she converted to Judaism, since it seems she was an active pagan, her
conversion was worthless. Did Shlomo marry a non-Jewish pagan? Could he not
find a nice Jewish girl to marry?
Here we have a big problem. Somebody
does incredibly holy things such as building the First Temple and writing many
books, including Shir HaShirim the holiest of the prophetic works. And yet,
there are definitely negative statements about Shlomo in the biblical works.
But, let us pause in our discussion about Shlomo, and talk about Aharon the
Cohen, the brother of Moshe. Because he, on the one hand, was considered by the
Torah to be equal to his brother Moshe who was the greatest of the pious in all
of Jewish history. And yet, the Torah
clearly blames him for building the Golden Calf that Jews worshipped as a god.
And this failure of the Golden Calf ended the glorious sojourn of Moshe in
heaven with G-d assembling the Torah for the Jewish people. Now let us turn in
more detail to the problem of Aharon and the Golden Calf.
Aharon the
Cohen – Brother of Moshe Rabbeinu
Aharon the High Priest was the older
brother of Moshe Rabbeinu. He is considered to be the equal to his brother. See Shmose VI:26 “They are Aharon and Moshe” and the
next passage, 27, says, “They are Moshe and Aharon.” Thus, in one passage
Aharon and Moshe, we find that Aharon is mentioned first and then Moshe. And in
the second passage, right after the first passage, we find Moshe mentioned
before Aharon. Rashi in passage 26 tells us, “Sometimes it mentions Aharon
before Moshe and sometimes Moshe is mentioned before Aharon. This teaches us
that they were both equal.”
The great problem with this is that
while Moshe was in heaven receiving the Torah from G‑d, Aharon was building the
Golden Calf that turned the Jews away from G‑d. How could they be equal?
When Aharon made the Golden Calf the
Torah writes, “Because Aharon had destroyed the holiness of the Jews so that
they would be destroyed by those who attacked them.” (Shmose 32:25. Also in
Shmose 32:35 “And G-d smote the people because they made the Golden Calf that
Aharon made.”
How is it possible that Aharon,
equal to Moshe, should make a pagan image, the Golden Calf?
The Zohar[24] has much material on
Aharon and what he did when the Jews demanded a new god. It clearly states that
he tried to do what he could and that he intended to serve HaShem, as when he
called out, “A holy for HaShem tomorrow.”
However, the Zohar does not answer the real question, why Hashem did not
protect the perfectly pious person, Aharon the Cohen, who was equal to Moshe.
The Torah says, “He guards the feet of his pious ones.” Why was Aharon not
protected? It is known that very great tsadikim are guaranteed that when, my
mistake, they are served food that may be somewhat a problem of kashruth, they
sense not to eat it. There is a story about the Brisker Rov Rav Yosher Ber
Soloveitchik who was a very close friend of another Brisker Rov Rav Yehoshua
Leib Diskin. One time, Rav Yehoshua Leib Diskin gave his friend a piece of
chicken that his own wife had prepared, because he knew that Reb Yoshe Ber was
traveling and would likely not eat from anybody. After Reb Yosheh Ber left, Rav
Yehoshua Leib discovered a problem with the chicken, a piece of it went to Reb
Yoshe Ber and a piece remained in the house of Reb Yehoshua Leib. Reb Yehoshua
Leib found a problem with that chicken and telegrammed immediately to Reb
Yosheh Ber. Somewhat later, the two met, and it seemed that Reb Yoshe Ber did
not eat the chicken given him by Reb Yehoshua Leib! Reb Yehoshua told his friend that he had sent a telegram
warning him not to eat from that chicken he was given by Reb Yehoshua Leib, but
he told his friend that it did not occur
to him that the telegram was necessary. Surely, he knew, heaven would prevent
Reb Yosheh Ber from eating from food that was not proper according to his
standards of kashruth. If so, why was Aharon, who was probably a greatest saint
that Reb Yosho Ber, as he was equal to Moshe, not protected not from eating
food that was assumed kosher, but from making an idol that people worshipped
and angered G-d?
Shmos IV:14 HaShem tells Moshe that
Aharon will work with him to save the Jews, “Aharon your brother is the Levi..he
is going forth to meet you and he will see you and rejoice in his heart.” The
Yalkut Shimoni on Shmos IV:172 says, “And he will see you and rejoice not in
his mouth but in his heart, in his heart more than his mouth.” There are three
ways to express rejoicing of somebody’s great success. One, is to rejoice in
the heart but to be silent. The second way is to talk about the great success
in an enthusiastic way. The third way is to dance and sing with the person to
show great joy. We find that when Aharon discovered that Moshe was to save the
Jewish people from Egypt he went to Moshe and rejoiced in his heart.
Undoubtedly, he said something to Moshe and was not completely silent. But the
Medrash notes that the happiness in his heart was the main force, and the oral
joy was not as powerful for Aharon. This seems to be an imperfection of Aharon.
See Medrash Ruth V:6 “If Aharon would know that HaShem would have it written in
the Torah, ‘Because he [Aharon] is going forth to meet you [Moshe], he would
have gone forth to meet him with musical instruments and circles of dancers.” A
joy mostly quiet in the heart is not a perfect joy. The perfect joy was shown
by the women when the Jews left Egypt and were rescued at the Splitting of the
Sea. Led by Miriam, the Jewish women danced and sang because they had taken
with them from Egypti musical instruments, trusting that HaShem would make
miracles for them. The men, on the other hand, took weapons of war, which
showed that HaShem would not make miracles for them and they would have to
fight with swords.
When HaShem rescued the Jews from
the Egyptian army at the Splitting of the Sea, regarding the men it says, “Then
did Moshe and the sons of Israel sing this song to HaShem.” They sang with
their mouths but did not dance and did not sing. Regarding the women it says,
“And Miriam the prophetess the sister of Aharon took the cymbal in her hand and
all of the women went after her with cymbals and dancing in circles. And Miriam
called out to them, ‘Sing to HaShem because He has done great things…”
Note that it says Miriam the sister
of Aharon. Of course Miriam was the sister of Aharon, as she was the sister of
Moshe who rescued Moshe from the water. Why does the Torah mention this, and
why does it not say the sister of Moshe, who was saved by Miriam?
The Torah wants to compare the men
with the women. The men did not sing or dance, nor did they have musical
instruments. The women sang and danced and had musical instruments. Because of
this the men worshipped the Golden Calf but not the ladies. The gemora in
Berochose says that greater promise from G-d goes to the women than the men. We
see the difference between women and men as mentioned before, how they rejoiced
at the miracle of being saved from the Egyptians. And just as Aharon was
imperfect in his joy at seeing Moshe the leader of the Jews who would rescue
them, so when Aharon was left to lead the Jewish people when Moshe tarried in
heaven, his imperfection came out and he made the Golden Calf, although he did
not do this deliberately, as we will explain.
The Zohar is specific how the sin of
the Golden Calf happened. Incredibly, Moshe was a part of the problem! See
Zohar Ki Siso 191A. But to understand the Zohar properly we have to study a bit
of Jewish history in Egypt. The Jews, from their very beginning in the time of
Avrohom and Soro, had strong dealings with Egyptians, even with the Pharoahs of
Egypt who greatly honored them.
When Avrohom and Soro came to Israel
there was a famine and they went to Egypt. I saw
somewhere perhaps in the Zohar that they sensed that HaShem wanted this
even though ordinarily he would not want them to leave Israel. Their going to
Egypt resulted in Pharoah taking Soro for his wife, and eventually releasing
her, after Pharaoh saw that she commanded an angel to beat him when he came
near her. Pharaoh not only released her, but gave her great gifts, including
the land of Goshen, and personally escorted them from Egypt.
When Joseph came to Egypt Pharaoh
again saw the great powers of Jews and that they are very close to G-d. He was
the only one in Egypt who could tell Pharaoh the meaning of his dreams, and he
was appointed the supervisor of Egypt to prepare for the coming famine. Pharaoh
had great respect for him and decreed that other than the Throne itself, Joseph
was the manager of Egypt. Joseph used his power in Egypt to introduce Torah
ideas, even though the Egyptians were pagans and stayed pagans, nonetheless,
the years of Joseph in Egypt resulted in much good respect given to Jews and
their religion.
After Joseph died, the Jews were,
after his years of sustaining them and helping them prosper in their
businesses, wealthy and powerful. And when Jews are wealthy and powerful they
usually begin slipping in their religious devotions. Eventually, the Jews left
the study hall and went to the baseball games or whatever fun the Egyptians
had. That was a dreadful mistake, not so much because HaShem was disappointed,
but also because the Egyptians respected a Jew who did business with him, but
not a Jew who comes to the baseball games and becomes a goy. This began a
hatred of Israel that almost succeeded in destroying the Jews.
When the Jews reached the bottom in
their suffering in Egypt as slaves and their babies thrown into the water and
drowned, it was already time for them to come back to the Jewish way. Moshe
arrived and this process was accelerated. G-d showed great miracles and Ten
Plagues on the Egyptians, and the Jews left Egypt. Now, after Abraham, Joseph
and Moshe, the Egyptians had seen there is a G-d. When the Jews left Egypt,
even to go to the desert or wherever, many Egyptians decided to convert and be
Jews.
G-d told Moshe not to accept them.
But Moshe told HaShem that something was started in the hearts of the Egyptians
to convert, and even though they were not completely ready at that point, he
was confident that with time they would be fine Jews. HaShem disagreed with
Moshe, but for some incredible reason, Moshe disobeyed HaShem and accepted
them. It is possible that Moshe was afraid of refusing them because this could
lead to people refusing to convert to Judaism, even those worthy of conversion.
999
I don’t have a clever
answer to this, but I won’t leave it at that. Let us take Shlomo as a whole, as
a person with very great complexities, and see what we can do with that.
First of all, the first word in Shir
HaShirim is SHIR שיר which means “Song.”
Song of Songs is Shir HaShirim. The first letter of the Book of Shir HaShirim
is a SHIN ש . A SHIN has three lines in it ש. The three lines are in the shape of three
letter VOVs. A VOV has a numerical value of 6. If we multiply the three VOVs
together we get 6 times 6 times 6 = 216. 216 is the numerical value for three
words STRENGTH FEAR SEEING.
גבורה יראה ראיה
What do these three words signify?
Strength is a word associated with strict judgment and punishment for sins.[25] Fear
is a word similar in meaning that we must live in fear and not sin against
HaShem. Seeing is also associated with rigid justice and strictness, but in a
positive way. Meaning, that when one lives in a world of strict justice and
punishment for sinning, he enters a new dimension. In this new dimension much
is visible to him that is not visible to people who don’t live with fear and
strict justice. One who lives with strict justice lives in a world where many
things are revealed that are not revealed to somebody who lives in the
dimension of kindness and mercy, where sins are not readily punished.
Let us turn now to Shlomo. His life
is a mystery filled with seemingly great sins completely inappropriate for
somebody who is a prophet and writes prophetic books. Surely these sins are not
appropriate for one who writes the holiest of the prophetic books.
But recall that the first letter in
Shir HaShirim is about a new dimension, of fear, of seeing things others cannot
see, and “strength” meaning a world girded with strong boundaries that threaten
one who violates them. One who enters such a world is in danger, but on the
other hand, he can achieve much insights and even holiness not available for
others. Let us assume that Solomon, the wisest of men, wanted with his wisdom
to penetrate into the world of rigid justice, where strictness and “strength”
created “fear” lest one sin and gave one the gift of “seeing” that what others
could not sin. Now, if this is true, that Solomon dealt with a world of
strength, fear and seeing that what others could not, why did he do the
terrible things mentioned in the scriptures and recorded in the gemora? And why
does it say that Solomon did evil in the eyes of G-d?
A very great soul is pursued without
mercy by the Satan. How can such a very great soul survive if the Satan is
devoted to destroying him or making him sin? More to the point in our
discussion, if the Satan has the power to make even a righteous person sin if
the person is super righteous and a threat to evil and the Satan, what did
Solomon do to escape the power of the Satan to destroy him?
First of all, the Satan is full of
fire and destruction to rid the world of a truly pious person who achieves new
levels especially in the level of rigid justice. By Solomon’s seemingly erroneous
marriages to pagan women, as horrendous as these were, nonetheless can be
passed off as a necessary thing to escape the fury of the Satan. Thus, the fact
that Solomon was able to write the holiest of all prophecies Shir HaShirim,
something which absolutely infuriated the Satan, who came at him with full
blown fury, meant that Solomon was in mortal danger. When we realize that not
only did Solomon write the holiest book Shir HaShirim which surely antagonized
the Satan, but he also built the Beis HaMikdash and the Schechinah dwelt among
the Jews for centuries, we see that surely the Satan armed himself with his
full regalia of destruction and Solomon was in great danger. In that sense,
Solomon possibly saved himself and the Temple and the book Shir HaShirim and
the other holy books that he wrote by doing things that convinced the Satan
that Shlomo was not a problem. And so Shlomo succeeded in all of these things. But
yes, this success came at a price. This is the gemora we mentioned that quotes
various biblical passages that Solomon failed and sinned. On the other hand,
when the highest level of holiness is revealed, it is precisely then that the
greatest level of the opposite is revealed. At such a time there is great
danger to the holiness and the sins of Solomon are part of this situation. The
books of Solomon and his prophetic teachings are of the highest level, but they
had to sustain themselves amid the violent efforts of the Satan, and a price
was paid for this, the failures of Solomon. The exact facts and their
explanations however are completely beyond us, as who can dare to claim he
understands such people in such a time of the building of the First Temple?
[1] Reb
Yisrael Salanter from Yaacov Dovid Shulman
[2]
Guardian of Jerusalem by Art Scroll page 91
[3] From
Rav Eliyohu ben Moshe Di Vidash disciple of the great Kabbalist Rebbe Moshe
Karduvero, of whom the Ari z”l says that he never sinned.
[4] The
Torah commands us to love HaShem with all of our heart, with all of our life,
and with all of our might.” We begin serving HaShem with our heart and then
with our readiness to die for Him, and then for our readiness to deal with
money with great sacrifice. To some people, says the Talmud, it is easier to
die than to sacrifice one’s money. But some people are different, but the order
written in the Torah indicates that the hardest level, in general, is
sacrificing money. One because that is a constant challenge and is multiplied
thousands of times in a life, but dying can only be done once. Also, dying is
only necessary to prevent a terrible sin, so it is rare. But struggling with
monetary issues is a constant problem and thus one who fulfills this is
fulfilling multiple tests which is higher than serving HaShem with only one
test. But the true tsadikim constantly thought of the mitzvah to die for HaShem
when necessary, and when this is done, one has much reward for this even if he
never dies, because one who wants to do a good deed is rewarded for it even if
he cannot actually fulfill it.
[5] 10b
and see Rashi there that he asked them if they were wealthy and they replied
yes through the purchase of real estate.
[6]
Mishneh Torah Mada Talmud Torah 1:6
[7]
Nedorim 50A
[8] Rashi
in Nida 17a D”H ONES SHAINO – See later on we will go into these sources in
more depth in the book itself not in the footnotes.
[9] We
want later on in the book itself to quote other teachings of the Rokeach which
are crucial to understand the Torah teaching
about marriage.
[11]
Berochose 8
[12] See
end of Sota.
[13]
Chulin 60b
[14] ברכות סא ע"ב
[15] Reb
Yisroel said that to engage in public activities for the community requires
three traits: One, not to tire of the hard work,; two, not to become angry, and
three, not to jump too fast when you think the battle has been won, because
maybe it is not. Our comment on this is that if a person commits to the hard
work, which includes frustrations and terrible disappointments, it is possible
to accept the obligation not to be angry and not to rush. But one who is not
able to tolerate hard work and frustration does not have the necessary
commitment needed to marry off children. So it really is important to establish
a mind-set of stubbornness, which is the key to doing very difficult things.
[16]
Beraishis 1:14
[17] ברכות יז ע"א
[18] Note
that 816 is ת תיו meaning the basic letter ת
TOFF and the letter TOFF spelled out full תיו. TOFF alone is a great
level, but when we add the missing letters that spell the name out fully, we
allow TOFF to work in the lower worlds of darkness and evil, and to create
light from darkness, which is greater than lightness from light.
[19] See
Zohar in its very beginning page 15 and Nitsutsei Oros 15b d”h alef.
[20] Adir
BaMorome page 119 in new green edition from Rebbe Moshe Chaim Lutsato
commentary on the Idro Rabo
[21] See
a discussion of this and the Zohar and the Coming of Moshiach and Redemption in
Adir Bamorome from Reb Moshe Chaim Lutsato – in the new green edition page 22.
[22]אור יקר של מן הגאון המקובל רבי משה קארדוויראו חלק א' שער ד' סימן
יד'
[23]
Mishneh Yodayim 3:5
[24]כי תשא דף קצג ע"ב
[25] See
Sidur HoAri z”l just before Kabolas Shabbos לכו נרננה
the פתח אליהו that states clearly that דין איהו
גבורה meaning that Justice is GEVURO.
