בית דין אביהם של יתומים

  אסרו חג יום הכיפורים תשע"ו

ממני דוד אליהו אידנסון

ע' גמרא ב"מ כב' ע"ב יתמי דלאו בני מחילה נינהו. ומעשה היה בהגאון רבי שלום מרדכי הכהן שוודרון זצ"ל שפעם בימים נוראים ישב אצלו ילד שעסק כשאר הילדים בבילבול וגם חשדו הרב להילד שאפשר שאינו נקי וגירש אותו. ואמרו לו שהוא יתום. אמר הנה יתמי לאו בני מחילה נינהו ואין הבקשה שימחול שייך בקטן. מה עשה. המתין עד הבר מצוה של הילד והביא לו מתנה גדולה וביקש ממנו סליחה.

וע' גמרא פסחים קיג ע"ב ד' אין הדעת סובלתן כו' ויש אומרים אף המגרש את אשתו פעם ראשונה ושניה ומחזירה ותנא קמא זימנא דכתובתה מרובה אי נמי יש לו בנים הימנה ולא מצי מגרש לה עכ"ל הרי שמיירי באשה הראוי להתגרש ומגרשה ומחזירה ומגרשה ומחזירה שהוא בעצם דבר שאין הדעת סובלתו. האמנם היות שעשה מחמת שיש לו בנים ממנה הגם הראוי לגרשה אין הוא בכלל מי שאין הדעת סובלתו. שכן הדעת סובל מי שמגרש ומחזיר הגם שאולי הוא פשוט שונא האשה ואפשר שהיא אשה רעה עדיין אם עושה כן להציל הילדים הדעת סובל זאת והצלת הילדים הוא דבר של עיקר טוב.

וע' במהרש"א וז"ל ולא מצי מגרש כו' פי' דלא מצי קאי בגרושין עכ"ל פירוש שהוא שונא לאשתו אבל אוהב את בניו שלכן לא יכול לסבול שלא להיות עם הילדים ומחזירה. ולכאורה אם שונא לאשתו ומחזירה יוליד בנים מבעל ט' המדות. ואפשר היות שהכונה שלו היה להציל הילדים הגם שהוא שונא לאשתו מחמת רשעות שבה או עוד דברים שראוי לשנאותו ולגרשה בכל זאת הטובה של הילדים מכריע וא"כ גם כלפי שמים אפשר שלא גוזרים על הילד הנולד מזיוג זו של צער ושנאה שלא יהיה הילד טוב.

וע' פסחים פז' ע"א שהושע הנביא היה גדול שבד' נביאים של זמנו שהם היו הושע ישעיה עמוס ומיכה. אמר לו הקב"ה בניך חטאו לי כו' אמר לפניו רבש"ע כו' העבירם באומה אחרת ע"כ אז הקב"ה אמר לו להושע קח לך אשת זנונים וילדי זנונים כו' והולידה הזונה בנים להושע. בסוף אמר הקב"ה שהושע צריך להדמות למשה שהוא פירש מן האשה כאשר קיבל השראת השכינה. אמר הושע להקב"ה איך אפרוש מאשתי ויש לי בנים ממנה. והקב"ה השיב להושע אם אתה לא רוצה לגרש אשה זונה ואפשר שהבנים שלה אינם ממך אלא הם ממזרים, איך תאמר לי החליפם באומה אחרת והם הבנים שלי. אז הבין הושע שחטא ומיד התחיל לשבח לישראל לנבא עליהם טובות. והנה הפשטות מן הגמרא שזה היה מעשה ממש הגם שלא יובן כלל והגמרא מפני הכבוד היה צריך לפרש זאת תיכף שהוא משל והוא פלא. על כל פנים מוכרח בבעלי הגמרא שרצה לפרסם מעשה הזאת שהוא קשה בתכלית בכדי להראות להכל החיוב לאהוב הילדים יהיה מה שיהיה.

היצא מכל זאת שיש לאב זכות בבית ויש לאם זכות בבית ויש גם לילדים זכות בבית. וכאשר באים ח"ו לפירוד בבית צריך שהבית דין יתעורר שכן החיוב שלהם שב"ד הם אביהם של יתומים. וילדים כאלה  הנדחים מבית של ב' הורים לבילבולי הגט אפשר ודאי שב"ד חייב לטפל בהם ולגלות זכותם של הילדים שהצער גדול מאוד אצלם בפירוד או מן האב או מן האם.

בדידי הוה עובדא שהייתי אצל גט אחד שנעשה פירוד והילד הלך עם האם והיא לא היתה דתיה. והלכתי להגאון רבי יוסף שלום אלישב זצ"ל ושאלתי איך הותר לעשות גט ולמסור הילד שלו לאשה שאינה דתיה. ואמר לי הגאון זצ"ל שהוא מסכים עמי בתנאי שהאשה שומרת טהרת המשפחה. זהו דעת תורה ואמרתי זה לב"ד מפורסם אחד ואמר הראש ב"ד שלדעתו הפסק של מרן זצ"ל דבר פשוט שודאי אין לו לגרש ולמסור בנו לאשה שאינה דתיה ואם רק תשמור טהרת המשפחה ישאר אצלה ויוליד בנים ובנות.

והנה אם הילד חושב שאחד מן ההורים עזבו אותו מרצון הצער שלו אין לו דמיון. והיתום ממש יש לו תנחומים והוא זוכר האב או האם באהבה, אבל אלה שנפרדו בחיי ההורים הצער שלהם גדול מן היתום שמת אחד מן ההורים, ואם ב"ד חייבים לטפל ביתומים ממש כ"ש שצריכים לטפל עם יתומים שההורים חיים אבל הילד רחוק מאחד מהם. וגם הבילבול שיום זה אצל אביו ויום זה אצל אמו הוא צער גדול מאוד שמשבר הילד ר"ל.

סוף דבר מי שיש לו צער חלילה וחס בבית יכולים להתקשר אתי ולכל הפחות עליהם החוב הגמור שלא ליכנס אצל אלה שמשברים לא רק הילדים אלא גם הש"ע. 845-578-1917

דוד אליהו אידנסון

תלמיד הגאון רבי אהרן קטלר זצ"ל וכתב עלי הגאון רבי משה פיינשטיין זצ"ל - הרה"ג הנ"ל ידוע לי מכבר להרבה שנים כאחד שמתעמק הרבה לברר הלכות מסובכות כו' עכ"ל וגם קיבלתי רשות מן הגאון רבי יוסף שלום אלישב זצ"ל לנהג ב"ד לגיטין עם השם שלו.

Audio of Problems of Family, Marriage and Derech Erets

Breakdown of Marriage, Family and Derech Erets

Destruction of Marriage, Family and Derech Erets now in “Footsteps of the Moshiach”

Free Telephone Conference Laws of Marriage and Family Even Hoezer #19    -   Sept 9 Wed 9:30 PM

Destruction of Marriage, Family and Derech Erets now in “Footsteps of the Moshiach”

Call 605-562-3130 enter code 411161#

Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn/845-578-1917/eidensohnd@gmail.com

The gemora[1] lists two major causes of Jewish decline and confusion. One is the Destruction of the Second Temple when the Romans destroyed the Temple and exiled many Jews. The other major cause of Jewish decline and confusion is called “In the Footsteps of the Moshiach.” It seems that the latter problems are, in some crucial areas, much worse than the era of the Destruction of the Second Temple. The earlier periods were known for the losses of great rabbis and deep decline in the level of Torah learning. But the “footsteps of the Moshiach” period is known for decline in family and Derech Erets. We know that Derech Erets comes before the Torah. This is taught in the beginning of Sefer Tono Divei Eliyohu.

When we see today the decline of marriage and family, we must realize the magnitude of our difficulties. Surely the young children who are the greatest sufferers of a broken marriage should arouse us to think about improving things. The way things are going, there will be many children broken in spirit. And also, as I will explain, we have a growing problem with invalid Gittin that leads to Mamzeruth.

The problems we face in family today are:

1.       young people refusing to marry

2.       divorce is common

3.       broken children from broken marriages

But there is another problem, in a sense, worse than the others. And that is, that there is a huge war among the rabbinate how to deal with some of these problems. The major issue is whether or not to force a husband to divorce when his wife demands a GET. Some will be quite lenient and seek any excuse to declare a woman free to remarry despite the fact that the husband did not want to give a GET and was forced to divorce. And some will say that such a coercion such as that practiced by ORA, to publicly humiliate and demonstrate outside of the house of the husband and his family, makes an invalid GET. The children born from the woman when she remarries with an invalid GET are mamzerim. Thus, in the coming generation, we will have people who keep Shabbos and go to shull, and will want to marry somebody, and will be told, “You are a mamzer.” This is the ultimate child abuse, and there is no cure for it.

But the rabbis who made the problem may not retract. They will perhaps perform marriages for such people as they believe that the GET was kosher. The Orthodox community will thus be split over the issue of who is a mamzer.

 Ultimately, all divorced women could be a problem, until the details of her divorce and what Beth Din she used are clarified. Even today, there are Beth Dins that Gedolei HaDor have ruled that they lose Chezkas Beth Din, the status of a Beth Din for Gittin, because they violate open teachings in the Shulchan Aruch when forcing a GET. I personally heard this from Posek HaDor HaGaon Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l. We spoke at length about coerced Gittin and the New York State GET law which he opposed as it coerced a GET. And he sai that any Beth Din that coerces against the Shulchan Aruch loses the status of a Beth Din. This was subsequently published as a letter from leading rabbis today, in the book Mishpitei Yisroel. The Beth Din of Rav Nissim Karelitz, Rav Chaim Kanievsky, Rav Shmuel HaLevi Wosner and many other great rabbis ruled that any woman who coerces her husband to give a GET with public humiliations [such as done by ORA] has an invalid GET and must have a new GET by a respected Beth Din.

Rabbi Moshe Heinemann of Baltimore has a letter on ORA’s website calling for people to support its humiliation of husbands to force a GET, and congratulating them on the forced Gittin of 150 women. I consider those Gittin as very possibly invalid and children born from them are quite possibly mamzerim. Thus, we realize just how bad the battle is and it  will be getting worse, not better. It will not be between Modern Orthodox and Haredim.  It has now become a war in Yeshiva University and among the Modern Orthodox, some stricter and some more lenient. It is a problem for the Haredim, as one Rosh Yeshiva of the Philadelphia Yeshiva is encouraging a woman to remarry without a GET, even though her husband wants to settle things and give a GET. The vast majority of Haredi  and even Modern Orthodox rabbis consider the children born from this woman if she remarries and has a child, to be a definite mamzer. But there are all kinds of rabbis, and many of them have no fear of doing what they want, and producing all kinds of children with severe problems of mamzeruth.

“Who is wise? He is sees the future.” Are we prepared to realize the above? Are we ready to do something about it?

The above gemora in Sota about the suffering an decline of the Jews says, “And we have nobody to turn to other than our Father in Heaven.” Reb Elchonon Wasserman said, “This is not a call for despair. It is a call for the courage to fight for Derech Erets and Torah even in the darkest times, and HaShem is stronger than anything else.”

Now, before Rosh HaShana, let us gird ourselves with courage and faith, and fight for the children who will ask us, “Why were you silent when I became a mamzer?”

And if they do not ask, HaShem will ask. And He will be asking this on Rosh HaShana, and Yom Kippur. He will be asking this every day.

Anyone who is truly concerned about the future of our children should call me or write me at the above contacts.

Dovid Eidensohn

“I know Rav Eidensohn for many years as one who delves deeply into complex halacha.” The Gaon Reb Moshe Feinstein zt”l’s haskomo on my halacha sefer. “Words of truth are recognized, and they are written lishmo.” HaGaon Rav Shmuel HaLevi Wosner zt”l’s haskomo on my halacha sefer. HaGaon Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt”l gave me his name to use for my Gittin Beth Din.

---

[1] Sota 49

Tel Conf EH #18 Older Singles and Marrying from Pressure

Tel Conf #18 Sept 2 9:30 PM – call 605-562-3130 then code 411161#

Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn/845-578-1917/eidensohnd@gmail.com

Older Singles and Marrying from Pressure

Okay, Get Married. So why are there so many singles? The Shulchan Aruch beginning of Even Hoezer tells that in early generations a man past twenty who was not pursuing marriage properly was brought to Beth Din and instructed to get married.

Now, this can make a lot of problems. Let us say that in a certain town an older man can only marry people he doesn’t want to marry. Can he be forced to marry someone against his will?

We had a case like this with the brother-in-law of the Baal Shem Tov. Reb Gershon Kitover. In his older years he went to live in Israel, in Jerusalem, where the Orach Chaim HaKodosh, considered the greatest saint of his time, was the Rov. The Orach Chaim honored him with being the Baal Tefila for Rosh HaShana. But then Reb Gershon was told that the rule in Jerusalem was that nobody was allowed to live there as a single. There are letters that Reb Gershon wrote about this, and he asked, How can I marry somebody from a different world? It is not known what happened. But this kind of a problem surely existed in earlier generations. And when people were forced to marry without wanting their partner, only problems could result.

The problems were so strong that the Beth Dins eventually surrendered and did not force people to marry. Some offered proofs that today we don’t force marriages. But others disagreed and said we must have marriage. But if by so doing the Beth Din will create a constant ruckus that destroys the Honor of the Torah, it may be prudent to refrain from this forcing of marriages. Still others maintained that even today marriage should be coerced.

Reb Chaim Palagai, the great Rov of Iraq, wrote in his sefer Chaim ViShalom II:112 that when a marriage is completely broken with no hope of repairing it, the couple must be divorced. If the husband refuses to divorce his wife after eighteen months, he is beaten until he says, “I want it.” The Tsits Eliezar asks how a husband can be coerced to give a GET, which is against the teaching of the Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer 77 paragraphs 2 and 3 and all of the poskim. This is a very strong question.

But the Ben Ish Chai was a world-class Rov and the head of a country. His word was law. His Beth Din had the power to do what it says in Shulchan Aruch in the beginning of Even Hoezer, that a Beth Din forces marriage when people reach the age of marriage such as a man of twenty. I think that the Gro agrees to this. If so, the custom not to do this is because the more modern Beth Dins did not have the respect of the community to force marriages or divorces. But Reb Chaim Palagi did have the power, and he used it, and everyone obeyed him. This was not a beating to force a divorce because the wife demands a GET. The wife perhaps said nothing. But the Beth Din had the obligation and the power to force marriages. The same power could possibly be used to force a GET if the Beth Din was not motivated by the mere complaints of the wife but by the damage single people could do in their community. A single of age is a menace to a community’s kedusho. But this applied only to earlier Beth Dins that had the respect of the whole country or at least the whole city as the Torah leaders deserving of obedience. But today there are very few great rabbis and we don’t find too many with wide powers of authority such as Reb Chaim Phalagi had or the official Beth Dins of an entire city such as the Beth Din of Brisk of Vilna.

About a hundred years ago the Rov of Jerusalem ruled that speaking Hebrew was forbidden. Reb Yosef Chaim Sononfeld was on the Beth Din and a major Torah personality, a Gadol HaDor, and he spoke Hebrew at least to the Sefardic Jews. He was asked how he could do such a thing to defy the Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem. He explained that the rabbi created this law without the agreement of the Beth Din. Thus, even the Chief Rabbi has limitations. Surely what we have today that this and that person make a private Beth Din, surely it has little power to force people.

We do not force marriages or divorces today in general even if somebody is older. But that is because the community will not tolerate such things or the Beth Din has some leniency not to do this. But the obligation to marry is there. This is a very important point.

True, we do not coerce a GET just because the wife says her husband is a terrible person. But if the husband knows that it is true, he has a clear obligation to force himself!

We may not force husbands to marry at twenty. But the husband should force himself.

And if the wife has bitter complaints about her husband, and the Beth Din cannot force the husband to give a GET because of them, if the husband knows it is true, he should force himself. He will be judged for causing the pain and not giving a GET.

Rambam says that a woman is not to be chained as a slave in a marriage she hates. Rambam therefore rules that the demand of the woman is honored by Beth Din and the husband is forced to divorce. But we do not hold like this. We pasken like Rabbeinu Tam, the Rosh and the Rashbo and others, that the word of the wife is not enough to force a GET.

But the principle stated by Rambam, that a woman is not a slave to be forced to remain married to somebody she hates, is true. If the Beth Din does not force the GET, perhaps because to give all women the power to just complain and leave their husbands would create a destruction of families, nonetheless, the husband who knows he is at fault will be judged for this and for the sin of treating his wife like a slave.

Again, Beth Din today cannot always force things the right way in marriage and divorce. But the couple involved in the marriage and know what is happening, must answer to HaShem. And they should better get on with their lives before they have to answer to a Beth Din that has no fear of antagonizing anyone.