Family Suffering before Moshiach Comes
By Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn
The
Mishneh at the end of Sota tells us that in the Footsteps of Moshiach, prior to
the coming of Moshiach, great problems will take place with Derech Erets, or
human relations with other people, extending even into the family. Thus, “one’s
enemies will be his household.” Sons will quarrel with fathers, and daughters
with their mothers.”
Of
course, when the family is at war, children suffer. And when they grew up, and
maybe marry, what happens then? Rashi tells us that Footsteps of Moshiach means
the terrible exile before the actual arrival of Moshiach. Is it true that this
will be a time of destroyed families? But the lengthy Mishneh there, after
describing in graphic detail the suffering of the time in family, concludes
with, “And there is nobody to turn to other than our Father in Heaven.” Reb
Elchonon the prime disciple of the Chofetz Chaim said that this means that
turning to HaShem can bring us salvation. Yes, turning to HaShem can turn an
age of disaster into achievement and peace.
Is
there any other idea that can help in such a time?
The
Haredim in chapter 20:8 tells us of the mitsvah, “It is a positive Torah
commandment for a man to have marital relations with his wife. This applies
even when the wife is pregnant. As it is said, ‘And he shall make his wife rejoice.’
(Devorim 24,5) There is also in regard to this mitsvah a negative command as it
is written, ‘And her marital relations shall not be lessened (Shmose 21,10)
Rashi
in Devorim and the Zohar there as well tell us that the mitsvah of making a
wife happy does not mean that one rejoices with the wife. It means that the
husband must think solely of how to make his wife happy. This means, says
Raishi Chochmo, that if the husband has limited money, he must spend it on his
wife and he will do without.
A
house where the husband lives to make his wife, not himself, happy, is a house
where the wife senses the direction of the house and can only reciprocate. Such
a family lives in peace and happiness. The children grow up in peace and will
themselves be fine fathers and mothers.
Rashi
in the Mishneh stresses that “In the Footsteps of Moshiach” means in the
terrible exile preceding Moshiach. The suffering will surely limit peoples’
income and this itself can make great problems. Thus, the crucial thing is to
raise a family with extremely limited spending. Those who do have some money
will be tested to see if they spend their money on more luxuries or supporting
Torah or the poor. One who lives the right way with money is surely doing the
will of heaven that can bring the greatest blessings, even in a bitter exile.
Some
of my children are paid good money to speak in schools in Israel, about what?
About their family life as children. Every Shabbos I would speak at great
length on the greatness of women, based on solids sources in gemora. My wife
didn’t mind, of course, and the children grew up without any interest in money
which we didn’t have, or having a nice house which was quite different. But
everyone was happy. I took my children regularly across the street to a
property filled with trees and various challenging paths. When we reached a
certain hole in the ground, we stopped, and the children were all excited about
Mr. Shlang. Now Mr. Shlang never appeared, but happiness was there.
A son
of mine once asked me permission to sleep under the kitchen table, because our
house didn’t have room for a big bedroom. When he got permission, everybody was
jealous. That son is now an international expert on running a Yeshiva and
dealing with any problems with rebbes or students. Some of my daughters in
Israel are regular speakers in schools. They are asked to speak about what is
what growing up as children in our house. People know that our children are
special baruch HaShem.
For
forty-five years, my wife supported the family with a business which she
recently closed. During that time nobody went without. We started out small,
but we turned to heaven and to Torah and did without things we didn’t need. What
we needed was to show how much parents and children loved each other. Today,
here and there in different countries all of the children are similar. They
were trained in peace and love.
